Greetings to my faithful followers!!
On this Memorial Day Weekend .... I would like to #1 - Thank all those who have given of themselves, their loved ones, etc to defend not only my safety, but my freedom of speech and a few other things I do that would not be possible in other areas of the world. I am forever grateful for your service and sacrifice on my behalf..... and for that, I / we ... should remember ... memorably. I salute you all .... past and present!!!
On another note, given as I have an extra day this weekend to not only push my body and get some much needed things back into place so I can move on to the next project, I can rest and reflect. The last few weeks have been a pure hell for me in regard to getting my body to function at a level that surpasses that of a 90-year-old woman. The inability to breathe at a level that allows for free and fluid movements is frustrating at best. My head has been full of all that allergy crap that makes those who suffer allergies understand. On top of that, all the steroid use, the lymph node swelling and associated maladies that seemed to have moved in to dampen my spirits .... my mind is back to being somewhat blank, a feature in which my daughter is most disappointed as I made almost immediate change for the better right after my stem cell treatment. I am hoping this will be short-lived. Although my endocrinologist was thrilled with my overall numbers this past visit, I, on the other hand, was disappointed I didn't see decline in my A1c. I do know, that it is all directly related to the steroid use, but that still doesn't make me feel better. It is just one more frustration.
With the latest ER visit and related followup visits, and still, no real answers, yet continued weird happenings, i.e., like right now .... my vision has gone haywire again, like that aura sort of stuff you get going on when you suffer from migraines, only I can feel the muscles in my eyes making me feel crossed in the eyes, and then I get dizzy. Hillary swears it is a form of low blood pressure known as orthostatic hypotension as it gets totally undoable if I stand up too fast. Now, for those who know me personally, one could get a vision of me bent over, trying to pull things off the floor level, ass and all and then coming up fast enough to take you right back down again. Yesterday at work, my mouse took a header off the back of the tray under the desk. So I bent forward off my chair, proceeded to crawl under the desk to retrieve the mouse, and bamb ... fell my happy ass right off the chair!!! The whole time seeing "stars" if you will as far as my vision goes. What could I do ... I proceeded to sit there and laugh myself strong again while a couple of coworkers looked and tried to figure out how I landed in such a position.
It is this sort of "cover up" as I am now seeing it, that is bringing me down. I don't want to continue to "piss and moan" about how I don't feel good, it is old, for most of you, but without a doubt, for me!! I try very hard to stay positive, to think that all these issues will pass, as they have in the past, things move forward, life goes on .... but lately, I wonder how long I may be a part of it....?? I take part in this FB page in which transplant recipients talk about what they have been through in regard to the islet transplant, the one in which I was rejected. Now, please, don't take this the wrong way, my goal, as I thought was the majority of this group, was to find a cure!! I am totally thrilled that these folks have made such improvements, being able to go many years now without insulin. However, I am fully aware, more so now than prior, that not all people are candidates for transplants of this manner. One, the antirejection drugs, which were my biggest fear, and I am now so glad I was not taken in as part of the trial. I do not believe I would have fared well. Not only that, I brought to the attention of the board the question about ... what, when this procedure gets FDA approved, will they tell potential recipients??? It takes more than one treatment as it has been proven that one cadaver does not produce enough cells for the transplant to take and be productive. 2. NOT everyone will be eligible for one reason or another, as in my case, a high PRA, making match difficult. Is it fair to lead the public on like this, or for these people, who are amazing in their own right, to now only tout this as the only possible cure??? I have had to step back, due to my frustration levels and the fact that not only in this particular arena, but in my work environment as well, I am frustrated beyond belief with small minded, closed minded, inability to look outside the box and think that there could be more than one way to make the final CURE be a reality for more than just the few who match, or that in the business world, micromanaging doesn't usually work, and causes much stress along the lines of employees who do their job, others jobs, and clean up messes that others create over and over, and yet .... get no appreciation for their efforts, just walked over a little more.
In this aspect, I can see why so many people are frustrated on so many levels today in society. It seems as though (only my opinion at this point) there are no more "sense of pride," "work ethics," moral compass that leads one to do the right thing. It is more ... as doing the right thing, is a matter of who is defining it, and in my opinion, again, it is only defined by those who will benefit first, and only them, and not the big picture, the overall better of the world. Maybe I think on too big a scale, but ... I have been fighting with this small mentality for too long. I can't thank those who I have encountered over the years, doctors, nurses, hospital staff, researchers, people who I have met and become friends, who see the fight at hand, and are open minded to what a potential could mean. It is an issue that I remain passionate about, I am just down, tired, and not sure how to approach the next step. The ultimate vision should be a cure for everyone, not just the ones' who can afford it, or will be the best match, etc .... think about it ... anti-rejections drugs are boku' expensive, not all people react well to them, the match factor, the number of donors needed to make one person a positive "potential" cure ... etc ....
Think about it people .... for anyone who has read research over the years ... the cure is out there and so close. It has been squashed on so many levels at so many times .... not just for diabetes, but for what I feel is cancer, Parkinson's perhaps even AIDS .... so why? .... why? don't the people have this treatment available to them?? I still feel it is the multi-billion dollar cash-cow known as pharmaceuticals!!! we are going to allow them to rule, to run our lives, to kill us all with the side effects which certain agencies let slide and then wind up yanking these great products from the market based on things like "sudden death!!!"
