Most of you have already arrived in 2012

...  so in a way you will save me from the clitche' phrase ....

I would like to wish everyone around the world the opportunity to obtain peace, love, tranquility, good health and prosperity on every level.

May we strive as individuals to do unto others .... I anticipate too many changes for me in 2012, therefore I will refrain from that nasty habit of making resolutions.

In good health, good spirit
Peace and Light today and always
et

As Eric Clapton's tune goes ...

"If I didn't have bad luck baby, I wouldn't have no luck at all" ..... Excellent tune, however, I am really down on the perseverance treadmill.  I have been exceptionally tired since the accident, actually before with the surgery, then the infection, etc. etc. etc. you get the picture.  I do not like the feelings that have come to the surface, I feel very distant, lost, exceptionaly "twitchy", and blank in my facial expressions. Imagine a dirty joke going right over my head ... ??? .... doesn't usually happen, but has become the norm ... again, I don't like it.

Since the accident, which is almost 3 weeks now, I have been fuzzy, both visually and overall. I can't remember much of anything that has transpired since the accident. No one can tell me how long this may go on, so I have no choice but to try and plow ahead or just go to sleep and hope for the best. I haven't been sleeping well, lots of either bad dreams (none I can remember) but I am told that a few "blood curdling screams" have come from my bedroom. There is a lot going on with me, within me, emotionally, spiritually, and health wise, etc.  I know there are many that may be worse off then I am, however, I am really getting worn down with hit after hit, or so it seems, no real relief, no real gain, just run, run as fast as you can. 

As we begin a new year, in which I can only hope, that nothing could be as bad as this past couple. I would like to wish to those who follow, the wisdom to do great things, the ability to see yourself (ourselves) as human and therefore, as humans, we treat each other how we our self would like to be treated. I have always tried to place this forward in my relationships, and as we all know, some people just never "get it."

I will continue to sign off in my usual manner,
To All My Readers this past year, I wish to you a peaceful, happy, healthy, and prosperous NEW YEAR!!!
Keep learning, keep expanding, keep the drive alive.
In Peace and Light
et

Happiest of the season

Good Morning,

Just a quick little post ... 'quick' ... a word which has not been in my vocabulary for some weeks now.

It has been 11 days since the accident and I can't remember more than perhaps 2 encounters ... ?? What's up with that? I roam aimlessly around the house, which lucky for me, isn't that big, but big enough to forget what I am trying to do. I guess this could play to my advantage. Christmas will be more than quiet here in AZ, me trying to regain brain power ... HT will be working, it will be the first Holiday without both my parents .... and my siblings too. It has been a year of ups and downs, and currently, it would seem more down .... but this has given me time to reflect on my blessings and those in my life that are true and total blessings!!! I don't know how I would cope or survive without the unconditional love in which I feel from these special souls. THANK YOU!!!

To my readers, many of which I have no idea who you are, but I deeply appreciate your "stopping by" every now and again to gather information or just other's opinions. I am hoping 2012 brings more discussion, and more ways to support each other in our quest for cures.

On that note, I am going to go rest my brain, which apparently, according to friends, means "BE A VEGETABLE" .... "lay down, watch some movies you've seen a 100 times .... NO THINKING, NO TRYING TO DO THINGS!!" "REST!!!"  Yes, I know this ... feels like that has been all I am capable of .. except I am having a hard time operating remote controls, so the only movies I have seen are the ones on the dish..... and I think my humor took a big hit, seems as most everything is going right over my head .... ?? I wish someone could tell me how one gets dizzy in their sleep ... ?? There will be lots of rest today and tomorrow, I'm not sleeping well due in large part to this feeling of being dizzy and spinning, even in my sleep.... I'm sure this is adding to what some find amusing, however, I find it frustrating.

I would like to wish you all a very special holiday season whatever your beliefs. 
Travel safe and have a WONDERFUL DAY and a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!

I am alive, I am ok ... just need to heal and combat the anxiety

Hi everyone ....

Sorry about lack of posts .... I was involved in an accident on Tuesday afternoon (not my fault and weather was bad, not that that factor should play a role) .... things have not been the best physically, emotionally, or in the over-anxiety department landing in the ER again on Friday afternoon after seeing my PCP .... I apparently am suffering from concussive/post-concussion symptoms ... my "can't remember shit" is at a whole new level in which I am not handling well, along with intensified anxiety and apparent "noise in my sleep."  Bruises on the rest of me are attempting to heal, swelling is going down, pain seems to be less intense today, but my tummy is still on a rampage with any sort of real movement.

It is raining today, good day to curl up with my baby-dog, and take the drugs as instructed (which are making me sick) and just allow my body to heal, as the more I try to move around, the more sick and disoriented I become. 

I don't want and/or can't say much more ..... other than I  saw my car for the first time on Friday and didn't react so well .... I am, however, very GRATEFUL to be alive ...

If I don't get an opportunity to post again before weekend, I would like to wish everyone a Peaceful, Joyous, Healthy and Merry Christmas!!!!!

With Peace, Light, and much Love
et

In honor of ...

My beautiful daughter, Hillary, will graduate on Saturday afternoon with her RN degree. I am so very proud of this young woman who has overcome some of life's deep losses over the past 3 years and yet refused to give up!! I wish her much success and happiness in launching her new career and going to places she never dreamed of.... she is bound to make a mark in the medical field, and for that, I am forever grateful!!!



CONGRATULATIONS and I LOVE YOU!!!

Very cool

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/dec/01/scientists-create-first-video-attack-causes-diabet/?sciquest

There is a video with this article. I found this very interesting.

Have a good evening!!
Peace and Light
et

Another good read on the stem cell front

I don't discriminate ... good info, is good info ...

http://www.stemcellmx.com/controlling-stem-cells-new-breakthrough/

Artifical Pancreas update

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/26/health/artificial-pancreas-diabetes-patients/

An excellent article on the progress of the artificial pancreas.  This is just another option for the cure. Although I know it has been in the works for years, and now with potential FDA approval, I wonder what the cost to an average patient will be, and what sort of loop holes we may have to jump through to get placed on a list to have one. There is no doubt criteria in which must be met prior to being accepted for one. As a patient, I just am always shaking my head as to WHY there must be so much politics involved in the care of the American public, not just the rich.

Enjoy the article, I think the JDRF on on course to conquer soon, this project, and research into the stem cell avenue as well. Check out their website off to the right or www.jdrf.org

Have a wonderful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et

No Lies

Hey All!!

I hope that all who celebrated had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the nice long weekend.
I will not lie, and this will be a short post. I am down, anxious, tired, I hurt physically (lots of tossing and moving been taking place). I want change for myself for 2012, I want it now. I am anxious over so many things, and with this being the first holiday season without my parents have been adding to the depression. Every time I look or say something to my girl child she starts crying or looks like she just lost her best friend. She is missing my mom most of all right now. My mother was such an influence on Hillary's outlook on life, education, and relationships. I keep trying to reassure her that Grandma may not be here physically, but I do believe that she is with us, in our hearts, and watching proudly from above. I too, miss her terribly lately. I just wish I could talk with her again, long, long, long talk. There are so many things that remain on my plate, that all seem to be some sort of life altering happening, and I can't avoid these things. I know, and am prepared for the fall out, or success of such actions, however, I feel very much alone in recent months. I am also very excited about what my near future may hold for me, again, I would like to have someone close to be able to share it with me and laugh and cry at the accomplishments I hope to attain. 

I am taking a weekend to spend with a dear friend of mine, this too, I am feeling anxious about, too many wierd happenings, dreams, feelings, etc. ..... are these signs?? If so I don't want to miss them ... I can be a little dizzy at times and often find myself thinking, damn, if only .... well, I always try to go with my gut feeling, given my gut can be exceptionally sensitive, gives me a lot of those questionable moments. I am going to try hard to relax, enjoy our time together and the potential of talking to the other side ... heheheh .... we have tickets to see John Edward of "Talking to the Other Side" fame. I don't really expect anything, but how bizarre would that be to be singled out due to "chatter" or "loud discussions" from the other side. You know what the saying is, 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' The following week, .... well .... this is going to be a bittersweet accomplishment, but I am so incredibly proud of my 22 year old daughter and this major goal under her wing, and hopefully, having gained a little more wisdom in where and how she continues her life. I wish her the very best, much happiness, and the wings to fly where ever her heart and mind want to go. 

Thanks for your continued support in my quest to find the cure, and promote the adult stem cell treatments.

I wish you all a relaxing and peaceful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

I just wanted to wish everyone a very blessed, loving, peaceful, and joyous Thanksgiving!!!

HT and I will spend a few hours with friends .... and I am recovering from a lingering infection from my surgery last month.  I am very thankful for all my friends and loved ones who make me feel just that, LOVED!! For that I will be forever grateful for your friendships and love, and of course, all the laughs we have shared. 

Peace and Light
et

Trivial Stats ...

Hey everyone ...

