Call it what you want

Above - My Maggie ... looking like I feel ..... "just leave me be"


Good Evening people ....

I am not well, and although I try hard not to dwell on the things that make my life a little more difficult than some, I am tired, and not feeling right these days. I don't know if it is due to the holiday season, which I would like nothing more than to participate in .... for the real reason of the season, I am not physically or emotionally able to grasp on to it at present time.

I am finding it very difficult to verbalize the feelings I have had in recent weeks, but I don't feel right. (some would say that I've never been right to start with ... hehehe) ... there is still humor to be had, but I just can't muster up the energy to get past or through a work day. I am feeling that my work related stress in the past few months may be coming to a head and not sure if I will survive the fight on that war. On my health battle, I know, personally, in my heart, from listening to people say they think I am so courageous, strong, and a few other adjectives I just don't see myself to be as a true testament to what I have been teaching people. Does any of this make sense?? I am beginning to wonder why I am fighting so hard?? I know that you can't reach everyone, but can so many people be so completely ignorant? Be that well off in so many aspects of life that they believe something devastating could happen to them, or someone they love?

I often times tell Hillary that yes, we have seen more than our share of sorrow and sadness, but in that, we also have learned some very important life lessons. To be honest, even when it hurts beyond belief, tell those you love, that you love them when you have the chance because that opportunity may not show its face again. Life is short in the big scheme of things, and moments need to be taken in, cherished, enjoyed, even if they hurt. I am tired, and not sure how long my fight will hold on. I have the spirit, but I need the rest. I am so exhausted from the full-time work, the issue that lingers daily with the ultimate passing of my dad, which is becoming more and more apparent. What Hillary and I will have to deal with when that happens and the time frame in which we will have to complete the tasks at hand. Financial worries just like 95% of the nation/world today. I am not special, I have the same fears and worries many people have. I pray, yes, to some that may sound odd, but I do believe that I have always had an uncanny spiritual back up. That spirits from my life, and those I never knew, but met in the time of my diagnosis .... I always and often times thought I was crazy. Knowing what I saw, how I don't recall any real pain in the process other than the emotional pain I felt having to cope as an adult and not a child. I had an ability to relate to older people, children, animals, and strangers, in a manner in which I felt very comfortable, it was a gift, and I have enjoyed the experiences I have dealt with in my life. The loss of loved ones, being able to tell them, most of them, in a manner in which we all seemed to just "connect", believing that we will in deed, one day be together again, and what a hell of a party it will be!!!

When does one know this may be approaching ??
I am not afraid ... but I am not really ready .... I want more out of life. I want to see places, touch people, let them all know how much they mean to me, how things they said or did had really touched me ... why must life be all about material possessions, how BIG your "things" are ... why is that so important?? What has happened to the human spirit?? Too many questions, and not a whole lot of answers. If so many people have this outlook, then why is the world in the chaos it is??

Again, too many questions, and I am tired, I obviously can't make the difference I had hoped to for the children of the future, with such hope that in the near future they would not have to grow up like I did, deal with the constant juggling of life's journey with a devastating disease ... I sometime think that only those who actually live with it can understand, but I know that isn't the case, as there are so many that love us, that have witnessed episodes and feel so helpless as to how to make us "better." I want that .... not just for me, for a little longer, but for those kids that will be diagnosed today, tomorrow ... and .....my mother use to tell me how proud she was of me in how I dealt with life and its stuggles, how she didn't think she could do it, little did she know, I learned this coping skill from her. I am no hero ...

Thanks for listening to my ramble ... does anyone have answers?? Can anyone offer up a strategy that I have missed??

You all remain a huge support for me in this difficult time in my life ... and for that I am eternally grateful!!

Sweet dreams to all!!
Peace and Light
et

Let the Holiday stress begin ...

Greetings and a Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!!

On the eve of this holiday in which by all standards we should be "thankful" for the blessings given to us. I am. It is also a time of year that I get sort of worn out, blue in the last couple, etc. With the loss of my Mom on 10-27-08, that wound is still so very fresh as I miss her presence every single day. Hillary and I laugh at times out of the blue in regard to a comment, or something stupid we did, or something we saw that "gramma would have loved that!" or "What would gramma think?" I so wish I could talk with her face to face just a few more times, and this was her time of year. She loved making dinner for ... well .. the more the merrier. It just isn't the same for Hilly, myself, and dad. We have opted to do no cooking this year as Hillary and I are completely exhausted with both of us suffering from work-related stress, and for her, school and finances, as a good portion of this nation is. Dad, too, is not holding up so well that last few weeks. I will say, that Dad attended the benefit and said and seemed to others to be having a wonderful time, in spite of not really understanding how the disease progresses, only knowing that people die, young, and in his normal mode of coping, lives in denial.

Hillary is finishing up this semester in the nursing program and really getting pumped up about only having 2 left to have her degree. She wants more trauma .... I can't wait for less and a calming, serene mode of life. For me, that will come when I get my treatment and ultimately can move on, hopefully to a work situation where folks are less phony, less all about me, less about you, no two-faced BS. Now, at my age, this should roll right off, but .... I still find myself giving people too much room and then ultimately get burned. These past weeks have pretty much come to a head, with a particular person not (in my opinion) having the emotional ability to deal with a problem head on and see what happens. It is so much easier for people like this to just use you, and when they seem to have used you up, gotten what they wanted out of you, and are looking good in their mind, toss you to the curb like old garbage .... and then, instead of laying the issue on the table and allowing the feelings, opinions, and explanations to come to light, it is easier to assume, stomp your feet, slam doors, and scrape that person right off your shoes as if they never existed. Sad ... and these are suppose to be grown ups, people in position of a sort of power. Seems to be the mentality of a good part of this country in recent times. It's all about "you", it's all about "how much can I get", "how far can I push another" etc. All I want ..... is to be able to do my job, to the best of my ability, be given the tools to do such job, to have the guidance of a supervisor who may care about the job being done instead of becoming nonexistent due to the climbing of the corporate ladder and looking dumber with every climbing rung. .... LOL .... that one was great.... I like it!!!

Anyone who makes a statement such as "I'm not here to make friends" should have been a sort of red flag, call me stupid!! Any person who knows me, truly knows that I take my friendships VERY seriously, and I am committed to a good many of them on a level that very few "get." Good, bad, happy, sad, in times of need, trouble, etc. I will not take advantage of someone, I will give the shirt off my back if someone needed it and I would go without .... because my friends mean that much to me. Now, when you think someone has become a friend (obviously cautious)and then you do something with their best interest at heart it runs the risk of a blow up, not the "spoiled brat syndrome" (in which so many seem to raise their children these days) stomp your feet, spew your snotty attitude, make the other person feel like dirt, (yet again), not to mention weeks of behind your back talk to people she should not be spouting off to given her position, not my idea of a primo supervisory exhibit...... therefore, I am going to spend this weekend updating my resume, perhaps send a few out, and hope .... I really wanted my treatment prior to making this sort of move given how my health has been so up and down in recent months. But, one thing in my favor, and I have multiple letters of recommendation coming in from others who have had to work with me, have supported not only my work ethics, but my personal determination to plug on. In spite of not feeling well on many, many occasions, I can honestly say, and others will say the same as they have witnessed my determination, that there have been many days where I should have stayed home and my ass made it to work. How long can I keep that up? Why would I want to? I mean really, I have given more than 100% while on the job only to come home and allow my house and home life to go to the dogs because I am so totally emotionally drained, physically exhausted that I just change and am in bed to try and regenerate before the alarm goes off again with no real reward, no acknowledgement of a good job done or thanks for giving me your all, only to make another person look good. If an organization is to work by it's own philosophy of "team" work, and the team or parts of the team, seems to cover those who don't play fully or fairly, and then the big gun takes all the credit ..... this is to me emotional blackmail ... and some people are just too stupid to see it. Others, sort of like myself, see it, try hard to play along for as long as possible in hopes of change and maybe an eye opening experience .... for me, only to be let down yet again by corporate beings and their lack of appreciation for the people that help get them where they are..... and yet ... still living in the flipping poverty level while they are traveling all over, often times on business, yet returning with no real data to share with those they should be ... it's is all, in my opinion, corporate BS!!!!

I have never played this game very well. I have never been able to curb my lack of political incorrectness. I call it as I see it, if the baby is ugly, the baby is ugly ... don't get me wrong, I don't speak my mind with the intention of hurting anyone. But .... let's be real here folks .... is the constant of today's society really need to have all this BS floating around? Kids today don't know how to lose, they think every one wins, and they should learn to lose graciously, that it is how you play the game, not if you win or lose. There are lessons in both. God forbid your self-esteem take a hit, this is why I think there are so many selfish people such as the person who has contributed so much stress to my work life recently with the inability to deal with, or perhaps cope with an issue that obviously hit to close to home. I can't even say that this is not my problem, as I have allowed it to effect my health and heart. Shame on me ... I should be a cold hearted, feeling deficient human being and move on like I just stepped over a dead tree limb. Sorry, that is NOT how I chose to live my life. I have allowed myself to be hurt again by someone I thought was capable of "getting it."

My health and longevity is ALL I WANT!!! I am not impressed by people with money, I know several in many "categories" of lifestyle, I get along with them all. The all mighty buck, does not buy you a guaranteed happiness ... and neither does a bottle!! That statement can apply to several people I have encountered in my life, and a few family members as well.

