Morning All !!!
It has been a whole week since I posted. Last week was a very stressful week for me, in many aspects, but mostly work and my father.
Work was busy at best. I had my first audit as my new title. A review of hospital charts for the state agency which oversees a good majority of our patients. It went exceptionally well!!! I was very pleased by the end of the first day with the auditors. They were all very nice, and very personable. They told me I did a good job and the relieved a lot of my stress to a degree. Was just all so new to me. I know it was a team effort in making sure that all in the charts were done to compliance. That is my big beef .... and I can get stressed out trying to convey this to others in the process, from the providers to nurses, techs, social work, and case managers. Anyway .... that is over .... for now. They did say they would see me soon..... LOL .... :D This week will no doubt be a long one too. I want to make sure that all I need done is done and that whoever covers for me has only the minimum to do until I get back on the 15th. Perhaps to my own fault, I do take my commitments VERY seriously. I am only as good as my word.
Next Saturday, at 5AM ... (we figure this is a good time to leave to get us to San Fran before dark) I will be traveling. My friend, and coworker, Deb Schultz will be driving the 12+ hours to CA. I just know this is going to be a learning experience for both of us, and in spite of my having to spend 3 days inpatient, I know we are going to have a good time. We hope to get in a few sights, check out places for an extended stay visit for when the transplant occurs, and visit with my sister-in-law's cousin, Marianne, who lives in San Francisco. She has offered to show us around, come to visit me, and we plan on doing dinner one night. I have been and am trying to stay busy so that I don't really have time to get nervous.
Postings this week will be minimal. I have to work all week, I haven't even thought about packing for this trip, I have to take my dad to the neurologists on Tuesday, make sure he has his grocery shopping done, and is all set to be alone for the week. Hillary will call and check on him, but with her schooling and work schedules she really doesn't have a lot of time to visit. We did see him yesterday, brought him a "goodie" to share, and moved a bookcase. I sure am glad Hillary decided to buy herself a pickup truck .... LOL ..... it has certainly come in handy in the last couple of months.
On Thursday, she brought me the money paid for the washer and dryer which was donated by one of Hilly's nurses at the hospital, and also purchased by one of her nurses at YRMC for a women's clinic/shelter going in downtown. I was told that each bill in the envelope was donated by one person ...... It was a pretty amazing moment. A lot of encounters that have happened in the past 6 months have been totally humbling. I have no idea how to thank all these people who have been so generous, and so supportive of my journey. It really is an indescribable feeling. I wish there was something I could do or say that would make such an impact on them, as they have done for me. THANK YOU .... seems so very small at times.
Okay ... well .... just me and Maggie today, Hillary went off to work over an hour ago. She will not return until almost 8 tonight. I have to go clean the inside of my car, finish up my laundry, organizing my new bookcase, which looks really nice in my living room, and perhaps put some things in a bag for my trip. Packing for a trip always starts for me with my supplies, and MUST haves to make sure those get placed first. I think I have it down to a science having done some traveling in my day, I like to keep it simple, although this time, I will actually use a suitcase .... LOL ..... So ... be patient, I will post and let you all know what is happening and what the plan is to proceed. When I get back we need to brainstorm on some sort of cool, funky fundraising event. The bracelets should be here soon, we actually expected them already, ..... but .....
Thanks to all who have continued to support me, pray for me, and just be there to share it with me .... again, no words seem quite appropriate to express my gratitude.
Enjoy your Sunday and have a great week !!!
Will talk soon
Love and Light
et
PS: To my friend Debbie in MA .... I never got any email ... ???? Been waiting ... do you have the email address .... you can find it on my Facebook page .... and add me to your list there lil buddie .... LOL .... some little things get posted there as well. Thanks again for doing that and I can't wait to post it here .... Love you !!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Methods of relaxation .... ???
Good Morning !!
It is 7:30 ish ... been awake since a little before 5. Hillary apparently has not come home. She has NEVER done this .... she went out last night about 8:30 after an afternoon of what I would consider hell. The stress levels escalating with each passing phone call ... I will not even justify them as conversations in regard to a couple of people. I will give her a couple of more hours to crawl in or call me and let me know where she is before I call the police. I think she was okay ... I know she is totally and completely stressed out with her studies, having to work as much as she does .... and then ... the all too loving family in which she has learned so many valuable life lessons from. I can only imagine, given what she has grown up with, how she is tired of being a grown up, when most of the so-called grown ups in her life, are so childish. I want to believe that she went to this friends house last night, maybe had a couple of cocktails, and being the responsible person I know she is, decided to stay rather than risk the consequences. But .... there is that side of me .... that will always worry about her. I was so much worse than her at that age, but .... she is and has always been so responsible.
I have to go to my fathers today ... pick up his bills ..... This is not going to be a pleasant visit. I am going to yet again, tell him ... if he is not happy with the way I am taking care of his business with the very little I have to work with, he can always go to be with his son, CWD. He seems to have all the answers as to what is right. I on the other hand, am not his mother, and I am not his wife ..... neither position I don't think I would take on for any length of time. Having been the daughter, and the things I experienced, although I know he loves me in his own demented mind, is not my idea of what a father/daughter relationship should have been. Yet, here I am, complete with all my "issues" dealing with the here and now. I can sort of relate to why someone may become isolated and secluded .... I like my own peace and quiet, my own solitude ... no one to piss me off but me ...... LOL
(10 minute lapse)
Hillary is safe, she just called. She did have a couple and crashed on couch. I was on my way to bed when she went out .... I don't like this part of parenting, even the roommate thing has its limits.
Well ... I guess I should get dressed. I have to go to dads and I don't want him screwing up my whole day ..... This is, again, a very important week for me. I have a two day audit with the state agency which oversees our funding and this is my first encounter in my current position. I am a little nervous, and I really need to be focused, I don't need all this added, petty, childlike BS that the family is dumping in my lap right now. Two weeks to the admission for me .... I would like to be able to travel as clear minded as possible ... not sure how I am going to pull that off right now. My guess is that MJD either didn't get to talk to CWD again, or that he did, and as usual CWD took the high road and the rest of us were all wrong, him being impaired while preaching. It is certainly becoming more and more clear that he has his own problems ... therefore, hard to see anything clearly .... in short ... the conversation didn't go well. I am thinking that I am going to let my phones all go to voicemail today and I will pick and choose whom I chat with.... :)~ my prerogative right??
The stress is severely effecting my BGs and on top of what they are doing without adding anything other than my day-to-day life .... is not good and I really am beginning to hate the way I feel on most days .... the constant nausea, cramping pain, I feel my own balance becoming off ... part of the neuropathy in my feet .... I fake it pretty well on most days ... but I am so not as graceful as I once was .... and I HATE having it be so obvious that I am failing. Maybe if I had not been so good at keeping things under wraps, my siblings would have a small idea of what I have lived with all these years, then add the care taking, and complications of my disease, and see what really goes on in my life ... most likely, that wouldn't make any real difference either for those who don't want to see the black and white of a situation will continue to see the rose colored image of their own minds.
Okay ..... got to get to it ... before long I will want to nap ... like right now ... hahaha ... I could so go back to bed and just say .... carry on without me today.
Have a glorious Sunday .....
US vs. Canada today ..... Puck up!!
Peace and Light
et
It is 7:30 ish ... been awake since a little before 5. Hillary apparently has not come home. She has NEVER done this .... she went out last night about 8:30 after an afternoon of what I would consider hell. The stress levels escalating with each passing phone call ... I will not even justify them as conversations in regard to a couple of people. I will give her a couple of more hours to crawl in or call me and let me know where she is before I call the police. I think she was okay ... I know she is totally and completely stressed out with her studies, having to work as much as she does .... and then ... the all too loving family in which she has learned so many valuable life lessons from. I can only imagine, given what she has grown up with, how she is tired of being a grown up, when most of the so-called grown ups in her life, are so childish. I want to believe that she went to this friends house last night, maybe had a couple of cocktails, and being the responsible person I know she is, decided to stay rather than risk the consequences. But .... there is that side of me .... that will always worry about her. I was so much worse than her at that age, but .... she is and has always been so responsible.
