Welcome 2011 ...
Happy New Year !!!
Peace, Love & Light
et
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
As another year comes to an end ...
Greetings to all who have followed me on this journey ....
The journey that will not seem to come to an end..... yet.
I have been exceptionally humbled in the venture. I am just a small piece of a what could be a very big picture. I really want this treatment, I want to prove that it will not only have positive results for me, but that it has the potential to help so many others. It has been such an experience to speak with people, strangers, people who have some of the same issues, know or love someone who suffers from the challenges of Type I, and others who are just so inspired by the drive and/or the science. It really is a very cool area of the science picture, and it remains my goal to be a part of that science for the future of our health care where debilitating diseases are concerned. Thank you .... for your continued prayers and support in this venture.
As the new year comes into play, I know that my health is my main concern currently as it is not going as well as I had hoped and with continued stress on so many levels, it is withering downward faster than I would care to admit. I want to receive the treatment and in hopes of a better future for myself, to help educate and inform others on the potential. I would like to continue my education in regard to my career. That will be an undertaking, and also costly, and something I am very hesitant about not knowing how I may weather the ride. I don't like to think on those lines, but I do have other responsibilities in my life that currently take priority. I have my home, my daughter, who is very self-sufficient, but still somewhat dependent on my support to complete her degree in nursing. She is going to make an incredible nurse. Then there is my father ... whose health and mental status continues to fail and place a great deal of stress on both Hillary and myself, along with all the "handling" of such issues when he does pass, all to be completed in a 30 day span, being out of work, and tending to legalities. Hmmmmm ..... I don't remember being brought up in a one-child family .... hahahhahahah ...... being a grown up sucks at times.... which might be a big reason I look at life in a child-like frame of mind at times.
In any event, it has been a long, bitter-sweet year in the happenings of my life. I continue to learn and grow, hopefully, remaining true to my heart and beliefs and not with any intention of hurting anyone. I do feel strongly about my stance, and I will do my best to educate those who seem to be so ignorant to the fact that there is a lot of people who suffer in this world, pull your heads out of that "hole" and look at the truth of a matter, and not just what might benefit you at any given time. Ignorance is not an excuse ....
To those people who have come to my side, opened their hearts, their homes, and donated time and monies to the "cause" .... I am forever grateful and eternally in your debt. To get the word out there, promote awareness, continue to live life to the best of my ability, and hopefully, make a difference in someone else's life.
THANK YOU ..... again, just doesn't seem like enough .....
To all, I hope that 2011 brings peace, hope, and continued health to all my loved ones, friends, family, and those who quietly move in and about to help others. Your spirit is a gift beyond any other .... and I am grateful to be a receiver of such.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
PEACE AND LIGHT
et
The journey that will not seem to come to an end..... yet.
I have been exceptionally humbled in the venture. I am just a small piece of a what could be a very big picture. I really want this treatment, I want to prove that it will not only have positive results for me, but that it has the potential to help so many others. It has been such an experience to speak with people, strangers, people who have some of the same issues, know or love someone who suffers from the challenges of Type I, and others who are just so inspired by the drive and/or the science. It really is a very cool area of the science picture, and it remains my goal to be a part of that science for the future of our health care where debilitating diseases are concerned. Thank you .... for your continued prayers and support in this venture.
As the new year comes into play, I know that my health is my main concern currently as it is not going as well as I had hoped and with continued stress on so many levels, it is withering downward faster than I would care to admit. I want to receive the treatment and in hopes of a better future for myself, to help educate and inform others on the potential. I would like to continue my education in regard to my career. That will be an undertaking, and also costly, and something I am very hesitant about not knowing how I may weather the ride. I don't like to think on those lines, but I do have other responsibilities in my life that currently take priority. I have my home, my daughter, who is very self-sufficient, but still somewhat dependent on my support to complete her degree in nursing. She is going to make an incredible nurse. Then there is my father ... whose health and mental status continues to fail and place a great deal of stress on both Hillary and myself, along with all the "handling" of such issues when he does pass, all to be completed in a 30 day span, being out of work, and tending to legalities. Hmmmmm ..... I don't remember being brought up in a one-child family .... hahahhahahah ...... being a grown up sucks at times.... which might be a big reason I look at life in a child-like frame of mind at times.