As far as pain, physical and emotional, it all effects my blood sugars, my overall well being. I am a firm believer that until one deals with the pain of such, faces it, owns it and then lets it go, a relationship of any level is often times not going to survive .... those that do ... are deeper, stronger, and more resilient than any other in one's life. That is my story .... and I AM sticking to it.

To some, this entry may be very off the wall, (I too, feel a sense of rambling) but there is a story here, not being able to use names, or places of employment, God forbid I get accused of slander ... LMAO ..... I look in the mirror often .... and it isn't to see if my lipstick needs freshening .... as I don't wear it!!! I have earned my laugh lines, each and every one of them ... pretty ... well, not always, but a piece of my character and how I got to the person I am today ... someone who I can honestly say not too many could wear my shoes for any length of time without feeling the pressures of the juggling involved for me to live why new follower, Linda, stated in last post comment. To live a full life...... to Linda ~ Welcome!! It is nice to have a townie follower on board, and to everyone else ... be true to your feelings, your heart, your ethics of life, and that commandment of "Treat those as you would want to be treated" .... hmmmmm, should I become that person who stomped all over me because I stated something out of concern and feelings got hurt?? I don't think so, that is not my style, and .... it is so not very becoming ... unless you are of the brat syndrome mentality .... LOL ....

With all that rambling. .... I am THANKFUL for friends and family who truly know me and where I come from, what I stand for, what I deal with on a daily basis, usually with a laugh and/or smile, and what irritates me most is one's ignorance to want to learn something new with an open mind. Skepticism is welcome, but leave the window open to allow for expansion ..... Thank you !!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
Peace and Light
et

Benefit Update

Greetings and an upcoming Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!

Last Saturday was the Fish Fry benefit. We had a pretty good one night event, in spite of the fact I had never done anything on this level before. I can't thank ALL the people that came, donated, worked so hard to pull this event together. Not as many people showed up as bought tickets, but it was a totally emotional, amusing, and very educational evening for everyone with much positive feedback. Hopefully, the newspapers will do a follow up in this coming weeks edition.

Overall, we made a deposit of 1595.oo with a check being presented to myself from the Eagles for profits from the dinner and some of the raffles they had going. The quilt brought in close to $750. total including what was sold prior to the San Francisco trip.

There was a call from a local doctor that made inquiry into where, when, etc and said that he could not make the benefit, but would like to send a check. Haven't heard any more about that yet, but I have definitely peaked an interest in the medical community. Except my eye doctor today ... I think he really needs to expand his mind a little and learn what is out there. Might be time to shop for a new ophthalmologist. In spite of my opinion to closed minds, my eyes were and remained stable as of today. They sure do feel old and worn out these days.

The winner of the quilt was Aggie Doyle of MA, my home stomping grounds. CONGRATS!! I hope you enjoy it as it is beautiful and I appreciate your offer to "re-raffle", but I wouldn't feel right about doing that. Perhaps another might come along just as beautiful and we can do it again. Each one is a work of art and no two alike.

There are a couple of pics I will attach here, it was a great evening.

On a slightly negative note: The ISCI has gone up on the cost of the treatment from $10K to $11,5K .... so I am still sitting at ground zero in reality. On an even better note, the ISCI is in process of working with a major US University to follow patients that undergo the adult stem cell treatment (adipose). This is one area I would love to be a part of. I have sparked an interest in the local medical community, and was told I "know your stuff." That is such a good feeling knowing that what I am putting forth is research and movement on the cutting edge. I can and plan on, playing a small role in bringing this sort of advancement in treatment to many.

I will try and make a more in depth update over the weekend.

Again, Thanks to ALL who continue to keep me in their prayers and for the support. I can not thank you enough, and at many times, Thank you just doesn't seem like it is enough.

Peace and Light
et

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

for those that actually get into the whole thing.....lol .... not me so much.
Hilly went over to help my dad disperse the cavity eating treats and so that he doesn't have to try and get up and down repeatedly for he is not doing that well, yet INSISTS on the handing out of candy for the kids. For me, it works well because where I live, although a neighborhood, most of the town kids go to this big tailgating bash from 6-9 and they actually try and curb the older kids from going out. Not like it use to be .... but then again, what is??

Well ... time is flying by and I have no idea what to think about the upcoming benefit dinner other then .... certain people have taken my cause and run with it, and to me that is extremely overwhelming. At times, it is like I stop breathing the feelings are so overwhelming. I know ... this is really not the direction I should be thinking in. It is just an indescribable overwhelming feeling for a girl who for the most part, has not been a big fan of asking for help when needed but to plow through the issue at hand and move on. It would appear, that this issue, will not go away on my own wishful thinking. I need the help of those around me.

On Friday, I ventured to Phoenix for my usual 3 month check in with my endocrinologist. I knew things weren't looking good. I have the software from my pump to prove it and I, of course have her look at the print outs. Her office also downloads the info from my pump on appointment day so that too, gets the overall big picture. She was concerned to say the least. Told me we needed to "kick the dog up a notch," as Maggie isn't notifying me as to lows until I show signs, which often times is ALWAYS under 40. She reviews the logs .... 26, 32, 36, 34 28, and 36 were the half-dozen lows I have had in the past 3 weeks alone. Mind you ... these numbers on the norm would constitute emergency intervention. She told me, (like I was not already aware of this fact) that these are extremely dangerous lows and that the dog needed to be kicked up a notch in her newly acquired detection skills. Well ... I can't expect the dog to do something from nothing ... there are NO SIGNS until I get this low ... I am fine and then BOOM!!! Maggie has however woken me on a couple of these occasions that I can recall and what I find odd is that she follows/guides me to the kitchen and then sits and watches me as if she knows that the juice is next, lets get on it!! On the other end of the log was 589, 562, 549 and a few 400s after pushing my system with a steroid shot on a Thursday, a flu shot on Monday and then having a tissue issue with my pump site which was sending me into "nuts" mode as I was incredibly frustrated in my inability to get it back down into normal range until I changed out my pump site .... again. That can run into some money ... which I am low on as far as my living expense go. Fund money ... if FUND money and that is it!!! and we are not even remotely close at hitting my goal yet.

In any event, we reviewed my lab work.... all looked good for the most part and we both know how I got the A1c reading we did and it was the lows ... which is no way, in my opinion to achieve that reading. My kidneys function at a "remarkably normal level" which is a good thing given I just had my 38 year anniversary of living with Type I in early October. The kidney function is an important factor at this time in my live for me and the whole denial of partaking in the trial was apparently meant to be, being told yet again that antirejection drugs will kill off kidney function in a relatively short amount of time. In come the Stemmies .... we discussed the procedure, which Dr. C. P. is totally behind me on. Apparently, the fact that the treatment is not available here in the US and that she belongs to a large group of doctors, she asked me not to "advertise" her support publicly. She did, however, tell me that she expects approximately 2 weeks before we see any sort of changes, I bet a week. I then reminded her that even she has stated, "you never seem to do anyting text book." For many of the providers I have encountered over the years, a good percentage of them are amazed I still have some area of my body that appear to respond well to treatments, like my bones, and that I continue to prove science wrong in my understanding of my body, my disease. We also put a plan in place for when the treatment gets scheduled, and when I return to the states I am to meet with her in Phoenix prior to my return up the mountain to Prescott. Monitoring will become even more intense for a while and I may actually have to put a schedule of sorts into play. Something I don't really do other than wake up time, and bed time currently. Work will have to be a scheduled operation with no more letting lunches slide until a project is done, but when it is actually called for. It all sounded good .... but I still feel like crap. I am tired from the fairly constant up and downs with no real reason most times.

I am going to make a difference ..... and when it works for me, in spite of having ot perhaps undergo the treatment again, I am a firm believer that this is the closest we have currently and our best prospect to cure!!!! I have people watching me, waiting to see results, and if I show results, they are on board to have the treatment done as well. The questionable part currently for my doctor is the length of time I have had Type I.... but she too, believes it shows great promise and with better results thus far than treatments being offered here in the states.

Holding on to my faith, knowledge and continued prayers of those who are involved and "want" me around ..... I can't disappoint, I must give it my all and all fight.

Be well everyone as the holiday season comes upon us .... Thankful is something I truly am!!!

Peace and Light
et

Hello Folks

It's October .... Dad turned 80 on the 5th. It will be two years since I lost my mom two years ago on the 27th. I can't believe it has been two years, and not a day goes by I don't miss her humor, intelligence, and good spirit. Not to mention, I think she would be so proud of what I am trying to accomplish in education, and the whole stem cell procedure. I just know she is with me in some form as I make this journey forward.

I flew to Cleveland in September for a whirlwind 3 day trip to attend my cousin's funeral service. The trip was a lot for my body to do in the short time span. I was totally exhausted for the following week. the visit, in spite of the circumstances was a rewarding experience.

Then I was back at the orthopedist two weeks ago. I think I am the only person I know who dates their orthopedist for over a year. My fracture continues to heal with good bone growth, but still swells at the end of the day, or being on it for any length of time can cause pain. Plug on .... then he injected my wrist again..... which involves the steroid factor. We all know that steroids blow blood sugar control out the window, which in turn causes the physical stress. On top of the steroid stress, 3 days later I got my flu shot. Didn't take but a couple of hours before I started with the stiff neck, achy body, etc. Then ... for the next 3 days it was up and down like a flippin' yo-yo. I was up one night with a 26 blood sugar, much thanks to Ms. Maggie. She is amazing in this respect, gets better with every occurrence, which I would really like to be relieved from. (If I was a dog, I too, would want a break). She is a wonderful animal. She is with me every moment I am with her. She seems to be catching on to the fact that Momma needs her help, and we can play too.