I have to go to my fathers today ... pick up his bills ..... This is not going to be a pleasant visit. I am going to yet again, tell him ... if he is not happy with the way I am taking care of his business with the very little I have to work with, he can always go to be with his son, CWD. He seems to have all the answers as to what is right. I on the other hand, am not his mother, and I am not his wife ..... neither position I don't think I would take on for any length of time. Having been the daughter, and the things I experienced, although I know he loves me in his own demented mind, is not my idea of what a father/daughter relationship should have been. Yet, here I am, complete with all my "issues" dealing with the here and now. I can sort of relate to why someone may become isolated and secluded .... I like my own peace and quiet, my own solitude ... no one to piss me off but me ...... LOL
(10 minute lapse)
Hillary is safe, she just called. She did have a couple and crashed on couch. I was on my way to bed when she went out .... I don't like this part of parenting, even the roommate thing has its limits.
Well ... I guess I should get dressed. I have to go to dads and I don't want him screwing up my whole day ..... This is, again, a very important week for me. I have a two day audit with the state agency which oversees our funding and this is my first encounter in my current position. I am a little nervous, and I really need to be focused, I don't need all this added, petty, childlike BS that the family is dumping in my lap right now. Two weeks to the admission for me .... I would like to be able to travel as clear minded as possible ... not sure how I am going to pull that off right now. My guess is that MJD either didn't get to talk to CWD again, or that he did, and as usual CWD took the high road and the rest of us were all wrong, him being impaired while preaching. It is certainly becoming more and more clear that he has his own problems ... therefore, hard to see anything clearly .... in short ... the conversation didn't go well. I am thinking that I am going to let my phones all go to voicemail today and I will pick and choose whom I chat with.... :)~ my prerogative right??
The stress is severely effecting my BGs and on top of what they are doing without adding anything other than my day-to-day life .... is not good and I really am beginning to hate the way I feel on most days .... the constant nausea, cramping pain, I feel my own balance becoming off ... part of the neuropathy in my feet .... I fake it pretty well on most days ... but I am so not as graceful as I once was .... and I HATE having it be so obvious that I am failing. Maybe if I had not been so good at keeping things under wraps, my siblings would have a small idea of what I have lived with all these years, then add the care taking, and complications of my disease, and see what really goes on in my life ... most likely, that wouldn't make any real difference either for those who don't want to see the black and white of a situation will continue to see the rose colored image of their own minds.
Okay ..... got to get to it ... before long I will want to nap ... like right now ... hahaha ... I could so go back to bed and just say .... carry on without me today.
Have a glorious Sunday .....
US vs. Canada today ..... Puck up!!
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Dysfunction is killing me !!!
Good evening all !!
Well .... I really am beginning to feel like I am losing my grip. As if my blood sugars being up and down like a yo-yo with no real added issues, lets throw on a family full of dysfunction. I have been on (I think we are up to 5 today) phone calls all afternoon. From my father calling to advise me again, the threat of some utility being turned off, and then getting a call from a brother whom I have not spoken to directly since prior to the holidays telling me he isn't believing me over my father!! I nearly went ballistic !!!! My father has never told the truth about anything in his life, or so that is my belief. It seems to have a genetic factor, as there are a couple of my brothers that seem to come up with their own truths as well. Not only that, I am out of patience in the department of making sure he is tended to to the best of my ability. I AM NOT LIVING LARGE on his $1086/month. It doesn't even cover his expenses. I am tired of being questioned in the care of my father by this certain brother of whom I always considered myself close to until his own decline in recent months. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him where he had not been drinking, or his own judgement seems clouded, yet, when I state that he is more than free to come and take my father and care for him, all I get is the righteous finger pointing. It is sad that he can all sit back and finger point and say he believes the stories in which my father is telling him. Such as, "I am going to have to move out of here," "I am going to have to live in my car," PLEASE!! They don't seem to be hearing from him what the doctor called me about this week, or that he had multiple doctor appointments already this month, 3 different med changes, the calls that interrupt my WORK day, the time I have had to lose and then make up for work to tend to my father's issues. Not to mention, I had an appointment of my own this week. God forbid I take time to tend to me, which by the way is totally slacking. No real concern that I too have bills that are behind, that I too, hold a full-time job, own a home, and have MAJOR MEDICAL ISSUES !!!
I have done more than my share to tend to and take care of my parents. My mother was a true angel, right up to the end, and knowing that she dealt with this BS for 60 years from a man who can't make a decision to save his own ass .... is totally and incomprehensible. Yet, these so called men who are my siblings, have either ignored what I do completely, or they feel it is their duty to "TELL you how it is," when they are not here to witness it, partake in it, etc., they make a weekly or biweekly phone call and feel that good ol' dad is doing just great, no issues here. No real communication between us all to compare the tall tales which are being told to each of us, all dealing with some very small truth buried in there somewhere. No realization that if I do turn my back on my father that in this state, I could go to jail for endangerment. I guess it is pretty easy to point fingers when it isn't you or anything about you or yours that will be totally and completely effected by the actions.
I am not going to apologize for after all these years, saying I am taking care of my issues now!! If you want to call me selfish CWD, you go right ahead. As it was not me to joined the military and went off at 17 to tend to and live his own life, and didn't bother coming back into your parents life on any real level until the last few years. You, with every time I have to encounter you in recent months, are turning out to be more and more like your father, and your oldest brother, and come to think of it .... the two younger ones too!!! I have not had a stroke, I have not had a heart attack, I do not have high blood pressure (not sure how I dodge that one with all the BS), and I am not still smoking and/or drinking like a fish. Now, if that is how you chose to deal with your health issues, that is your decision. I chose, to live longer, there are things I still want to do, desire to do and see while I have the opportunity to be healthy. I am not asking anyone to take care of me, and I think it is pretty safe to say that I couldn't count on my siblings to help even if I wanted them too, but I have done nothing but take care of someone, for most of my adult life. I am truly tired and with each passing day, I seem to come to the realization that my immediate family, are not in any way the people I thought I was raised with, or who I thought they were. I am so far off the mark it scares me as to my judge of character. This is a totally disgusting place to be, at a time when we should be able to count on the other, all I seem to be getting is their own issues of what I feel are their own guilt.... NOT MINE!
I don't have to look too deep to discover who I can continue to count on, on who is not going to judge me or the decisions I have made in regard to not only my own health concerns, but to those of my father .... DENIAL should be tattooed on them to let them know when they look in the mirror that perhaps they should look just a little deeper into the eyes looking back in the mirror. I really wish I could throw the blame somewhere else .... but I can't ... as I made the choice to help my parents, I did not, however, make any sort of death bed pack to see to it that my father lives independently or that he puts the lives of others at risk, or that I must deal with the insanity on a daily basis, every week getting worse, and every week becoming more and more stressful to me and my health. Now, perhaps my death will not mean a whole lot to my brothers, but to my daughter, who too, is feeling all this added stress by her grandfather and feeling it deeply to the point where she is allowing it to effect her mental health, I say ENOUGH!!!! If I must be an only child, I will depend on my friendships, who have certainly stood by my side even when it seemed like a doomed situation, and have not yet run, many after years, then I will make the needed decisions and there will be absolutely NO ONE I must answer to other than God and laws that govern the state of AZ in regard to my father's care.
So ... if you can't support me, in what is going on in my life, and if you choose not to verbalize what may be going on in your own life that may be bogging you down, your problem not mine. So keep your name calling, finger-pointing, and mightier than thou attitudes to your self and LEAVE ME and MINE ALONE!! Hillary and I are not bitter, not yet anyway, given all the things we have been exposed to all these years of care taking, and all the things we know ..... one should think that no one was perfect .... far from it .... so please don't piss me off to the point where I am going to throw words I can't take back, or say in spite, as that may have been how I operated when I was younger, but not anymore. I am dealing with all of this in the here and now, where are you???? 10-15 minutes once or twice a month, don't pull you any brownie points in my book at this point.
And for those who seem to have an underlying assumption that I am living large, can take this into consideration, my up coming travel expenses are all being paid for out of donations, and split by those who have generously and unselfishly offered to travel with me ... NOT one of my siblings has made any such offer on my behalf. Friends, cousins (from both sides of my family), coworkers, but not one sibling! Pretty much lets me know where I stand in the family.
On that note, I guess I better go finish my laundry .... as the frustration is still eating away at my gut, and my head is pounding in a disappointment of such happenings.
PS: If someone should fall upon an article in TIME magazine in which my brother Mike stated to me today explained the situation I seem to be in the middle of, and "describing each of us to a tee" I would very much like to place a copy of it somewhere .... LMAO .... hmmmmm paper cuts there could be a real prize !!!
Thanks for being here ......
