Well ... I went for what will be my last massage for a while, the what some call a "buffer" is gone! Although it has been prescribed I undergo massage every 2 weeks for accident and previous health issues, this is what I would call a "luxury" by many peoples standards. I have bills to pay, and I am not seeing anything legally being settled for God only knows how long.
1. This blows me away on an emotional front. How am I too recover, focus on getting better, getting back to a point where what seemed normal to me prior, is like being a toddler again?" All this added stress about who is going to get paid, will I lose my home, will I go back to work and maintain the job title, status, and my creditionals??? I worked really hard to prove I could be a "functioning, productive member of society." I was successful at it, and now ... due to the fact I was able to maintain my health, until about a year or two ago when things began to really decline in my ability to go through the day without the help of a friend, puts me in a bad position now. All because of an accident. An accident in which I saw it coming at me, but was unable to do a freakin' thing about it. ....... BBOOOOM!!! was all I heard ... lights out ... and when I awoke, in a panic thinking I was going to burn .... my life suddenly changed in a way that even I, have never had to cope with on a level like this, from this side of the patient/care taker/doctor positions.
It has been almost 5 months since my accident .... does stuff really take this long?? Is all this added stress worth it ... ?? Well, I think so ... but I am not sure how much I can cope with physically as well as mentally, emotionally, etc. I still have a ton of crap to accomplish, and a few things I would actually like to enjoy. Like that week on a tropical paradise ... just reading a book, soaking up the scents, the sounds, hell, I don't even really need company ... hehehe ... just to let go of everything ... breathe deep, exhale slowly ... allow the cobwebs that are going in my head to dissapate, and come back ready to rock and roll for the science in which I have become such a passionate fan.
I believe in prayer ... and I have been doing it .. for myself, for others, for those who have stood by me, close and far away ... your continued prayers, good vibes, encouragement, opinions and love .... they really do go so deep that my words could never convey my appreciation!!!
On that note ... my massage last night has me hurtin' today. My massage therapist told me that "driving to Phoenix is NOT good for your body!!" I was sort of "frozen" in a position in which I know happened on that drive to Phoenix last week. You remember, when I came into the city limits my arms were asleep from the shoulders down due to gripping the steering wheel like I was some sort of B-rated scream queen. I don't think I can remember the last time I heard and felt so much popping and cracking as went on last night. OMG ... from my neck down to the top of that lovely gluteous maximus ... hehehe ... I am going to wrap in the ol' sexy scent of icy hot today ... and just chill .... I am beginning to think my body has almost 50 years of toxic debris floating around in me .... I had a water bottle gone in the time it took me to leave the studio and get home (less than 2 miles), and continued to pound them back until I had wiped out 4 of them before hitting the pillows ... again ... it is an amazingly cleansing feeling. That magnificent body ... it continues to amaze me with what the body has the ability to do and come back from ... and how our mind frame can affect it ... so ... I am off to a HOT shower, and then the rub down. It is good to keep me flexible and moving ... I am also seeing a nap in our future today, weather is beautiful .. air sucks today. I have been told 3x this week that I am pushing my mind too hard, I need to set time frames in which I do something and not focus on completion of said projects ... this is in complete reverse of what I have always done. I am being forced to "deal with it" if I want to continue life in any sort of functional, $$$, and productive life, and we all know I like my quality ... over my quantity ... hehehehe and ... one last one ... today ... I am down another 1/2 unit of insulin ... toxins be gone!! :O
Something to ponder ... today and everyday!!!!
"Unknown"
Let it all go ...
Peace and Light
et
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