Ok ... well .... I think this ramble has gone on long enough. I try to remain positive, but I must admit, honestly, I feel like I am losing this battle, and in turn, will lose my own battle. I am only one person, a spec in the big scheme of things. I am unsure of how to proceed with this mission I thought I could accomplish in the awareness arena. Life is about to take a new road change .... on so many levels, which road will I take this time? Where will I land? Will I be happy in the end? Will I make a difference, and will anyone really care??
Ok ... well ... More of my own verbiage for me to chew on and ponder ... LOL ..... Thanks to Mrs D. and Aunt Ann for your continued comments and encouragement. Bee and Deb for keeping me in the humor and grounded. Yes, Ann, I am sure, without a doubt my mother would be proud of me .... unfortunately, lately, I am in child mode and would prefer to have her here with me fighting the good fight, or preparing for a trip to the ocean to clear our souls of the negativity. I do thank you for acknowledging her and how she may have felt about me and my fight. She was one of my biggest fans .... and when I am low like this, wish so deeply she was here to talk it all through ... maybe then I wouldn't have to type all this and throw it out into the world wide web areana for all to see and read. However, I do believe, given what I see as to who and where this is all being read, that something I am doing is making a difference somewhere, in someone's life.
A peaceful and enjoyable weekend to all!!!
PEACE and LIGHT
et
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Riding the wave .... again
This is going to be a quick, semi-relief, post ...
Saw the PCP today, not thrilled with what transpired as I have been through this "ride" a couple of times not only with myself, but with my mother as well.
There was "nothing notably abnormal" on the CT. Doc is positive the mass is a lymph node, as am I, just not sure what has it all "blown" up currently as it has been there for almost 3 years now, first being told it was scar tissue, then a hernia, and upon "hernia" repair, being told by surgeon, "I don't think that is what the problem is," However, no guidance, no educated guesses, no directive for follow up ... so I let it be and now I am sitting here with my swollen right leg up on the back of the couch. I am a sexy sight I am .... LOL. The dog is out cold beside me as she too, had a vet appointment today. She fared much better than I even though she got injections in both thighs, she got an excellent bill of health!!
I am looking at a couple of more imaging tests, like another ultra sound. Now this is where I get a little ticked off .... a major money making scam. I was in the ER a little over a week ago (seems like eternity at this point), they did an ultra sound of my right leg looking for a blood clot, when I asked the tech if she could run that probe a little higher and check out the mass, which was also mentioned to the ER doc, she stated "orders are to look for a blood clot, we don't go that high for that." Well ... How f'in stupid is that???
I didn't fall off the truck last night, a blood clot can form anywhere ... especially in the veins and arteries which run through the groin. Why .... WHY do they think people are all stupid!!??? This sort of crap really does elevate my blood pressure as now I must wait for an approval for another ultra sound, the time that takes to clear, then to land an appointment, and again, if something shows, the biopsy, which will require a freaking auth before they do it as well, so it will not be done the same day. Now, why do doctors, insurance companies more, feel it ok to inflict undue anxiety on people? The longer they mess around with this sort of diagnostic BS, I am 1, missing work, 2., still feeling like crap, 3., wondering anxiously about my "stemmie" status, and 4 .... why I still don't feel as good as I did a month after treatment even with pneumonia!!!????
Anyway ... can barely keep my eyes open as I did not sleep very well at all last night, tossing, turning, awake every hour or so, the whole drenching night sweat thing, and sedating myself to what would normally put me to sleep, did not, in double dose. So tonight ..... we SLEEP. .... no help required!!
Thanks to all who follow, suggestions, similar experiences, etc. .... always welcome!!
G'night to all and to all, a G'night!!!
Peace and Light
et
Saw the PCP today, not thrilled with what transpired as I have been through this "ride" a couple of times not only with myself, but with my mother as well.
There was "nothing notably abnormal" on the CT. Doc is positive the mass is a lymph node, as am I, just not sure what has it all "blown" up currently as it has been there for almost 3 years now, first being told it was scar tissue, then a hernia, and upon "hernia" repair, being told by surgeon, "I don't think that is what the problem is," However, no guidance, no educated guesses, no directive for follow up ... so I let it be and now I am sitting here with my swollen right leg up on the back of the couch. I am a sexy sight I am .... LOL. The dog is out cold beside me as she too, had a vet appointment today. She fared much better than I even though she got injections in both thighs, she got an excellent bill of health!!
I am looking at a couple of more imaging tests, like another ultra sound. Now this is where I get a little ticked off .... a major money making scam. I was in the ER a little over a week ago (seems like eternity at this point), they did an ultra sound of my right leg looking for a blood clot, when I asked the tech if she could run that probe a little higher and check out the mass, which was also mentioned to the ER doc, she stated "orders are to look for a blood clot, we don't go that high for that." Well ... How f'in stupid is that???
I didn't fall off the truck last night, a blood clot can form anywhere ... especially in the veins and arteries which run through the groin. Why .... WHY do they think people are all stupid!!??? This sort of crap really does elevate my blood pressure as now I must wait for an approval for another ultra sound, the time that takes to clear, then to land an appointment, and again, if something shows, the biopsy, which will require a freaking auth before they do it as well, so it will not be done the same day. Now, why do doctors, insurance companies more, feel it ok to inflict undue anxiety on people? The longer they mess around with this sort of diagnostic BS, I am 1, missing work, 2., still feeling like crap, 3., wondering anxiously about my "stemmie" status, and 4 .... why I still don't feel as good as I did a month after treatment even with pneumonia!!!????