Light and Love to all who have supported me!!
et
Well .... I really am beginning to feel like I am losing my grip. As if my blood sugars being up and down like a yo-yo with no real added issues, lets throw on a family full of dysfunction. I have been on (I think we are up to 5 today) phone calls all afternoon. From my father calling to advise me again, the threat of some utility being turned off, and then getting a call from a brother whom I have not spoken to directly since prior to the holidays telling me he isn't believing me over my father!! I nearly went ballistic !!!! My father has never told the truth about anything in his life, or so that is my belief. It seems to have a genetic factor, as there are a couple of my brothers that seem to come up with their own truths as well. Not only that, I am out of patience in the department of making sure he is tended to to the best of my ability. I AM NOT LIVING LARGE on his $1086/month. It doesn't even cover his expenses. I am tired of being questioned in the care of my father by this certain brother of whom I always considered myself close to until his own decline in recent months. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him where he had not been drinking, or his own judgement seems clouded, yet, when I state that he is more than free to come and take my father and care for him, all I get is the righteous finger pointing. It is sad that he can all sit back and finger point and say he believes the stories in which my father is telling him. Such as, "I am going to have to move out of here," "I am going to have to live in my car," PLEASE!! They don't seem to be hearing from him what the doctor called me about this week, or that he had multiple doctor appointments already this month, 3 different med changes, the calls that interrupt my WORK day, the time I have had to lose and then make up for work to tend to my father's issues. Not to mention, I had an appointment of my own this week. God forbid I take time to tend to me, which by the way is totally slacking. No real concern that I too have bills that are behind, that I too, hold a full-time job, own a home, and have MAJOR MEDICAL ISSUES !!!
I have done more than my share to tend to and take care of my parents. My mother was a true angel, right up to the end, and knowing that she dealt with this BS for 60 years from a man who can't make a decision to save his own ass .... is totally and incomprehensible. Yet, these so called men who are my siblings, have either ignored what I do completely, or they feel it is their duty to "TELL you how it is," when they are not here to witness it, partake in it, etc., they make a weekly or biweekly phone call and feel that good ol' dad is doing just great, no issues here. No real communication between us all to compare the tall tales which are being told to each of us, all dealing with some very small truth buried in there somewhere. No realization that if I do turn my back on my father that in this state, I could go to jail for endangerment. I guess it is pretty easy to point fingers when it isn't you or anything about you or yours that will be totally and completely effected by the actions.
I am not going to apologize for after all these years, saying I am taking care of my issues now!! If you want to call me selfish CWD, you go right ahead. As it was not me to joined the military and went off at 17 to tend to and live his own life, and didn't bother coming back into your parents life on any real level until the last few years. You, with every time I have to encounter you in recent months, are turning out to be more and more like your father, and your oldest brother, and come to think of it .... the two younger ones too!!! I have not had a stroke, I have not had a heart attack, I do not have high blood pressure (not sure how I dodge that one with all the BS), and I am not still smoking and/or drinking like a fish. Now, if that is how you chose to deal with your health issues, that is your decision. I chose, to live longer, there are things I still want to do, desire to do and see while I have the opportunity to be healthy. I am not asking anyone to take care of me, and I think it is pretty safe to say that I couldn't count on my siblings to help even if I wanted them too, but I have done nothing but take care of someone, for most of my adult life. I am truly tired and with each passing day, I seem to come to the realization that my immediate family, are not in any way the people I thought I was raised with, or who I thought they were. I am so far off the mark it scares me as to my judge of character. This is a totally disgusting place to be, at a time when we should be able to count on the other, all I seem to be getting is their own issues of what I feel are their own guilt.... NOT MINE!
I don't have to look too deep to discover who I can continue to count on, on who is not going to judge me or the decisions I have made in regard to not only my own health concerns, but to those of my father .... DENIAL should be tattooed on them to let them know when they look in the mirror that perhaps they should look just a little deeper into the eyes looking back in the mirror. I really wish I could throw the blame somewhere else .... but I can't ... as I made the choice to help my parents, I did not, however, make any sort of death bed pack to see to it that my father lives independently or that he puts the lives of others at risk, or that I must deal with the insanity on a daily basis, every week getting worse, and every week becoming more and more stressful to me and my health. Now, perhaps my death will not mean a whole lot to my brothers, but to my daughter, who too, is feeling all this added stress by her grandfather and feeling it deeply to the point where she is allowing it to effect her mental health, I say ENOUGH!!!! If I must be an only child, I will depend on my friendships, who have certainly stood by my side even when it seemed like a doomed situation, and have not yet run, many after years, then I will make the needed decisions and there will be absolutely NO ONE I must answer to other than God and laws that govern the state of AZ in regard to my father's care.
So ... if you can't support me, in what is going on in my life, and if you choose not to verbalize what may be going on in your own life that may be bogging you down, your problem not mine. So keep your name calling, finger-pointing, and mightier than thou attitudes to your self and LEAVE ME and MINE ALONE!! Hillary and I are not bitter, not yet anyway, given all the things we have been exposed to all these years of care taking, and all the things we know ..... one should think that no one was perfect .... far from it .... so please don't piss me off to the point where I am going to throw words I can't take back, or say in spite, as that may have been how I operated when I was younger, but not anymore. I am dealing with all of this in the here and now, where are you???? 10-15 minutes once or twice a month, don't pull you any brownie points in my book at this point.
And for those who seem to have an underlying assumption that I am living large, can take this into consideration, my up coming travel expenses are all being paid for out of donations, and split by those who have generously and unselfishly offered to travel with me ... NOT one of my siblings has made any such offer on my behalf. Friends, cousins (from both sides of my family), coworkers, but not one sibling! Pretty much lets me know where I stand in the family.
On that note, I guess I better go finish my laundry .... as the frustration is still eating away at my gut, and my head is pounding in a disappointment of such happenings.
PS: If someone should fall upon an article in TIME magazine in which my brother Mike stated to me today explained the situation I seem to be in the middle of, and "describing each of us to a tee" I would very much like to place a copy of it somewhere .... LMAO .... hmmmmm paper cuts there could be a real prize !!!
Thanks for being here ......
Light and Love to all who have supported me!!
et
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The paper ...
Hey Everyone !!!
Only 2 weeks til lift off .....
Check Hilly and I out in the online edition of www.CVRnews.com under the Community section.
Just a little update ... also ... with great anticipation I would like you all to check out the comment left under the last post. This woman, Kathy, had an islet transplant done at the University of Minnesota (Go Deb-Deb!!) in 2008 and from what I read, was insulin free after just 8 weeks and since for 18 months. I learned quite a bit in just the latest few posts of Kathy's. It was reassuring for me to have an actual recipient "talk" to me. I am much more excited now to undergo, and see what it is all about in the research area of this process having followed and read so much about it over the years.
No real long posts tonight ... I had to leave work early for an ophthalmologist appointment today .... although he states he feels me to remain stable (given the long ago laser surgeries), I must be getting old, because my clarity sucks!!! Needless to say, I need some new glasses, just a hair of a change, but seeing as I broke my other frames a couple of weeks ago .... $$ out the window. It is always something. While on the subject of "something" ... I received a call from my father's cardiologist today, while I was having my eyes dilated .... the man apparently has had a left parietal ischemic infarction .... now when this may have occurred is anyone guess .... seeing as my brother (one in particular) seems to think my dad has been "sharp as a tack" maybe he would like to try and explain his odd behaviors over the past few months. In any event, his blood pressure continues to fluctuate, and we have follow up appointments with both the neurologist and the cardiologist. Just what I need prior to my trip to the Medical Center for my own issues right ????
It is always something ..... we will see where and how this one plays out. Like I have stated before ... I can only do what is within my power, the rest is up to God and those who do have the power to change their own outcomes.
Have a wonderful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et
Only 2 weeks til lift off .....
Check Hilly and I out in the online edition of www.CVRnews.com under the Community section.
Just a little update ... also ... with great anticipation I would like you all to check out the comment left under the last post. This woman, Kathy, had an islet transplant done at the University of Minnesota (Go Deb-Deb!!) in 2008 and from what I read, was insulin free after just 8 weeks and since for 18 months. I learned quite a bit in just the latest few posts of Kathy's. It was reassuring for me to have an actual recipient "talk" to me. I am much more excited now to undergo, and see what it is all about in the research area of this process having followed and read so much about it over the years.
