Statement of fact, from the heart

Hello Everyone !!

Well..... the New Year is upon us. All sorts of weird predictions going about. I only have my own outlook at this point to focus on.

I would like to make a statement from my heart. To all who have been reading and following my rants over the last couple of months, thank you!! For me, and this was all new to me, was a sort of therapy. I can toss it all out there, and not know if anyone reads it or not, stir emotions, feelings, etc. over what has been stated and my only hope is that we all take a look at who we are.

I am writing here on the blog to try and express that life has speed bumps for everyone. People are not perfect, I know I am not perfect, I never claimed to be perfect, and quite honestly, don't want to be perfect. So not me .... LOL. With that being said, what I write is my opinion, my feelings, my outlook, you may agree with me, or you may disagree with me. The point is, I am entitled to my opinion, and my knowledge in dealing with this disease while trying to live a life that appears normal (what is normal anyway?) can be and usually is a very demanding experience. So .... I hope to help in some small way, that those reading and following along, will learn something not only about me, but about themselves. That life throws all of us the BS that life has to offer and how we deal with it, present ourselves, makes a huge impact on those we come in contact with. Now ... I don't now, nor have I ever, considered myself some sort of guru, but I do feel that I have done a pretty good job living as long as I have with this disease, and also overcoming some very big obstacles that presented to me in my lifetime. Some of those being what we all have to cope with at some time in our life, loss, rejection, love, stress, birth, death, dying, dignity, pride (this one has nearly hung me out to dry on a couple of occasions), and some things, that a lot of people don't ever have to deal with, but .... are thrown the card (addiction, alcoholism, fraud, abuse, chronic health concerns, etc)

I know that some of my posts have been so off the mark, but this is what makes life - life.

EVERYONE on the planet deals with these issues .... no one is alone, we all have trials, (I can't for the life of me come up with a better descriptive for this.... so feel free to help me label it!) This may sound off-the-wall to some (Hippie-ish, flower-child-like as Hilly would say I am at times) but we all have the capacity to look past people's faults, to the person who resides inside and take a small step to be better people ourselves in the way we look at things. I know, first hand, that this is not always an easy feat, but I have always said that relationships are a two-way street, one cannot always be the giver or the taker, it wears on people, the spirit, the overall well being. We need to try ... and be just a little bit more understanding of each other, whatever the reason. If and when it can't possibly be done (and I know this can be the case in many situations) ..... then just turn and walk away, nothing more to be said..... and leave it alone, but at least try. Let it be known, and let it go.

As the new year comes into play, I hope .... that by my donating my body to the research of Type I diabetes and the potential outcome of the trial for future generations, and the hope that I benefit with an extension of my lifetime outlook, that I played some small role in opening the eyes and minds of people who had no idea. That we all deal with/cope with the world as it is tossed at us. I, at times, have felt that the world has not stopped throwing things at me, and the overwhelming stress to cope with each piece as it comes, in what seems to be the important matter at the time manner, has taken a toll on my body and my spirit. I want to make that better, I want to be a survivor once again, maybe for the last time, but I want to say that I fought, and I fought hard to make it a better place for all who not only live with Type I, but for all who have come in contact with me at some point throughout my life. I do feel, (based in large part on that first near death experience) that I was put here for some reason, I still am not sure what that reason was/is as I don't think I have done anything really noteworthy in my lifetime, but perhaps ... to allow those that have come in contact with me in this lifetime, to learn something about themselves, think a little deeper about actions, I don't know .... that whole saying about "Don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes" is one I think about all the time. I know some of you think my life really sucks ... LOL .... but I can think of stories of people who have dealt with things that, to me, seem so much more tragic, devastating, that I am not sure I would survive them with such grace and dignity.

I guess ..... I just want us all to try .... and see what happiness and humor (cause I thrive with this stuff !!! ) life offers us ... even in the darkest of situations .... that is what I want from those who wish to follow/accompany me through this journey, a humor on life. I will no doubt have some dark days ahead, I hope that you all understand that and forgive me for any off-color postings that may come about and laugh WITH me .... my dark humor is what has helped me to overcome many of my big obstacles in life, that it passes, and those that share it with me, know they have been witness to some MAJOR "exorcist-like" behaviors .... LOL ..... when recalling some of these episodes ... there is always laughter .... I ask that you please don't hold a grudge, as I need to vent, I need to make known that I too, fear .... I worry, anticipate, have anxiety about the future ..... but, always .... HOPE ... for the best outcome possible.

So ... in the new year, I want to thank those that have already stepped up to the plate for me, and without you, I would be nothing, and that I so appreciate all I have learned from all of you. I am still not a perfect person .... but I am still fun loving, willing to learn something new ... and believe that there is great hope for the humanity in us all.

May the New Year bring us all the Peace and Comfort we are all so capable and deserving of !!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!!!!

2010 is my year of Hope