While taking a break from my to-do list today, I am here checking to see the happenings of this past week in blog terms. The US was 1st in readers this past week with 35, and coming in 2nd, one of my all-time favorite places to visit, the Netherlands!! I was under the impression that stem cell treatments are being done in the Netherlands?? Anyone help me out with this information?? This is a place in which if I had a clue how I could do it, would relocate to this rich place of friendly people, beautiful scenery, rich in history and culture, just a great city was Amsterdam, I had such a wonderful time that I wished my trip could have lasted just a little bit longer.  Although I speak no Dutch, and had a hard time understanding sometimes, the people were fun and friendly, and very helpful. Was just a beautiful place .... thank you to my friends abroad!!! <3

Top 5 were --- US; Netherlands; Romania; Germany, and Canada!!

I find this just amazing and awe-inspiring. I don't think I am anyone special. I am just a single mom, of a now adult daughter, trying to make it ... or at this point, I'm just trying to survive in a manner in which I am not losing any more of my already precious energy. Hoping that now that I find myself very much alone in my cocoon, the lil-one wanting to fly the nest (as she should) and no one to care for other then myself, that I should come to some sort of terms with what may or may not lie ahead for me. Currently, as in this moment, I am still not feeling right, spoke with the girl-child earlier and her and her nurse were trying to talk me into going into the ER. As noted in the earlier post, I apparently have a staph infection, those don't usually just go away with one course of antibiotic. All the issues I have had in regard to this latest removal of yet some more of me, I am just so beat up. This insurance company needs some serious renovations, just like the folks that contracted with them. I am just so tired, achy, weak, dizzier than my norm :D and odd ... and nothing is touching the pain of the deep areas of tissue. Oh well, I am currently sitting in the chaise with a cup of New England Cranberry Tea and heating my neck. Dog is actually on another piece of the furniture tonight, she has been right at my side, or on top of me, beside me, but always having contact since prior to my surgery. I hope that is a good sign ... either that or she is just pissed at me for not being able to sit still, not being able to get comfortable.

I wish I had a built in masseuse these days, and a jacuzzi ... I would be and could be, very content with those pieces of relief in my life .... and a few more bushes to ensure my privacy. Dreamin' .... I'm always dreaming.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
John Lennon

Wishing the world a peaceful evening.

Peace and Light, ... and serenity.

et

Not at my Best

Good Saturday Afternoon;

I'm sorry I haven't made a post in a few days .... I haven't been at my best, and that is stating it mildly. I have been sick to my stomach now for almost 3 weeks. I saw the surgeon on Weds. morning, I thought for sure I would have been cut loose, however, it seems as though all that was drained from my incision is/was harboring a staph infection.  Okay, well, I thought my gut issues, being dizzy, feeling like I just want to ... your know, RALPH!!? I have very little appetite as nothing tastes all that great, and my gut, is just so nauseated. I don't want to irritate it any more than it already is. The water factor is another issue. I was on a sulfur based antibiotic for 10 days, like being sucked dry from the inside out. Figured maybe these were just residual effects....?? My incision looks good, I thought .... however, I must return in one week. Okay, so now I am thinking, is this infection eradicated yet or what?? My hips, pelvic area, and lower back have this horrible ache to them, like that portion of my body weights about 10x what it should.

I've been trying to do some cleaning, rearranging, etc. We do have a holiday, a graduation, a holiday open house, etc .... maybe no one will show up .... I can finally see my living room again, my dad having passed 3 months ago yesterday! I still have belongings I am just not interested in keeping, have divided up some photos and things that brought back childhood memories of some sort and placed them in appropriate boxes for each sibling. I am no doubt going to pay for this as well.  I have dished out more of my own $$ on this, that I think the rest of them can divide up any cremation costs and whatever else THEY want to do. I have my memories, and NO ONE can take those away from me. I hold them close, and they mean so much more than any piece of material possession. My mother made sure I had those prior to her passing. At this time of year, I find myself missing her OH so much. I could and would be so comforted to feel her close ... we had this hand holding thing .... so many of our photos together showing us holding each others hand.

Oh well ... As much as I know it happens to even the best, I am blue on so many fronts I can't see straight. I feel as I have just been spinning now for weeks and am going absolutely no where. My blood sugars have been sort of up and down, I think it is in part to stress at work, stress at home due to works inability to manage as proactive instead of reactive, and the constant rewarding of bad behaviors.  I had my surgeon appointment, and a dermatology follow up on a few "spots" we have been watching for the past 6 months, being told the only one looking suspicious and presenting as classic basal cell skin cancer is right on my freakin' lower eye lid!!! Yes Sir, I want you hacking at what little face I have that remains presentable. I couldn't cope with the cut on Weds, so we will let this one ride .... 3 months was what I was given ... then it comes off ... I am in desperate need of a stemmie booster, and am really hoping and praying that it happens in the next couple of months, and perhaps .... right here in the US!!!

I need to try and move again, like I said, I'm not feeling right, and my blood pressure keeps dropping to where I get dizzy .... I'm taking it slow, but I need to take it now.

Wishing Everyone a wonderful weekend, a week of happy and safe travels ....
Remember to be thankful .... I have so much to be thankful for ... I just want to reflect on that at this time and prepare for what the future holds.

Peace and Light
et

My Balls have fallen ...

OMG !!! BEWARE - IGNORANCE ABOUND!!!

Thought I would at least say something if I was going to scream. :)

Recap - check last post titled "WOW."
This past week, and a short one at that, has been pure and total hell. I know I have been dealing with some pretty stressful shit in my own life.  At work, as stated earlier, I in all reality came back to a mess due to others not doing and/or caring about how thier tasks directly affect other's job duties, causing delays, .... and a few other things as well.  Piss-poor management .... (sorry, this post my become heated with no real notice ... hehehe). I have had a day or so to let the ultimate effects of the happenings this week when on Wednesday I was ready to pack my boxes and all the shit I have that is mine in the office due in part to ... inadequate working conditions. This is so not funny, however, I was working in a basement @ the hospital and freezing my ass off for 8+ hours a day for a year and no one gave a shit if I was cold.  More than 1 co-worker began complaining ... or as it became by Tuesday...constant bitching. I sit right behind the front desk, in an enclosed office with another. I had not only the door closed, but my headphones into my iPod and I could still her bitchin' through the glass. This turned into 4+ hours of people convening outside our office door. PEOPLE!!!! Ok .. you get the picture. On Wednesday morning I came in to an email stating was going to be paid for only a certain amount of hours because I apparently ran out of EIT time with no notification. This was an issue that I had thought of, and it wasn't like the "uppers" didn't know the situation, i.e., not only my close coworkers, but my supervisor, and the illustrious "OZ" (this is my latest visual, you know, Oz, blowing smoke up your ass from behind the curtain??). I put in for my time as recommended by the surgeon, I had the note x2 due to the infection and then being out another week, and now restricted until 11/17 (yes, that is a week away!) This email states at 7:55 PM the night before, that my check will be short this week. "Just wanted you to have a heads up."  "A HEADS UP!!!" Sorry folks, but less than 12 hours prior to payday IS NOT a heads up, it is more like a think quick!!!  When I responded to the almighty Oz, I had an attitude, I was pissed to put it mildly. EVERY single time I have had to deal with Oz for the past year-to-14 months she pulls some two-faced move on myself and a couple of others I know of personally. I apparently know more than I care too. In any event, with the already late 1st of the month bills, I only took home less than half of what a normal pay period looks like, putting me not only behind at work, but 2 months behind in reality at home as well.  What made me go off was not only my continuing recovery (although physically better this week), but all the petty complaining of the same scenarios, same characters, MAJOR lack of, if any, communication, and ... NO change ... it's like watching Ground Hogs Day ... 100 times in a row. Sorry, but I don't think too many people would find it remained as amusing after so many repeats. Redundant, and sucking the morale out of those left that have been continually cleaning up the messes.  When the problems are staring you right in the face, and you have facts to back them up, consequences should be paid. I know, hands down, I irritate some people, however, I also know, that if people ENJOY coming to work, they do a good job, excel, etc.  I have given more than a 100% of my healthy time to this place, know that as a support member of the docs/NP/techs/counselors, you get it .... you have all heard the term, "shit rolls downhill"? .... and then the clincher .... and all I know was this email came in just as I was leaving on Wednesday from what I would refer to as a "rent-a-doc". This 30-something ,high maintained little 'dahktah' ... LMAO ... had the class of a highly-educated professional, to in one line, take me down like I hadn't been taken down since I was married!!! You have heard me write before, I don't care what sort of initials you have after your name, there is no need to talk down to people. I try not to do this, and I try to do this by keeping things comfortable. I am not a "Stepford" worker, or human being either. I have a life, lame as it may be for some, I don't need this mentality from a person I am too show up for work for to SUPPORT and she is calling me "arrogant."