No real long posts tonight ... I had to leave work early for an ophthalmologist appointment today .... although he states he feels me to remain stable (given the long ago laser surgeries), I must be getting old, because my clarity sucks!!! Needless to say, I need some new glasses, just a hair of a change, but seeing as I broke my other frames a couple of weeks ago .... $$ out the window. It is always something. While on the subject of "something" ... I received a call from my father's cardiologist today, while I was having my eyes dilated .... the man apparently has had a left parietal ischemic infarction .... now when this may have occurred is anyone guess .... seeing as my brother (one in particular) seems to think my dad has been "sharp as a tack" maybe he would like to try and explain his odd behaviors over the past few months. In any event, his blood pressure continues to fluctuate, and we have follow up appointments with both the neurologist and the cardiologist. Just what I need prior to my trip to the Medical Center for my own issues right ????
It is always something ..... we will see where and how this one plays out. Like I have stated before ... I can only do what is within my power, the rest is up to God and those who do have the power to change their own outcomes.
Have a wonderful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et
Monday, February 15, 2010
More reading done today ...
I am about to stop ... lol ... as my face and eyes are hanging out.... :D
In doing some more reading today, in reviewing the UCSF site under diabetes center and the research being done, you will find that UCSF is also part of the Clinical Islet Transplantation Consortium like the link to the patient reviews I posted earlier through the University of Minnesota.
Also, I have another link to post here compliments of my cousing Lorraine in Montreal CA in regard to gene therapy, also associated with UCSF. The research involves gene RFX6. I have signed a consent to allow samples be donated to long-term storage for the use in such research to isolate the genes both responsible and needed to locate the cure. Interesting reading for those who can go this deep. I know there have been times when people have asked why I find such reading fascinating or even interesting. Well .... I love the science, and it affects me personally. There are a couple of other diseases I think deserve focus, but for now, this is my focus. I have a vested interest.
In doing some more reading today, in reviewing the UCSF site under diabetes center and the research being done, you will find that UCSF is also part of the Clinical Islet Transplantation Consortium like the link to the patient reviews I posted earlier through the University of Minnesota.
Also, I have another link to post here compliments of my cousing Lorraine in Montreal CA in regard to gene therapy, also associated with UCSF. The research involves gene RFX6. I have signed a consent to allow samples be donated to long-term storage for the use in such research to isolate the genes both responsible and needed to locate the cure. Interesting reading for those who can go this deep. I know there have been times when people have asked why I find such reading fascinating or even interesting. Well .... I love the science, and it affects me personally. There are a couple of other diseases I think deserve focus, but for now, this is my focus. I have a vested interest.
Another newspaper spot
Happy President's Day!!
Glad I have today off ... not sure why, not really being all that productive. Waiting on Hilly to get home from class so we can take Maggie across town to play for a while. Then I will do dinner, write out some bills, and get ready for the rest of the week. Tomorrow it is back to work, two days of audit review, and I meet with the HR guy this week to talk about my time off for the actual transplant and finalize my EIT time for the upcoming trip. My BGs have been so out of whack lately, I am really not sure how I am suppose to feel. I am not nervous, a little anxious, but am hoping for the best. Most of my anxiety comes from the pure fact I have shitty veins and the thought of multiple pokes by multiple people can get me going. I am trying to keep a positive attitude in that this is a teaching, research hospital and my experience with these sorts of facilities have been EXCELLENT!! Some of the best of the best .... I will maintain that hope. Now, been thinking of the real rest I am going to snag on this week. How sad is that??? That I would want to check into a hospital just to get a rest, don't most folks go to a resort, hotel, ocean side pool, cruise, etc .... well ... I can't afford those so I guess a room overlooking the bay will have to do. I have a hell of an imagination!!!
Got an email response from the editor of the paper here www.chinoreview.com this morning, asking if she can run another update story with a photo of the quilt and info on the upcoming trip as well. It should post this week, paper comes out on Weds.
Also, I was sent a link ... will post here at the end, of some patient reviews from a study done at the University of Minnesota sent to me by my cousin Bridget, via a friend in the medical field. I was pleased by what I read of these patients having had their transplants done almost 8-10 years ago. I hope that some of these stories can help relay why I have chosen to undergo this trial. I realize that the risks may seem extraordinary to some, but for me, being single, not wanting to lose my independence, not wanting my child to have to tend to me at the risk of putting her own life on hold, etc .... is reason to take the chance. As in any medical procedure, and I have had more than I can even count anymore. All I know is I ran out of little lines on the medical history forms many years ago!!! LMAO .... This is my chance for a promising future, a future that I myself am unaware of how it may be. I don't know what life is without needles, finger sticks, a catheter hanging from my stomach and a pump hooked to my belt. It is an opportunity I am ready and willing to embrace, not only for myself, but for the future treatment of kids being newly diagnosed. The stories are very promising!!! Enjoy .... and try to picture what my life has become, and what it has the potential to be.
I really have not been a fan of disclosing my health status to many over the years. I have in actuality gone out of my way on many occasions to keep it my secret. I no longer have that luxury. I really need the "surveillance" of those around me to notice things I no longer have the awareness to do and this is by no means a method in which I want to live. I am a very independent woman. I like to do for myself and I have had to dig deep inside myself to muster the strength to ask for help. Help from my friends, my family, the community at large, etc. It has been a very humbling experience thus far. I don't know what to expect, I don't know how to respond often times just welling up and saying Thanks!! I could be so much more technical here, but don't want to steer those that may wonder, away in fear. I can't wait to meet this team of professionals and be able to witness the miraculous things they are doing, and to know that I too, am playing a large role.
Check out the stories on the following link .... hope you enjoy the outcomes, for those that have gone before me in the early stages of these trials and know that there is real hope out there!!!
www.citisletstudy.org
The Clinical Islet Transplantation Consortium - there are a lot of very helpful, useful, and informative links on this page. If you click around, you will find the area in which patients who have undergone this procedure back in late 90's, early 2000's are doing and the change they have undergone.
Thanks to Bridget for investigating and sharing this with me!!!
Peace and Light
et
Glad I have today off ... not sure why, not really being all that productive. Waiting on Hilly to get home from class so we can take Maggie across town to play for a while. Then I will do dinner, write out some bills, and get ready for the rest of the week. Tomorrow it is back to work, two days of audit review, and I meet with the HR guy this week to talk about my time off for the actual transplant and finalize my EIT time for the upcoming trip. My BGs have been so out of whack lately, I am really not sure how I am suppose to feel. I am not nervous, a little anxious, but am hoping for the best. Most of my anxiety comes from the pure fact I have shitty veins and the thought of multiple pokes by multiple people can get me going. I am trying to keep a positive attitude in that this is a teaching, research hospital and my experience with these sorts of facilities have been EXCELLENT!! Some of the best of the best .... I will maintain that hope. Now, been thinking of the real rest I am going to snag on this week. How sad is that??? That I would want to check into a hospital just to get a rest, don't most folks go to a resort, hotel, ocean side pool, cruise, etc .... well ... I can't afford those so I guess a room overlooking the bay will have to do. I have a hell of an imagination!!!
Got an email response from the editor of the paper here www.chinoreview.com this morning, asking if she can run another update story with a photo of the quilt and info on the upcoming trip as well. It should post this week, paper comes out on Weds.
Also, I was sent a link ... will post here at the end, of some patient reviews from a study done at the University of Minnesota sent to me by my cousin Bridget, via a friend in the medical field. I was pleased by what I read of these patients having had their transplants done almost 8-10 years ago. I hope that some of these stories can help relay why I have chosen to undergo this trial. I realize that the risks may seem extraordinary to some, but for me, being single, not wanting to lose my independence, not wanting my child to have to tend to me at the risk of putting her own life on hold, etc .... is reason to take the chance. As in any medical procedure, and I have had more than I can even count anymore. All I know is I ran out of little lines on the medical history forms many years ago!!! LMAO .... This is my chance for a promising future, a future that I myself am unaware of how it may be. I don't know what life is without needles, finger sticks, a catheter hanging from my stomach and a pump hooked to my belt. It is an opportunity I am ready and willing to embrace, not only for myself, but for the future treatment of kids being newly diagnosed. The stories are very promising!!! Enjoy .... and try to picture what my life has become, and what it has the potential to be.
I really have not been a fan of disclosing my health status to many over the years. I have in actuality gone out of my way on many occasions to keep it my secret. I no longer have that luxury. I really need the "surveillance" of those around me to notice things I no longer have the awareness to do and this is by no means a method in which I want to live. I am a very independent woman. I like to do for myself and I have had to dig deep inside myself to muster the strength to ask for help. Help from my friends, my family, the community at large, etc. It has been a very humbling experience thus far. I don't know what to expect, I don't know how to respond often times just welling up and saying Thanks!! I could be so much more technical here, but don't want to steer those that may wonder, away in fear. I can't wait to meet this team of professionals and be able to witness the miraculous things they are doing, and to know that I too, am playing a large role.