It has been a not so great week.... at least I think it's been a week, maybe two. There was the 26 low, with rebound that wipes me out before I even get up to get ready for work. Then after the flu shot, I was up in the 500s for a day and a half. In part, I believe, to the combination of the 2 shots, and a tissue issue with my pump. It took it's toll with me coming home from work yesterday after putting in 2 hours. Work has been stressful for me, I am overwhelmed in the work that needs to be done and no one helping me get it done for several months now since the firing of the other coder. I find it very difficult to get much else done. I am so exhausted physically that my mind shuts off at 5-o'clock. I can't possibly focus on continuing my education at the moment with everything that is going on. My house is in dire need of overhaul, yard to be cleaned up, windows to be winterized. It is overwhelming at best. Then there is the upcoming fundraising dinner which has me feeling an uncertain amount of anxiety. I know I can do this intelligently and with a sort of humor, I seem to be pretty good in that department. I am a little disappointed that with all the interest that has been peaked, not more donations are coming in. I am hoping that the exposure from the dinner will help in that department. I had a dream last weekend, more like a nightmare, really got me to thinking. After a google search of the nasty topic, it was stated that dreams of this nature usually reflect an internal anxiety, a sense of self-esteem that needs to be addressed (this is where I hear my mom helping me cope and get through a difficult situation), and then that in some cultures in represents a financial increase...... thus, my dad purchased tonight's Powerball tickets and gave them to me. Not sure I will hold my breath, but the thought was there.

Well, fall is upon us here in Arizona. It is pretty chilly here this evening. The days start out cold, warm up a little bit, and end dark and cold again. I took some time off the week of the dinner. The 11th is Veteran's Day, so I'm off, I then am taking that Friday and the following Monday. I really need some time, a couple of weeks would be nicer, but I will do my very best to focus and get some things done that need my attention. I will have a couple of days to recoup from the dinner excitement. I am going to try and have someone, other than the hopeful news coverage video tape the speeches. I really do hope to promote the science. I think being an election time, that leads me to believe that people are keeping the focus on that legalization of marijuana for medical reasons, and there is no room for stem cell talk. I could be wrong, but I am going to make it known that this is where the future is and if the US wants to regain the status of health care status, the better get their shit together. Sorry, I get so pumped up on this subject, not just for diabetics, but for anyone suffering from debilitating disease.

I was saddened to hear that KW, the woman I met here that underwent the islet cell transplant is back on insulin. I can only imagine the devastating disappointment that must have brought to her. It sort of put into perspective my feelings on my rejection from the islet trial, and the saying that all things happen for a reason. Still, I am saddened for her and the acceptance of such news and the spirit to continue on with a new goal. I hope and pray that she continues in her research and knows that she made huge strides in the future of the type one community. The knowledge that people who have undergone the islet cell transplant are heroes in my eyes!!! I hope to prove that the stem cell treatment is worthy of being done here in the US and without all the embryonic BS that politics is shooting at the people in what I feel is a propaganda campaign. Why not??? The pharmaceuticals have so much more to gain, and what better way to thin out the population than by denying treatment that works for pharmaceuticals that people on fixed incomes can't afford to start with, never mind on a monthly basis. Medication ...... food and shelter????

How would you play out a hand like that???
Something to think about.

Maggie and I are off to bed.
Sleep well my loyal supporters.

Peace and Light
et

Help me, pave the way to help others!!!

Stuggling to keep my composure

How totally overwhelming are the feelings I am faced with. I can't begin to express my feelings for the overwhelming joy I have for those that have stepped up on my behalf. People I have yet to meet face-to-face, but am overwhelmed with so many feelings and hope to keep my composure in expressing my joy and continued hope for the future. My continued hope that I can pave the way for future hope in the treatment of so many people looking to me for hope. Please stay tuned for some positive outcomes for so many.

With love, gratitude and continued prayers!!
et

Mark your calenders !!!

Hello to everyone!!

I would like to share with everyone the latest activity.

On Saturday night, November 13,2010 there will be a "New England Fish Fry" to be held for my benefit in obtaining funds for my stem cell treatment. A friend, co-worker, and local member of the Eagles here in Prescott has taken my cause to heart and pulled in all his connections to help pull this evening off. I don't know how to thank all these people for their giving generousity on my behalf. Dinner will be from 4-9 with wine tasting from 4-5, dinner to begin at 6. We will have a key note speaker, a doctor recently relocated to the Prescott area who has stem cell knowledge and the potential for such a science. I also will be speaking, not at all nervous about this little chat, but ... have a few weeks to work on my speech. Hillary will be appearing with me, if for nothing more than to hold me up while I try to tell my story in a short, nonboring manner. I have so many people, strangers for the most part, have come to the front in support of my mission, and seem to be very touched, and genuine in thier interest and promotion of my cause. I just know that deep down, this is going to be a fabulous event!!! For not only my quest, but for those who will be following and see (hopefully praying) the results of such a treatment.

Tickets are being printed up by the Eagles, they will be available at various locations, at the Eagles, hopefully through people at the clinic, at YRMC, through the news paper, which will be contacted again this week to get this off and running, as well as talk of radio promo. If we can get a TV crew up here, a couple of people are trying to secure this as well. I am finding this all so very overwhelming, so humbling, it is an experience I have never felt before, may never feel again, and really do want to see people helped by what I am trying to promote. So many factors coming into play that it is often time very emotional for me these days.

Tickets are $25/person to include: Lobster bisque; New England Clam "Chowda", specially battered cod; slaw; wine, dessert and a baked goods table, as well as the quilt raffle which will most likely go that night. There will be a bar available, and some accoustic music too! It is pulling together to be a wonderful event with so much being donated by various local restaurants, winery, and man-power. I don't know how I can ever thank all these people for the generousity for a person they have never met and are going strictly on the words of my friend and fellow clinic employee Jon C. This man has been so very generous and yet, doen't feel like any sort of hero, he "just want to help." Again, God is very good to me in so many ways.

So Please, spread the word, plan to attend if you can. Come share in my journey, my emotions, and my hope!!!

Thank you all for your continued support. I will post more info and graphics as they become available.

Peace and Light
et

Weird dreams

Good evening everyone!!

I hope this little note finds everyone well and into the fall weather, even if it might be a little damp in some areas.

In spite of some very weird dreams I have had recently, the fundraising isn't quite kicking off as I had hoped. Although I know that I am touching people and opening minds in the aspect of the science, and what it can do not just for me, but many others. I political strong hold that is being held on doctors who are and have the potential to go so far but can't due to that tight rope around their necks. I am beginning to feel like I live in a communist country. I know this is not only my outlook recently having spoken with many strangers about what they are dealing with. As I sit her with my blood sugar hopefully on the rise from 42, bottomed out from 195 less than an hour ago .... ?? This is getting so old I can't begin to describe it, other than I can't focus, am totally exhausted at this moment, and still have a tape to complete for my home doctor (home job with side work) that is due by morning. I am thinking I am going to lay down for a few hours and then just get up, do it, and maybe go back to bed. Which of course, has already messed up my Saturday with so much yard work and interior work I want done, with little to no help from my so-called co-owner, housemate, whatever, child of mine.

OK ... I will tell you about the dreams later. I need to go lay down. Sorry ....

Be well everyone!!!
Peace and Light
et

News Release

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/international-stem-cell-institute-launches-major-adipose-adult-stem-cell-therapy-program-the-new-frontier-of-medicine-is-your-fat-2010-08-26

(Not sure what I don't do here, but cut and paste the above article in your web browser)

Fundraising is not going as I had hoped. I really can't do this on my own due to my lack of physical energy but with work, home, dad .... sounds like I'm whining doesn't it?

My plan this week is to get a couple of more donation containers out there. I am in process of drafting a letter to the JDRF to see if there is anyway that there may be some sort of grant available? Why ... I ask this question repeatedly with no real answer other than the almight buck .... I find it frustrating and down right discusting given our self-proclaimed "best healthcare in the world" mantra. As I have lived with this my entire life (all of the life I can recall) I will attest that I believe that we are holding back on the people of America.

This treatment will cost $10K currently, with perhaps another treatment needed in 6-12 months .... now ... given that in a years time, lets take last year for instance, I paid out 14K and some change on my medical appointments, supplies, medications, and needed additives such as batteries and tape. Come on people .... it isn't rocket science. Any moron can do the math. I am not a high tech worker, I am not college educated to the point of degree, I work my ass off day in and day out ... for what? basically ... just to stay alive!!! Sort of gives me no real choice in my activities of lesiure does it? Good thing I learned at a very early age, that being rich does not always involve money ... but in times like this, or in hindsight, to help my mother raise us 6 kids when 2 of us in the household suffered from a chronic disease. Yes, my father hasn't worked in almost 46/47 years. I can tell you, his attitude made me want to be VERY different. I could sit back, do pretty much nothing, allow the government to fund me, and just sit back and wait, wait to cost the American people a shitload of $$. I don't like that attitude and never have. I try and have tried, very hard in my life to keep my disease almost secret. The less people who knew, the less I had to explain, the more chance I had of being treated like others. As a kid, nothing pissed me off more than to have someone make a nasty toned comment when I was spotted taking a cookie, or having ice cream, etc. BITE ME ... most not having a clue what I dealt with or how the whole diet swap worked, etc. Yet .... "she shouldn't be eating that", "she can't have any sugar" .... oh my god ... look at any ingrediant lable folks, do you have any idea how many forms of sugar there are? how they effect your body or metabolism? Until you do, please don't lecture me on how to compensate to keep my weight stable, my blood sugars in a safe level, or how to get them back up in a fast manner. I know, and yet, even I when faced with these situations, can draw a complete blank these days. Does anyone have any idea how scarey that can be?? Especially when one is alone, and trying to comprehend the situation at hand.