What can I say??.. she pushed my last dying button.  I shot off a snotty little one liner myself to the people she felt are going take care of me. She wants no more communication with the "arrogant transcriptionist!" BITE ME BIMBALINA, I'm the coder!!! I was seething at this point. I haven't been the pissed/which in reality was a deep, deep hurt.  For the 1st time in many years, yes, even with disagreements in relationships, have I been spoken to in such a tone ... and a doctor to boot. I admire your education, you may know a whole lot more than I, however, your words were harsh for someone you only met for 30 seconds and feel you are "entitled," ROFLMAO ..... yep, I am laughing now. I live by, and have raised my daughter, that respect is a 2-way street.  This provider started with a clean slate, she messed up, she messed up again, and again, each time becoming more demanding, i.e., this is how I do it, it's approved by Harvard, BFD!!!  .... (Hello, she has no idea Harvard is my neck of the woods ... hehehe..... for all I know Hillary's baby stroller is still hanging off the little walking bridge there in Harvard square. :D

Let me tell you all a little secret, and I think some out there may even affirm this statement .... I may have been born and raised in a small mill town, and my parents my have been considered "blue-collar" workers, my parents, more my mother, made sure that we understood respect and manners. No, I don't always have manners when I state things so crudely at times, call it my rough edge. Everyone who knows me will tell you I try to appear as though I have a very hard, tough outer shell. Well, I am born under the sign of the Crab, and my mother often told me that it was totally appropriate for me. :) I do like to believe that people are good, but this was just one more example of poor management, unethical and down-right mean demands on those who are you main back bone under the providers. I am tired of being treated like a doormat, again, not having felt like this since the early 90's.  I swore that I would never become a victim of that again, I don't care if you are male OR female.

Let's wrap this up, I need to get off the box ... hehehe....I am off today, praise the Gods!! With the exception of 2 side job projects which need to be completed and sent off. Then I am going to do some cleaning as we (a friend came over to help Hilly) moved some furniture around last night, I had to supervise as Nurse Ratchet was in the house. :) She is still looking out for me despite me telling her it's all lookin' good. She doesn't want me to push it, understood, however, I need to keep me as busy as possible and get all this stuff accomplished in time, 4 weeks from yesterday ... lol... she is totally stoked. Apparently my friends, who also work with me, have decided I am depressed, and yet another one on the band wagon of "your life sucks!" .... all in good humor of course, but I think they are right. I can't even keep track anymore lately ... time for some more stemmies. 

Ok kids, I need to go "prick" as I am feeling 'fuzzy' and I get the impression that perhaps I wandered a bit in my thoughts and expression the last couple of paragraphs. I do know I used NO real names, and no places .... LMAO .... 

Forgive me ... it's how I felt.

Wishing everyone a great weekend.
Thank a Veteran and/or an active military member for the right to speak like this out in Cosmo.

Peace and Light ... and respect!!!
et

WOW

Hey Folks,

I have had quite a week and it's only Tuesday!!
Work was unbelievable when I returned to the office last week. I was completely caught up when I left for my surgery and as usual, someone else feels that what their job may be doesn't affect anyone else. GGGRRR ..... needless to say, I am now behind almost two months!!! I was not the happiest of campers upon return to find all that, and on top of that, withing 15 minutes after arriving was thrown into a 3 hour meeting that I was unprepared for. The usual ........ seems like all we ever hear is lip service.  I am trying to  just take it as it comes. I can only do so much in a 6 hour day, being on restriction until the 17th when I see the surgeon again. (it does appear and certainly feels a LOT better). Like that wasn't enough "job duties" were added to my already overloaded day. I do a lot of shaking of my head lately.

On another note, my baby girl is about to graduate on 12/10 with her nursing degree. I am so incredibly proud of her for the commitments she has taken, the sacrifices she has made, the losses she has suffered since graduating high school and working so hard for the past 3 1/2 years... she has finally made her goal a reality.  At least the main part of her goal ... hehehe .... she plans on continuing her education but wants to take a year or two to get her hands dirty. I have no doubts she has what it takes to be a real driving force in the field of medicine.  I am just hoping she stops a little now and then to enjoy life.  She so deserves a few positive happenings for all she has put forth into the world, the community, ME .... and all the help she was caring for my parents with me. She is going to be one kick-ass nurse!!!

Ok kids, well ... it's past my bedtime, I just got my laptop back up and running after Maggie put me out of commission for a week feeling the need to lie across my lap and slamming her big head down, and not so gracefully, onto my keyboard. Not sure what she hit, but I had to reconfigure all my network settings, etc for my laptop. Someone apparently forget to tell her that she is NOT a lap dog!! (She sits right here to my left, and she seems to always have to have contact.) She is 70 pounds of pure lovin' .... but doesn't have to be on my lap. :D I'm the master, and she stays close, sometimes trouble-causing close.

On that note ... lol......(thinking I should come up with some other phrases), I am taking my dog and going to bed. I need to get my rest as I am still sort of wiped out when I get home and the child thinks I am doing too much too soon, I disagree, I just need to take care of me, and I have always pushed myself.  As I age, I do know I can't go nonstop anymore, pacing myself is still an issue ... I want it done ... NOW.  :P

Sweet dreams my friends!!
Take care of YOU!!
Peace and Light
et

It's never ending

Hello WebWorld!!

Well, the human body continues to amaze me. However .... I could and would be more than happy to be amazed using someone else's body as the vessel of amazement!!! This past Tuesday morning, after being told by surgeons office last Thursday, to "massage it" for the weekend and see what happens. "Swelling is normal." Not like this pal... there is NOTHING normal about the swelling I was trying to cope with ... and OMG .. the pain was something I don't think I have ever experienced. The sensations were hard to describe. In any event, I had that date with the BFN (Big F'in Needle) on Tuesday morning, and despite my anxiety about the BFN with no local, I did just fine and the relief was almost immediate when he drained the excessive amount of fluid and proceeded to tell me that I was "infected."  Since that appointment I have returned to work  hours a day for two weeks.  Sitting and/or standing for more than a couple to three hours at a time is just too much.  There is still swelling, bruising is clearing up, and the ache seems to be subsiding slightly. Hopefully, after the antibiotic run, things will be looking up. 

With all this going on, and my limited ability to push, pull, or lift anything more than 5 pounds, it has made wiping out the remaining mess from my parent's belongings, thus holding me in limbo as to weather I want to have our open house/grad party here at the house, or get a hall and haul stuff all over the county. All this is coming up quickly.  Thanksgiving, graduation, I have a weekend to Vegas on the books. and then Christmas ... I guess ... that given there will be no one here this year except for Hillary and I, the holidays will have to become something of a new tradition as what my mother was able to accomplish in this respect isn't something I think I could replicate. So it will be a holiday season of no doubt, reflection, sadness, memories of holidays gone by, and a method of moving forward, to take these memories and put them to the best possible use for us.  I have discovered, that it is not all about family, but that of the friends and loved ones who make us feel loved throughout the year, that we rejoice in our love for each other and continue to grow in our relationships.  I am still a big fan of those sorts of romanticized relationships, if you will, closeness that is felt between people, for whatever reason. 

With the kickoff to the holiday season, let's remember not to forget ourselves. Take care of us, heart and soul, mind and body .... there is nothing worth risking our health or well-being for, and money can't buy us that.

For now, wishing the world a wonderful weekend!!

Peace and Light
et

Book of the month club ... ???

G'evening!!

I'm not feeling so great with this lymph node missing and being told to "massage it"  .... which I have been, but it hurts like hell!!! Pain meds don't seem to be touching this, so I stopped taking them and reverted back to some homeopathic methods that I know work (for me anyway).  Today I put a Castor oil wrap in the area and applied some heat, and then did the massage thing. Only problem I am finding out is that if I am up walking around, or sitting, for too long (like 2 1/2 hours is what I made today) the pain and swelling become excruciatingly painful.  I did a little research last night and will massage with some essential oils to help break up the toxin build up of lymph fluid to help it disperse within my body. (It beats the BFN!!) It is just draining when there are so many other things I could be doing that would be considered productive. Flat on my back with my leg elevated to massage a large "package," as my loving daughter has now nicknamed it, is not my idea of fun. I have one more day to get this down or I have to call the surgeon again on Monday, the day I am suppose to go back to work.

Oh well .... onto some stuff I have stumbled upon. I am not usually a promoter of things I haven't tried, but the following link was within a news article I read today on MSN ... it may not be directly associated with adult stem cell research, treatment, etc., but it is on the same lines in my opinion.  Our US Government has held back the scientists of America and until we make our voice one and take back what is ours, we will see no advancement for our once mightier than thou country that not only we, but our forefathers, ancestors, and others have brought with them to make us that super power. We have lost our edge in the area of science. SO ... I am going to pick up this book this week ..... if anyone else should read it, I would love to get a dialogue going.  I know I am not the only person who feels the way I do.  Too many of our elderly, chronically ill, mentally ill, etc. are being sucked dry when the science to make a real difference is within our reach. I don't get it.....?????? But I figure I will check it out.

 http://shawnotto.com/foolmetwice/

Wishing everyone a wonderful evening and a relaxing Sunday (my heat bag is ready to roll again :)

Peace and Light
et

Hump Day

Morning Folks!!!