Check out the stories on the following link .... hope you enjoy the outcomes, for those that have gone before me in the early stages of these trials and know that there is real hope out there!!!
www.citisletstudy.org
The Clinical Islet Transplantation Consortium - there are a lot of very helpful, useful, and informative links on this page. If you click around, you will find the area in which patients who have undergone this procedure back in late 90's, early 2000's are doing and the change they have undergone.
Thanks to Bridget for investigating and sharing this with me!!!
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day !!!
Wishing all of you with significant others to share a special day with ... and for those like me .... lol ... maybe a nap!!
It has been one long night. Maggie and I were out cold last night, or so I thought when about 10:00 she started with the irping sounds at the foot of the bed ... needless to say ... I was up for over an hour cleaning the carpet as the GD dog ate another freakin' sock!!! Hillary wears those stupid little ankle, no sock at all sort of thing. I have no idea where Maggie found it, but Hillary is infamous for dropping something to and from the washer/dryer area from her room. Needless to say, it was the 3rd sock this week!! So Maggie went back into the kennel rather than back on Mamma's bed. At 4:15 I heard her whining ... so I got up and took her out ... well ... she apparently thought it was time to just sniff around and bark at the stars .... Momma grows increasingly more cranky ..... then at 5:35 I hear her again .... tried to ignore her for a few thinking Hillary was up as she had to work today .... nothing ... so up I was again .... I no sooner got my pants on and I hear Hillary say "I'll take her out" .... never mind .... I am already up!!
Was able to lay on the couch until 7:00am .... so ,,, I am feeling rather hung over this morning ... and only had one Mary yesterday so I know that isn't the issue. LOL
Anyway ... I hope all have a wonderful day .... and after a little more coffee .... I know I will too!!
Happy Valentine's Day !!
Love
et
It has been one long night. Maggie and I were out cold last night, or so I thought when about 10:00 she started with the irping sounds at the foot of the bed ... needless to say ... I was up for over an hour cleaning the carpet as the GD dog ate another freakin' sock!!! Hillary wears those stupid little ankle, no sock at all sort of thing. I have no idea where Maggie found it, but Hillary is infamous for dropping something to and from the washer/dryer area from her room. Needless to say, it was the 3rd sock this week!! So Maggie went back into the kennel rather than back on Mamma's bed. At 4:15 I heard her whining ... so I got up and took her out ... well ... she apparently thought it was time to just sniff around and bark at the stars .... Momma grows increasingly more cranky ..... then at 5:35 I hear her again .... tried to ignore her for a few thinking Hillary was up as she had to work today .... nothing ... so up I was again .... I no sooner got my pants on and I hear Hillary say "I'll take her out" .... never mind .... I am already up!!
Was able to lay on the couch until 7:00am .... so ,,, I am feeling rather hung over this morning ... and only had one Mary yesterday so I know that isn't the issue. LOL
Anyway ... I hope all have a wonderful day .... and after a little more coffee .... I know I will too!!
Happy Valentine's Day !!
Love
et
Friday, February 12, 2010
Donation for Raffle
This photo is of the quilt made by our friend Dawn. She has graciously donated this quilt so that we can raffle it off with proceeds to go toward my travel expenses. It is absolutely beautiful!! My favorite colors of blues and greens, with that splash of color ... it really is more beautiful in person than a photo can tell.Tickets have already started selling, with Hillary having been stamping out 600 cards for tickets. When the 600 tickets are sold ... the lucky winner will be announced. Tickets are selling for $2 each or 3 for $5.00. Hillary said she sold $15 worth just unwrapping it to show some people. She was thrilled .... she is so funny to watch sometime. I take such pleasure in her humor and animation. I am her cause these days, and that warms my heart something awesome!!
Anyway .... just wanted to share that tidbit tonight. Has been a rather long afternoon, having had my blood sugar drop at work today just prior to noon. Being alone in an office by myself these days, I try very hard to keep it up and about. Not sure what happened today, but it made coming back up tough, and then I just basically felt like crap. It is sort of hard to explain to one who may not understand what I go through, or the feelings that accompany the episodes. At times, it can feel much like having a seizure, or perhaps stroke symptoms, where in I lose focus, I can hear things, but they seem distant .... sort of like being in a tunnel. Then an overall feeling of fatigue and exhaustion as my body fights to get back to a normal coherent state. In actuality, when your blood sugar drops to those dangerously low levels, your brain is deprived of oxygen, so in a sense, I guess it could be on the idea of a stroke, minus the pain. The pain comes later in the form of a headache when blood sugars begin to rise, and in my case, it takes a LOT longer than the normal 15 minutes to get it back up, it can take hours even with juice. A combination of insulin resistance, tissue absorption, rate at which a body can absorb the simple sugars. I should in all actuality be carrying around a glucogon pen ... but at the rate I drop these days, my ass would be black and blue!! LOL ..... not only that, someone else is suppose to give the injection. Glucogon is a hormone that is produced by the liver to help in the processing. At one time, my body would kick in, and sort of do a "saving" of its own. That will have to be a story for the weekend as I can barely keep my eyes open and I have that headache. I have so much I want to get accomplished ... remnants from last weekend when I was pretty much out of it most of the weekend. Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day for working outside, suppose to hit 65!! That to me is perfect!!! I got my rake ready and will try to not only get the dog crap cleared up, but prep some of the perimeter for some spring rock. I hope some of my tax refund can be used not only for my travel, but to hopefully get some stuff to make my yard look like something other than the Beverly Hillbillies back woods hangout ..... LOL ....
So on that note, I bid you all a wonderful, restful, and relaxing long weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I left my heart .....
In San Francisco ... shoobeedoo... shoobeedoo....LOL
Now wouldn't that just be one hell of a bonus!!!
Seeing as it has been a good many years since anyone has taken my heart.
Relationships ..... well .... I can honestly say, they haven't worked well for me.
Now I was married for 10 years, was with this man for about 15-16 seeing as I met him when I was 14. I thought I loved him, but as time went on, I discovered that I really didn't even like him. For reasons I won't go into as they are the past, and only I know for sure what happened during these years. But, there were times, especially after HT was born, that he would crawl my ass because I had thrown syringes in the trash, that I kept my supplies pretty much in the open. He insisted that I should "hide" them, keep them from her sight, not allow her to know what I was doing, etc. Well .... NEWS BRIEF ..... these objects have been part of my life since I was 9 years old. My daughter was not only going to see the apparatus, she was going to know what it was all about and why. I must say, I am glad I helo out on my choices. Hillary has grown to be such a fascinating young woman.... and very knowledgeable about the body, given as she was always by my mom's side as well in much of her struggles with health. She was absolutely wonderful with my dad yesterday, doing his vitals every 15 minutes, telling him to shut up so she could listen and get him where the doc wanted him. My choice would have been an ER, but ... he didn't want to go to a hospital. (Another story and he was told the consequences).
Anyway .... I haven't dated much since my divorce .... many moons ago young grasshopper!!! I know my mother worried about me being alone as I got older, not really having been in that sort of long-term, loving relationship. But .... I have come to realize that nothing is worth the sacrifice of myself, or the well-being of my child at the time, to risk just having a man in my life. I have had a couple of very good relationships ... but only for short periods of time. I was either ..... let's see ... an enigma, too independent, etc. Personally, I think ..... they were scared .... and with just cause I guess. But ... I think .... that I am a wonderful person ... LMAO .... so I have some issues ... who doesn't. It seems as thou no one knows what a commitment is anymore. When the going gets tough ... they are out the door faster than a flash. I don't consider to be that sort of person. Even when I was married, I fought long and hard with myself, my religious faith, and finally came to the conclusion that know where in my vows to this man was the rule that he could use me as a door mat, punching bag, or excuse anymore, and with that, chose to save not only myself, but our child. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of the child and I believe the child would tell you the same. In any event, I know that relationships with a person who has a chronic disease is added pressure on the relationship, boils down to how much you want to put forth for the love of your life. ...... So I have my dog !!! LMAO .... I am content for the most part, sure I miss companionship, the closeness ... and of course, the sex. Now you may be thinking, she really didn't have to go there, but being a diabetic, male or female can pose issues at times. Blood sugars that are uncontrolled, too high, etc can cause problems for both sexes and will no doubt at one time or another become or potentially become a problem. So a mate really should be someone you can trust, depend on, share everything with, no holds ..... I have never found that on a level that would last more than 18 months. You can draw your own conclusions, but .... being a diabetic can pose an issue, and it's an issue that I have learned should be thrown out there pretty early on. Saves a lot of time and heart ache in my opinion.
