Hi everyone ... I hope this post finds everyone enjoying their Sunday.
It has been a LONG weekend for me. I think it is in part due to the fact I am sort of preoccupied with the multiple situations going on at one time in my life (so what else is new, right?). My blood sugar remains exceptionally stable in spite of this, only a couple of spikes (I am pretty sure this was my own stupidity, not having bolused square-wave after correcting a low), a constant juggling act!!! Sometime I feel like all my balls are in the air, and other times, I feel like someone tossed in some extra balls and I just can't keep them all up....LOL.
I have been typing as I had two tapes do for my side job. I wanted to get some other work done, but it just wasn't in me and therefore I will be using some more of my PTO. One day .... (BIG DREAM HERE) I hope to actually take some time off from all work and go someplace I can totally disappear ... in the sense that I can park my happy ass on a shoreline with my hat, sunglasses and a trashy book for a change ... hehehehe ... sad part is, I'm not really into trashy reading. I need to find my ocean spot and cleanse my soul. (Many of you know I use the ocean like some go to church). The sounds, smells, and calming effect of the tides has a way of giving me some new perspective. You know, that I am only a small part of the big picture and I need to regenerate ... in more ways than one. Anyway .... it has been pretty quiet around here with just me, the dog, and my thoughts for the future. HT works most weekends and is house sitting, so I haven't seen her since Friday morning. I have much hope for my future despite the recent medical hits and uncertainty. I hope to be able to share some "career" changing happenings this week. This offer has made me one happy pup!! It has been some news that is keeping me positive currently as my ability to touch others and make a real difference on the educational front has me on cloud 9. Who would have ever thought this about me ... LOL .... ??? It humbles me to think that so many of you out there, and on my "home front" that there is something special about me ... I am really just doing the best I can with situations that present themselves and want others to have the same opportunities to overcome. I certainly hope that my quest for good health and the methods in which I chose to accomplish this, is making a difference. Don't give up hope on this science and the power of the human spirit.... it is all part of the play book.
Yesterday I purchased 5 good size boxes .... yes, one for each sibling ... my goal is within the next few weeks I am able to get through the crap crawling the walls in my home, pack up what they may want to fight over, donate the rest, and get my home and my life back, or maybe ... just begin to live a life of my own. This has been a very weird transition period as I can't remember when I didn't have someone to take care of. Now I only have myself ... and of course, I will always be the mom to my baby girl, but she is about to venture off on her own and with that, comes my need to sort of disconnect the cord .. LOL ... I will never cut it, and she has stated the same.... LOL.
Ok kids ... I have tasks to complete, and "multi" wasn't part of yesterdays happenings. I think I made a bigger mess than was already here. It is one thing to see all these boxes, it is a completely different scenario to spread what is in the boxes around. I just keep telling myself ... this too shall pass so plug on.
Enjoy the day!!!
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Again ... we take the good with the bad ...
G'Evening web world!!!
Ok .. .going to try and make this a quick, news packed post, like always, flying over more than one. At the end of the post, check out this weeks latest press release regarding celebrity stem cell treatments. So many great things are starting to happen. I SO am looking forward to undergoing the treatment again, if all goes well perhaps sometime in January 2012. I can't tell you how much I am hoping for 2012 to be the ultimate in life changing years. Maybe it's age, I am after all 48 years old now!!!! I think I have more than exceeded that doctor who stated in 1972 that "this kid will be lucky if she sees 21." Thats 27 flipping more than they predicted ..... ahhhhh if I only knew then, what I know now. However, there are many aspects of my life I wouldn't change for a minute, like being the mother of one of the most incredible creatures I have ever encountered .... she amazes me every single day. This is making the "cutting of the cord" a little more difficult lately as she has a young man in her life. I had no idea that this was what happens when a daughter moves on. It rips at my heart, but in a good way. I know this is sort of like growing pains all over again ... LOL.... for me!!! He has been very supportive of her in many aspects of our chaotic existence in recent years, months, weeks, ..... life.... isn't it grand!!!