I just found this article in my email. A follow-up so-to-speak on the young man who made headlines back in July with the stem cell treatment he had for tracheal cancer. Cool stuff .. and this just makes good sense in my opinion. Let's use what we already have to help those afflicted with these diseases rather than kill us off slowly with high priced drugs, and antirejection drugs will kill us in the end anyway. I guess this is the question I have been asking myself every time I have to undergo a procedure, prescribed a new drug, etc. I try and weigh the pros and cons. How many commercials have we seen on the TV where the statement "serious and sometime fatal effects have been noted." Really, (this next statement is humorous in my opinion), i.e., a gentleman has erectile problems (we see it multiple times a day on media), now, if I were a man, I am not sure I would risk "death" for a hard on!! I know of a couple of men who have taken things like Viagra who have heart issues and suffered a stroke, but lets prescribe a pill so he can get it on at the risk of (yes, this happened) he falls and passes out in the shower afterward. Sorry kids, I see no real sense in this either. There are other ways to alter the physical love part without a pill. 

That is my rant for this morning .... lol .... enjoy the read.

http://www.themarknews.com/articles/7180-stem-cell-innovation-saves-lives

Have a wonderful day!!

Peace and Light
et

More information on Stem Cell status

This site has some pretty good information as to where the stem cell status sits, and covers multiple areas of application.

http://www.ascrnetwork.com/

They are associated with the Cell Therapy Foundation (a link I posted the other day).

Enjoy .... and let's get the word out there, we WANT this!!

Good Evening and a Happy Hump day for tomorrow.

Peace and Light
et

WONDERFUL OUTCOME !!

Good Day to All!!

I have some very relieving news just in this morning. On my post surgical follow up appointment, which was bumped up from Monday due to a good sized accumulation of lymph fluid, I was told that the pathology reports did not indicate ANY CANCER!!!! It was like a huge boulder had been lifted off my shoulders, and with any luck, my gut will calm down over the next couple of days. I can't help but believe that the power of prayer, and good vibes in which are sent to me from around the world also plays a major role.

Thank you all for your positive vibes, it is a gift in which I have no real words to describe my gratitude.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day!!!!
Peace and Light
et

Is this normal ... ??

Afternoon All,

I have been done most of the day. I didn't sleep well at all last evening, and have been in bed most of the day. My blood sugars have been exceptionally high the past 3-4 days and I spent the morning trying to make calls and figure out why?  I have changed my site twice in the past 3 days, usually changing out every 3 days, problem continues. I have had very little to eat since surgery, a lot of water trying to flush out this high streak. I called the pump people this morning, told them of what was going on and the fact that my pump has been cracked and not holding a real charge. I will have a replacement in the morning. In the meantime, I have had to continue with additional injections on top of what my pump should be infusing. I really am at a loss. I also had to talk with the surgeon's office this morning due to a VERY large lump in the area of my incision. I am told that it could be fluid in which will and/or may have to be drained in the morning when I have my appointment and get pathology results. Can you say nauseated??

Ok ... that is it for now, I don't feel well, am going to feed the dog and lay back down.

Peace, Light and a relaxing evening to all.
et

My life is changing ...

....  in some wonderful ways!!!

This entire time period over the last 2 1/2 to 5 years has presented itself with some very life changing happenings. I have lost both my parents, the only relatives I had living out here in AZ, an aunt and uncle, within 6 months of each other; another uncle, a couple of friends,  a favorite brother-in-law, and my ex-husband.  Each one of these losses came in a way that seemed like it was one right after another without a lot of time in between to get over the loss, to grieve, it was ..... look ... look hard, remember, and cherish all those moments. Good, bad, happy, sad, light-hearted, and deep, like death and dying. I have had some wonderful experiences within these heart breaking happenings.  My mother's death will be one of the most poignant experience I may ever have. (I have been working on this chapter for my book).  I can't help but believe, she is still with me, and she is cheering her ass off currently, even as life continues to throw it's stop-sticks in my way, i.e., the latest surgery and its still waited on outcome.  However, where my health has taken me in just the past 2 years since losing her physically, my life has had some pretty amazing shit happen!!! ..... LOL .... sorry, there really is no other way to phrase it. I believe, I feel, that my life is about to change for the better, in a way that I have no idea how I will deal with it. I am sorry to say, that this experience with the travel expenses, the newspaper articles, the knowledge that I have shared with what some say is a huge deal, I still feel very small. I have been described recently as just someone who can't lie about what has transpired within me since my stem cell treatment, and the people that have become friends and advocates just knowing I "tell it like it is." I have never considered myself a "science geek", but I have always been totally awed by the biology/physiological aspect in regard to the human body. It amazes me some of the happenings the human body can bounce back from. Now ... add the passions of those people put to huge, global difference....??? That is a lot to think about. I read, and I read, and I scan, medical sites, research sites, bio-technical sites, social media sites, news and journals of medicine. There is some pretty amazing research going on in this country, and if you would all be kind enough to check out the attached link and listen to a couple of the little videos in which Dick Van Dyke has volunteered his time ( makes me wonder if perhaps adult stem cell treatment was not a part of his recent spine surgery???).

I want to be part of this science break through, I want to prove if to no one but myself, that I can make a difference, I will make a difference .... and the Angels will cheer!!!! A couple of those folks are with me in my heart, always will be ... because they "got it", they got me, they knew what made me tick, they knew what I dealt with on a day to day, minute to minute basis ... and yet they still loved me and lived life with me and for that I am forever grateful for the lessons in which I learned while they were here, and since their passing. Powerful stuff people, and it humbles me. 

http://www.celltherapyfoundation.org/

Enjoy the information on the web page attached .... the science is here, and we need to make it part of our health care now .... not when "they" decide .... for the better good of ALL people.


Have a wonderful week!!!

Peace and Light
et

Rest, Rest ... Rest is boring

Good Evening to All!!

As I sit here, eyes half closed, I am thinking how boring this past week has been. I have done pretty much nothing but rest, I find this a depressing, boring act. I felt great Monday afternoon and Tuesday. I was up walking around most of the afternoon on Monday (day of surgery).  Since I took the compression bandage off, I just feel weird, tired, and my hips are sore. I have few bruises.  Odd, but it was one of my better surgical episodes, and was all good on Monday.  The karma was all around flowing positively.  I moved up my follow up appointment from November 1, to this upcoming Tuesday.  If I am cleared I will go back to work on Wednesday rather than a week from. I am bored, and at least if I "have" to go somewhere, I will get out of the house. After talking with the nurse yesterday she said pathology reports had not yet been received, but she "will try and have them for the appointment, but he won't let you go back to work until he sees how you are doing." Okay ... I can live with that. I know how to play the game, just let me go and do something ..... I can't do yard work and moving stuff around hasn't been in the cards either. So I will, again, be turning in early with my book and my freshly bathed dog!! Yes, Hillary and I took Maggie into town for some beauty treatment this morning and spent a couple of hours walking around the mall. I kept telling her to slow down as I felt like she was running (she wasn't, I just couldn't keep the pace as my hip area was sore).

With all that being said, things are tight.  I don't like the smothering feeling of things being so tight. I am trying hard to just keep an even pace and just let the wave ride. What else can I do? I can only do so much, that which is within my own power, other than that, it's up to the "Big Guy" and, I don't know, the stars? fate? destiny? Take your pick ....

All this news that is on the television is depressing. Missing and abused children, misguided so-called adults, dictators who are dead, and now the UN wants an investigation....Really?? Does anyone really care "how" he died? At the hands of his own people, who HE has been killing for 40+ years.  Sorry folks, unfortunately, I see this as the cost of war. Karma can be a bitch, but this would seem to be one of those clear cases of  "what goes around, comes around." Personally, I think he got off easy for the destruction and delusional behaviors he exhibited. I wish the people well in a new world, many never having known anything other than that iron fist mentality.

As I lay my head down this evening, I pray for peace, health, and contentment for all in the world. I am a person who enjoys learning about other cultures, religions, customs and beliefs, I wish many more had that same outlook as there is so much to learn, see, enjoy and cultivate. Life is an interesting ride, shouldn't we try and find a way to play nice together, if for no other reason than being kind to our fellow man??

So many lessons to learn, so little time to learn them in.

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening and a joyous, safe weekend!!

Peace and Light
et

A couple of really good reads ...

While I am napping .... hahaaha ....
I took the compression bandage of a bit ago, took me 20 minutes in the shower due to, in large part, a REALLY bad "haircut!" LOL .... I should teach a class is surgical shave techniques. I think I would call this a "Brazilian-Mohawk" .... (yes, I am laughing loudly)

Anyway ... am a little lightheaded now so I am going in to take a nap and elevate my freshly exposed incision, which looks fabulous. Given the size approximately 3 1/2 inches, it is clean and looks great for 48 hours post-op. My stemmies have had to work overtime in the healing department, however, I feel I still have some going strong.