Anyway ... can barely keep my eyes open as I did not sleep very well at all last night, tossing, turning, awake every hour or so, the whole drenching night sweat thing, and sedating myself to what would normally put me to sleep, did not, in double dose. So tonight ..... we SLEEP. .... no help required!!
Thanks to all who follow, suggestions, similar experiences, etc. .... always welcome!!
G'night to all and to all, a G'night!!!
Peace and Light
et
Monday, May 23, 2011
Another 1st Day Back ...
Hello,
I made it through the day. I am currently exhausted only being home 2 hours. My leg is very uncomfortable. I got a call from the doctor's office, but only to confirm my appointment with her in the morning. I also returned home from work today to find a letter from the insurance company stating that they approved Thursdays CT scan, but would not cover any further tests unless a prior authorization was in place PRIOR to setting a date of service. Now ... here is my take on that one, it would appear that a doctor's order of STAT means absolutely nothing in regard to whether one has insurance or not. That those at the insurance companies, and most of those I will tell you have nothing more than a BS, and that is if we are lucky, calling the shots on MY life, over that of a MEDICAL DOCTOR!!!
Tell me folks, what is wrong with this picture??? I will make sure that someone pays dearly if needed treatment goes undone any longer than it already has. What is the difference in this sort of action in comparison to what some feel is socialist, or communist medical care that goes on in other countries. I have seen this sort of treatment and insurance company BS play out too many times already, and if I too, must be one of thier victims, someone is going to pay, and many are going to hear about it.
I am really tired and am uncomfortable, as my right leg is pretty much been "asleep" since before 3 pm. I will post the so-called findings tomorrow, .... or will try depending on my frame of mind. Hillary and I have had discussions to date, she wants to be with me for my 11:15 appointment, however, an appointment for Maggie had already been made and Hillary will be doing that at 11:30. I will do this one in physical presence, on my own, and knowing I have, again, many people with me in spirit. I know what some of you are thinking, but my Maggie needs to be healthy to look after me as well. She has been in recent weeks sort of clingy and I wonder if it is due to her own allergies, or she senses something wiht me that she can't verbalize. She has been more close, like sleeping on me instead of just near me.
I wish everyone a restful evening ... (If I can't succeed, perhaps you can on my behalf)
Thanks to Mom D and Bee for your comments .... your honesty is much appreciated. :D
Peace and Light
et
PS: I am thinking that in this recent photo of Maggie (above) with a friend of Hilly's, that maybe she doesn't care whose ass she is curled up with .... lol ... she just wants to be one of the girls!!!
I made it through the day. I am currently exhausted only being home 2 hours. My leg is very uncomfortable. I got a call from the doctor's office, but only to confirm my appointment with her in the morning. I also returned home from work today to find a letter from the insurance company stating that they approved Thursdays CT scan, but would not cover any further tests unless a prior authorization was in place PRIOR to setting a date of service. Now ... here is my take on that one, it would appear that a doctor's order of STAT means absolutely nothing in regard to whether one has insurance or not. That those at the insurance companies, and most of those I will tell you have nothing more than a BS, and that is if we are lucky, calling the shots on MY life, over that of a MEDICAL DOCTOR!!!
Tell me folks, what is wrong with this picture??? I will make sure that someone pays dearly if needed treatment goes undone any longer than it already has. What is the difference in this sort of action in comparison to what some feel is socialist, or communist medical care that goes on in other countries. I have seen this sort of treatment and insurance company BS play out too many times already, and if I too, must be one of thier victims, someone is going to pay, and many are going to hear about it.
I am really tired and am uncomfortable, as my right leg is pretty much been "asleep" since before 3 pm. I will post the so-called findings tomorrow, .... or will try depending on my frame of mind. Hillary and I have had discussions to date, she wants to be with me for my 11:15 appointment, however, an appointment for Maggie had already been made and Hillary will be doing that at 11:30. I will do this one in physical presence, on my own, and knowing I have, again, many people with me in spirit. I know what some of you are thinking, but my Maggie needs to be healthy to look after me as well. She has been in recent weeks sort of clingy and I wonder if it is due to her own allergies, or she senses something wiht me that she can't verbalize. She has been more close, like sleeping on me instead of just near me.
I wish everyone a restful evening ... (If I can't succeed, perhaps you can on my behalf)
Thanks to Mom D and Bee for your comments .... your honesty is much appreciated. :D
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Another new beginning
Good Evening ...
As I sit here ready to hit the pillows as I have to return to work in the morning. Still in discomfort, still with no word of what we may be dealing with yet, I reflect.
In re-reading yesterday's post, I have come to the conclusion that over the years, my trust in family loyalty was very much misplaced. The only loyalty I needed to be concerned with is no longer here. I made no deathbed promises I couldn't keep, or were totally unrealistic. I did what I promised her I would do, I did for her, what she had done for me since birth, what she would be doing for me today, and that is that. As for the loyalty I was disillusioned into believing over the years that in a bad situation we would all pull together and support each other. Oh, how wrong I was on that one ... LOL ... the saying that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family rings so true. I can honestly say, I have, despite the diminishing of the population over the years, some of the best friends a person could ever be blessed with. I am, and will be, forever grateful for that friendship and love.