On my health front, overall, I am feeling pretty good. I have been exhausted the past month. Not sleeping great, my house is a rubble zone, which doesn't promote good sleep..... LOL ... even poor Maggie looks at me as if to say "what are going to do with all this shit??" "I want my pillow back!!" .... lol ... if she could speak ... oh, the stories she could tell you. Yesterday, I finally got some sort of answer on the lymph node. I will be undergoing surgery to remove it on 10/17. Apparently, this surgeon DID see something on the first CT scan, yet my report stated "No abnormal findings." .....all I could think was WTF!!! He was then able to pull my ultrasounds from the hospital database and .... wait for it ..... COMPARE THEM!!! Well, imagine my awe when he states that it has grown and that he would remove it and then have "whatever it is analyzed." So ... I'm not really thrilled about the situation, I guess it needs to come out given my history with these cancerous cells .... the issue I went through several years back has also shown potential for bad growth. Do me a favor folks .... don't let something that seems like no big deal, like a mole, or for women to undergo a yearly pap and other related exams. I would also recommend this to my male cohorts. Something that you overlook everyday ... no big deal, turns into something you didn't expect. Anyway ... biopsies were done yesterday, again .... I wait.
So with that fill in .... I hope everyone enjoyed the first day of fall!! This has got to be the best season!! The smell of baking apples, cider, crisp smell in the air first thing in the morning, the smell of firewood .... in my kitchen the scent of cinnamon and spice...... because even the ocean can be enjoyed 365 days a year, but fall is a short span. Enjoy !!!! To those who follow back in New England .... enjoy some of that fresh cider with a "spice" for me!!
I have work to do from home in the morning while doing some multitasking ... LOL ... or at least attempting. These days I am lucky to focus on one thing for any length of time before my mind roams to some other area that is going to need attention ... and SOON. Graduation is only 10 weeks away!!
On that note: I hope you find the link to the press release from Stem Genex on the celebrity stem cell treatment. http://www.prweb.com/releases/2011/9/prweb8814052.htm
Enjoy the weekend one and all!!
Peace and Light
et
Ok .. .going to try and make this a quick, news packed post, like always, flying over more than one. At the end of the post, check out this weeks latest press release regarding celebrity stem cell treatments. So many great things are starting to happen. I SO am looking forward to undergoing the treatment again, if all goes well perhaps sometime in January 2012. I can't tell you how much I am hoping for 2012 to be the ultimate in life changing years. Maybe it's age, I am after all 48 years old now!!!! I think I have more than exceeded that doctor who stated in 1972 that "this kid will be lucky if she sees 21." Thats 27 flipping more than they predicted ..... ahhhhh if I only knew then, what I know now. However, there are many aspects of my life I wouldn't change for a minute, like being the mother of one of the most incredible creatures I have ever encountered .... she amazes me every single day. This is making the "cutting of the cord" a little more difficult lately as she has a young man in her life. I had no idea that this was what happens when a daughter moves on. It rips at my heart, but in a good way. I know this is sort of like growing pains all over again ... LOL.... for me!!! He has been very supportive of her in many aspects of our chaotic existence in recent years, months, weeks, ..... life.... isn't it grand!!!
On my health front, overall, I am feeling pretty good. I have been exhausted the past month. Not sleeping great, my house is a rubble zone, which doesn't promote good sleep..... LOL ... even poor Maggie looks at me as if to say "what are going to do with all this shit??" "I want my pillow back!!" .... lol ... if she could speak ... oh, the stories she could tell you. Yesterday, I finally got some sort of answer on the lymph node. I will be undergoing surgery to remove it on 10/17. Apparently, this surgeon DID see something on the first CT scan, yet my report stated "No abnormal findings." .....all I could think was WTF!!! He was then able to pull my ultrasounds from the hospital database and .... wait for it ..... COMPARE THEM!!! Well, imagine my awe when he states that it has grown and that he would remove it and then have "whatever it is analyzed." So ... I'm not really thrilled about the situation, I guess it needs to come out given my history with these cancerous cells .... the issue I went through several years back has also shown potential for bad growth. Do me a favor folks .... don't let something that seems like no big deal, like a mole, or for women to undergo a yearly pap and other related exams. I would also recommend this to my male cohorts. Something that you overlook everyday ... no big deal, turns into something you didn't expect. Anyway ... biopsies were done yesterday, again .... I wait.