Check out the two links below. Both incredible reads and the DRI is making progress, but you will see that this man is fighting a loosing battle without our help being held up with the politics of it all.  The Wake Forest article is just a touch of what is going on down there and the amazing progress that is being made in the "cures" not just the treatment of symptoms..... and without the side effects, because, again, THEY BELONG TO US!!!

http://www.laduenews.com/articles/2011/10/15/living/wellness/doc4e854cae16d34136207186.prt

http://www.wakehealth.edu/Research/WFIRM/Our-Story/Our-Story.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace and Light
et

Surgery went well

Hello All!!

Surgery went exceptionally well. We wait now for pathology results. 

I am off to nap and I will update in more detail when I feel a little more alert.

Thanks for the prayers, good wishes, love and friendship!!

Peace and Light
et

PS: A special message to my reader Janet .... I wish you the ULTIMATE best in your outcome!! I will be thinking of you come Weds. morning .... until then rest and relax, you are in good hands. et

A personal request from a reader

Good Afternoon .... wow .... 3 posts in one day!!!

Per a personal request from one of my new readers, I am going to post my email address for anyone who may want to ask questions in a more private mode as opposed to posting on the WWW.

I will do my best to answer any questions put to me at elizatyler5@gmail.com

Thanks again to ALL who read, comment, and I am always open to questions and comments. Stemmies are MY future ... will you be part of the journey? I hope when people see and hear, from real, everyday people the amazing results being seen with this sort of treatment, that there are too many citizens from the everyday walk of life, would rather have this available than medication in which the potential side effects are 5x what the original problem may be ... we have made the pharmaceutical companies billions of dollars, how about we ask for our lives back WITHOUT the side effects and poorly overseen pharmaceuticals to just manage symptoms.

Something to think about.

In good health!!!
Peace and Light
et

Saturday Morning Chuckle ...

I think this is going to be my new mantra .... hahahahaha .... this is too true for reality.

Enjoy!!!

I think this is just too right-on!!! There isn't anything wrong with me .... LOL ....

Peace and Light
et

One Hurdle Down ...

Good Evening Everyone!!

... and a happy Friday!!! I didn't think this week was EVER going to end. Too much hitting this house to deal with all at once. But .... in my usual "can't keep a good...down" mantra .... hahaha...I have tried to remain positive, that although I am still at a loss as to what I am dealing with, it is basically out of my hands at this point. I got my biopsies back that were done by the GYN ... we dodged a bullet on this one as it is only "mild" this time around.  Meaning that we are only at the cellular changes and stress is a known contributor ..... so I continue to breathe deep with my shoulders back.  I can deal with this, and we have a couple of options in which to make it good again.  I will be re-checked in 3 months.

On to Monday .... I must arrive at the hospital at 7:30 with surgery scheduled for 9:45 lasting ... approximately 60-90 minutes .... ok ... not anything I haven't done, what seems like a hundred times already, it must be this way. We won't know what we are dealing with until the surgeon gets in there, and decides "how much is taken out."  With that last little blurt stems much anxiety, but I keep telling myself, keep the faith, believe in that which is bigger than I.  I have stated before, I am just a speck in the big picture of things. I like my "speck" to shine ... LOL ... even in these situations. Yes, I will not lie, I am anxious, I don't like not knowing. I like to see where things start, and follow them through, and I want to KNOWhow it all works along the way. When I find myself in these sorts of situations, I remove myself to some extent from the things that make me drift to dark spots.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have had a living will in place for years .... LOL .... I know my risks, and the last thing I want is to leave my baby with a bigger mess to clean up than we already have here.  I would like to think I will leave her better off in some ways, but neither one of us is ready to make this reality just yet. As long as I retain my "fight" I have the upper hand in my own outcome. I did make a really bad mistake this afternoon after leaving the doctor's office with my results and stopped to get my hair trimmed ..... BAD IDEA!!!! I am now ... short again .... really short. I got home, glared at the girl-child and just said, "yeah, yeah, I know ...." I guess I will be re-inventing myself again ... heheheheheh ..... it's only hair, but my vision will never come to reality until those who do this job, define "trim." Its like turning on the weed-whacker and just letting it go on its own.  I have the product to make it work ... hahaha ... and with hat season right around the corner, it will be fine for a few months, and way-easy for post surgery head!!!

Ok my friends, I have a lot to accomplish before Sunday evening so I recuperate comfortably.  I will post soon, and let you know how it is going.  Thank you to all who send good vibes, prayers, and comforting thoughts. I very much appreciate all the love!!!!

Be well and have a wonderful weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et

Just a lazy Saturday afternoon ...

Hello!!!

Haven't been doing much, slowly. I haven't felt so great the last few days.  I'm not sure if it is fall allergies (this was the time of year I got sick last year, for 4 months) or the fact that the temps dropped what feels like 30 degrees in the last couple of days.  In any event, I have had a sore throat and am just completely exhausted and achy.  I am hoping for LOTS of sleep in the time I will be home recouping from my surgery which is scheduled for a week from Monday. 

This afternoon I decided to take Maggie (the lazy looking furry creature in the picture above) to the dog park.  Was a good ride in as she loves to ride, and then after about 20 minutes of playing frisbee and catching some other dog's squeaky toy, we were tossed out by the apparently new force of the doggie patrol. I spewed laughter when this over-sized (height) woman with her walkie-talkie, baseball hat and really bad aviator sunglasses approached me ... with her dog on a leash, and told me "it's the law .... you can't bring treats into the park. it causes tension between the dogs." I couldn't contain myself, she was so serious .... I had to laugh. First, I always have a baggie with little cookies in it for Maggie, and sometime other dogs, but not unless their owners are close and say it is ok.  I was talking with an elderly couple whose dog was perched very nonaggressively at my feet, they were petting Maggie at the time of the encounter. I was a little irritated with this doggie douche bag .... so I decided to leave and left our new frisbee behind.  I guess we will be looking for other means of play as I won't take her back there!!! I don't need that crap when there are people that show up and don't pay any attention to their dogs ... those are the ones I see starting the aggressive encounters.  We have been going to this same park since she was a puppy, almost 3 years now.  Anyway ... what I thought would be some quality play time turned into me calling Maggie a "Bad Ass Dog" .... and we came home, laughing and loving the entire ride.  Now me and my trouble making cohort are sacked out here on the couch again .... LOL. 

Basically, I have just been weeding through boxes, cleaning out my closets, rearranging some of the furniture and getting rid of a lot all the crap we rarely use, don't really need, and just collects dust ... or in our case, dog hair. 

So, Maggie and I are getting ready to wind down and chill out for the evening.  It is getting a little chilly at night and I am trying hard NOT to turn the heat on yet.  Maggie is real good about keeping my feet warm ... she likes to lay across the bottom of my legs, she is the worlds biggest couch potato and I love her.

Wishing everyone a restful weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et

6000+

My blog page has hit 6000+!!!!

I have readers from all over the world and that excites me tremendously. To my friends and extended family who continue to follow me thanks for always keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
Thanks to all who read continuously and for all those new people that come along!!!

Knowledge is power!!

Enjoy the weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et

One more for tonight ...

http://www.cbs42.com/content/health/story/New-Genes-Associated-With-Type-1-Diabetes/ri_K45M4VEGQ9GHbGrpA0A.cspx

Excellent stuff!!!!
This is the level that has taken years to make it to the forefront .... let's let them move forward already.

Have a good night everyone!!
et

Very Interesting Read

The below link is to an article looking at the relationship between diabetes and cancer.
The theory is right on .... but I am hoping that for me, currently, this article could be a little off .... hahaha ... continuing to hope.

Really .... serious science going on here and I find it fascinating. I never thought of myself as a science geek before, but my daughter says it is clearly evident.

http://www.cbs42.com/content/health/story/Cancer-and-Diabetes-A-Shared-Biological-Basis/7mJS6jISo0aHqboMVW30dA.cspx

Enjoy the evening!!
Peace and Light
et

A Major scientific loss ....

This is such a loss to the world of science and medicine. 


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44755546/ns/health-health_care/

Promising discoveries!!!
Peace and Light
et

Isn't Life Strange ....

I have some very strange stuff going on in my life .... preop testing in the morning ... fasting tonight .... trying hard to keep things in perspective, starting to really suck having a nursing student in the house, like my nerves aren't already shot. Stars are calling me early tonight ♥


Sweet Dreams to all!!
Peace & Light
et

Mentalpause ....

Good Sunday Morning!!!

I am just going to make a quick update.
My blood sugars remain exceptionally stable, with a few potential lows (which are being caught). On Tuesday I go in for pre-op testing and will have my A1c drawn as well seeing as my endocrine appointment is sometime this month.  I was told a few weeks ago that my ovaries have shut down .... bahda bing!! That explains some of the stuff that has been going on, but not all of it. I'm thinking I came through that phase pretty good, LMAO ... like almost unknowingly as they told me back when I was 35-36 I was in early stage of "mentalpause." As many of you know, these natural hormonal changes we go through effect our lives in different ways, now add those changes to an already existing endocrine disease and you could have potential chaos.  If I had to rate between menopause and adolescents, I would take menopause ... LOL.... call it experience if you want. I remember adolescents as pure hell on so many levels, hormones going up and down, in turn blood sugars respond making for some real "moody" situations.