With that being said, I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be. I have been hurt, I no doubt have hurt, and I do not go out of my way to hurt people intentionally. I have learned over the years that we are who we are, and often times there are people who do not approve or agree with our outlooks. That is fine, if you don't like me, stay away from me. I too, will do the same. I hardly go looking to associate with those who feel it is okay to hurt others to gain for personal benefit. I have always tried to be true to my feelings, not always playing out to the best situations. But, I recall one situation back in the early 90s in which I had a verbal blow up with a family member, or 2-3 and it cast me out for a long time. Oh well, it's too bad that what I was saying was beyond truth and that this person on some level, still today, thinks that she is all that and more, when everyone knew she was a mental case, yet, let's keep the peace. Oh BS!!! There are times in life when I just can't take this sugar coating of people instead of calling them out on the carpet and making them face the actions they put forth and the reactions or effects those "actions" left on others. I'm sorry, I have no regrets on some of my verbal explosions over the years. I even had my PCP back east tell me at this point in time, (90s) that it would be good for me if I did it more often..... LOL ... I have been known to be a "stuffer," and I can tell you, it doesn't always play out pretty. In that, I have learned that by stuffing all these negative feelings usually blows up into exacerbated hurt instead of just throwing it out there when it is happening, dealing with it, perhaps shed some tears, raise your voice, let it be known, and let it go. I can honestly say that in that respect, those that are in my life on a regular basis, knows this is how I prefer to work. I also know, that some of these loved ones are uncomfortable with this method sometimes. However, I do believe, that we all evolve, and grow from these experiences, and therefore, our relationships deepen. It may also be a reason I am still single. I have yet to meet a man, even the ones I call friends today, that can openly just voice their feelings on a subject without a long, often time, no real response, not sure what this is all about, but it is definitely a "Guy thing." :D
Okay ... I am doing a lot of rambling on lately. Not sure my basis for this, I believe it is an uncertainty about my future. I am having a hard time not knowing what my stem cell status is given the latest developments???
I wish everyone a healthy, happy week ahead!!
"Air Hugs" back at'cha Deb ... I love it!!!
Peace and Light
et
As I sit here ready to hit the pillows as I have to return to work in the morning. Still in discomfort, still with no word of what we may be dealing with yet, I reflect.
In re-reading yesterday's post, I have come to the conclusion that over the years, my trust in family loyalty was very much misplaced. The only loyalty I needed to be concerned with is no longer here. I made no deathbed promises I couldn't keep, or were totally unrealistic. I did what I promised her I would do, I did for her, what she had done for me since birth, what she would be doing for me today, and that is that. As for the loyalty I was disillusioned into believing over the years that in a bad situation we would all pull together and support each other. Oh, how wrong I was on that one ... LOL ... the saying that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family rings so true. I can honestly say, I have, despite the diminishing of the population over the years, some of the best friends a person could ever be blessed with. I am, and will be, forever grateful for that friendship and love.
With that being said, I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be. I have been hurt, I no doubt have hurt, and I do not go out of my way to hurt people intentionally. I have learned over the years that we are who we are, and often times there are people who do not approve or agree with our outlooks. That is fine, if you don't like me, stay away from me. I too, will do the same. I hardly go looking to associate with those who feel it is okay to hurt others to gain for personal benefit. I have always tried to be true to my feelings, not always playing out to the best situations. But, I recall one situation back in the early 90s in which I had a verbal blow up with a family member, or 2-3 and it cast me out for a long time. Oh well, it's too bad that what I was saying was beyond truth and that this person on some level, still today, thinks that she is all that and more, when everyone knew she was a mental case, yet, let's keep the peace. Oh BS!!! There are times in life when I just can't take this sugar coating of people instead of calling them out on the carpet and making them face the actions they put forth and the reactions or effects those "actions" left on others. I'm sorry, I have no regrets on some of my verbal explosions over the years. I even had my PCP back east tell me at this point in time, (90s) that it would be good for me if I did it more often..... LOL ... I have been known to be a "stuffer," and I can tell you, it doesn't always play out pretty. In that, I have learned that by stuffing all these negative feelings usually blows up into exacerbated hurt instead of just throwing it out there when it is happening, dealing with it, perhaps shed some tears, raise your voice, let it be known, and let it go. I can honestly say that in that respect, those that are in my life on a regular basis, knows this is how I prefer to work. I also know, that some of these loved ones are uncomfortable with this method sometimes. However, I do believe, that we all evolve, and grow from these experiences, and therefore, our relationships deepen. It may also be a reason I am still single. I have yet to meet a man, even the ones I call friends today, that can openly just voice their feelings on a subject without a long, often time, no real response, not sure what this is all about, but it is definitely a "Guy thing." :D
Okay ... I am doing a lot of rambling on lately. Not sure my basis for this, I believe it is an uncertainty about my future. I am having a hard time not knowing what my stem cell status is given the latest developments???
I wish everyone a healthy, happy week ahead!!
"Air Hugs" back at'cha Deb ... I love it!!!
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, May 21, 2011
End of the world ...
As I am still here, coping with all the same BS I was yesterday, and not as well as I expected. I am unprepared, tired, and honestly, scared to death as to how to cope so that my daughter will be taken care of. I know in certain aspects, she is and will, knowing those that truly love her without the restrictions and tallying of who did what for who over her head. She already has more going for her than MOST her age.