So with that fill in .... I hope everyone enjoyed the first day of fall!! This has got to be the best season!! The smell of baking apples, cider, crisp smell in the air first thing in the morning, the smell of firewood .... in my kitchen the scent of cinnamon and spice...... because even the ocean can be enjoyed 365 days a year, but fall is a short span. Enjoy !!!! To those who follow back in New England .... enjoy some of that fresh cider with a "spice" for me!!
I have work to do from home in the morning while doing some multitasking ... LOL ... or at least attempting. These days I am lucky to focus on one thing for any length of time before my mind roams to some other area that is going to need attention ... and SOON. Graduation is only 10 weeks away!!
On that note: I hope you find the link to the press release from Stem Genex on the celebrity stem cell treatment. http://www.prweb.com/releases/2011/9/prweb8814052.htm
Enjoy the weekend one and all!!
Peace and Light
et
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Up ... and then down again
G'Evening,
I am totally exhausted, from so many things. HT and I did the Best Fest this past weekend, and I am still paying for being on my ass for 8 hours, then on my feet for another 7, and then Saturday as well. It was really fun, and there were a ton of people from all over the state up here in Prescott celebrating the 100 year Centennial of AZ on February 14, 2012. I guess there is going to be several months of state wide celebrations. Prescott was the first territorial capital of AZ. Ok ... LOL .... that is about all the wild west history I can share ... I am a New Englander at heart.
Then there was Monday, back to work. I am exhausted ... did I say that already...? The usual 8 hours of what I do, which can be stressful for multiple reasons. Came home, BS dropped, went to bed. Did it again today, didn't want to get out of bed, but I made it to work. Good thing is after last night, I dropped my basal rate down another 1/2 unit an hour. I haven't been about the 150 range in a couple of weeks except for a pump issue I had 3 days ago. I seem to be needing less insulin to carb coverage as well.
Monday evening I listened to a voice mail I had from my GYN, we have issues there again. Going back to the whole lymph node issue, insurance still refuses, so I am being sent to a surgeon to see about just having whatever the 2x3cm mass is removed and biopsied after the fact. I will now also being visiting the GYN for yet another round of biopsies there as well. I am not looking forward to a potential rerun of THAT health hit. I just know the "stress" that they claim feeds these sort of bad cells has not been good. I am now concerned that the lymph node/mass could somehow be related to the other.....? I have my list of questions for both docs as an irregular mole was also found in the area of the mass. I have a history of skin dysplasia as well. All, or both of these health issues revolve around potential cancer cells, they are on the verge of becoming, cervical cancer, melanoma, etc. All being difficult to catch without early detection and regular follow up visits. Again, my knowledge, need to continue to learn, understand and perhaps share the experience with others so they know that they are not alone. I often times have felt very alone, especially with this latest "bad" result on my test. My mother was around to talk to when I went through the last bout, which was far from a pleasant ride, including laser surgery and a 6 week round of topical chemo. I just was not prepared for this hit, not with the potential beginning of a new part-time position that would make me the happiest stemmie recipient on the planet. An opportunity to share all the wonderful things that have happened since.
Basically, I know I need to relax, try and remain calm and optimistic, and just wait to see what happens with the appointments on Thursday. I have already taken the entire day off now due to the biopsy process. I will do some work from home..... in my sweats with a heating pad!!!
Fall is coming to AZ .... the mornings and evenings are cool, the days still warm, but more outside weather, my favorite time out here. Hoping to spend some quality time with Maggie this weekend, bath, oil change ... lol .... sounds exciting don't it?? That is my idea of quality time, being out with the dog ... and having my oil changed. There will be some more box dissection and disposal as well. I only have 9 weeks to get this place in shape for my baby-girls graduation .... with her nursing degree!!!! It has to happen ... especially now that we have only each other here, and of course those dear friends in which we now call family.
Wishing everyone a peaceful nights rest, and/or a wonderful Weds.
Peace and Light
et
I am totally exhausted, from so many things. HT and I did the Best Fest this past weekend, and I am still paying for being on my ass for 8 hours, then on my feet for another 7, and then Saturday as well. It was really fun, and there were a ton of people from all over the state up here in Prescott celebrating the 100 year Centennial of AZ on February 14, 2012. I guess there is going to be several months of state wide celebrations. Prescott was the first territorial capital of AZ. Ok ... LOL .... that is about all the wild west history I can share ... I am a New Englander at heart.