In any event, it has been a long, bitter-sweet year in the happenings of my life. I continue to learn and grow, hopefully, remaining true to my heart and beliefs and not with any intention of hurting anyone. I do feel strongly about my stance, and I will do my best to educate those who seem to be so ignorant to the fact that there is a lot of people who suffer in this world, pull your heads out of that "hole" and look at the truth of a matter, and not just what might benefit you at any given time. Ignorance is not an excuse ....
To those people who have come to my side, opened their hearts, their homes, and donated time and monies to the "cause" .... I am forever grateful and eternally in your debt. To get the word out there, promote awareness, continue to live life to the best of my ability, and hopefully, make a difference in someone else's life.
THANK YOU ..... again, just doesn't seem like enough .....
To all, I hope that 2011 brings peace, hope, and continued health to all my loved ones, friends, family, and those who quietly move in and about to help others. Your spirit is a gift beyond any other .... and I am grateful to be a receiver of such.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
PEACE AND LIGHT
et
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas !!!
To my friends, family, unknown followers,
In this season of peace and joy, and to celebrate the birth of Jesus .... let us all remember the meaning of the season and rejoice in the life we have.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and with the upcoming week, a Happy, Healthy 2011!
On Thursday afternoon as I was preparing to leave the office when a delivery woman came in with a small bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. In this beautiful holiday bag was a card and in this card, signed "For the Cause, Love Santa Clause" was a bank check for $1000!! I was so completely overwhelmed my knees buckled and I became teary eyed. I don't know who, but I am so grateful for this holiday gift to benefit my cause for the adult stem cell treatment. I am hoping .... praying..... and trying so very hard to stay on top of everyday life, trying to promote fund raising efforts has been difficult to say the least. I know that there is talk of a dance, for the younger crowd being worked on by Hillary and a couple of her cohorts. Not sure of when or any details as of yet.
For the past year, I would like to thank those who continued to support, pray, contribute, love, and keep me "up" when there have been times when my physical health is (like the past month)a challenge to get through the day, week, month. The year went by so fast, and yet so many things transpired. I am eternally grateful for the generosity of human spirit. I am thrilled with those who have taken an interest in the science of stem cell treatments and what they can do for so many. I want that to be my mission for 2011 .... I am determined to undergo this treatment and so hoping that I can get it prior to any major (to some it would seem I am already at that point) complication takes another hit and deteriorates my status even more. This treatment has major potential to do so much.
So .... Here is to 2011 ..... may it be a year of new knowledge, increased awareness, and continued peace and love to all!!!
Be well my friends .... peace and light!!
et
In this season of peace and joy, and to celebrate the birth of Jesus .... let us all remember the meaning of the season and rejoice in the life we have.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and with the upcoming week, a Happy, Healthy 2011!
On Thursday afternoon as I was preparing to leave the office when a delivery woman came in with a small bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. In this beautiful holiday bag was a card and in this card, signed "For the Cause, Love Santa Clause" was a bank check for $1000!! I was so completely overwhelmed my knees buckled and I became teary eyed. I don't know who, but I am so grateful for this holiday gift to benefit my cause for the adult stem cell treatment. I am hoping .... praying..... and trying so very hard to stay on top of everyday life, trying to promote fund raising efforts has been difficult to say the least. I know that there is talk of a dance, for the younger crowd being worked on by Hillary and a couple of her cohorts. Not sure of when or any details as of yet.
For the past year, I would like to thank those who continued to support, pray, contribute, love, and keep me "up" when there have been times when my physical health is (like the past month)a challenge to get through the day, week, month. The year went by so fast, and yet so many things transpired. I am eternally grateful for the generosity of human spirit. I am thrilled with those who have taken an interest in the science of stem cell treatments and what they can do for so many. I want that to be my mission for 2011 .... I am determined to undergo this treatment and so hoping that I can get it prior to any major (to some it would seem I am already at that point) complication takes another hit and deteriorates my status even more. This treatment has major potential to do so much.