Ok ... Well ... I wanted to take this subject a little deeper ... LOL ... no pun intended, but Miss Maggie is craving some attention tonight and Ms. Hilly is out with friends.
Have a wonderful evening and I will touch base over the weekend!!
Light and Love
et
Now wouldn't that just be one hell of a bonus!!!
Seeing as it has been a good many years since anyone has taken my heart.
Relationships ..... well .... I can honestly say, they haven't worked well for me.
Now I was married for 10 years, was with this man for about 15-16 seeing as I met him when I was 14. I thought I loved him, but as time went on, I discovered that I really didn't even like him. For reasons I won't go into as they are the past, and only I know for sure what happened during these years. But, there were times, especially after HT was born, that he would crawl my ass because I had thrown syringes in the trash, that I kept my supplies pretty much in the open. He insisted that I should "hide" them, keep them from her sight, not allow her to know what I was doing, etc. Well .... NEWS BRIEF ..... these objects have been part of my life since I was 9 years old. My daughter was not only going to see the apparatus, she was going to know what it was all about and why. I must say, I am glad I helo out on my choices. Hillary has grown to be such a fascinating young woman.... and very knowledgeable about the body, given as she was always by my mom's side as well in much of her struggles with health. She was absolutely wonderful with my dad yesterday, doing his vitals every 15 minutes, telling him to shut up so she could listen and get him where the doc wanted him. My choice would have been an ER, but ... he didn't want to go to a hospital. (Another story and he was told the consequences).
Anyway .... I haven't dated much since my divorce .... many moons ago young grasshopper!!! I know my mother worried about me being alone as I got older, not really having been in that sort of long-term, loving relationship. But .... I have come to realize that nothing is worth the sacrifice of myself, or the well-being of my child at the time, to risk just having a man in my life. I have had a couple of very good relationships ... but only for short periods of time. I was either ..... let's see ... an enigma, too independent, etc. Personally, I think ..... they were scared .... and with just cause I guess. But ... I think .... that I am a wonderful person ... LMAO .... so I have some issues ... who doesn't. It seems as thou no one knows what a commitment is anymore. When the going gets tough ... they are out the door faster than a flash. I don't consider to be that sort of person. Even when I was married, I fought long and hard with myself, my religious faith, and finally came to the conclusion that know where in my vows to this man was the rule that he could use me as a door mat, punching bag, or excuse anymore, and with that, chose to save not only myself, but our child. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of the child and I believe the child would tell you the same. In any event, I know that relationships with a person who has a chronic disease is added pressure on the relationship, boils down to how much you want to put forth for the love of your life. ...... So I have my dog !!! LMAO .... I am content for the most part, sure I miss companionship, the closeness ... and of course, the sex. Now you may be thinking, she really didn't have to go there, but being a diabetic, male or female can pose issues at times. Blood sugars that are uncontrolled, too high, etc can cause problems for both sexes and will no doubt at one time or another become or potentially become a problem. So a mate really should be someone you can trust, depend on, share everything with, no holds ..... I have never found that on a level that would last more than 18 months. You can draw your own conclusions, but .... being a diabetic can pose an issue, and it's an issue that I have learned should be thrown out there pretty early on. Saves a lot of time and heart ache in my opinion.
Ok ... Well ... I wanted to take this subject a little deeper ... LOL ... no pun intended, but Miss Maggie is craving some attention tonight and Ms. Hilly is out with friends.
Have a wonderful evening and I will touch base over the weekend!!
Light and Love
et
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Another pressing issue ....
Evening all !!
Another day of busy happenings at the office. I have to say .... my line of work certainly hasn't been slowed by the economy .... only the funding for such issues. MENTAL ILLNESS and DETOX!!!
I was summoned to my dad's this afternoon, Hillary too, was there doing the 30 minute blood pressure checks. In any event, after 2 hours, it was still pretty high at 237/102. He was instructed to take 2 of his nightly dosing and continue with that. Unfortunately, he is blocked solid pretty much from legs to his head with blood flow in the carotid being compromised now. His head was freakin' purple. They also can't operate on him due to his neck issues and spine being fused. We have discussed the options should he undergo surgery and that I told him I would be unable to care for him after such a surgery given my own current status. I don't know what he is thinking as he so doesn't communicate as my mother and I did. It is like talking with a child.
Anyway ... I will call and check on him again in an hour or so. I was told I need not stay with him as long as he had a way to contact me.... and trust me .... he does. I don't know ... but I can't worry about someone who refuses to help himself, especially in times of need. He hasn't stopped his need for a smoke!! Hillary said after each time he had his BP checked, he needed to go out side and have a smoke.
Okay ... well ... those two issues off the table ..... or at least aired .... let it go .... let the powers that be and God handle what I can't .
I am so achy today as the weather has not been good today, was snowing for most of the morning, not a big deal compared to what it looks like he east coast is getting, but enough to make me stiff and achy more than the norm. My paperwork for my time off and needed FMLA forms have been filled out and I will route those to the proper people tomorrow. I am thinking an early night to bed for me ... with a couple of Aleve and a hot bag .... lol ... not sure what I would do without these bags ... LOL. In my dreams I have that steam room, my jacuzzi, and a private yard .... I SAID in my DREAMS ...... lol ... but it works for now. When i get healthy to the max again .... hehehe .... I will put my time in for all of that good stuff to enjoy.
Wishing you all a pleasant and comfy night!!!
Peace and Light
et
Another day of busy happenings at the office. I have to say .... my line of work certainly hasn't been slowed by the economy .... only the funding for such issues. MENTAL ILLNESS and DETOX!!!
I was summoned to my dad's this afternoon, Hillary too, was there doing the 30 minute blood pressure checks. In any event, after 2 hours, it was still pretty high at 237/102. He was instructed to take 2 of his nightly dosing and continue with that. Unfortunately, he is blocked solid pretty much from legs to his head with blood flow in the carotid being compromised now. His head was freakin' purple. They also can't operate on him due to his neck issues and spine being fused. We have discussed the options should he undergo surgery and that I told him I would be unable to care for him after such a surgery given my own current status. I don't know what he is thinking as he so doesn't communicate as my mother and I did. It is like talking with a child.
Anyway ... I will call and check on him again in an hour or so. I was told I need not stay with him as long as he had a way to contact me.... and trust me .... he does. I don't know ... but I can't worry about someone who refuses to help himself, especially in times of need. He hasn't stopped his need for a smoke!! Hillary said after each time he had his BP checked, he needed to go out side and have a smoke.
Okay ... well ... those two issues off the table ..... or at least aired .... let it go .... let the powers that be and God handle what I can't .
I am so achy today as the weather has not been good today, was snowing for most of the morning, not a big deal compared to what it looks like he east coast is getting, but enough to make me stiff and achy more than the norm. My paperwork for my time off and needed FMLA forms have been filled out and I will route those to the proper people tomorrow. I am thinking an early night to bed for me ... with a couple of Aleve and a hot bag .... lol ... not sure what I would do without these bags ... LOL. In my dreams I have that steam room, my jacuzzi, and a private yard .... I SAID in my DREAMS ...... lol ... but it works for now. When i get healthy to the max again .... hehehe .... I will put my time in for all of that good stuff to enjoy.
Wishing you all a pleasant and comfy night!!!
Peace and Light
et
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Going to have to wait just a bit ....
Evening all !!
I just wanted to stop in quick. Been a VERY long day. I have a tape to do here this evening for my home job. I really haven't had much work for this Doc in recent months, her line of work and the economy and all. Anyway .... got to get that going and done. I am totally wiped out and it's only Tuesday already. My house continues to look like a cyclone went through here, and the cold hasn't helped any in getting the dog crap picked up ..... LOL
Anyway ... I was able to read through the 25 page consent ... and I have every intention of signing it having weighed the risks versus benefits many times in the process at hand. As well as having had the consent fill me in on a couple of aspects that I was unaware of. The biggest, and most of concern right now, is how am I going to pull off staying in the San Francisco area for 42 days when the actual transplant takes place ????????????? That is on our to-do list of the virgin voyage.