Then there was Monday, back to work. I am exhausted ... did I say that already...? The usual 8 hours of what I do, which can be stressful for multiple reasons. Came home, BS dropped, went to bed. Did it again today, didn't want to get out of bed, but I made it to work. Good thing is after last night, I dropped my basal rate down another 1/2 unit an hour. I haven't been about the 150 range in a couple of weeks except for a pump issue I had 3 days ago. I seem to be needing less insulin to carb coverage as well.
Monday evening I listened to a voice mail I had from my GYN, we have issues there again. Going back to the whole lymph node issue, insurance still refuses, so I am being sent to a surgeon to see about just having whatever the 2x3cm mass is removed and biopsied after the fact. I will now also being visiting the GYN for yet another round of biopsies there as well. I am not looking forward to a potential rerun of THAT health hit. I just know the "stress" that they claim feeds these sort of bad cells has not been good. I am now concerned that the lymph node/mass could somehow be related to the other.....? I have my list of questions for both docs as an irregular mole was also found in the area of the mass. I have a history of skin dysplasia as well. All, or both of these health issues revolve around potential cancer cells, they are on the verge of becoming, cervical cancer, melanoma, etc. All being difficult to catch without early detection and regular follow up visits. Again, my knowledge, need to continue to learn, understand and perhaps share the experience with others so they know that they are not alone. I often times have felt very alone, especially with this latest "bad" result on my test. My mother was around to talk to when I went through the last bout, which was far from a pleasant ride, including laser surgery and a 6 week round of topical chemo. I just was not prepared for this hit, not with the potential beginning of a new part-time position that would make me the happiest stemmie recipient on the planet. An opportunity to share all the wonderful things that have happened since.
Basically, I know I need to relax, try and remain calm and optimistic, and just wait to see what happens with the appointments on Thursday. I have already taken the entire day off now due to the biopsy process. I will do some work from home..... in my sweats with a heating pad!!!
Fall is coming to AZ .... the mornings and evenings are cool, the days still warm, but more outside weather, my favorite time out here. Hoping to spend some quality time with Maggie this weekend, bath, oil change ... lol .... sounds exciting don't it?? That is my idea of quality time, being out with the dog ... and having my oil changed. There will be some more box dissection and disposal as well. I only have 9 weeks to get this place in shape for my baby-girls graduation .... with her nursing degree!!!! It has to happen ... especially now that we have only each other here, and of course those dear friends in which we now call family.
Wishing everyone a peaceful nights rest, and/or a wonderful Weds.
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Lots of positive happenings
Hi Everyone!!
Just a quickie update for today. I will detail tomorrow as it has been a busy week. Hillary and I are working one of the alcohol tents for Arizona's Centennial Celebration kick off being held this weekend. We did last night and were absolutely wiped when we got home at 11:00. We will do it again tonight from 5-10. It is through the Eagles, who sponsored my fundraising event back in November so we both feel a good about giving back to the community. So tomorrow, I will try and get "it" in gear so I can get some more boxes empty and dumpster bound.
I received my father's remains back this week .... that was a very weird encounter, just felt odd. I will be doing my "executor" duties to finish this chapter of my life. I plan to weed through what is left of these so called worldly possessions that my brothers seem to think are some sort of gold mine, NOT AT ALL!!! I will sort through and send boxes out hopefully by the end of the year so that we can bring in the new year with a new outlook, a new beginning, and perhaps a couple of expanded career options. All this is overdue for both my daughter, and myself.
With that being said .... I have to finish up some laundry and go to the store.
PS: I think it is time to review the BG logs as I think it is time to kick the basal rate down again. This too, is great news given the stress levels I have been under, and the continued fight of my first "stemmie" treatment. With the lift of some of the stress, and the soon to be loss of the remaining stress contributors ..... I see good things in my future.