In any event, this week will have me busy at work, not unusual. Hopefully getting some info on TWO new ventures, and continuing to weed through the home mess, which by the way, has my back in major spasm mode from moving boxes, unpacking, repacking, and trashing. I will be so relieved when this task is done and I can honestly make it final having gone through my stages of grief and knowing I did the very best I could to make sure my parents were made to be comfortable in their final days. I am human too, I did what others didn't have the heart, manhood, maturity, etc to do for their own parents. That in and of itself, blows me away ..... always will ..... I don't understand and part of me doesn't want to. We have a future ... uncertain currently for me, but I remain hopeful for a very interesting future doing things that I know I can make a difference with, and I am keeping that dream in my sights. 

I would like to wish everyone a wonderful week .... be kind to yourself.
I will be in touch as we get closer to surgery date ... I have some pre-surgical nerves, but it is the recovery process I am most concerned with as this may be "routine" to some, it is not for me and therefore my recovery based on my aging has me concerned. My nursing student daughter also reiterated the statement that this "will not be pleasant."

Peace and Light
et

Good Afternoon Folks!!

Just taking a few minutes to check in. It's been a really long week. It is beginning to feel like I don't know when one day ends and another begins, that is the sort of exhausting fluff going on. Work is work, and more often than not, too much flippin' drama. I too often find myself just shaking my head ... I just don't want to be part of poor business practices. So it has really been taking it out of me to show up and give the best parts of my day to be unappreciated, over-worked, take on more with less, etc. We all know how that story goes, right?? HT and I are both down-in-the-dumps for apparently what most are saying is a natural process. I would agree if there wasn't SO much "life" going on at the same time. I don't know if you call if cosmic garbage, space junk, depression, or what .... I just know I am feeling very odd these days. I can't wait to get home at night so I can go to sleep .... hahaha .... I have been trying to get through all this material BS that still invades my home. I want my home back, I want my own comfort zone re-established. I have always been the "dreamer" and lately .... OMG ..... these phases are becoming almost preoccupying ... lol.  I know we all dream, but, I don't always remember my dreams and lately, I have been having some real whammies.... and remembering them. Dangers of a woman who thinks with both sides of her brain ... hahahaha .... sometime I feel like one of those commercials where the angel is on one shoulder and the devil on the other. 

Anyway ... ET is slightly preoccupied with the upcoming surgery and the outcome of what is involved and without a doubt, my recovery.  I am a little nervous here folks. I have come to far to give up yet.  I think what has me most concerned currently is just coming out of the anesthesia. The last couple of times I have been put under I haven't come out as well as I always did ... sounds like another "getting older" scenarios.

I think I just need to wait and see what happens and not wear myself out worrying about the "what ifs."
So with that being said .... the wash needs to be put in the dryer, the trash taken out, some more crap to be packed. I am enjoying being alone today .... sort of. .... the "girls" are napping in the other room. :)

Hoping that everyone is enjoying the beautiful fall weekend!!

Peace and Light
et

The human side ...

Hi everyone ... I hope this post finds everyone enjoying their Sunday.

It has been a LONG weekend for me. I think it is in part due to the fact I am sort of preoccupied with the multiple situations going on at one time in my life (so what else is new, right?). My blood sugar remains exceptionally stable in spite of this, only a couple of spikes (I am pretty sure this was my own stupidity, not having bolused square-wave after correcting a low), a constant juggling act!!! Sometime I feel like all my balls are in the air, and other times, I feel like someone tossed in some extra balls and I just can't keep them all up....LOL.

I have been typing as I had two tapes do for my side job. I wanted to get some other work done, but it just wasn't in me and therefore I will be using some more of my PTO. One day .... (BIG DREAM HERE) I hope to actually take some time off from all work and go someplace I can totally disappear ... in the sense that I can park my happy ass on a shoreline with my hat, sunglasses and a trashy book for a change ... hehehehe ... sad part is, I'm not really into trashy reading. I need to find my ocean spot and cleanse my soul. (Many of you know I use the ocean like some go to church).  The sounds, smells, and calming effect of the tides has a way of giving me some new perspective. You know, that I am only a small part of the big picture and I need to regenerate ... in more ways than one. Anyway .... it has been pretty quiet around here with just me, the dog, and my thoughts for the future. HT works most weekends and is house sitting, so I haven't seen her since Friday morning.  I have much hope for my future despite the recent medical hits and uncertainty. I hope to be able to share some "career" changing happenings this week. This offer has made me one happy pup!! It has been some news that is keeping me positive currently as my ability to touch others and make a real difference on the educational front has me on cloud 9. Who would have ever thought this about me ... LOL .... ???  It humbles me to think that so many of you out there, and on my "home front" that there is something special about me ... I am really just doing the best I can with situations that present themselves and want others to have the same opportunities to overcome.  I certainly hope that my quest for good health and the methods in which I chose to accomplish this, is making a difference. Don't give up hope on this science and the power of the human spirit.... it is all part of the play book.

Yesterday I purchased 5 good size boxes .... yes, one for each sibling ... my goal is within the next few weeks I am able to get through the crap crawling the walls in my home, pack up what they may want to fight over, donate the rest, and get my home and my life back, or maybe ... just begin to live a life of my own. This has been a very weird transition period as I can't remember when I didn't have someone to take care of. Now I only have myself ... and of course, I will always be the mom to my baby girl, but she is about to venture off on her own and with that, comes my need to sort of disconnect the cord .. LOL ... I will never cut it, and she has stated the same.... LOL.

Ok kids ... I have tasks to complete, and "multi" wasn't part of yesterdays happenings. I think I made a bigger mess than was already here. It is one thing to see all these boxes, it is a completely different scenario to spread what is in the boxes around. I just keep telling myself ... this too shall pass so plug on.


Enjoy the day!!!
Peace and Light
et

Again ... we take the good with the bad ...

G'Evening web world!!!

Ok .. .going to try and make this a quick, news packed post, like always, flying over more than one. At the end of the post, check out this weeks latest press release regarding celebrity stem cell treatments. So many great things are starting to happen. I SO am looking forward to undergoing the treatment again, if all goes well perhaps sometime in January 2012. I can't tell you how much I am hoping for 2012 to be the ultimate in life changing years. Maybe it's age, I am after all 48 years old now!!!! I think I have more than exceeded that doctor who stated in 1972 that "this kid will be lucky if she sees 21." Thats 27 flipping more than they predicted ..... ahhhhh if I only knew then, what I know now. However, there are many aspects of my life I wouldn't change for a minute, like being the mother of one of the most incredible creatures I have ever encountered .... she amazes me every single day. This is making the "cutting of the cord" a little more difficult lately as she has a young man in her life. I had no idea that this was what happens when a daughter moves on. It rips at my heart, but in a good way. I know this is sort of like growing pains all over again ... LOL.... for me!!! He has been very supportive of her in many aspects of our chaotic existence in recent years, months, weeks, ..... life.... isn't it grand!!!

On my health front, overall, I am feeling pretty good. I have been exhausted the past month. Not sleeping great, my house is a rubble zone, which doesn't promote good sleep..... LOL ... even poor Maggie looks at me as if to say "what are going to do with all this shit??" "I want my pillow back!!" .... lol ... if she could speak ... oh, the stories she could tell you. Yesterday, I finally got some sort of answer on the lymph node. I will be undergoing surgery to remove it on 10/17. Apparently, this surgeon DID see something on the first CT scan, yet my report stated "No abnormal findings." .....all I could think was WTF!!! He was then able to pull my ultrasounds from the hospital database and .... wait for it ..... COMPARE THEM!!! Well, imagine my awe when he states that it has grown and that he would remove it and then have "whatever it is analyzed."  So ... I'm not really thrilled about the situation, I guess it needs to come out given my history with these cancerous cells .... the issue I went through several years back has also shown potential for bad growth. Do me a favor folks .... don't let something that seems like no big deal, like a mole, or for women to undergo a yearly pap and other related exams. I would also recommend this to my male cohorts.  Something that you overlook everyday ... no big deal, turns into something you didn't expect. Anyway ... biopsies were done yesterday, again .... I wait.

So with that fill in .... I hope everyone enjoyed the first day of fall!! This has got to be the best season!! The smell of baking apples, cider, crisp smell in the air first thing in the morning, the smell of firewood .... in my kitchen the scent of cinnamon and spice...... because even the ocean can be enjoyed 365 days a year, but fall is a short span. Enjoy !!!! To those who follow back in New England .... enjoy some of that fresh cider with a "spice" for me!!

I have work to do from home in the morning while doing some multitasking ... LOL ... or at least attempting. These days I am lucky to focus on one thing for any length of time before my mind roams to some other area that is going to need attention ... and SOON. Graduation is only 10 weeks away!!