I still have had no call on results of the CT, and the insurance company is apparently going to be an issue. If what is being "suspected" becomes reality, there is going to be a lawsuit, and I will win. The woman who acted as my PCP for several years had multiple mis-steps in diagnoses over the years, one landing her a letter from my endocrinologist, whom she felt she knew more than as a Physicians Assistant, and calling me noncompliant for refusing her instructions. She never truly examined the area in question prior to shipping me off for surgery and therefore, I am going to have her charged with negligence along with a couple of other things.
Hillary and I were talking this morning, too emotional. Not that I would expect any one of my siblings, or thier spoiled offspring to make any sort of connection, Hillary will without a doubt, tear a new oriface to any one of them looking for information. They should be careful of the term Karma, in which I have heard the kids throw around, as they have turned out to be very selfish human beings. Not one of them knew their grandmother on a level that my Hillary does/did, or me either for that matter, and never will. My daughter has more knowledge of family history, on so many levels, health, personal, and some of my brothers encounters as well, I don't believe she has ever held this against them as they have turned on me, her mother., and allowed for her to be shut out. SHE has done nothing wrong, but don't think for a minute, she can't hold her own when approached by an adult, unlike some of the offspring. It was okay to just turn and go about your business because my mother was no longer on this earth, leaving me and Hillary to deal with my father, because in their words, "I'm not taking care of him, he was an asshole to us growing up." Now really, LMAO ..... I can't help but laugh when I read this statement in print coming from grown, adult men, pushing 60!!! "childhood issues" .... holy crap!! Hillary has been stepping up more and more lately to help me with him, and he has the capacity to kill us both. Thanks guys for ALL your help. Yes, where my brothers are concerned, I am bitter, disappointed, hurt, and it seems to appear that they will always feel they are right in their actions of this situation, very selfish, childish, and so in need of therapy ... LOL .... as my mother use to say, "Dumb-ass Irish Mentality" .... deny it and it does not exist, so I guess it will all be my fault, except for those who have witnessed the happenings, even met some of my brothers, just to say after the fact, "your brothers seemed like nice guys, but what a bunch of AH's!" .... This really amuses me as I know it isn't me, it is the perception of those that watch from the outside and see it all very clearly. This is no "Walton" family by any means. Motto should be with the going gets tough, the tough get running .... fast, in the other direction, and never look back.
In any event, I can safely say that my brothers will not be a part of this fight, and I don't want ANY negative energy floating around me while I try to fight this, and I am going to be forward by stating this very well may be my last fight. I am very tired, with many things to get information on. I am going to shoot for stem cells to be a part of the treatment, but no doubt until after they kill off every thing else. We will know more this coming week. All I know, is they better get with the program, my aunt was diagnosed with lymphoma and died 2 weeks to the day after diagnosis. We need more info. I have not been well in respect to constantly being tired this past week, the pain which remains from last weeks ER visit, and nausea which has been pretty constant since the prednisone, which is what I associated it with. Apparently too much going on in my body at the same time.
LMAO .... and then wonder why some are predicting the end of the world. Well ... I was all ready to send my naked ass off into the planetary unknown .... yet .... at 6:45 pm ... I still sit here waiting. My dog has been on top of me for over a week, Hillary seems to think she knows something we don/t. I am going to go with she just really loves being close to me. :D
To those who follow, and believe in the more evidence based world. I, again, thank you for your following me. I will be curious as to how I am to manage my diabetes with what is the potential of Tuesdays visit. Sorry this post was sort of rambling .... I have a lot on my mind.
Peace and Light
et
I still have had no call on results of the CT, and the insurance company is apparently going to be an issue. If what is being "suspected" becomes reality, there is going to be a lawsuit, and I will win. The woman who acted as my PCP for several years had multiple mis-steps in diagnoses over the years, one landing her a letter from my endocrinologist, whom she felt she knew more than as a Physicians Assistant, and calling me noncompliant for refusing her instructions. She never truly examined the area in question prior to shipping me off for surgery and therefore, I am going to have her charged with negligence along with a couple of other things.
Hillary and I were talking this morning, too emotional. Not that I would expect any one of my siblings, or thier spoiled offspring to make any sort of connection, Hillary will without a doubt, tear a new oriface to any one of them looking for information. They should be careful of the term Karma, in which I have heard the kids throw around, as they have turned out to be very selfish human beings. Not one of them knew their grandmother on a level that my Hillary does/did, or me either for that matter, and never will. My daughter has more knowledge of family history, on so many levels, health, personal, and some of my brothers encounters as well, I don't believe she has ever held this against them as they have turned on me, her mother., and allowed for her to be shut out. SHE has done nothing wrong, but don't think for a minute, she can't hold her own when approached by an adult, unlike some of the offspring. It was okay to just turn and go about your business because my mother was no longer on this earth, leaving me and Hillary to deal with my father, because in their words, "I'm not taking care of him, he was an asshole to us growing up." Now really, LMAO ..... I can't help but laugh when I read this statement in print coming from grown, adult men, pushing 60!!! "childhood issues" .... holy crap!! Hillary has been stepping up more and more lately to help me with him, and he has the capacity to kill us both. Thanks guys for ALL your help. Yes, where my brothers are concerned, I am bitter, disappointed, hurt, and it seems to appear that they will always feel they are right in their actions of this situation, very selfish, childish, and so in need of therapy ... LOL .... as my mother use to say, "Dumb-ass Irish Mentality" .... deny it and it does not exist, so I guess it will all be my fault, except for those who have witnessed the happenings, even met some of my brothers, just to say after the fact, "your brothers seemed like nice guys, but what a bunch of AH's!" .... This really amuses me as I know it isn't me, it is the perception of those that watch from the outside and see it all very clearly. This is no "Walton" family by any means. Motto should be with the going gets tough, the tough get running .... fast, in the other direction, and never look back.