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et
Just a quickie update for today. I will detail tomorrow as it has been a busy week. Hillary and I are working one of the alcohol tents for Arizona's Centennial Celebration kick off being held this weekend. We did last night and were absolutely wiped when we got home at 11:00. We will do it again tonight from 5-10. It is through the Eagles, who sponsored my fundraising event back in November so we both feel a good about giving back to the community. So tomorrow, I will try and get "it" in gear so I can get some more boxes empty and dumpster bound.
I received my father's remains back this week .... that was a very weird encounter, just felt odd. I will be doing my "executor" duties to finish this chapter of my life. I plan to weed through what is left of these so called worldly possessions that my brothers seem to think are some sort of gold mine, NOT AT ALL!!! I will sort through and send boxes out hopefully by the end of the year so that we can bring in the new year with a new outlook, a new beginning, and perhaps a couple of expanded career options. All this is overdue for both my daughter, and myself.
With that being said .... I have to finish up some laundry and go to the store.
PS: I think it is time to review the BG logs as I think it is time to kick the basal rate down again. This too, is great news given the stress levels I have been under, and the continued fight of my first "stemmie" treatment. With the lift of some of the stress, and the soon to be loss of the remaining stress contributors ..... I see good things in my future.
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, September 10, 2011
September already ....
Happy Saturday to everyone!!
I can't believe that September has arrived, the weather seems to be cooling down, we have had some rain this past week, but I am still just at a phase of being overwhelmed to the point I have no clue where the time has gone over the past few weeks. It's been just one blur after another. The entire situation in which my father passed away still weighs on me, and I have awoken at night in this daze as to where all this "rubble" in my home has come from. We have been able to start the weeding out process .... but it is hard to face after going to work and/or school all day or in Hilly's case, just coming in from a day of school yesterday and an all night shift. Everyone keeps telling us, "just take the time, a year or so, put it aside," .... well .... that would be all well and good if I had any sort of storage, shed, or garage. It has to be done, and the sooner I can get it done, and boxes packed for my brothers, the sooner I can forget about the hurtful, selfish behaviors and move on with my own life .... for Hillary, I know she feels bad about the entire situation, however, she is an adult now, can make her own conclusions, make her own call on what and who is part of her life. I, on the other hand, have had my 48 years to look back on recently, and have come to the conclusion that in a "reality" outlook, my brothers never really did support me in my life knowing the disease process, etc. Perhaps they really don't....?? It would seem that the whole "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" theory would place my brothers in the same thought processes as my father. That if we "deny it exists, then we need not really deal with it." It was odd, one of the moments in which keeps playing in my head is the Tuesday night we were in the ER with my dad. He kept insisting that I go home as I had been there since getting out of work, and had not eaten. It was the first time I ever recall him not only making comment of the fact, but would appear he understood now. Not long ago, he was telling me to "be careful, you might throw up your insulin." ..... Not the most intelligent comment from someone who lived in the same house as me for almost 20 years. Anyway .... lots of "moments" keep running though my mind, waking me at night, fogging my thoughts at work, perhaps part of the natural grieving process, but I am thinking this is a little different in that my entire life is about to change, and due to the family BS, I will only have those who have truly supported me in this venture over the past few years to share what comes next. I find it sad, disappointing, and probably a few other words that are just not coming to the forefront, that my own siblings could be so cold hearted, selfish, and with the nerve to blame me for not being fair to them. It totally blows me away!!! I thought I had come to this conclusion when they told me that they would not care for my dad, in any way due to their "childhood feelings." .... LMAO .... I am sorry, but I really do think this is one of the lamest excuses for "grown ups" I have ever heard. At least I can say this about my friends, and