On that note: I hope you find the link to the press release from Stem Genex on the celebrity stem cell treatment. http://www.prweb.com/releases/2011/9/prweb8814052.htm


Enjoy the weekend one and all!!
Peace and Light
et

Up ... and then down again

G'Evening,

I am totally exhausted, from so many things. HT and I did the Best Fest this past weekend, and I am still paying for being on my ass for 8 hours, then on my feet for another 7, and then Saturday as well. It was really fun, and there were a ton of people from all over the state up here in Prescott celebrating the 100 year Centennial of AZ on February 14, 2012. I guess there is going to be several months of state wide celebrations. Prescott was the first territorial capital of AZ. Ok ... LOL .... that is about all the wild west history I can share ... I am a New Englander at heart.

Then there was Monday, back to work. I am exhausted ... did I say that already...? The usual 8 hours of what I do, which can be stressful for multiple reasons. Came home, BS dropped, went to bed. Did it again today, didn't want to get out of bed, but I made it to work. Good thing is after last night, I dropped my basal rate down another 1/2 unit an hour. I haven't been about the 150 range in a couple of weeks except for a pump issue I had 3 days ago. I seem to be needing less insulin to carb coverage as well.

Monday evening I listened to a voice mail I had from my GYN, we have issues there again. Going back to the whole lymph node issue, insurance still refuses, so I am being sent to a surgeon to see about just having whatever the 2x3cm mass is removed and biopsied after the fact. I will now also being visiting the GYN for yet another round of biopsies there as well. I am not looking forward to a potential rerun of THAT health hit. I just know the "stress" that they claim feeds these sort of bad cells has not been good. I am now concerned that the lymph node/mass could somehow be related to the other.....? I have my list of questions for both docs as an irregular mole was also found in the area of the mass. I have a history of skin dysplasia as well. All, or both of these health issues revolve around potential cancer cells, they are on the verge of becoming, cervical cancer, melanoma, etc. All being difficult to catch without early detection and regular follow up visits. Again, my knowledge, need to continue to learn, understand and perhaps share the experience with others so they know that they are not alone. I often times have felt very alone, especially with this latest "bad" result on my test. My mother was around to talk to when I went through the last bout, which was far from a pleasant ride, including laser surgery and a 6 week round of topical chemo. I just was not prepared for this hit, not with the potential beginning of a new part-time position that would make me the happiest stemmie recipient on the planet. An opportunity to share all the wonderful things that have happened since.

Basically, I know I need to relax, try and remain calm and optimistic, and just wait to see what happens with the appointments on Thursday. I have already taken the entire day off now due to the biopsy process. I will do some work from home..... in my sweats with a heating pad!!!

Fall is coming to AZ .... the mornings and evenings are cool, the days still warm, but more outside weather, my favorite time out here. Hoping to spend some quality time with Maggie this weekend, bath, oil change ... lol .... sounds exciting don't it?? That is my idea of quality time, being out with the dog ... and having my oil changed. There will be some more box dissection and disposal as well. I only have 9 weeks to get this place in shape for my baby-girls graduation .... with her nursing degree!!!! It has to happen ... especially now that we have only each other here, and of course those dear friends in which we now call family.

Wishing everyone a peaceful nights rest, and/or a wonderful Weds.

Peace and Light
et

Lots of positive happenings

Hi Everyone!!

Just a quickie update for today. I will detail tomorrow as it has been a busy week. Hillary and I are working one of the alcohol tents for Arizona's Centennial Celebration kick off being held this weekend. We did last night and were absolutely wiped when we got home at 11:00. We will do it again tonight from 5-10. It is through the Eagles, who sponsored my fundraising event back in November so we both feel a good about giving back to the community. So tomorrow, I will try and get "it" in gear so I can get some more boxes empty and dumpster bound.

I received my father's remains back this week .... that was a very weird encounter, just felt odd. I will be doing my "executor" duties to finish this chapter of my life. I plan to weed through what is left of these so called worldly possessions that my brothers seem to think are some sort of gold mine, NOT AT ALL!!! I will  sort through and send boxes out hopefully by the end of the year so that we can bring in the new year with a new outlook, a new beginning, and perhaps a couple of expanded career options. All this is overdue for both my daughter, and myself.

With that being said .... I have to finish up some laundry and go to the store.

PS: I think it is time to review the BG logs as I think it is time to kick the basal rate down again. This too, is great news given the stress levels I have been under, and the continued fight of my first "stemmie" treatment. With the lift of some of the stress, and the soon to be loss of the remaining stress contributors ..... I see good things in my future.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et

September already ....

Happy Saturday to everyone!!

I can't believe that September has arrived, the weather seems to be cooling down, we have had some rain this past week, but I am still just at a phase of being overwhelmed to the point I have no clue where the time has gone over the past few weeks. It's been just one blur after another. The entire situation in which my father passed away still weighs on me, and I have awoken at night in this daze as to where all this "rubble" in my home has come from. We have been able to start the weeding out process .... but it is hard to face after going to work and/or school all day or in Hilly's case, just coming in from a day of school yesterday and an all night shift. Everyone keeps telling us, "just take the time, a year or so, put it aside," .... well .... that would be all well and good if I had any sort of storage, shed, or garage. It has to be done, and the sooner I can get it done, and boxes packed for my brothers, the sooner I can forget about the hurtful, selfish behaviors and move on with my own life .... for Hillary, I know she feels bad about the entire situation, however, she is an adult now, can make her own conclusions, make her own call on what and who is part of her life. I, on the other hand, have had my 48 years to look back on recently, and have come to the conclusion that in a "reality" outlook, my brothers never really did support me in my life knowing the disease process, etc. Perhaps they really don't....?? It would seem that the whole "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" theory would place my brothers in the same thought processes as my father. That if we "deny it exists, then we need not really deal with it." It was odd, one of the moments in which keeps playing in my head is the Tuesday night we were in the ER with my dad. He kept insisting that I go home as I had been there since getting out of work, and had not eaten. It was the first time I ever recall him not only making comment of the fact, but would appear he understood now. Not long ago, he was telling me to "be careful, you might throw up your insulin." ..... Not the most intelligent comment from someone who lived in the same house as me for almost 20 years. Anyway .... lots of  "moments" keep running though my mind, waking me at night, fogging my thoughts at work, perhaps part of the natural grieving process, but I am thinking this is a little different in that my entire life is about to change, and due to the family BS, I will only have those who have truly supported me in this venture over the past few years to share what comes next. I find it sad, disappointing, and probably a few other words that are just not coming to the forefront, that my own siblings could be so cold hearted, selfish, and with the nerve to blame me for not being fair to them. It totally blows me away!!! I thought I had come to this conclusion when they told me that they would not care for my dad, in any way due to their "childhood feelings." .... LMAO .... I am sorry, but I really do think this is one of the lamest excuses for "grown ups" I have ever heard. At least I can say this about my friends, and extended family, we have always spoke "up front", I don't usually hold any punches in my opinions or how I feel, you usually know where you stand with me ... and likewise ..... so how blessed am I??? To have people like this in my life to enjoy this journey with me, share some of the deepest thoughts of my being, laugh, cry, agree to disagree, and still ..... love and respect. This .... in my opinion, is one of my lifes best gifts, I have some of the greatest people in my life, some having been around for 20-30 years, coming and going, yet always being able to pick up right where we left off, and still continue to move forward in life. How much more can I ask for.....?? I am sorry that my brothers, all of us having been raised in the same home, same parents, same outlook, morals, etc ... primarily run by my mother, could come to be adults with such an outlook on who they are, where they came from, and one lesson I don't think too many, if any, rarely think about ..... I am happy that they seem to be successful in their careers, have nice homes, seem like they manage to get by, some better than the others but ...... when the shit hits the fan (pardon the expression), and life hits you with that slap in the face, you could lose all that wealth in a split second .... I certainly hope they know who they are and where they came from then .... as I do believe that I have learned many lessons over the years, especially since my diagnosis in 1972. I have always felt different in my outlook of the world, maybe we need to have near death experiences as children, as it would seem that as adults, not everyone "gets it." One brother in particular, who I have always considered myself close with in spite of differences over the years, has had a stroke, a heart attack, stents placed .... and no doubt the infamous family trait of high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol, and by looking at his feet and legs, a serious circulation issue (similar to his father).... can sit here drinking heavily, and smoking one after another, and tell me .... what life is all about!!! I certainly hope that for his sake, his grandchildren think he is all that and more, as I think, and remember as a child, my grandfather not being my favorite person as he smelled of beer, cigarette smoke, and was nasty on so many levels. He seems to love his grandchildren very much, however, I wonder if he ever thinks about the picture he portrays in their eyes??? Not my business really .... but .... as siblings .... I was brought up to believe we loved each other, would support and band together in times of need, or death .... seems I was wrong .... and on SO many levels.