So .... Here is to 2011 ..... may it be a year of new knowledge, increased awareness, and continued peace and love to all!!!
Be well my friends .... peace and light!!
et
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Holiday stress + everyday stress =
Morning to all!!
Seems as though Mother Nature is dumping her wrath across the world this week. I hope everyone is safe, warm, traveling safely, etc. Let's us not forget that we have no control over Mother Nature, so we must just find a way to cope with the inconvienences she creates. It is no one's fault, not the trains, the planes, not even the automobiles .... only the drivers.... LOL.
In response to all the stressors of the times, financial, economic, (sort of the same thing); lack of adequate healthcare for ALL .... work, home, and anything else you can come up with that may throw a knife into what you thought might be the perfect plan..... add the everyday juggle of dealing with a chronic disease. You have a lot to cope with. In recent weeks, my blood sugars have been up and down not like a yoyo, but a freaking super-ball. Last night is a prime example, over stressed, loosing grip, on edge, uncertain on so many levels of life, I went from 124 upon awaking, 224 up leaving my meeting, by the time I got home it was 276, and that was with corrections. I had little to eat yesterday due to nausea and anxiety cramping any real appetitie. Hillary went to work, I get down to 116 before bed, seems good to medicate with a couple of Tylenol Pm and I am up at 11:15 in a 39 frame of mind ..... STUPID!!! I have a 1/2 of peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, decide I am going back to bed and fall asleep before checking my stats, I awake at 6 AM with a 424!! ..... all this up and down is far from good, this is the stuff that does major damage, on so many levels. It is bad enough that in recent years this has been sort of a norm, minus the ultimate highs, mostly lows, and the unawareness of such. I can't function with a head that doesn't know which end of the spectrum it should be functioning at.
I took today off. Just had a chat with my HR director, AKA new direct supervisor. It seemed pretty positive in regard to my current status, but .... I am still deeply, deeply hurt by the actions of a certain person who was once considered not only my supervisor, but a friend. That I can honestly say, is totally over, and apparently, given her words, she never was. Funny, people play games with other peoples feelings and personal lives, just to advance thier own, and give no bones about any sort of ramifications, personally, professionally, or even on a human level. To me, these sorts of personalitys suffer from some sort of disorder .... what is that saying ... all the nuts are the ones with a high level of intelligence .... RUN, the monkeys have taken over the banana factory!!! LMAO .... I have no real purpose for people like this ... therefore, I better place that barricade up around my sensitive little heart again, and beware of any sort of intrusion into my quiet, tranquil style of life ... hahahaa .... (Still hoping for that wish to come true). In all honesty, I just want a quiet, enjoyable lifestyle, with my dearest friends and family, to enjoy each other, and each day given to us to make a difference. The lack of any sort of human component in life today, is sort of sad. No one seems to know how to communicate in a face to face manner, in a manner of humanism. I think this fact really needs to come back to the forefront before something devastating happens in the world, because it will be then, at that time, that the strong will survive, and those that "believe" they have all it takes, will no doubt crumble due to lack of coping skills in a humanistic nature, it won't be "all about me." It will have to become the survival of a nation ... which requires a team approach, a caring, nuturing manner of not only ourselves, but those around us.
Man, I wish I could get paid for some of this writing nonsense ... to me ... it looks pretty thought provoking .... LOL ...
I have to shower, and go take my dad to the store in his effort to help with Christmas dinner. It is what my focus will be for this afternoon anyway. Tomorrow is another day ..... and that my friends, is how I have to care for me right now, one day at a time, one moment as they come, and do the best I can to get through them, triumphantly ....
Have a wonderful day and please have safe travels, and slow the pace to enjoy and smell the tiny gifts that are right in front of us.
Peace and Light!!
et
Seems as though Mother Nature is dumping her wrath across the world this week. I hope everyone is safe, warm, traveling safely, etc. Let's us not forget that we have no control over Mother Nature, so we must just find a way to cope with the inconvienences she creates. It is no one's fault, not the trains, the planes, not even the automobiles .... only the drivers.... LOL.