This adipose treatment has the potential to help me in the way that my drastic blood sugar drops will be diminished or stopped on top of other benefits to my body, such as perhaps easing my gastrointestinal paralysis which poses more problem than anyone who hasn't lived with it could ever imagine. It makes insulin to carb ratio a near impossible juggling act. The longer my condition continues in the manner it has, the more prominent the neuropathy I have in my feet will make those "big shoes" I sometime wear a distant thing of the past. Neuropathic pain is some of the most painful, mind blowing (in more than one aspect) form of pain a person can cope with.

Please read with an open mind. I need this sort of help. I beleive deeply that this is where our future lies, not just for diabetics, but for so many diseases. We NEED this sort of medicine in the US. STOP sending us to other countries to get what should rightfully belong right here, right now!!! The research continues, it is not new, only the benefits of such are being brought to the forefront.

Please help me with continued support and spreading the word. Let me prove that this treatment can work for type I's such as myself. I am willing to be that animal, if it should prove wrong ... well shame on me..... but.... I have deep faith in this science and the potential to make life better for so many. Help me to prove this in a timely manner.

I really don't know what else to say.....??

Thank you for your continued love and support!!
Peace and Light
et

Just touching base ...

It has been a couple of weeks, a lot has happened, days have blended together.

On September 12th a cousin on my mom's side passed away rather suddenly after being diagnosed with a form of leukemia, caught pneumonia and passed in a Boston hospital. He was from the Cleveland area of Ohio. I decided that in my mom's memory, I would attend to represent my side of the family. It was a very nice service, I was able to meet all of his children, now adults and with lives of their own. All very nice kids and truly enjoyed the opportunity to see them and get to know them. I also got to see his brothers, one of which I have not seen since I was maybe 12 years old!!! Needless to say, he stated I hadn't changed a bit ..... hahahahahahha ... I don't know any 12 year-olds with wrinkles .... do you?? It was a wonderful visit in spite of the shitty circumstances.

On this whirlwind trip, I discovered that traveling through time zones is not what it use to be even with my pump. I was only gone 3 days and didn't have time to adjust to the time changes and returned to work the very next day after returning on Sunday. My body was and remains to reap havoc! On my last night in Cleveland, my two cousins took me to dinner. Upon our return to the area near my hotel we stopped at a local Friendly's to do coffee and ice cream. Needless to say, I think I lost that hour somewhere and no one knew what the hell my dazed and confused look was all about. Something I am going to have to explain in my cards out this week. I vaguely remember hugging them both at the entrance to my hotel only to get to my room and discover that my BS had dropped to 42. Not a whole lot of recollection from there other than roaming around, no doubt stuffing my face with whatever I had kicking around the hotel room. YES, I did pack emergency glucose remedies, but was so out of it, that I couldn't function beyond stuffing my face and waiting. I know I roamed around for some time stuffing my duffle bag with my dirty clothes, bagging up my shoes, etc. as I had to leave the hotel by no later than 5:30 the next morning .... I know it was after 10 sometime, but as stated earlier, no clue as to when it started to fall apart. Considering how many times I got totally lost in this 3 day span, I am glad that it didn't occur until my final night, and someone else was driving. Just sort of became a reality check that maybe my traveling anywhere alone should be re-thought, unless of course you can spot my deer in the headlight look for what it is and not a form of stupidity in the true sense of the word.

Anyway .... I have been trying to regain my quality, or at least what I had prior this week and it isn't working out so well for me. Been running high and low off and on all week, being back at work, which is really beginning to take a toll on me with all the BS going on, and lack of direction on the upper tier to delegate in a lack of BS manner. Makes one leery if you know what I mean.

FACT: I am never going to truly be a healthy individual; I have no desire to climb any corporate ladder, never have; don't give a rat's ass about titles, yours, mine or anyone Else's; I will never be rich to the point of contentment; and I most likely will never win the powerball!!! I do, however, hold on to such dreams and desires of keeping a decent job, as I do enjoy the challenge of the laws and regulations involved, I do not want title. We all remain the same people, docs put their pants on one leg at a time just like me. I have the same fears and wishes many others have, although somewhat more realistic perhaps. I wish .... for a reprieve in my up and down status, a calm, a sense of tranquility, for just a time, to enjoy my home, my family, etc. I fear, that my health will become unmanageable, that I will somehow burden my daughter with things she should not have to deal with, with me wanting her to spread her wings, enjoy her career, live life to the absolute fullest and remember me for what I did, and the fun we had making the best of many, many bad situations over the years. For that, to me, is what I have given her .... the strength to overcome in the face of adversity!!! Rock on little girl for you will be the best nurse/NP to hit the continental United States in a long time. Take it as far as you want to go .... and remember that I will always remain with you, if only in spirit.

Attached is this weeks latest update in the local paper. Picture is absolutely horrible, was wicked windy and I of course, look like a direct descendant of "Kramer." LOL ..... but ... PLEASE ... help me reach my goal of extending my life span to a healthy length. Share this article with any one who may know me, know of my fight, know of the struggles that continue to bog me down in my fight to live life as a contributing person in society, or anyone interested in the science of stem cell therapy and what it can do for so many people in this country that suffer from a debilitating disease ..... PLEASE!!! Your thoughts and support mean the world to me. I am open to discuss anything on the topic to the best of knowledge, just contact me.

http://www.chinovalleyreview.com/main.asp?SectionID=74&SubSectionID=114&ArticleID=52585

(if this address doesn't come through here as a link (looks questionable) just cut and paste it into your browser)

In the meantime; peace and light to all!!!!

et

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. ~Erich Fromm


Happy Saturday !!!

I slept until 9:00 AM this morning!! I can't remember the last time I slept past 6, and that is sleeping in. I was awake early, as usual, Hillary went off to work, I vaguely remember her coming in to kiss me good bye. We wished each other a good day, and night, as I will be out helping with an event for the clinic this evening.... and I drifted back off to a hard sleep with my Maggie at my feet. Now I am having a hard time getting "it" motivated to move. As usual, I have a ton to do, and it never truely seems to get accomplished.

I thought I would just drop a quick note in here today. This weeks article in the Chino Valley Review seems to be a hit. As of last night, it was one of the top 5 news articles to be "hit" in the online version. I got an email forwarded to me from a gentleman, apparently from somewhere out of town, very interested in stem cell treatment, and wanting to know where out-of-towners could mail donations. How wonderful is that?!? I am totally amazed that I have been able to touch people I don't know in ways I could have never imagined to new knowledge, advancements, and the life of a diabetic and what is involved over and above the reality of life for those that have no health issues. It is an awesome feeling .... and overwhelming too!!

For those who may want to donate, or those who know of someone else donations can be made to: Arizona State Credit Union #45013118 @ 1335 Gail Gardner Way, Prescott AZ 86305

I spose I should get moving here ... thinking (physically feeling) that my commitments today are going to be tough to get through. I don't like to back out, knowing that on occasion it is required, but for the most part, I do what I say I will do.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!!
Continued thanks for the love and support!!
Peace and Light
et

Latest status update

Hello My Loyal Followers !!!

Life continues to be chaotic, work is ... well.... ultimate chaos, but I continue to get there day in and day out regardless. My lows continue, only 2 so far this week, 38 and 42. Attached is the link to the article that appears in today's Chino Valley AZ newspaper. It is the most positive thing I have to report thus far. I am sort of hitting road blocks with the fundraisers I had hoped to use. Like the Yankee Candle Co. I got an email yesterday stating that due to the fact I am an "Individual" that they would be unable to assist in my fundraising drive. They only help nonprofit groups with a tax id number for exempt purposes. I was told by my tax accountant that all donations are just that, donations, and therefore considered gifts and need not be claimed as income due to the fact they are going for medical treatment. (I made sure I checked on this as I am in no position to be paying Uncle Sam twice).

Just a quick $$ over view of what I dish out in a year alone. Last year, I paid out $13.5K just to stay in my pump supplies and medications. That doesn't leave a lot leftover when one only makes $16/hour. I have all the expenses others have, mortgage/rent, utilities, food, gas, insurance, etc. There is no "fun money" as my tax woman asked. "What do you do for fun?" Lucky for me I have always been pretty cheaply amused!!! LOL ...... I find joy in simple things, love to people watch, converse in intelligent manner, laugh .... laugh hard, and love to the fullest of my ability. I guess you could say I have a sort of dark side as well. If you don't like me, stay away from me..... that seems pretty simple. I am not out to hurt anyone, am pretty easy going and I love to laugh ... and good thing for me, it is usually at myself.

http://www.chinovalleyreview.com/main.asp?SectionID=74&SubSectionID=114&ArticleID=52528&TM=82931.41

(Cut and paste the above link into your web browser)

Anyway .... enjoy the read .... and please help me to continue to educate and spread the word. My being a "vessel" for the future could prove to be wondrous for so many people!!!