I want to get a good pic to post this quilt on both the blog here and my facebook account. There is an email out to the newspaper again, to help promote the raffle tickets, the bracelets, and the upcoming trip.
Ok ... my mind is doing overtime and my body is dying out ... LOL ... I will try and get my $*#! together some day soon .... until then .... enjoy your evening :D
Peace and light
et
I just wanted to stop in quick. Been a VERY long day. I have a tape to do here this evening for my home job. I really haven't had much work for this Doc in recent months, her line of work and the economy and all. Anyway .... got to get that going and done. I am totally wiped out and it's only Tuesday already. My house continues to look like a cyclone went through here, and the cold hasn't helped any in getting the dog crap picked up ..... LOL
Anyway ... I was able to read through the 25 page consent ... and I have every intention of signing it having weighed the risks versus benefits many times in the process at hand. As well as having had the consent fill me in on a couple of aspects that I was unaware of. The biggest, and most of concern right now, is how am I going to pull off staying in the San Francisco area for 42 days when the actual transplant takes place ????????????? That is on our to-do list of the virgin voyage.
I want to get a good pic to post this quilt on both the blog here and my facebook account. There is an email out to the newspaper again, to help promote the raffle tickets, the bracelets, and the upcoming trip.
Ok ... my mind is doing overtime and my body is dying out ... LOL ... I will try and get my $*#! together some day soon .... until then .... enjoy your evening :D
Peace and light
et
Monday, February 8, 2010
Check in ....
Hi all !!
What a day!! I was on edge all morning, sick to my stomach in anxiety.
The call came in about 11:30 and I am scheduled to be admitted (that part was a surprise) for 3 days on March 8th. I will spend the morning with the transplant doctors and the nurse, Debbie, and no doubt a few others. I have already reviewed the 24 page consent form, nothing really out of the ordinary except for the trial drugs .... which ... risks and benefits, weigh for the most part in my favor.
I am just going to do a brief overview of what will happen now. I will be admitted for the three days of testing and evaluation. Then ... it is wait, another 30 days for the results to come back and I am determined a go, I am then placed on the donor list. Now ... it could take a month or it could take a year to get a suitable donor. I was told that is how it works with any transplant. Once I am placed on the list, I will have to carry a pager with me 24/7 until the thing goes off. I am then to get to UCSF ASAP for 5-7 days inpatient and up to .... this was a killer .... 42 days to remain in the San Francisco area. Not sure how we are going to pull that one off, but ... I got some time to work on the fundraiser stuff. Today, a friend of mine, whom I met through my mother, donated a quilt to be raffled off. It was one of my favorites in which she told Hillary she was just going to give it to me, but decided that it would be of much greater use to raffle it off for the proceeds. It really is beautiful!!! 600 tickets will be sold for it at @2.00 each or 3 for $5 with a total of a little over a thousand dollars! (This woman has sold quilts for as much as $3K) I will post a photo when Hillary has one for the fliers. She brought it to the office today and sold $15 bucks worth just unfolding it!! She also ordered the bracelets today .... baby blue ... on the idea of the yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets ... they are going to be really cute. They have a small handprint on them with the words "HOPE ... for a cure" on them. I believe she said we were going to try and shoot for $3 or 4 dollars a pop.
So ... Deb-Deb has been warned that she will have to spend 3 of the 6 nights alone in a hotel .... this is part of the process in which I am going to feel bad having people left to fend for themselves in a strange city. To me, this sort of thing has never really bothered me, I have done this too many times on my own to count or even remember, but for me, it is no big deal, but I don't want to be worrying about those that have chosen to travel with me. The whole 42 days thing is going to take some getting used to ..... I do, however, remain to have a very good feeling about the outcome for me, and the future treatment of Type 1. I had to laugh at the part that stated they were going to run a pregnancy test !! ..... LOL .... I am thinking this can really be omitted!! No parts, no partner, no pregnancy... PERIOD!! .... oh ... none of those either ... LOL.
Ok ... well ... I have to go to bed now. I have been in the doctors office with my father from 3:45 till 7:00!! I often wonder who they are trying to stroke out, me or him?? Anyway ... I have to make up an hours time tomorrow for leaving to tend to him, and I have a ton of things to put in order, along with an audit at the end of this month to get squared away prior to leaving for a week. At least I will have some time in between to get a grip.
Bee .... Thank you for all your enthusiastic support. I have wondered what sparked your interest in my adventure, but am so very glad you have jumped on in my support. It really does mean a lot.
Deb from MA .... you too!! Your interest is double edged and I think that is just wonderful!! .... not only that, to have remained in the circle of friends for so many years, it a true testament to what can be tolerated .... LOL ..... I know that I am nor have I been an easy person to deal with at times, but I really do not try to dwell on it as sometime, I really have no control over what my body wants to do. Now that is true more than ever. I lost most of this weekend to low blood sugars .... totally gone, disoriented, clumsy, down-right dangerous I think, especially when alone. I try not to do too much moving around ... so let's just say, a good portion of my weekend was spent on the couch. I can't wait to see what you write in your "Guest Blog" spot. I can't wait to introduce you ..... :) have been digging for pics from days past .... some of them ... that hair ... lol
Be well and I will post more details on the trials involved as the week progresses. Unfortunately, I get really busy, and then extremely tired when I get home from work. I am usually in bed by 9, asleep often times before 10, and up at 4:45 to be to work for 6:30, 7:00 the latest. I don't motor like I used to.
And .... Ms. Hilly survived her night out just fine. I actually expected worse, but didn't do the parental thing by not warning her to not mix beverages, she stated she had a beer, that went to someone else, was drinking vodka and cranberry juice, and someone bought a couple of shots of Petrone..... mmmmmm ......"Tokillya" .... my favorite!! She will be better prepared if there is a next time.... and we all know that there will be a next time.
G'night all
Peace, Love, and Light
et
What a day!! I was on edge all morning, sick to my stomach in anxiety.
The call came in about 11:30 and I am scheduled to be admitted (that part was a surprise) for 3 days on March 8th. I will spend the morning with the transplant doctors and the nurse, Debbie, and no doubt a few others. I have already reviewed the 24 page consent form, nothing really out of the ordinary except for the trial drugs .... which ... risks and benefits, weigh for the most part in my favor.
I am just going to do a brief overview of what will happen now. I will be admitted for the three days of testing and evaluation. Then ... it is wait, another 30 days for the results to come back and I am determined a go, I am then placed on the donor list. Now ... it could take a month or it could take a year to get a suitable donor. I was told that is how it works with any transplant. Once I am placed on the list, I will have to carry a pager with me 24/7 until the thing goes off. I am then to get to UCSF ASAP for 5-7 days inpatient and up to .... this was a killer .... 42 days to remain in the San Francisco area. Not sure how we are going to pull that one off, but ... I got some time to work on the fundraiser stuff. Today, a friend of mine, whom I met through my mother, donated a quilt to be raffled off. It was one of my favorites in which she told Hillary she was just going to give it to me, but decided that it would be of much greater use to raffle it off for the proceeds. It really is beautiful!!! 600 tickets will be sold for it at @2.00 each or 3 for $5 with a total of a little over a thousand dollars! (This woman has sold quilts for as much as $3K) I will post a photo when Hillary has one for the fliers. She brought it to the office today and sold $15 bucks worth just unfolding it!! She also ordered the bracelets today .... baby blue ... on the idea of the yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets ... they are going to be really cute. They have a small handprint on them with the words "HOPE ... for a cure" on them. I believe she said we were going to try and shoot for $3 or 4 dollars a pop.
So ... Deb-Deb has been warned that she will have to spend 3 of the 6 nights alone in a hotel .... this is part of the process in which I am going to feel bad having people left to fend for themselves in a strange city. To me, this sort of thing has never really bothered me, I have done this too many times on my own to count or even remember, but for me, it is no big deal, but I don't want to be worrying about those that have chosen to travel with me. The whole 42 days thing is going to take some getting used to ..... I do, however, remain to have a very good feeling about the outcome for me, and the future treatment of Type 1. I had to laugh at the part that stated they were going to run a pregnancy test !! ..... LOL .... I am thinking this can really be omitted!! No parts, no partner, no pregnancy... PERIOD!! .... oh ... none of those either ... LOL.
Ok ... well ... I have to go to bed now. I have been in the doctors office with my father from 3:45 till 7:00!! I often wonder who they are trying to stroke out, me or him?? Anyway ... I have to make up an hours time tomorrow for leaving to tend to him, and I have a ton of things to put in order, along with an audit at the end of this month to get squared away prior to leaving for a week. At least I will have some time in between to get a grip.
