Good Morning and Happy Sunday!!
I am not feeling well this morning. My blood sugars have been up and down for the past 2-3 days. (time for me means nothing lately) I crashed 3x on Thursday (I think) and with each crash, I have been able to catch it just a little more ahead of the curve, i.e., 1st one was 44 when caught, the last one I caught as 60 with warnings, but ... then I just want to eat until I feel better as the crashing seems to be far more intense than I can ever recall. Recall ... not being my best subject these days. I am so beyond frustrated with the situation overall. The accident has changed my life as I knew it and I am angry to a point that I can't seem to pull my head out from up my ass to get a grip on what to do about it, and no one can tell me if it is or will ever be the way it was before. I had such high hopes of 2012 being a year to remember for positive reasons.
I had my meeting with the psychotherapist, and I can honestly tell you that I was not a happy girl with some of what was being told to me. I meet with her again on Friday ... guessing I should bring some of my anger and frustration with me this time ... not to aim it at anyone ..... Shall we say, I have a lot of personal, soul searching work to do, and for that, I have become sort of recluse .... I think it is better this way so that I don't hurt anyone unintentionally with words or moods. I am not happy with myself on this road, I can't imagine anyone else would be either. It has been odd, how some can handle this sort of change in others, and some try, but just can't bring themselves to participate. I completely understand ... it is and can be a sort of hopeless journey ... and when one feels hopeless ... SO many scenarios can play out.
I will stop, as I am not even sure I understood what I just typed. I didn't sleep well at all last night ... I mean some of these dreams I am having range from blissful to down-right freakin' scary!! Last night I was jailed!!! I have NEVER been jailed ... arrested ... the closest I have come is moving violation or parking ticket. I swear I spent half the night screaming and tossing around ... I am freakin' exhausted and have only been up for a couple of hours.
I am going to take that nice long, hot shower and see if I can't blow some life back into the old girl .... I am thinking it is going to be a sort of low key day ... perhaps with some napping ... when what I should really be doing is outside ... but I am alone, and with doc instructions ... how far am I willing to push myself today ... this is just crap in my opinion ... I live alone now for the most part, and I WILL NOT allow friends to "babysit" if you will. Me and my life are not for them to worry about, although I am so blessed that they do, it really isn't their responsibility.
To ALL ... I wish a wonderful day and peaceful thoughts.
Peace and Light
et
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