Peace and Light
et

Hoping for a BIG weekend!!!

Hi everyone!!

I hope everyone has had a good week. For me, today is Friday as I took tomorrow off from work. One, I could use more than one day off about now just to rest, but I will hopefully be able to do that once my treatment is reality.

On Saturday, 8/28/10 in Prescott on Fair St., there will be a collaborative effort between an old friend I met here in AZ over 10 years ago when first moving here. She and her mom, and one other partner, hope to open a store in which the purpose is to "Re-Purpose," with proceeds to go to a local charity here in the area that helps disabled/mentally handicapped individuals become more independent. A good purpose all by itself. But, this weekend, they have agreed to place me as the "special project" with proceeds going to help defer the cost of my stem cell treatment!!! How wonderful is that? It is going to be a win/win situation for both of us. I help them launch their store, I reap rewards in donations, and the opportunity to educated the public not only on diabetes, but the prospects of stem cell treatment on my disease as well as many others. I will also be promoting the International Stem Cell Institute, whom I am going through to receive my treatment.

There have been many stories on the news this week that have really taken my frustrations to a whole new level. First, the judge that stopped stem cell research here in the US. COME ON PEOPLE..... let's get educated on the science before you go shooting your mouths off on the "rights and wrongs" of what you THINK is the issue. I guess that people who have never been touched by a devastating, chronic, degenerative disease such as diabetes, neuromuscular, Parkinson's and even heart disease, will never know what this scientific advance could do for society, they will never open their minds to the usage in the US. The second news story I saw this week was that the cost of name brand prescription medications has increased as much as 41.9% in the past year, in spite of the economy. Let's do the math here, and I know this for fact as I dealt with this issue when my mother was ill in that last 2 years of her life. The elderly live on fixed incomes (at lease a good portion of the country), some of these drugs run hundreds of dollars a month, and that is with the Medicare D portion of the so-called retirement "benefits." When a person spends $2800 out of pocket on medication they fall into what the government calls the "donut hole" in which you are basically .... for lack of a better term, shit out of luck, as your Part D benefits will no longer pay for your medications. In my mother's case, it was $1200 out of pocket for one medication, and a six week supply at that!!! That can be devastating to an elderly person/couple who have very little to work with and are already dishing out upwards of $350/month on medications alone. Add in your rent, utilities, food, gas, etc., and it leaves very little if anything at all for "extra." Pretty sad ..... given what the US is suppose to represent. Now, place that same sort of scenario on a young couple, with a child who may have had an accident, or God forbid, a diagnosis of cancer or any other debilitating disease, unemployed, no insurance, etc .... what are we to do if our own government doesn't want to see us surviving????? I do believe it is our government that has too much say, and their way of thinning out the population so that the rich get richer, and the poor .... middle class ..... well .... they go broke and die!!! ..... Sounds like my idea of the American Dream...... NOT!! !

I am going to be out this weekend in hopes of raising not only funds so that I can undergo this treatment and hopes of voicing my outcome .... LOUDLY, but to also make awareness of what is out there that our government seems to be holding back on. It is not right in today's society.

Please help if you can ..... If you live in the Tri-city area, come on by the Fair Street location across from the rodeo grounds and see what we have to offer. The account for donations is located at the Arizona State Credit Union, Chino Valley office. I will post address information next round, of I think .... it is still available on my FB page.

Wish us luck!!!
Have a wonderful and peaceful weekend!!!

Love and Light
et

Wonderful things happened today!!

Hello and Happy Monday to all!!!

Just a quickie as I am tired, it's getting late, and tomorrow is another day.
Some really great opportunities came to me today in regard to fundraising efforts for my stem cell treatment. As many of you know, I had to remove myself from the date of 9/14 due to funding falling through on all levels. So ... was in contact with the CVNews contact, Salina, today. An update of status over the past 3-4 months will be published in the online CVNEWS on Weds. (available online most likely Tuesday night). The mall effort is in the works. I have email out to a couple of people that offered last round to do jewelry sales with part of proceeds to go to my treatment. AND ..... an old friend I met here in AZ 10+ years ago upon moving here has offered to work with me which will be a win/win situation for both of us, and perhaps the clinic too, and help her get her second hand store off and running with part of the profits from her store going to help with developmental individuals with work opportunities and training for independant living. This is a local charity and to get them launched I will be thier so called "needy case" for the month!! LOL .... on Saturday we will finaly gain our kitchen and washroom back by removing all the big items from the previous yard sale to sell with all those profits going toward my treatment costs. This is such a wonderful opportunity for me to educate the public in a couple of ways. My cause of course is the stem cell treatment and what it will not only do to benefit my health, but the potential to do for others with debilitating diseases.

I will try and do a more detailed post tomorrow night. For now, I must "rest grasshopper" as my cousin B relayed to me earlier. She makes me laugh!!! We share a very common sense of humor ... and I for one, LOVE IT!!!

The account that was set up to accept donations is also still there with approximately $200.00 remaining from the last efforts. My mother use to tell me it was not right to pray for $$, and I do believe that all things happen for a reason, I am just/still wondering how long I must wait, what lessons have I not learned, what must I give, teach, etc ..... I want to prove that the US is behind at this point, that I am deserving of this treatment or die trying I guess.

Until tomorrow ...... sleep well my friends!!
Peace and Light
et

My fight is growing tired ....

Hi everyone ....

Well ... yet another speed bump!!
I have been bumped from the schedule for 9/14 due to my financing falling through. I am, yet again, deeply and heavy hearted with disappointment. I want this so bad I can taste it and in my deepest of beliefs, this is where I am going to see a reprive in my health status. However, I am growing increasingly more down, and exceptionally exhausted, emotionally and physically.

My blood sugars have continued to yo-yo with all this stress of trying to secure my spot for the stem cell treatment, on top of my job status, which has been totally chaotic now for almost two months. I am one person, doing two peoples jobs, with what seems like added tasks and responsibilities every day. There is only so much of me, and I can only do so much. I do not want to be that important in the job force. I enjoy my job tremendously, I think I am good at it. Not a day goes by I don't learn something new in regard to the operations of the US healthcare system, which of course drives my personal fight as I am not a huge fan of some of the rules and regs involved in the who's, what's and how come's. That being said, I put a good portion of my real focus and energy into my work day. Upon coming home, I have been dealing with what appears to be drug-induced neighbors making my life a complete hell and inability to relax in my own home. I have had nightly blood sugar drops for no apparent reason other than the stressors I have been trying to cope with. I was actually up this past week at some point during the night with a blood sugar of 38!!! I had people asking me via my facebook account "how do you wake up in the night from a 38?!" Well ... honestly, I can only say, I am having a more and more difficult time realizing what is going on when alone. Maggie (my beautiful yellow laborador) has been exceptional in somehow learning to detect the difference between a low BG and a hot flash!!! LOL .... she licks me to the point of irritation to where I must get up and search the kitchen. The other night, as an example, I know she followed me into the kitchen, and hte last thing I truely recollect is that I was out of juice!! I don't have a clue what I did next, other than when I awoke to the alarm for work, my BG had rebounded to 499!! These swings are killing me .... in more ways than one. What people don't seem to get, is that these lows could very well kill me in my sleep, more so now, due to my unawareness and fast drops to critical levels. I also believe that this is in part the problem with my losing my fight response. I really just want to be left alone for a few days, to sleep, not have to think about anyone or anything and just regroup, catch up on my physical rest so that my emotional and mental function can come back a bit to continue my fight for this treatment.

I was speaking with LeiMomi, a wonderful woman I have been communicating with at the ISCIm and has been remarkable with doing what she can to help me secure funding, keeping me on the schedule as long as possible, encouragement, etc. She was telling me that they had their first Alzheimer's patient undergo the Adipose treatment on 7/30. This gentleman apparently had not communicated in the normal sense to his wife in almost 2 years. Upon receiving his adipose treatment, it was almost an immediate response as he was talking to his wife, coherently, for the first time in 2 years!! LeiMomi told me that this woman cried uncontrollably the entire trip back to Brownsville from the clinic in Mexico!! How inspiring is something like that to witness, nevermind live!!! I want that too ... for me, and for so many others that could benefit. The US needs to get off its ass and pull it's political head out from up its ass!! This country is no longer the leader in healthcare. It has become a political/lobbiest nation looking for nothing more than to make a buck off the sick and dying!!! ENOUGH!!! and I am going to shout loudly from any platform that will allow me to stand on it for not only myself ... but perhaps for others that may benefit as well.

I must get ready to head out for a "girls afternoon" at the movies. A couple of girlfriends from work and I are going to take in a chick-flick and then hit the mall for info on setting up some fundraising dates before the holidays so that perhaps I can come up with the funding to have my treatment done before November, when the cost will increase. Go figure ..... am hoping my Irish Luck .... keeps me from getting bashed again in that department as I am really unsure of how much longer I can continue to fight at this height and be effective.

Thanks to all ... for continued support and prayers. If anyone knows or has ideas of how to get some $$ flowing .... let me know, either via the blog or my Facebook account. The account for donations is still open from the San Francisco trip, however, there is only about 200.00 dollars left in it from that trip (which was a tad costly to say the least). I know all things happen for a reason, and I know now, that the CA trips didn't work for a reason, several that I have become aware of and am happy for. That does not in any way deter from the positive response of all those who have undergone the islet transplants, many doing very well.