In response to all the stressors of the times, financial, economic, (sort of the same thing); lack of adequate healthcare for ALL .... work, home, and anything else you can come up with that may throw a knife into what you thought might be the perfect plan..... add the everyday juggle of dealing with a chronic disease. You have a lot to cope with. In recent weeks, my blood sugars have been up and down not like a yoyo, but a freaking super-ball. Last night is a prime example, over stressed, loosing grip, on edge, uncertain on so many levels of life, I went from 124 upon awaking, 224 up leaving my meeting, by the time I got home it was 276, and that was with corrections. I had little to eat yesterday due to nausea and anxiety cramping any real appetitie. Hillary went to work, I get down to 116 before bed, seems good to medicate with a couple of Tylenol Pm and I am up at 11:15 in a 39 frame of mind ..... STUPID!!! I have a 1/2 of peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, decide I am going back to bed and fall asleep before checking my stats, I awake at 6 AM with a 424!! ..... all this up and down is far from good, this is the stuff that does major damage, on so many levels. It is bad enough that in recent years this has been sort of a norm, minus the ultimate highs, mostly lows, and the unawareness of such. I can't function with a head that doesn't know which end of the spectrum it should be functioning at.
I took today off. Just had a chat with my HR director, AKA new direct supervisor. It seemed pretty positive in regard to my current status, but .... I am still deeply, deeply hurt by the actions of a certain person who was once considered not only my supervisor, but a friend. That I can honestly say, is totally over, and apparently, given her words, she never was. Funny, people play games with other peoples feelings and personal lives, just to advance thier own, and give no bones about any sort of ramifications, personally, professionally, or even on a human level. To me, these sorts of personalitys suffer from some sort of disorder .... what is that saying ... all the nuts are the ones with a high level of intelligence .... RUN, the monkeys have taken over the banana factory!!! LMAO .... I have no real purpose for people like this ... therefore, I better place that barricade up around my sensitive little heart again, and beware of any sort of intrusion into my quiet, tranquil style of life ... hahahaa .... (Still hoping for that wish to come true). In all honesty, I just want a quiet, enjoyable lifestyle, with my dearest friends and family, to enjoy each other, and each day given to us to make a difference. The lack of any sort of human component in life today, is sort of sad. No one seems to know how to communicate in a face to face manner, in a manner of humanism. I think this fact really needs to come back to the forefront before something devastating happens in the world, because it will be then, at that time, that the strong will survive, and those that "believe" they have all it takes, will no doubt crumble due to lack of coping skills in a humanistic nature, it won't be "all about me." It will have to become the survival of a nation ... which requires a team approach, a caring, nuturing manner of not only ourselves, but those around us.
Man, I wish I could get paid for some of this writing nonsense ... to me ... it looks pretty thought provoking .... LOL ...
I have to shower, and go take my dad to the store in his effort to help with Christmas dinner. It is what my focus will be for this afternoon anyway. Tomorrow is another day ..... and that my friends, is how I have to care for me right now, one day at a time, one moment as they come, and do the best I can to get through them, triumphantly ....
Have a wonderful day and please have safe travels, and slow the pace to enjoy and smell the tiny gifts that are right in front of us.
Peace and Light!!
et
Monday, December 20, 2010
Honesty Hits too hard sometime ...
I am always amazed that come the holiday season, the season of "Good Will Towards Men...", that a situation seems to present, usually something that has been lingering for months, maybe years for some, that just HAS to teach a lesson!!!
Today, at this very moment, I am not sure if I am having some sort of lingering panic attack (several hours worth now), or perhaps signs of a heart attack. I am going to go with the first one at present. I am sick to my stomach, physically ill, tense, shaky, stiff, achy, my jaw is tense (maybe from grinding my jaw).