extended family, we have always spoke "up front", I don't usually hold any punches in my opinions or how I feel, you usually know where you stand with me ... and likewise ..... so how blessed am I??? To have people like this in my life to enjoy this journey with me, share some of the deepest thoughts of my being, laugh, cry, agree to disagree, and still ..... love and respect. This .... in my opinion, is one of my lifes best gifts, I have some of the greatest people in my life, some having been around for 20-30 years, coming and going, yet always being able to pick up right where we left off, and still continue to move forward in life. How much more can I ask for.....?? I am sorry that my brothers, all of us having been raised in the same home, same parents, same outlook, morals, etc ... primarily run by my mother, could come to be adults with such an outlook on who they are, where they came from, and one lesson I don't think too many, if any, rarely think about ..... I am happy that they seem to be successful in their careers, have nice homes, seem like they manage to get by, some better than the others but ...... when the shit hits the fan (pardon the expression), and life hits you with that slap in the face, you could lose all that wealth in a split second .... I certainly hope they know who they are and where they came from then .... as I do believe that I have learned many lessons over the years, especially since my diagnosis in 1972. I have always felt different in my outlook of the world, maybe we need to have near death experiences as children, as it would seem that as adults, not everyone "gets it." One brother in particular, who I have always considered myself close with in spite of differences over the years, has had a stroke, a heart attack, stents placed .... and no doubt the infamous family trait of high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol, and by looking at his feet and legs, a serious circulation issue (similar to his father).... can sit here drinking heavily, and smoking one after another, and tell me .... what life is all about!!! I certainly hope that for his sake, his grandchildren think he is all that and more, as I think, and remember as a child, my grandfather not being my favorite person as he smelled of beer, cigarette smoke, and was nasty on so many levels. He seems to love his grandchildren very much, however, I wonder if he ever thinks about the picture he portrays in their eyes??? Not my business really .... but .... as siblings .... I was brought up to believe we loved each other, would support and band together in times of need, or death .... seems I was wrong .... and on SO many levels.
This is another one I must put behind me, deal with it, and get on with life. MY LIFE!!! In the past few years, and now, since my treatment and positive responses, my goal is to help others in similar situations. This area of medicine/science can help so many, and it is my passion to share what I do know, continue to learn where the area is going, and educate those looking to know more. I want to be part of finding a cure for Type I, but I also want to encourage others, especially those with neuromuscular and bone issues to look into this.... it is amazing, almost miraculous in what it can do for us. For me, it is something I totally enjoy, my daughter says it makes me "spastic" in my excitement and enthusiasm when she sees me talking to someone interested in knowing what I have been through, and the changes I have experienced. That really does make the deep pain of having a sibling say "don't know anything about it, and I don't care," so much easier to take, as I can't make anyone care, I can't change anyone's behaviors or outlooks but my own. I only have control over my actions and outlooks. However, I will always be willing to share my experiences with anyone who wants to know more, and for that, I am totally grateful for the blessings in which have been placed in my life.
Perhaps today's post is a lot of babbling .... I do apologize .... I have had some low blood sugars these past 2-3 weeks in which I am not spotting them, I am trying hard to put this all into perspective given the situations that have arisen, but ... I must remain diligent, I finally have an appointment with a surgeon on the 22nd to just remove this lymph node (mass), another issue which has been causing disruption .... I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and don't feel like I got any time to actually process any of this BS before having to get back to my life. Just goes to prove .... "life stands still for no one."
With that being said .... go out and live your life today. Do something that makes you happy, brings you peace, relax and take in the sights and sounds that should make us all reflect and prosper.
Wishing all of you a wonderful weekend!!!