In any event, I can safely say that my brothers will not be a part of this fight, and I don't want ANY negative energy floating around me while I try to fight this, and I am going to be forward by stating this very well may be my last fight. I am very tired, with many things to get information on. I am going to shoot for stem cells to be a part of the treatment, but no doubt until after they kill off every thing else. We will know more this coming week. All I know, is they better get with the program, my aunt was diagnosed with lymphoma and died 2 weeks to the day after diagnosis. We need more info. I have not been well in respect to constantly being tired this past week, the pain which remains from last weeks ER visit, and nausea which has been pretty constant since the prednisone, which is what I associated it with. Apparently too much going on in my body at the same time.
LMAO .... and then wonder why some are predicting the end of the world. Well ... I was all ready to send my naked ass off into the planetary unknown .... yet .... at 6:45 pm ... I still sit here waiting. My dog has been on top of me for over a week, Hillary seems to think she knows something we don/t. I am going to go with she just really loves being close to me. :D
To those who follow, and believe in the more evidence based world. I, again, thank you for your following me. I will be curious as to how I am to manage my diabetes with what is the potential of Tuesdays visit. Sorry this post was sort of rambling .... I have a lot on my mind.
Peace and Light
et
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Update
Hi Everyone!!
Just wanted to let you know that I had the CT scan done this morning. Not the most pleasant experience, but I survived. I am thinking that the Western definition of STAT, means "when I get around to looking at it." The tech/RN was very nice, comforting, yet could not get a line in after two shots. He called in the "doctor" to do it, That took the next 40 minutes, and him thinking he was funny at this point, I think, stating that it was my lucky day, he hadn't had any coffee yet either, and he wasn't hung over from last night!! I am sorry as I do use humor in trying to cope with some of these unpleasant episodes, but we usually get past the pleasantries first, and get a small grip on the persons involved. This got me to thinking .... was he just being humorous?? I have held up ER staff, OR staff, outpatient nursing and surgical facilities just to get a line going on me. This guy used an ultrasound machine to help guide him and you should see my arm this evening!! and sore, holy mother of God!!! When it was all over, I thought, while driving to my dermatology appointment, which I was now late for, that there was no way in hell that I was returning to this particular facility in the event a biopsy of this area of my body was to be cut open, sucked out, or any other type of dissection. I will ask to go to the hospital, perhaps not much better, but ... I can at least say that my daughter has connections, has networked well, and that most of her colleagues like me and want me to get the best possible care. Needless to say, no word yet. I also have some areas in which were clipped off, frozen to destroy, and several areas on my skin that are now in the 6 month "watch mode" due to irregularities. Nothing new, and I have not been the most compliant in keeping up with my dermatology follow ups.All in all, I made it through the day, a little dazed and confused, and more blank then normal, but ... with the exceptions of the bags under my eyes, perhaps tomorrow will bring a new outlook.
Thanks to all of you who follow my roller coaster life of health care issues. The prayers, the good vibes, the concern, the comments and opinions, they mean the world to me!!!
Peace and Light
et
Just wanted to let you know that I had the CT scan done this morning. Not the most pleasant experience, but I survived. I am thinking that the Western definition of STAT, means "when I get around to looking at it." The tech/RN was very nice, comforting, yet could not get a line in after two shots. He called in the "doctor" to do it, That took the next 40 minutes, and him thinking he was funny at this point, I think, stating that it was my lucky day, he hadn't had any coffee yet either, and he wasn't hung over from last night!! I am sorry as I do use humor in trying to cope with some of these unpleasant episodes, but we usually get past the pleasantries first, and get a small grip on the persons involved. This got me to thinking .... was he just being humorous?? I have held up ER staff, OR staff, outpatient nursing and surgical facilities just to get a line going on me. This guy used an ultrasound machine to help guide him and you should see my arm this evening!! and sore, holy mother of God!!! When it was all over, I thought, while driving to my dermatology appointment, which I was now late for, that there was no way in hell that I was returning to this particular facility in the event a biopsy of this area of my body was to be cut open, sucked out, or any other type of dissection. I will ask to go to the hospital, perhaps not much better, but ... I can at least say that my daughter has connections, has networked well, and that most of her colleagues like me and want me to get the best possible care. Needless to say, no word yet. I also have some areas in which were clipped off, frozen to destroy, and several areas on my skin that are now in the 6 month "watch mode" due to irregularities. Nothing new, and I have not been the most compliant in keeping up with my dermatology follow ups.All in all, I made it through the day, a little dazed and confused, and more blank then normal, but ... with the exceptions of the bags under my eyes, perhaps tomorrow will bring a new outlook.
Thanks to all of you who follow my roller coaster life of health care issues. The prayers, the good vibes, the concern, the comments and opinions, they mean the world to me!!!
Peace and Light
et
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Yes, I believe in God
Hello Everyone ...
I'm sorry in delay of any recent post.