Bee .... Thank you for all your enthusiastic support. I have wondered what sparked your interest in my adventure, but am so very glad you have jumped on in my support. It really does mean a lot.
Deb from MA .... you too!! Your interest is double edged and I think that is just wonderful!! .... not only that, to have remained in the circle of friends for so many years, it a true testament to what can be tolerated .... LOL ..... I know that I am nor have I been an easy person to deal with at times, but I really do not try to dwell on it as sometime, I really have no control over what my body wants to do. Now that is true more than ever. I lost most of this weekend to low blood sugars .... totally gone, disoriented, clumsy, down-right dangerous I think, especially when alone. I try not to do too much moving around ... so let's just say, a good portion of my weekend was spent on the couch. I can't wait to see what you write in your "Guest Blog" spot. I can't wait to introduce you ..... :) have been digging for pics from days past .... some of them ... that hair ... lol
Be well and I will post more details on the trials involved as the week progresses. Unfortunately, I get really busy, and then extremely tired when I get home from work. I am usually in bed by 9, asleep often times before 10, and up at 4:45 to be to work for 6:30, 7:00 the latest. I don't motor like I used to.
And .... Ms. Hilly survived her night out just fine. I actually expected worse, but didn't do the parental thing by not warning her to not mix beverages, she stated she had a beer, that went to someone else, was drinking vodka and cranberry juice, and someone bought a couple of shots of Petrone..... mmmmmm ......"Tokillya" .... my favorite!! She will be better prepared if there is a next time.... and we all know that there will be a next time.
G'night all
Peace, Love, and Light
et
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Sunday ....
Happy Super Bowl !!!
Go Saints !!!
Ok ... well ... I have a ton of stuff to try and catch up on today, as I pretty much lost all of yesterday due to a low BG. Hillary left for the store around 10:30 ... after that ... not really sure where or what I was doing, so I must of gone down hard and fast. When Hilly returned from the store about 12:30 (her re-capin') she said I was so far gone I was making no sense what-so-ever!! I had no recall of telling her to buy ribs, never mind 3 - 3 pound packages..... lol ... but she said it looked like I had been eating for a while and made me drink some juice, and check my finger again, which was 51 ..... she also said I stripped the t-shirt I had on-off in the kitchen and it could have been "rung out." Needless to say ... I slept for most of the day off and on and when coming too, my BG's remained over 300 .... WTF !!!! I hate those days ... cause all I have planned ... don't get done. So ... lets try again today ..... :D
Hillary went out last night with some friends to celebrate being 21 .... hmmmmmm .... she woke me and Maggie up at 2:30 this morning falling into the house!! LMAO ..... No ... she was not driving. But, as a parental, I apparently forgot to warn her about mixing different types of alcohol to prevent "bud-mud" and upset tummies ... Let's just say ... Mom is smiling widely this morning as I think it's sort of funny. She came out of the bathroom this morning stating "alcohol is the devil." ..... and continues to tell me she thinks she has a monster in her gut .... hahaha ha.
Ahhhh the memories ..... she is a good girl .... and I wish someone had taken photos as her friends/coworker made her parade around town, dinner and bar-hopping complete with a crown and sash, pink, sparkles, sash sporting that she was the "Birthday Girl" .... twisted !!! She has to work this afternoon.
Ok ... well ... tomorrow is the day I get the call ... I have all my calenders ready to coordinate. About three weeks I have to get my stuff together ... I have an audit at work the end of this month so luckily that will be out of the way prior to the travel ... then I imagine ... it is just wait for my donor ... it is sort of a bitter-sweet sort of anxiety ... knowing that someone is losing their life to help extend mine, but it is those people who donate organs that make all this research and advancing science possible. I was so proud of my mother on her decision to donate her body to science. She knew her organs were not really good for any sort of saving others, but she realized many years ago that without body donation, our doctors, researchers, etc, have nothing to work with in progressing forward. To me ... that was an incredible, self-less act. She would so be all over this with me right now, and I do feel her presence with me in my anticipation and excitement.
So ... tomorrow I will let you all know that the dates have been set and it is a green light to move forward.
Enjoy the Game and all the food and drink that goes along with it!!
Until tomorrow .......
et
Go Saints !!!
Ok ... well ... I have a ton of stuff to try and catch up on today, as I pretty much lost all of yesterday due to a low BG. Hillary left for the store around 10:30 ... after that ... not really sure where or what I was doing, so I must of gone down hard and fast. When Hilly returned from the store about 12:30 (her re-capin') she said I was so far gone I was making no sense what-so-ever!! I had no recall of telling her to buy ribs, never mind 3 - 3 pound packages..... lol ... but she said it looked like I had been eating for a while and made me drink some juice, and check my finger again, which was 51 ..... she also said I stripped the t-shirt I had on-off in the kitchen and it could have been "rung out." Needless to say ... I slept for most of the day off and on and when coming too, my BG's remained over 300 .... WTF !!!! I hate those days ... cause all I have planned ... don't get done. So ... lets try again today ..... :D
Hillary went out last night with some friends to celebrate being 21 .... hmmmmmm .... she woke me and Maggie up at 2:30 this morning falling into the house!! LMAO ..... No ... she was not driving. But, as a parental, I apparently forgot to warn her about mixing different types of alcohol to prevent "bud-mud" and upset tummies ... Let's just say ... Mom is smiling widely this morning as I think it's sort of funny. She came out of the bathroom this morning stating "alcohol is the devil." ..... and continues to tell me she thinks she has a monster in her gut .... hahaha ha.
Ahhhh the memories ..... she is a good girl .... and I wish someone had taken photos as her friends/coworker made her parade around town, dinner and bar-hopping complete with a crown and sash, pink, sparkles, sash sporting that she was the "Birthday Girl" .... twisted !!! She has to work this afternoon.
Ok ... well ... tomorrow is the day I get the call ... I have all my calenders ready to coordinate. About three weeks I have to get my stuff together ... I have an audit at work the end of this month so luckily that will be out of the way prior to the travel ... then I imagine ... it is just wait for my donor ... it is sort of a bitter-sweet sort of anxiety ... knowing that someone is losing their life to help extend mine, but it is those people who donate organs that make all this research and advancing science possible. I was so proud of my mother on her decision to donate her body to science. She knew her organs were not really good for any sort of saving others, but she realized many years ago that without body donation, our doctors, researchers, etc, have nothing to work with in progressing forward. To me ... that was an incredible, self-less act. She would so be all over this with me right now, and I do feel her presence with me in my anticipation and excitement.
So ... tomorrow I will let you all know that the dates have been set and it is a green light to move forward.
Enjoy the Game and all the food and drink that goes along with it!!
Until tomorrow .......
et
Friday, February 5, 2010
The email we've been waiting for !!!!
Hi everyone !!
Well ... finally .... this afternoon I received an email from Debbie, the transplant coordinator. On Monday 2/8 I should be receiving a phone call from Tina, the scheduler to determine which dates I will be making my first trip for evaluation. I will then be sent the consent form to review and sign prior to my arrival, so we can go over any questions and proceed with the evaluation!!!!
This is like hitting the lottery for me!!
I have been totally and completely exhausted this week, for many reasons. So I am off to bed to dream of sleeping in ... hahaha ... Maggie goes off like clockwork at 5:30 every morning. My weekend will consist of gathering my tax information for what I hope to be a decent return as the $$ could really come in handy about now.
Thanks again to all of you who have continually sent love and support for this adventure!! I don't know what I would do or how I could do this without the backup forces. :D
Peace, light, and a wonderful weekend!!
et
Well ... finally .... this afternoon I received an email from Debbie, the transplant coordinator. On Monday 2/8 I should be receiving a phone call from Tina, the scheduler to determine which dates I will be making my first trip for evaluation. I will then be sent the consent form to review and sign prior to my arrival, so we can go over any questions and proceed with the evaluation!!!!
This is like hitting the lottery for me!!
I have been totally and completely exhausted this week, for many reasons. So I am off to bed to dream of sleeping in ... hahaha ... Maggie goes off like clockwork at 5:30 every morning. My weekend will consist of gathering my tax information for what I hope to be a decent return as the $$ could really come in handy about now.
Thanks again to all of you who have continually sent love and support for this adventure!! I don't know what I would do or how I could do this without the backup forces. :D
Peace, light, and a wonderful weekend!!
et
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