g'evening wide world ....
I actually did this last night, for over an hour, and then POOF it was gone .... I found it this morning ..... Please God, let's make today a better day than the one before. I have just enough pain to keep me true. Enjoy the day, Amen.
someone is still reading this verbage I post .... does no one have an opinion, a comment, something that might peak a conversation, discussion, ... debate?? I'm just curious ... and being so empty upstairs these days, I thought I would just list a few comments, odd comments that I have managed to maintain in my head/memory/brain for rethinking later. I think .... and then in a nano-second it can be gone. I am beginning to feel like I have a permanent "deer in the headlight" look, or that look my mother use to laugh her ass off and say to me, "I can see you are thinking really hard on this one" as my mouth hung open in a vague trance. When I was biting on the end of my tongue she would say it was the "Dunnigan Deep Thought Look." (and as I gaze at that last sentence, I see that my grammar has fallen apart, or any resemblence of the English language for that matter. Again, I want to utter the words .... but even from deep within me currently, I know it isn't coming forth in the right, appropriate, confident .. ?? ... manner.
Ok ... the comments, then I have to go and practice some new breathing techniques ... something I thought I had mastered after all these years of breathing my way through situations in which I had an unknown knowledge of the plan/outcome. (wow, I feel like I am making sense, but the words .... ???)
"did you understand that?"
"relax, it was just ... " (this one has come multiple times in my jumpy responses to certain noises)
"breathe baby, I got it" (while being a passenger in another's vehicle)
"what do you mean you DIDN'T BRING ANY VALIUM!!!" (my daughter, driving my new ride home from Phoenix with me twitching, gasping and holding my breath) .....
Then there are those choice few ... much fewer than before, but they know who they are .... that find an opportunity to bust my chops in hopes I will get it. Yes, my ability to be sharp witted seems to be damgaged ... to the point I don't seem to pick up on the social cues, the tone of one's voice in which I could always know when to inflict my sarcasm ..... I feel like someone actually morphed me into Maxine!!! Things I think I am just "thinking" ... I apparently have been caught saying outloud ... the total lack of filter I think I mentioned. I know this ... yet I seem to have no control without MAJOR focus to remember and then it begins to hurt after a few hours.
I know, I know ... I try to calm myself with the breathing ... it was failing me, so I asked one of my PT therapist today what she could do ... I was actually lovin' laying with electrodes glued to my cervical area, up to the base of my skull, wrapped in heat, and being "zapped" for 20 minutes .... I can honestly say it was the first time I maintained an entirely shut down brain other than to breath and relax.... then the bell rang.
One comment that seems to be sitting from today is ... I could have laid on that thing hummin' along for a good hour or more .... ohhhhhh ..... what that heat. It was the first real easing of the tension and deep knots that have been residing in that entire area. HOPE .... that was what came to mind.
Ok ... well .... just a small window into my current world. Not my idea of fun ... but ... close the window if you can't handle it. And the last comment was a tidbit of fact that was mentioned to me today by the PT..." a good percentage of relationships fall apart after a head injury." ...... GREAT .... I can't help but think that is another strike that is going to keep me single for the remainder of time..... hahaha .....
Maggie is calling for my attention .... I think she is way more spoiled now as I have done a lot of snuggling with her lately, talking as if she could understand me .... she is just diggin' the overall body rub that I wish I was and/or could get ... and not have to dish out $100 bucks .... LOL.
Good Night to all .... be good to you!!
Peace and Light
et
No comments:
Post a Comment