Be Well ... and enjoy your weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et

Opppss ..... forgot the link :D

Here it is:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6711905n

Link to the 60 Minutes expose on growing new body parts with stem cells.

Enjoy!!!
et

Things are moving along

Hi Everyone!!

Thank you again for all the well-wishes, love and support.
This has been a very stressful, rather nerve-racking few days.

I have my dates, I will leave for Brownsville on September 12 or 13, tentitive still. I will undergo all my orientation and such, on the night of the 13th, my treatment scheduled for the 14th beginning at 8:00AM. I can come home on Wednesday ....anytime I book my flight out. I'm shooting for late afternoon, arriving back in Phoenix to stay with friends overnight, check in with my endocrinologist in Phoenix prior to making the treck up the mountain for home (only a 2 hour ride).

My funding is still up in the air as of this afternoon, but I am VERY hopeful, that the friend working on the "quick" funding will be able to do his magic. How totally blessed I have been to have people in my life with the ability to help in ways I could never .... and to think so much of me, that they would!! I AM TOTALLY BLESSED IN THAT RESPECT!!! By tomorrow afternoon, I hope to have the funding secured, fundraising will get back on track to try and help defer some of the costs. I can't, it just isn't in me to allow it all to be carried by others. I will be ever so greatful for the help and support in this aspect, as I am just not in the position to pull this off. I spend more than 12K a year just to keep myself alive, to ask for this much funding to extend and better my existing life span is a gift beyond explaination, or words to describe. It (the entire gamat of emotions) is overwhelming at best. Tomorrow will be the tell tale all of what happens.

I will post again tomorrow to update on the finalization of this last-ditch effort.
In the meantime; for those of you I didn't email the following link, watch the video from the 60 Minutes expose on stem cell medicine ... This is facinating stuff, and everyone should watch and be open to this sort of science. It is, in my belief, where our "cures" will come from.



Until next time.....
Light and Love
et

/Treatment tentatively scheduled September

What an afternoon it has been.

At 2:38 I received a phone call from a patient advocate out of Las Vegas. We were on the phone for over an hour with details, questions, explainations, itinerary, lodging, transport, follow up labs, etc. IT WAS ALL GOOD!!!

I am scheduled (confirmed once they receive my $2500 deposit) to undergo the Adipose stem cell treatment on September 14th at 8:00 AM. It seems almost too good to be true, but have heard from many people who have undergone this sort of treatment that the results are well worth it. The procedure will take 4-5 hours, they remove (liposuction) a golf ball amount of fat from my own body, spin it, clean it, remove the cells, and then infuse them back into my body via IV drip over a 2-3 hour period. All done in the same day, then they return me to my hotel suite in Brownsville to return back to Phoenix the next day. Minimal time out of work. Cost effective compared to the travel expenses figured out to do the San Francisco trip for 18 months with 45+ days of lodging. I would be a fool not to undergo this at this phase of my life. My endocrinologist here in Phoenix totally supports my decision to do this and will support and supervise me over the process. If in six months (that is the ball park timeframe given) we don't feel I have met optimal results, I can (and most likely will) undergo the placenta stem cell treatment for free. I opted to do the adipose first for a couple of reasons. First, the cells are from my own body, less rejection factor, it is showing very good results in diabetics (not really sure why? That is a research effort that was in its infancy), and ... if it doesn't produce the results I am looking for, they will do the other for free. works for me, as this way, I have a better shot with the two infusions of stem cells in my body in less than a year. Can only help, and hopefully, not only with my insulin intake, but also my bones and pain factors. This treatment has MANY positive outcome potentials!!!

I have looked into the airfare, very doable, and am tempted to book it now, but will wait to see if I am going to have a travel companion, or if I will go it alone. The 290 for ground services, due the night of arrival, for things like my hotel suite, transportation to and from the airport, the hotel to the clinic and back, breakfast at the hotel, an advocate with me at all times (even if I have a travel companion). It is well worth that to have them make all the arrangements. The treatment is $10K, minus the 2500 deposit. The deposit confirms my appointment, balance due after the procedure as I will have that opportunity after meeting with the doctor to back out.... WHICH I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING.

(30 minute break)

Just got of the phone with Hillary, she totally agrees with me undergoing this procedure. She is just concerned about me going alone. I told her, it would be nice to have someone with me who not only knows me, but understands the disease and what happens to me when I get that deer in the headlight look of the lights are on, but there is no one home. I will be VERY meticulous about my monitoring, and will ask for guidance from not only the doctor doing the procedure, but my own endocrinologist, Dr. Carrie Phillips in Phoenix. She has agreed to work with me on this as I had said before, I am running out of options, and I scare her. I doubt very much I will see any drastic results in the three day timeframe, but ... again, the monitoring will have to kick up a notch for the next few months to stay on top of it as my insulin needs drop.

Well ... I need to try and calm myself down ... I still have many other responsibilities, and a few added expenses now. I just know, in the long run, it is going to pay off, 10-fold.

Sleep well everyone!!
Will touch base again soon.

Peace and Light in Love
eliza

and suddenly .....

Hi All !!

Just an update.

I have been working long hours/days at the clinic. I am totally exhausted in every sense of the word. My face looks like it develops 2-3 more wrinkles every night. I have been described by co-workers in the past 2 weeks alone as "pitiful", "exhausted," and the all time favorite, "You look like shit!" Thanks!! I am so glad I pushed myself to get out of bed to come and deal with this too.

I have been pushing myself..... way too hard .... and hurting no one except myself. Today, I awoke at my usual 5:00 just to get very dizzy and fuzzy and unstable and decided, no knowing exactly what the problem is/was (sinuses, exhaustion, weather, etc) that I was going to stay home today and remain in bed. I hate doing that when I have SO much to get done at the office, but .... you know that saying ...???

Anyway .... I had sent an email to the ISCI to request a status update on the Adipose treatment. Having previously been told mid-August, I was thrilled to receive a response within 15 minutes from a contact here in the Las Vegas area. She sent me information on the doctor, the area of the clinic, etc. Arrangements are being made to have phone contact later this afternoon. (With little energy currently, I am hopefully optimistic!!)

My passport application was sent out to be renewed just yesterday, and after the phone call I will get started on the financing of it all. If need be, I will take out a loan for this, as I am not ready to call it quits yet, and I am afraid that if I can't undergo this treatment, I might as well just go about life aimlessly, selling off most so that when I do "expire" (got to love that expression) Hilly won't be stuck cleaning up as much mess as I have had to deal with since my mother's passing and waiting on my father. He has not allowed for much "cleaning up" to happen in the past two years, like he is going to get rich or something. He has no concept of what is involved, or how much emotional, as well as physical energy it takes out of me to make that happen. As long as he is content, to hell with anyone else. It's all about him. Having been diagnosed at age 9, it amazes me he has no concept what-so-ever as to what could potentially happen to my life if I don't address them head on and deal with them. The mentality of "if I ignore it, it will go away, or doesn't exist," is NOT an option for me!!!

So ... with that being said ... LOL ... I am going to get a small rest today. Look forward to my phone conversation with the representative later this afternoon, and HOPEFULLY ..... a plan!!! to undergo this treatment and see what happens for me. The fact that my endocrinologist was very supportive of this, providing I did not bring her pamphlets in a language she could not read...LOL... was very encouraging for me. I know that this may not be a cure, but it will with no doubts make my life easier to cope with, has the potential to drastically reduce or eliminate my insulin intake, thus making control and the danger of the drastic lows less, that would be a positive benefit for me at this point. They are more and more occuring, and quick to send me down to unresponsive status. I stare blankly .... one girl at work, is so keen on .... she's getting stupid, she has the totally blank look on her face, or I begin talking to myself like I can't remember what I am doing. She is all over me to correct it before an EMT is required. I, and my coworkers too, keep an excellent eye on me. It at times seems like I am being baby-sat, but deep down, I know they are just concerned, and don't want anything bad to happen. Then .... well.... there are those who think they understand, but really don't, as to how dangerous it can beomce VERY quickly. Even my doctor spent my 20 minute appointment last week shaking her head at me, stating on a couple of occasions how much "you scare me!"

Keep the faith for me..... please .... I am getting very worn out. I want my life to be somewhat of value, I don't want to work so hard and not be able to enjoy anything, or only have enough energy to go to work, and NOTHING else. (which is what it has been like now for a few months.) I am tired, but am still very hopeful, have some of my fight back, in a more reserved manner than before, but back.

Will update again this weekend.

Peace and Light in Love
Eliza

PS: Check out the new link off to the right on Lauren's Hope Medical ID jewelry. I was told that I should be wearing an ID. I was against them mostly due to the tacky/cheesy look of them, and therefore have not worn one since I was in middle school. Anyway ... I ordered a beautiful awareness ID for comparable pricing as many of the "cheesy" companies. Check out the website ... some of them are really pretty!! ( They have manly stuff too!!! :D )

Not unitl August

Hello All!!

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. It would appear that a majority of the US is undergoing a heatwave.