Be well ~ Peace and Light
et
I can't believe that September has arrived, the weather seems to be cooling down, we have had some rain this past week, but I am still just at a phase of being overwhelmed to the point I have no clue where the time has gone over the past few weeks. It's been just one blur after another. The entire situation in which my father passed away still weighs on me, and I have awoken at night in this daze as to where all this "rubble" in my home has come from. We have been able to start the weeding out process .... but it is hard to face after going to work and/or school all day or in Hilly's case, just coming in from a day of school yesterday and an all night shift. Everyone keeps telling us, "just take the time, a year or so, put it aside," .... well .... that would be all well and good if I had any sort of storage, shed, or garage. It has to be done, and the sooner I can get it done, and boxes packed for my brothers, the sooner I can forget about the hurtful, selfish behaviors and move on with my own life .... for Hillary, I know she feels bad about the entire situation, however, she is an adult now, can make her own conclusions, make her own call on what and who is part of her life. I, on the other hand, have had my 48 years to look back on recently, and have come to the conclusion that in a "reality" outlook, my brothers never really did support me in my life knowing the disease process, etc. Perhaps they really don't....?? It would seem that the whole "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" theory would place my brothers in the same thought processes as my father. That if we "deny it exists, then we need not really deal with it." It was odd, one of the moments in which keeps playing in my head is the Tuesday night we were in the ER with my dad. He kept insisting that I go home as I had been there since getting out of work, and had not eaten. It was the first time I ever recall him not only making comment of the fact, but would appear he understood now. Not long ago, he was telling me to "be careful, you might throw up your insulin." ..... Not the most intelligent comment from someone who lived in the same house as me for almost 20 years. Anyway .... lots of "moments" keep running though my mind, waking me at night, fogging my thoughts at work, perhaps part of the natural grieving process, but I am thinking this is a little different in that my entire life is about to change, and due to the family BS, I will only have those who have truly supported me in this venture over the past few years to share what comes next. I find it sad, disappointing, and probably a few other words that are just not coming to the forefront, that my own siblings could be so cold hearted, selfish, and with the nerve to blame me for not being fair to them. It totally blows me away!!! I thought I had come to this conclusion when they told me that they would not care for my dad, in any way due to their "childhood feelings." .... LMAO .... I am sorry, but I really do think this is one of the lamest excuses for "grown ups" I have ever heard. At least I can say this about my friends, and extended family, we have always spoke "up front", I don't usually hold any punches in my opinions or how I feel, you usually know where you stand with me ... and likewise ..... so how blessed am I??? To have people like this in my life to enjoy this journey with me, share some of the deepest thoughts of my being, laugh, cry, agree to disagree, and still ..... love and respect. This .... in my opinion, is one of my lifes best gifts, I have some of the greatest people in my life, some having been around for 20-30 years, coming and going, yet always being able to pick up right where we left off, and still continue to move forward in life. How much more can I ask for.....?? I am sorry that my brothers, all of us having been raised in the same home, same parents, same outlook, morals, etc ... primarily run by my mother, could come to be adults with such an outlook on who they are, where they came from, and one lesson I don't think too many, if any, rarely think about ..... I am happy that they seem to be successful in their careers, have nice homes, seem like they manage to get by, some better than the others but ...... when the shit hits the fan (pardon the expression), and life hits you with that slap in the face, you could lose all that wealth in a split second .... I certainly hope they know who they are and where they came from then .... as I do believe that I have learned many lessons over the years, especially since my diagnosis in 1972. I have always felt different in my outlook of the world, maybe we need to have near death experiences as children, as it would seem that as adults, not everyone "gets it." One brother in particular, who I have always considered myself close with in spite of differences over the years, has had a stroke, a heart attack, stents placed .... and no doubt the infamous family trait of high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol, and by looking at his feet and legs, a serious circulation issue (similar to his father).... can sit here drinking heavily, and smoking one after another, and tell me .... what life is all about!!! I certainly hope that for his sake, his grandchildren think he is all that and more, as I think, and remember as a child, my grandfather not being my favorite person as he smelled of beer, cigarette smoke, and was nasty on so many levels. He seems to love his grandchildren very much, however, I wonder if he ever thinks about the picture he portrays in their eyes??? Not my business really .... but .... as siblings .... I was brought up to believe we loved each other, would support and band together in times of need, or death .... seems I was wrong .... and on SO many levels.
This is another one I must put behind me, deal with it, and get on with life. MY LIFE!!! In the past few years, and now, since my treatment and positive responses, my goal is to help others in similar situations. This area of medicine/science can help so many, and it is my passion to share what I do know, continue to learn where the area is going, and educate those looking to know more. I want to be part of finding a cure for Type I, but I also want to encourage others, especially those with neuromuscular and bone issues to look into this.... it is amazing, almost miraculous in what it can do for us. For me, it is something I totally enjoy, my daughter says it makes me "spastic" in my excitement and enthusiasm when she sees me talking to someone interested in knowing what I have been through, and the changes I have experienced. That really does make the deep pain of having a sibling say "don't know anything about it, and I don't care," so much easier to take, as I can't make anyone care, I can't change anyone's behaviors or outlooks but my own. I only have control over my actions and outlooks. However, I will always be willing to share my experiences with anyone who wants to know more, and for that, I am totally grateful for the blessings in which have been placed in my life.
