Happy Tuesday!!
I am sorry I did not post last night. I was so incredibly drained upon my return from Phoenix. I did the ride down and back, by myself. First issue at hand. My being alone seems to have my endocrinologist on edge. I put forth my data since treatment on 3.21.12 and she was pleased with what was there, EXCEPT .... for several lows in which she was wondering "what happened." I tried to explain that since treatment, I have developed some sense of "awareness" again and that I have been catching them somewhere between 50-60. However, over the weekend I was out in the yard with HT doing some burning, weed pulling, raking, spraying for bugs ... and I bottomed out at some point ... it was much later in the day, we had already come in and HT had gone to pick up friends. When they returned, all 3 of them looked at me and said "she's down."
Now.... let's get something straight ... I have never used my disease as an excuse. I was out working, I am, for the most part, living alone, at the time HT was here with me ... I do not have a 24 hour a day babysitter. I am not involved in a relationship with any sort of "significant other," and my daughter is a recent grad who is trying to move on with HER life. My outlook has NEVER been to have my child "take care of me." She does, we are in contact daily, on the norm. So ... you know, one day someone just may find me down and perhaps from a low blood sugar ... those are facts!!! They have always been facts ... however, I am not now, nor have I ever, lived my life with fear of that. I denied it for a long time ... lol ... but as I got older, as HT phrases it best, "it is part of her life, our life, it does not, however, define us." She has always told people that, people who have told her ... (she is just amazed at how little people know) There is no difference in my mother or your mother, my mother just deals with a chronic disease, again, it does not define her. She is so much more ..... That in and of itself, makes me one proud mama.
Ok ... well ... endocrinologist was a little concerned. She has stated in the past that I "scare" her. Maybe it is time for me to cut back a little on how hard I push myself..... with all that has come to light just since Friday. In any event, we dropped my basal rate another 0.5 units per hour across the board, and my early evening to midnight basal a WHOLE unit!!!! To me ... this is pretty impressive!! Along with the drop in basal rate, we adjusted my carb to insulin ratio, going from 1 unit for 13 grams of carb to 1 unit for 15 grams, seems small, but can be a big effort in trying to curb the lows (for those that are unaware of how this works, too much insulin, not enough food/carb can lead to low blood sugars). I will have labs done in about a week to grab my latest A1c, and the usual monitoring labs, as well as the B12 and related labs from the neurologist.
On Friday, HT and I met with a psychotherapist who specializes in head injury patients ... seemed to be going well until I lost interest, denial was weighing heavy. It didn't matter how hard I tried, certain things just didn't come out clear, without distraction, and at one point, I know I just started to stare off listening to her telling us that "I believe you should begin the process of filing your social security paperwork. It was as if someone stuck me with a really sharp object. As many of you know, I had done this play back in the mid-to-late 90s when the medical community was ready to write me off. Really ... how many lives can one person have????? After a 2 year process and a frustrating one at that, benefits kicked in and for the next 10 years I raised my daughter on very little..... and survived with the help of my little village. To have to begin this process yet again ... this time all based on another individuals stupidity ... I am feeling a vast array of emotions from anger, denial, confusion .... just a wide array of ups and downs, what will I do now. I was making decent money, I enjoyed my job, it involved a lot of reading, staying on top of the CMS guidelines, appropriate applications and the up and coming ICD10. Now ... I have a hard time reading the news and being able to repeat key facts within. It is frustrating at best ... and that doesn't even add in the bills, mortgage, work that comes with home ownership etc.
So ... I sort of got distracted ... so I am off to get ready for yet another doctor appointment. I hope everyone has a great day ... I will do my best to pull reports and post so that I can explain in better detail.
Be good to yourselves ... be good to each other!!
Peace and Light
et
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