I have not been feeling well these last 2-3 weeks and been blaming all of these irritating happenings on the effects of prednisone. So allow me to recap ... for the past couple of weeks I have had this unattractive swelling going on all over my body. Along with this swelling came an all over ache, skin itching beyond belief, and a couple of other maladies as some would refer, to which I am just totally down about. All this came to a flying height on Saturday. I had a "to-do" list that was a mile long, working in the yard, spraying weeds, raking dog piles, etc., in a nutshell ... NONE of this occurred!! Instead, I was in pain that even I couldn't handle, every joint I own was inflamed and stiff to the point of non-mobility, I lost my lunch, returned to bed, tried to get up a few hours later to no avail.... I took myself to the ER. Upon arrival I thought, great, I might get in quick, no such luck. I was taken in immediately for triage and then proceeded to spend the next two hours going from one chair to another trying to find comfort only to land in a make-shift couch curled up, yet again, in the fetal position. It was 6:35 pm when I was finally escorted back into a room. By this time, my attempt to fight off tears was fairly obvious as I had been "dripping" into my sweatshirt while curled up.
The doctor came in and assessed what had been going on, prednisone, my stemmies, the pneumonia, etc. ... a line was started but no fluid was given, lots of blood was drawn .... then I was hit with a big ass dose of morphine and Toradol together. I started to feel groggy, and eventually began to feel my body relax. A little while later (time meant nothing to me now) the nurse came in and informed me I had a fever and administered some Tylenol. At this point, Hillary had come down off her shift on the 1st floor to see what was happening and let me know that she got the ok to leave early and be with me. I told her she could return as I was groggy and we were waiting on tests to be done. She eventually came back to be with me after my nurse told Hillary that the doctor had checked "every box on the lab sheet" (sort of giving way that he had no clue). After a chest X-ray, EKG, and an ultrasound of my right leg, (this seeming to be where they began to put focus due to the pain taking precedent on the right side) no blood clots were located. That, apparently seemed to the the number one thing they wanted to rule out due to the swelling, and excruciating pain I was feeling in places like EVERY joint, especially behind my knees, my hips, shoulders, neck, and lower back. My tongue was also swollen as it had been for a little over a week. Co-workers had noticed my words seemed slightly slurred, Hillary noticing that not only my speech being jumbled, but that I was again dropping things .... like I did prior to my stem cell treatment.
All of this I find a little depressing given as to how well I felt for the 3 weeks post-stemmies. Then the pneumonia stay, the allergy induced asthma and all the prednisone. Now .... what I get this morning. I had a 10:30 am with my PCP, a bump up from Thursdays' appointment. After what seemed like a long recap of my ER visit, and last weeks appointment, review of the blood pressures, etc, she examined my key point areas of pain. A mass, which has been an area of complaint for me for the last couple of years, being told by the last PCP (the one mentioned a couple of times in previous posts) which was surgically opened to repair a so-called hernia, is now a massive area of concern. I was told by previous PCP this was a hernia, with little to no examination and sent to a surgeon, who did go in and repair a VERY small hernia in which he stated to me did not require surgical intervention and that he "didn't believe that was the problem." That was it, no suggestions, no follow up. ..... my life goes on. After she poked, probed, prodded, and made some not so encouraging facial expressions, I was asked if she could do labs?? Geezzz ... didn't we get what we needed on Saturday? She drew to check for Valley Fever, something that seems to be prominent out here in the desert. It is a fungus that blows around in the dirt out here and apparently can cause some pretty nasty residuals. You never really get rid of it, you will always be a carrier. It is not contagious, it is just blown around in the dirt. OH FLIPPIN' JOY!!! Along with that, as people who carry Vally Fever, should not be on prednisone .... (this became a red flag for me), but ... that nasty lymph node which presented a couple of years ago and the lame diagnosis by the PCP who had not once done a full exam, is back to haunt me. Along with a few of the other symptoms in which I presented, I am now being ordered to under go a CT and needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.
I'm scared, unsure, and very tired. I believe in God, a higher power, bigger than I, one who has kept the ultimate eye on me for many years, and yet, here we go again. What happened to that golden phrase my mother always told me when I felt things were getting to much .... "God only gives us as much as he knows we can handle." Guess what .... I have been handling one thing after another for what seems like ... a lifetime. When will it stop, a small reprieve, a short time to enjoy life on my own terms??? Perhaps some healthy outings, some casual travel, a little time on the beach again, maybe even fall in love??? Some big dreams perhaps, but some of these "dreams" have kept me going for a long time, dreaming isn't quite doing it anymore without the physical ability to pull it off.
I am awaiting the call as to when this will happen, my guess is it will not be today as they need to get an insurance auth, but possibly tomorrow. Hillary has left town for a couple of days and .... well ... I will need to pull up my big girl panties and go it alone. Some things, I get very anxious about, I think this is going to be one of them, and my "happy place" seems to be further and further in the distance, hard to imagine, what will I do if this comes back more than I am capable of handling at this particular point in my life??? I have many questions ... and more of them seem to be about my own abilities to carry on with dignity, humor and grace ...
Got to go feed my baby-dog ... she is right here at my feet, and has been pretty much on top of me for the last few days ... think she knows something I don't ??
Peace and Light to All!!!
et
I'm sorry in delay of any recent post.