This is another one I must put behind me, deal with it, and get on with life. MY LIFE!!! In the past few years, and now, since my treatment and positive responses, my goal is to help others in similar situations. This area of medicine/science can help so many, and it is my passion to share what I do know, continue to learn where the area is going, and educate those looking to know more. I want to be part of finding a cure for Type I, but I also want to encourage others, especially those with neuromuscular and bone issues to look into this.... it is amazing, almost miraculous in what it can do for us. For me, it is something I totally enjoy, my daughter says it makes me "spastic" in my excitement and enthusiasm when she sees me talking to someone interested in knowing what I have been through, and the changes I have experienced. That really does make the deep pain of having a sibling say "don't know anything about it, and I don't care," so much easier to take, as I can't make anyone care, I can't change anyone's behaviors or outlooks but my own. I only have control over my actions and outlooks. However, I will always be willing to share my experiences with anyone who wants to know more, and for that, I am totally grateful for the blessings in which have been placed in my life.

Perhaps today's post is a lot of babbling .... I do apologize .... I have had some low blood sugars these past 2-3 weeks in which I am not spotting them, I am trying hard to put this all into perspective given the situations that have arisen, but ... I must remain diligent, I finally have an appointment with a surgeon on the 22nd to just remove this lymph node (mass), another issue which has been causing disruption .... I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and don't feel like I got any time to actually process any of this BS before having to get back to my life. Just goes to prove .... "life stands still for no one."

With that being said .... go out and live your life today. Do something that makes you happy, brings you peace, relax and take in the sights and sounds that should make us all reflect and prosper.

Wishing all of you a wonderful weekend!!!
Be well ~ Peace and Light
et

I must be getting boring ...

Happy Labor Day to Everyone!!!

Not a whole lot going on that is different. I have been trying to deal and cope with the latest life changing happening. I look around my home and am overwhelmed by the material that I have had to bring here so that we can go through it. We have already made multiple donations to various organizations in the area, had a yard sale to try and make enough to tend to final expenses (we all know the others aren't going to contribute), and I went back to work this past week, which has me completely exhausted. I have been nonstop since the Tuesday we took my dad to the emergency room. My stomach is on the rampage today, blood sugars have been stable, with a few lows, not being picked up until between 44 and 60. (Hillary made mention of the fact that she hopes it is only the stress and not the failure of my stemmies). I ache all over from all the moving we have done, and I am emotionally numb.

I, or I should say Hillary and I, have spent so long caring for, tending to, and looking out for someone this will be a huge adjustment for both of us. She has already had a couple of "moments" having started back to classes and usually stopping by to have lunch a couple of times a week with her grandfather to tell him of her happenings. He was very proud of her, and ALWAYS let her know it. Something that perhaps I didn't get, but am very happy that it was something he could do later in life. I do believe this is a normal thing for most of my parents generation. For as difficult as he could be, I will have to adjust to not having that duty to tend too, and that will be huge for me. Hillary will graduate in December, and then it is unsure of what our future may hold. I do know, that we can spend a little more time tending to us, focusing on our passions, mine being the stem cell process and where it is going ..... and how fast can we get it here, legitimately and within reach of the everyday patient, NOT just the well-to-do (which by-the-way, I am NOT).

I just wanted to drop in and see what was going on. It would appear that I am either getting boring, or people are just reading with no response .... LOL .... usually I am pretty good at stirring some sort of response. I must be slipping.

Wishing everyone a happy and safe Labor Day weekend!!!

Peace and Light
et

Stress overload

I hope this posting finds all my readers well and happy, and continuing on the quest for more knowledge.

It has been a very stressful, emotionally and physically, two weeks since the passing of my father. His passing, although not completely unexpected, did come suddenly and by means other than the expected. My daughter found him down, we met at the ER and it was within 24 hours he had past, both of us by his side. Then came the family BS .... I have 5 brothers, 3 of which have had no contact with my father since my mother's passing, or prior, and yet 2 of them had the nerve to show up here in AZ, "swoop in like vultures", according to my daughter's observance, offer very little physical or emotional support, for one day (and not a complete day). They then camped out across town with a cousin/friend and proceeded to feed their Budweiser delusions as to how I wasn't being fair to "my brothers." Well, I nearly lost it!!! and then I blew up verbally 2 days prior to their departure. They had nothing nice to say while they were here, seemed disappointed that my parents "didn't have anything" and what they did have was dispersed prior to my mother's passing with the exception of a few "worldly possessions" of my dads. In the end, I was called numerous nasty names, was the recipient of some very hurtful comments, and I walked away stating  (loudly)that I hope they don't have to die without the love of their children. Fact is, my parents did the best they knew how to do given the times and circumstances.

All this has been wearing on my body. The emotional and physical stress has caused some lows, which I haven't had for a while, and no real awareness. (I'm hoping this is just stress related) If not for a couple of friends, HT and a few of her friends, we NEVER would have gotten the move completed by weeks end. We tried to sell some of the bigger stuff, made multiple donations as per my mothers request, and the rest, 70 years of photos and some holiday stuff is now crawling the walls in my home. I, too, will handle this task with the help of my daughter, the two of us being the only steady in my parents life for the past 10+ years, yet I'm not being fair to my siblings.

With that being said, I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to focus on my life, and my passion for the stem cell science/medicine/treatment will be my focus. As for my so-called siblings .... I did what they didn't have the manhood, or emotional maturity to handle, flat out refused to do at the time the death topic came into play, and therefore, their "childhood issues" or the fact that they stated to me that they would not care for my father "'cause he was an a-hole to us as kids" is not my issue, it is theirs and I REFUSE to accept their guilt as a reason for the bashing as I too, grew up in the same household. They can say whatever they want, but my daughter and I know the truth, we know the history, we know more than my brothers probably would be pleased with. We did not seek to ease our pain in a case of beer x 20+ for the week. Seems a little overwhelming for even a good size party, never mind 2 guys (3 for 3 days). Some serious soul searching should take place, I have done that many times, and my disillusion with "family" has come to a harsh ending in which "forgive and forget" will not only take time, I am not sure it can be undone. It slapped me right in the face that my brothers seem to not care about where they came from, my health issues, were addressed as "I don't know anything about that, and I don't care." ...... Hmmmmm ..... I get more response and admiration from strangers in the way I live my life, and the manner in which I am trying to not only prolong my life given the situation, but live it as I go along. Education, knowledge, is power, and I saw nothing but ego and arrogance in this past visit. I think it is pretty safe to say we won't be having visitors anytime soon, if ever. All the times I thought that when this time in our lives came, we would band together .... holy cow!!! What was I smoking???? and those rose colored glasses should now be shattered. I know my family is of dysfunctional makeup, but .... has no one heard the phrase, "Break the chain"? This cycle should have been broken a long time ago, I can only hope that my daughter has learned some valuable lessons of life in relationships and the give and take of those in play. Human nature never ceases to amaze me.

I hope you were able to check out the Stem Genex newsletter and the articles that were some pretty interesting reading.

I ask for a little time to adjust to what is about to be the biggest life change I have undergone since my divorce back in 1994. Life as I know it has changed drastically, again, and I need to play out my hand in the most appropriate and meaningful way ..... for me!!! I deserve to be good to me and focus on the passions that make me full.

Peace and Light to all
et

It has been a long week

Hello to all !!

I hope that all who read the Stem Genex Newsletter found something of interest. This is an upcoming area that the FDA and those who call the shots just can't ignore. It's working, in so many areas, improving the lives of so many, how can they possibly push it under the rug??? I have to say that based on when I started my research into this science, it is finally at a point where we, as the people, can find the treatments. However, we still have a long way to go. I have been so pleased that my blog has reached people who are looking for this sort of treatment, and that I have been able to talk with them about what I experienced. This is an "opportunity" I didn't have when I was looking for treatment, and a reputable organization to work with. I have found that, and will continue to advocate for such.

On another note, I have some stressful, disturbing blogging info to post on, as it has been 12 days from chaos, having lost my father on August 18th, and not to the reason we had expected. It was fast, he was kept comfortable, and this happening brought out, yet again, the ultimate best in my so-called siblings. It is my opinion, and that of many who have witnessed the situation over the past 5 years, that my daughter and I did what my brothers didn't have the "manhood" or emotional maturity to handle, and therefore, throwing derogatory comments of negativity is their method of making themselves feel better, so be it. I am all too aware people grieve differently, this is not grieving, this is pure and total guilt, and I will not allow it to eat me as I know the actions I took, and will continue to take as I move forward, are never with the intention to get something for nothing, or to avoid the basic human contact, regardless. I may have been frustrated and irritated with my father's outlook on life, and he could certainly be difficult, but, past is past, and neither Hillary, nor myself, ever turned our back on him, or left him alone. We included him .... and as a result, most of our friends, were very much aware of the "grandfather" .... Hillary found him down, and in her professional mode, handled herself amazingly, we were with him until the end, he managed to tell us he loved us, and he knew we were there and would do our best to take care of the aftermath. Needless to say, my blood sugars have responded with several lows over the past week or so, in part, I believe, due to stress levels and all the physical moving we have had to do to get the apartment empty, which was completed yesterday.

So .... this is part of why I have not made many posts in the past couple of weeks. Life has had me very occupied.

Wishing all Peace and Light
et