I went to Phoenix today to visit with my endocrinologist. Appointment went as well as can be expected. She will continue to do all the usual following. We discussed that stem cell treatment. She was very supportive of my undergoing this treatment given all my lows. She spent a good portion of the appointment shaking her head. When I ask "what am I suppose to do" she states we need to do something about these lows. Again, she shakes her head and states "they really worry me for you." Well.... they worry me too!! They are scary, she admits that she feels I am handling the situation as well as can be expected. She acknowledged my being very down in regard to being rejected from the islet study. She agrees that in regard to the stem cell treatment, even if it doesn't stop my need for insulin, it will, like the islets, reduce my symptoms of the low blood sugars thus reducing my risk of danger and/or death. I tell her that I am totally exhausted, that if and when my blood sugars drop at work that it takes me several hours depending on the severity of them to bounce back, leaving me in a sort of brain death. It sucks. She acknowledges my fear and frustration. She is a very nice woman, much younger than I, but on her game just the same. She also checked my feet, she is always crawling me about my feet. How I shouldn't wear open toed shoes ... etc. etc ... LOL ... I told her about just being cut loose from the boot in which I had been sporting since just after my last appointment three months ago!! Today ... me sporting my Birkenstocks ... LOL.

Okay ... well .... it is looking like August before I get work on the Adipose stem cell treatment. I have opted to try this first, the cells coming from my own fat tissue. Not like I don't have enough of that to spare. If after 4-6 months we see no real benefit, I will undergo the placenta stem cell treatment in hopes of better results. I am holding out hope and continue to pray for yet more time on this planet. I still have some things I would like to do, see, feel, etc. A girl at work made a comment to me last week stating, "Everyone I talk to who has met you or has anything to do with you, just loves you!!! I don't get it." She laughs uncontrollably, stating that at times, often when "stupid", I can be a tad difficult, but seem to bounce back with the diversity card. This too shall pass. It just takes a whole lot longer these days. I bottomed out at work a couple of weeks ago, Nika, my gaurdian angel in one of the offices, is helping me, keeping an eye on me, when my boss comes back and starts talking rather quickly. She states to my boss that "she is a little on the stupid side at the moment", my boss waves it off and continues talking. Nika then proceeds to explain to her that when I am in this state, I am not comprehending a thing that is being said to me. It is no wonder I still have a job, or that they feel I am so good at what I do. For the most part, almost everyone knows what happens in these episodes, some better than others, and they all keep a watchful eye on me. Unfortunately, I feel rather "needy" at times and not always worthy of the attention when it disrupts not only my productivity, but that of my co-workers as well. I have found myself in deep thought recently as to how long I can continue at the current pace I have been pushing myself to maintain...?????

So, as soon as I hear, you folks will hear.
Again, thanks for the continued support and prayers. I very much appreciate them.

I need to get my passport updated so I will be ready to travel.

Be well and enjoy the summer!!!
Peace and Light
et

Check out the link below posted by my "long-distance friend" Sandra on her son's treatment

Fascinating stuff!!

Adult Stem Cells - Diabetes type1: Diabetes type 1 and the Cure - What I feel Are the Most Promising

Adult Stem Cells - Diabetes type1: Diabetes type 1 and the Cure - What I feel Are the Most Promising

Snail progress

Hi !!

As I approach my 47th birthday (1 year from when I approached the trial) I find myself wondering ... how many more may I be able to have? (hoping to make at least 50, Hilly has this "pin the junk on the hunk game" she is dying to play at a party :P) Seriously, I do wonder, not preoccupied mind you, but always in the back of my mind. What will the future hold for me?

In my continued reading and research I have been in contact with the International Stem Cell Institute. I have also been in contact with the folks at UCSF and with my request for my records and test results that were done while in San Francisco for the trial testing, they have agreed to send those to me and wished me the very best and to "keep us posted" on my progress and happenings.

Now ... I know that people are most likely thinking I am crazy, but I do not believe that in the true sense of the definition. People have been undergoing stem cell therapy/treatment for many years (15-18 in some areas of the world) and with REMARKABLE results for many diseases and afflictions to include; heart disease; MS; neurodegenerative diseases; arthritis, and YES .... type I diabetes!! This is my ultimate goal (along with falling in love for real just once before I die...LOL). When the paperwork is all in order I will fax it all off to be reviewed. For now, I am going to keep the details sort of hush-hush as I don't want to put myself in that "all positive, everything is going to go great" mentality and setting myself up for the same sort of devastating disappointment I felt with I was rejected from the Islet trial. I really did take that hit hard.

I will say this about stem cell treatment. It will be much faster, I will have to travel, but not for weeks at a time, and will be able to go about my life with no more than the monitoring of my BGs as the cells grow and begin to do their stuff (which could take 3-6 months. The great thing about stem cells is that there is no immunosuppressant drugs involved, therefore, less risk of other organ damage or failure. It is amazing science .... one only needs to have an open mind to the science and outcome. Now, why would the US want to jeopardize all that pharmaceutical income by actually curing a disease when there is so much potential to keep folks on a drug the rest of their lives?? Politics .... not one of my favorite subjects. So, in my continued determined state of mind I will continue to fight for what I believe is the right action not only for me, but for so many others that can benefit. Not only that, I am going to scream from the rooftops when it all goes well and I can promote the treatment to those I know and love who suffer from this disease, and hope that others might see the best in it.

Of course, for me, the funding will remain an issue, but not remotely close to what would have had to come into play for travel back and forth to California for 18 months. It is a relatively doable amount and hopefully with only one treatment. It can take a couple of treatments given the disease, type of cells used, and a couple of other (what I consider minor) factors.

I will plug on in the meantime.

I am awaiting on the paperwork. I am still working, more than ever. Hillary is about to start her 2nd semester in the nursing program and continues to support my decision to make my future a little brighter and much more healthy.

So ... please stay tuned for more information and I will post as I get information about the actual treatment program and when I hope to have it take place.

Thanks again, to all of you who have continued to keep me in your prayers, and support my decision on keeping me around for a little while longer. I have never really been one who was aware of what her purpose was here on this plane, but, I do feel that this venture is part of it. Consider me the sacrificial lamb if you will for those who may be skeptical. It's all good!! For if nothing else, I came into your life, touched you in some manner, and lingered there for some reason. Only the Big Guy knows my destination for sure, but I hope that my being a part of your lives has made a difference in some small way.

Peace and Light
et

Hello Everyone!!

It has been almost a month since my last post. So much is going on, still, again, always. I have been doing lots of reading and research, made multiple phone calls. Weeded out those that I don't feel right about in my gut, or for other, what seems like obvious reasons, and again, have the "butterfly feeling" in my gut. It is all a good thing and a step I am so ready to take. I am still in the filling out all the paperwork process, and will need to decide in the next few weeks which way I want to play this hand. I also want to talk with my neurologist and endocrinologist to ensure their support and help with the monitoring of me after the fact. Thank God, I have lived with this disease long enough to know the ins and outs of tweeking my insulin based on any number of scenarios. Not only that, I have been called "obsessive" at times in regard to how often I check my blood sugar. I try to keep a reality grip, but with no real warnings anymore, better safe than sorry right.

I have begun boosting my immune system again, with my whole food supplements, as well as my FRS (started that again just to keep up with my extra work load; another total story). I have such great feelings about this stem cell treatment but am also trying to keep my expectations in check. Research has proven great things, but the idea of going to another country can be a little intimidating. I need to have someone with me who can be aware of me and my symptoms. I, of course, can't be afraid to let whomever travels with me know that I think there may be something wrong. What I find so promising, is there are no immunosuppressants involved, its all about regenerating my own body. How cool is that???

We still have the issue of money, but I think we only need to come up with about $15K and there is the possibility that I can take a loan, and they are going to see about a "scholarship" .... LOL .... Hell, if this works, I will be the freaking poster child. I would nothing better then to show the US government that they are denying so many people, not just Type I diabetics, of potential cures, better quality of life, and all the things that go along with that feeling.

So ... pray, rub your rocks, what ever it is you do to send good karma out to me as I embark on what I truly believe will make the difference.

I will post again soon.

Thank you all for continuing to support me in my venture for continued life.

Peace and Love
et

My desperation is in full bloom

After the last post ... I googled this Dr. Radar ... only to find a page plus in "quack watch," fraud claims, shading dealings, etc. It would appear that my desperation was/is in full bloom.

I will do much more research on any type of stem cell therapy I look to receiving in the future before I post.

Up until this point, I have researched doctors involved in the treatments I sought. Even prior to this venture, when I just needed a surgery. I would want to know where you went to school, were you board certified in your claimed specialty, how long you been in practice, etc.

I am sorry ... talk about slapping myself in the face!!! I know that money is going to be the biggest issue for me making my life a long lived reality. But I refuse to be stupid about it. Apparently, it would seem, that I still have some pulling of my head to do so that it isn't so far up my ass I can't see straight.

Time for bed as I am exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of this ride.

g'night!!
et

Does intervention come this fast ???

I no sooner hit post on the last blog entry when my cell phone rang.
I had inquired about a stem cell procedure to be done outside the US.
The call came from a man who lives right here in AZ. He and his wife had their son treated for a "can't do anything more" seizure disorder. Hope was dim. They took him to be treated by Dr. William Radar, two years ago. They have had remarkable results. This gentleman shared my outlook about the US government, politics, religion and what happens when you tie all three together in regard to healthcare and those we love.