I need to write/type, as I don't know what the lesson should be here now, and I don't take any sort of antianxiety med ...LOL..or if it is just a sign to stop my fight (my spirit, my very being)??? It became so blatantly obvious to me this morning .... that BAD people do exist ... "Little Bernie Maddoff's" come to mind. WIN, WIN, WIN ... at any cost, ANY cost at all. I am not that sort of person. I have never been one of these persons, and as of what I saw clear, without my glasses this morning was a reality that I truly believed I had overcome so many years ago. I guess my outlook on life can be very, unrealistic to some, but I realize that everyone copes with life's crises the best way they can .... I think ...??? I still question this theory ....there have been very few people in my life, that I can place in such categories.
This is a verbalizing of deep pain, inflicted of my own doing ... for believing that people can be honest, to the point of pain. I can attest, from personal experience, that there are very few people in life that can meet this personal challenge. A challenge that allows yourself to become vulnerable, raw, to the point of what seems like deep pain. It is not a place I like to be, but it seems, each time I have to cope with a situation in which requires me to place my whole self on the table, often in hopes that that other parties will participate, and am so deeply disappointed when I encounter a person who is just not capable of anything on that level. Makes me appreciate the fact that there are VERY FEW people left on this Earth who truly know who I am, what made me this way, my hurts, my joys, my pride, my intense over-reactive emotions, the pains that made me stronger in spirit, the awareness to know that I have touched people's lives, just for living mine, for whatever they see in me, a mean, cruel, heartless person, I don't think I could be. An ability to say to my loved ones, "This is who I am, this is who you are, we can agree to disagree, but continue to allow the love to grow deeper", in a more respectful manner. We all "bark" ... at some point in life, it is a human quality. Like a couple of nephews have pointed out over the years, "her bark is WAY worse then her bite." the ability of one to accept each other, with humor and respect, on a human level is a feeling that more people should experience on the "raw" level.
It sort of brings me back to my latest opinion of the great country I am suppose to live in. I see our young people, blindly going to war, with no coping skills what-so-ever. A whole generation of kids that were not taught pride, ethics, hard work, pays off more than any amount of money, material possessions, or status ever will. A country that will no doubt continue to see the greed, power trips, inhumanity of our fellow man and/or anther's circumstances. I always look at how much worse others have it, that my health and status on this plane is minor in the big scheme of things. I am a believer in karma ... I have seen it, been witness to it, and it becomes more and more clear to me every year of my existence.
I don't want to give up on humanity. Yet, my ability to fight such a strong ethical, humane manner in which to communicate with people, is growing old ... like me ... hahaha .... I have never been a fan of the whole "Politically Correct Movement" ... and I will, without a doubt, refuse to conform to such at this point in my life. There is a right, and there is a wrong, and it should play continuously from every corner of life for us. The journey, for me, has been far from an easy trip, mostly gravel ... lol... I have done my very best to make the best of bad situations with humor and some grace, because THEY HAPPEN TO ALL OF US!!! .... it's a fact people, deal with it!!
There are very few who will understand one word of this "Sermon" .... for those that do ... GOD, I LOVE YOU!!!! For these are the people, the souls, who have made me, in part the person I am today.
He died for us .... Let's not forget the sacrifice ...
In His Love, the spirit of the season,
Peace, Love, and Light!!
et
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all ..... sleep in heavenly peace ...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tis the Season .....
Greetings to All!!
From the bottom of my heart, and depths of my soul, I would like to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY, HEALTHY, NEW YEAR!!!
With that being said, I have more than I can cope with coming into the new year. I am sitting with less fundraising than I had hoped for, really hoping to get the treatment prior to the new year. Hillary and I have been struggling for months to stay on top of the bills, not very successfully, I might add. I refuse to touch monies set aside for treatment. With the new year comes new medical insurance, which I just know, is going to be costly and cause more distress in terms of over all health. You know, with the stress of trying to come up with out-of-pocket cash until I reach a rather chunky deductible. Still caring for Dad, who is on the decline and anyone who has cared for a loved one, elderly, or otherwise, knows that this alone wears on one's stamina and well being. I have been ill for over a week now, pushing myself as I always have, only to discover, I don't have what I once did .... the stamina. I have .... tried to keep up the 40-hour a week job with high stress levels, unrealistic expectations in a bad economy, not to mention my poor health, yet I allowed myself to be pushed.