Perhaps today's post is a lot of babbling .... I do apologize .... I have had some low blood sugars these past 2-3 weeks in which I am not spotting them, I am trying hard to put this all into perspective given the situations that have arisen, but ... I must remain diligent, I finally have an appointment with a surgeon on the 22nd to just remove this lymph node (mass), another issue which has been causing disruption .... I'm emotionally and physically exhausted and don't feel like I got any time to actually process any of this BS before having to get back to my life. Just goes to prove .... "life stands still for no one."
With that being said .... go out and live your life today. Do something that makes you happy, brings you peace, relax and take in the sights and sounds that should make us all reflect and prosper.
Wishing all of you a wonderful weekend!!!
Be well ~ Peace and Light
et
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I must be getting boring ...
Happy Labor Day to Everyone!!!
Not a whole lot going on that is different. I have been trying to deal and cope with the latest life changing happening. I look around my home and am overwhelmed by the material that I have had to bring here so that we can go through it. We have already made multiple donations to various organizations in the area, had a yard sale to try and make enough to tend to final expenses (we all know the others aren't going to contribute), and I went back to work this past week, which has me completely exhausted. I have been nonstop since the Tuesday we took my dad to the emergency room. My stomach is on the rampage today, blood sugars have been stable, with a few lows, not being picked up until between 44 and 60. (Hillary made mention of the fact that she hopes it is only the stress and not the failure of my stemmies). I ache all over from all the moving we have done, and I am emotionally numb.
I, or I should say Hillary and I, have spent so long caring for, tending to, and looking out for someone this will be a huge adjustment for both of us. She has already had a couple of "moments" having started back to classes and usually stopping by to have lunch a couple of times a week with her grandfather to tell him of her happenings. He was very proud of her, and ALWAYS let her know it. Something that perhaps I didn't get, but am very happy that it was something he could do later in life. I do believe this is a normal thing for most of my parents generation. For as difficult as he could be, I will have to adjust to not having that duty to tend too, and that will be huge for me. Hillary will graduate in December, and then it is unsure of what our future may hold. I do know, that we can spend a little more time tending to us, focusing on our passions, mine being the stem cell process and where it is going ..... and how fast can we get it here, legitimately and within reach of the everyday patient, NOT just the well-to-do (which by-the-way, I am NOT).
I just wanted to drop in and see what was going on. It would appear that I am either getting boring, or people are just reading with no response .... LOL .... usually I am pretty good at stirring some sort of response. I must be slipping.
Wishing everyone a happy and safe Labor Day weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et
Not a whole lot going on that is different. I have been trying to deal and cope with the latest life changing happening. I look around my home and am overwhelmed by the material that I have had to bring here so that we can go through it. We have already made multiple donations to various organizations in the area, had a yard sale to try and make enough to tend to final expenses (we all know the others aren't going to contribute), and I went back to work this past week, which has me completely exhausted. I have been nonstop since the Tuesday we took my dad to the emergency room. My stomach is on the rampage today, blood sugars have been stable, with a few lows, not being picked up until between 44 and 60. (Hillary made mention of the fact that she hopes it is only the stress and not the failure of my stemmies). I ache all over from all the moving we have done, and I am emotionally numb.
I, or I should say Hillary and I, have spent so long caring for, tending to, and looking out for someone this will be a huge adjustment for both of us. She has already had a couple of "moments" having started back to classes and usually stopping by to have lunch a couple of times a week with her grandfather to tell him of her happenings. He was very proud of her, and ALWAYS let her know it. Something that perhaps I didn't get, but am very happy that it was something he could do later in life. I do believe this is a normal thing for most of my parents generation. For as difficult as he could be, I will have to adjust to not having that duty to tend too, and that will be huge for me. Hillary will graduate in December, and then it is unsure of what our future may hold. I do know, that we can spend a little more time tending to us, focusing on our passions, mine being the stem cell process and where it is going ..... and how fast can we get it here, legitimately and within reach of the everyday patient, NOT just the well-to-do (which by-the-way, I am NOT).
I just wanted to drop in and see what was going on. It would appear that I am either getting boring, or people are just reading with no response .... LOL .... usually I am pretty good at stirring some sort of response. I must be slipping.
Wishing everyone a happy and safe Labor Day weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)