I am in yet another process. To save my life and hopefully, my hope anyway, to make some noise about why and who is holding up these sorts of treatments in this country. How shameful is it that I would have to travel to another country where these sorts of treatments have been going on for 15-20 years. This particular doctor, treating patients, many type one diabetics, for 15 years!!!

I may not be completely "cured" but this would not require antirejection drugs, and if nothing more, will, as would the islet cell transplant, stop my critical lows allowing me to regain better control.

The problem for me will remain, the funds to get me there and pay for the procedure.
So ... now .... how do I get people to support me in my effort to undergo stem cell therapy??? I know that there are many people out there that believe in this science, and I have stated for a long time that I believe this is where many diseases will eventually end. Please help me continue with the fight.

I should be getting another couple of calls in the next few days in regard to what is expected, review of my case, and approximate expectations of such a treatment on my current status.

Thanks again for the continued support.

PS: The quilt tickets are not yet gone, we contemplated pulling a name from the hundred we sold already, but were holding out hope that something else would come along. Perhaps .... that something has arrived.

et

I need Divine Intervention ... and some guidance

Hello all!!

This could very well be one of the longest posts made to date.
I need to vent .... BIG TIME!!

1. I am a Jack Kervokian fan!!

2. I believe in euthanasia ... and hope that when I get to that point, I am allowed to just go, with my dignity in tact. Pain free of course.

3. I am so incredibly frustrated with the political happenings in this great country we live in. I am referring to the issue that effects me directly and has for a good portion of my life. HEALTH CARE!!

I don't think it has been any great secret that I have been deeply down, depressed for the last several weeks since learning of my rejection from the Islet Cell Transplant Trial. It was all looking so good, to the point they gave me the green light to wrap up the process, and BOOM!! That last blood test, the PRA antibody at 63%. Well .... in the real world, this result would NOT play the part it played in the trial. I believe that my daughter was right on the $$$ with her thought that the FDA and the NIH want only the best possible outcomes for the trial process so that it can be FDA approved. If this was the "REAL WORLD" ... and it become very clear in the aspect that the whole organ pancrease transplant has been offered to me three times now.

Ok ... lets look at this picture.
Why .... because I am/would still wait a little longer for a potential donor. That PRA reading is still going to be 63%, and at the current time, I still have very good kidney function. That was one risk/benefit I was willing to take with the islet trial that I am not willing to take with the pancrease transplant. I would risk losing my kidney function, no doubt sooner than later, and then I would be on the long waiting list for a kidney. Something my loving daughter isn't willing to give up "cause they don't grow back." LOL

So ... lets go to another irk ... WHY .... why is the USA holding up this process? Why are therapies such as adult stem cell therapy (such as that in which Sandra took her son to South America to have done)being done all over the world with excellent results. Why ... is the US so far behind that of other countries in finding a cure, or at this point, a much more human method of treating and managing Type I diabetes. Let me sum it up .... in one word!!! PROFIT !!!

That's right... money ... think about it. Why would the US want to come close to a cure when there are so many phamaceutical companies sitting on Capital Hill with all those politians. Who is getting rich here ... who is benefitting ... well it most certainly is not those of us who suffer with these dreaded diseases. WHY ... would a cure be unleased when there is all this money to be made.

Let me tell you a little bit about my life. I have spent my whole adult life, since turning 18 and falling off my mom's insurance trying to maintain health insurance that would cover my medications. Think of how pissed I was when I wasn't working and pregnant with my daughter to have found out my husband at the time had lost his job and didn't even tell me!!! That she was delivered and then the two of us spending 7 days in the hospital, her in ICU for a day or two. A pricely little venture. Or those insurance companies that required me to be on the job for a year before they would even cover me due to a pre-existing illness. People can bash places like France, Italy, Canada for thier socialized medicine, but it has more pluses than we have going on here in the US. I spent almost $15,000 last year on doctor visits, medications, and pump supplies. Then my tax adviser wants to know what I do for fun?? REALLY !!! What the hell is left when I dish out that sort of $$ just to maintain my life force?? NOTHING!! I have a mortgage, your basic utilities, my yard looks like it belongs to someone who is from the ghetto. There is nothing extra by any means. I spent ten years out of work because I was told to "put your affairs in order." That was in 1996 ... I tried to keep working, but who wants to employ someone that keeps crashing to the point she doesn't even know where she is, never mind what she is doing or who she is talking too? So ... I stopped. Then I spent the next two years trying to prove that this was killing me and making my life totally unmanagable. My PCP at the time finally told me "It's time to hang your pride up and let them know what you live with." You have no idea what that did to me.

That would bring me back to my current mental status. I have been hit that hard again. I am devastated. I am frustrated. I am PISSED!!! I am pissed that like so many others in this country, I am fighting to stay alive, fighting to remain a vital participant in society. During that time, I move across the country. A move I don't not for one minute regret because the weather here in AZ is very good to my bones and body. I am stiff... but no where near what I was living in the cold, humid atomosphere of New England. I went back to college, figured I would use my medical knowledge to make some money. Got certified in medical transcription. Got a job, by shear stroke of luck, and have since (5years) gone even further in my education and last November became certified as a Medical Coding Associate. Now, I had plans to continue my education even a little further and go for the next level and get my BA in Health Information Technology. Well ... I have to be honest. Lately, I don't give a rats ass if I wake up. I am that tired. But, then I get pissed at our society and our govenment for the hold they have on our doctors, researchers, and scientists. Those who had dedicated thier careers to finding cures and acceptable treatments for some of the worst disease on the planet.

So ... again ... WHY!??!! Why are we going to allow the government to hold the keys to if we live or die?? Or that the next generation of children will have to go one day knowing what I have had to learn and know from an age that was just way too young. We have diabetes, childhood cancer, Parkinson's disease (this one has a personal meaning for me as well, my mother suffered from this), spinal injuries. They all sit on the cusp of great advancement ... and that advancement has been proven in other countries for many years. I have discovered in the last couple of weeks that I too, could pursue the adult stem cell therapy in which Sandra took her son out of the country for. One big problem. I don't have the money. I have been a single mother for the past 17 years. I could make lots of excuses as to why I don't have that sort of cash, but why? A good portion of the country is living below the poverty level. I wonder ... how many of those families are dealing with a chronic, deadly, or incurable disease??

My latest quest is that I leave the US to undergo this treatment. With much less risk than a whole organ transplant. In Germany, I can have the procedure done ... 7 days in country with follow up labs that can be done here, for the bargin price of $17,000 .... and that is just for the procedure. I wonder how some of these facilities feel when they have so many patients coming from the US. I can't help but feel that people that can afford to take this sort of action, are so very blessed. As Sandra had stated to me, and what parent wouldn't, do all they can to save thier child?? KUDOS to her and her husband for making that choice!! and that they were able to financially do it.

I told my daughter last week that I was seriously thinking of smoking lots of dope, and becoming some sort of political radical for the healthcare movement!! Oh, by the way, I am all for the legalization of marijuana as well.

I don't know where to turn, I don't know how to come up with these sorts of funds. I am tired of those people who scream religious fanaticism when the term "stem cell" is mentioned. Perhaps they don't know anyone who has ever had to deal with a devastating, deadly, life altering disease. Maybe they should, as I have LOTS of faith in a God that I believe has placed me here on earth for a very good reason. I wish I knew what that reason is, but if it means I have to die for it, so be it. I will do what I have to do to make sure that the science that is out there and ready to be put into place ... takes place!! and sooner rather than later.

I need to seek out some professional guidance. I am going to drill every medical professional I know with intelligence and a working knowledge of the science for guidance in my search. Of all the doctors I deal with on a regular basis in my own life, only one of them, and she isn't a doctor, she is a PA, was in enthusiastic support of my undergoing the trial. Someone out there must have the balls (sorry, I can't think of any better word as my fingers type along this fast) to help and give thier opinions in helping me achieve this goal. I want to maintain my hope. I have prayed hard, and tried to clear my head as to what I should do. Not one person who has been supporting me in this venture has told me to give it all up. On the contrary, they all have told me to take the time I need to regroup, but PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!

For that sort of support, I can not thank them enough. They see far further into me than I do at times. I have a knack for turning certain things off until I feel I am ready to plow ahead and let it all go.

We have been working with Maggie to train her to pick up on the scent of my low blood sugars. Which I think she is actually catching onto. The problem is getting her to grab my attention when my blood sugar is 28 like it apparently was last week when I have absolutely no recollection as to how or when I somehow managed to plow my way to the kitchen, or shut my pump off... it is all becoming too familiar, and too damn frightening to think of what might happen if I am alone. A trainer will be working with us in a couple of weeks. Hopefully, and she feels confident, we can teach Maggie to act as my service dog when alone.

For me to undergo a stem cell therapy, would, if nothing else, bring me the joy of lessened lows, less drastic, less fatal/critical. How can I possibly explain these situations to someone who has never witnessed one, or experienced on themselves?? I wouldn't wish an episode of such on anyone.

Please help!!!! I am begging that anyone, someone you know, or a friend knows, help me find the funding, the knowledge to get to where I want to go, and help the others that are deperately waiting for positive results and not empty political promises.

Thanks for letting me rant off ... these are things I am very passionate about and I will not in any way, shape, or form, apoligize for my beliefs. I have been listening to these sorts of promises since the mid-70's "Oh, one day scientists hope" .... come on people ... the scientists are hoping that the politians get thier hands out of the pot!!!

Peace and Love to all for the continued love and support!!
eliza