For the new year, I want my treatment, I want to be able to spout the benefits for so many people that this is where our future lies. I want to advance my education in relation to my job area. Keep my loved ones, friends and family, close and enjoy each day to the fullest. I would LOVE to have a vacation ... a break that did not include doctor appointments, my being sick, or any sort of a hospital stay and/or recuperation. I would love to sit on a beautiful island somewhere with a few good books that have gone unread for up to two years now. Just to vegetate, relax, sleep when I want, enjoy the sunshine of each day, rain if it shows its face, no phones, a massage, jacuzzi, poolside ocean views, total relaxation!! What a dreamer I am hey?? LOL.
For today ... I will rest, take care of my inner self, as well as my ailments (infection on top of stress makes for high BGs). I will take care of the business in which needs tending, the doctors, the IRS, work .... I am going to put in for some time off in the next couple of weeks ... like a couple of extended long weekends. I have so much crap to get rid of .... I don't know what happened to any sort of organizational skills I may have once had, as I have no clue where they are now!! :D
Am back on the couch, about to assume the horizontal position to place my ear on the heating pad again .... I must get my behind back to work tomorrow, in spite of my wish for a 5 day stint in the hospital, just to get my rest, and hydration. That is pretty sad .... To all who continue in my fight with me ... a joyous, meaningful Christmas season. (Or .... whatever belief you may have in regard to this joyous season, I thank you for being part of my life.
Peace and Light
et
From the bottom of my heart, and depths of my soul, I would like to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY, HEALTHY, NEW YEAR!!!
With that being said, I have more than I can cope with coming into the new year. I am sitting with less fundraising than I had hoped for, really hoping to get the treatment prior to the new year. Hillary and I have been struggling for months to stay on top of the bills, not very successfully, I might add. I refuse to touch monies set aside for treatment. With the new year comes new medical insurance, which I just know, is going to be costly and cause more distress in terms of over all health. You know, with the stress of trying to come up with out-of-pocket cash until I reach a rather chunky deductible. Still caring for Dad, who is on the decline and anyone who has cared for a loved one, elderly, or otherwise, knows that this alone wears on one's stamina and well being. I have been ill for over a week now, pushing myself as I always have, only to discover, I don't have what I once did .... the stamina. I have .... tried to keep up the 40-hour a week job with high stress levels, unrealistic expectations in a bad economy, not to mention my poor health, yet I allowed myself to be pushed.
For the new year, I want my treatment, I want to be able to spout the benefits for so many people that this is where our future lies. I want to advance my education in relation to my job area. Keep my loved ones, friends and family, close and enjoy each day to the fullest. I would LOVE to have a vacation ... a break that did not include doctor appointments, my being sick, or any sort of a hospital stay and/or recuperation. I would love to sit on a beautiful island somewhere with a few good books that have gone unread for up to two years now. Just to vegetate, relax, sleep when I want, enjoy the sunshine of each day, rain if it shows its face, no phones, a massage, jacuzzi, poolside ocean views, total relaxation!! What a dreamer I am hey?? LOL.
For today ... I will rest, take care of my inner self, as well as my ailments (infection on top of stress makes for high BGs). I will take care of the business in which needs tending, the doctors, the IRS, work .... I am going to put in for some time off in the next couple of weeks ... like a couple of extended long weekends. I have so much crap to get rid of .... I don't know what happened to any sort of organizational skills I may have once had, as I have no clue where they are now!! :D
Am back on the couch, about to assume the horizontal position to place my ear on the heating pad again .... I must get my behind back to work tomorrow, in spite of my wish for a 5 day stint in the hospital, just to get my rest, and hydration. That is pretty sad .... To all who continue in my fight with me ... a joyous, meaningful Christmas season. (Or .... whatever belief you may have in regard to this joyous season, I thank you for being part of my life.
Peace and Light
et
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