I have not been feeling well these last 2-3 weeks and been blaming all of these irritating happenings on the effects of prednisone. So allow me to recap ... for the past couple of weeks I have had this unattractive swelling going on all over my body. Along with this swelling came an all over ache, skin itching beyond belief, and a couple of other maladies as some would refer, to which I am just totally down about. All this came to a flying height on Saturday. I had a "to-do" list that was a mile long, working in the yard, spraying weeds, raking dog piles, etc., in a nutshell ... NONE of this occurred!! Instead, I was in pain that even I couldn't handle, every joint I own was inflamed and stiff to the point of non-mobility, I lost my lunch, returned to bed, tried to get up a few hours later to no avail.... I took myself to the ER. Upon arrival I thought, great, I might get in quick, no such luck. I was taken in immediately for triage and then proceeded to spend the next two hours going from one chair to another trying to find comfort only to land in a make-shift couch curled up, yet again, in the fetal position. It was 6:35 pm when I was finally escorted back into a room. By this time, my attempt to fight off tears was fairly obvious as I had been "dripping" into my sweatshirt while curled up.
The doctor came in and assessed what had been going on, prednisone, my stemmies, the pneumonia, etc. ... a line was started but no fluid was given, lots of blood was drawn .... then I was hit with a big ass dose of morphine and Toradol together. I started to feel groggy, and eventually began to feel my body relax. A little while later (time meant nothing to me now) the nurse came in and informed me I had a fever and administered some Tylenol. At this point, Hillary had come down off her shift on the 1st floor to see what was happening and let me know that she got the ok to leave early and be with me. I told her she could return as I was groggy and we were waiting on tests to be done. She eventually came back to be with me after my nurse told Hillary that the doctor had checked "every box on the lab sheet" (sort of giving way that he had no clue). After a chest X-ray, EKG, and an ultrasound of my right leg, (this seeming to be where they began to put focus due to the pain taking precedent on the right side) no blood clots were located. That, apparently seemed to the the number one thing they wanted to rule out due to the swelling, and excruciating pain I was feeling in places like EVERY joint, especially behind my knees, my hips, shoulders, neck, and lower back. My tongue was also swollen as it had been for a little over a week. Co-workers had noticed my words seemed slightly slurred, Hillary noticing that not only my speech being jumbled, but that I was again dropping things .... like I did prior to my stem cell treatment.
All of this I find a little depressing given as to how well I felt for the 3 weeks post-stemmies. Then the pneumonia stay, the allergy induced asthma and all the prednisone. Now .... what I get this morning. I had a 10:30 am with my PCP, a bump up from Thursdays' appointment. After what seemed like a long recap of my ER visit, and last weeks appointment, review of the blood pressures, etc, she examined my key point areas of pain. A mass, which has been an area of complaint for me for the last couple of years, being told by the last PCP (the one mentioned a couple of times in previous posts) which was surgically opened to repair a so-called hernia, is now a massive area of concern. I was told by previous PCP this was a hernia, with little to no examination and sent to a surgeon, who did go in and repair a VERY small hernia in which he stated to me did not require surgical intervention and that he "didn't believe that was the problem." That was it, no suggestions, no follow up. ..... my life goes on. After she poked, probed, prodded, and made some not so encouraging facial expressions, I was asked if she could do labs?? Geezzz ... didn't we get what we needed on Saturday? She drew to check for Valley Fever, something that seems to be prominent out here in the desert. It is a fungus that blows around in the dirt out here and apparently can cause some pretty nasty residuals. You never really get rid of it, you will always be a carrier. It is not contagious, it is just blown around in the dirt. OH FLIPPIN' JOY!!! Along with that, as people who carry Vally Fever, should not be on prednisone .... (this became a red flag for me), but ... that nasty lymph node which presented a couple of years ago and the lame diagnosis by the PCP who had not once done a full exam, is back to haunt me. Along with a few of the other symptoms in which I presented, I am now being ordered to under go a CT and needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.
I'm scared, unsure, and very tired. I believe in God, a higher power, bigger than I, one who has kept the ultimate eye on me for many years, and yet, here we go again. What happened to that golden phrase my mother always told me when I felt things were getting to much .... "God only gives us as much as he knows we can handle." Guess what .... I have been handling one thing after another for what seems like ... a lifetime. When will it stop, a small reprieve, a short time to enjoy life on my own terms??? Perhaps some healthy outings, some casual travel, a little time on the beach again, maybe even fall in love??? Some big dreams perhaps, but some of these "dreams" have kept me going for a long time, dreaming isn't quite doing it anymore without the physical ability to pull it off.
I am awaiting the call as to when this will happen, my guess is it will not be today as they need to get an insurance auth, but possibly tomorrow. Hillary has left town for a couple of days and .... well ... I will need to pull up my big girl panties and go it alone. Some things, I get very anxious about, I think this is going to be one of them, and my "happy place" seems to be further and further in the distance, hard to imagine, what will I do if this comes back more than I am capable of handling at this particular point in my life??? I have many questions ... and more of them seem to be about my own abilities to carry on with dignity, humor and grace ...
Got to go feed my baby-dog ... she is right here at my feet, and has been pretty much on top of me for the last few days ... think she knows something I don't ??
Peace and Light to All!!!
et
Saturday, May 14, 2011
A week from hell ...
Happy Saturday Kids!!
Well ... all I can say is it has been a week from hell.
I seem to be undergoing changes which I can only attribute to the prednisone use for 8 out of 13 weeks since my stem cell treatment. As I had stated last week, my endocrinologist told me another 4-6 weeks before my body clears it. Okay, I had shown her the effects of the swelling going on, to which in this past week has exacerbated beyond what I anticipated, and far more than I can handle. Along with all the physical issues going on, like the constant throbbing in my legs, to which at this moment, my right leg is aching and throbbing from the top of my foot up to behind my knee and is beginning to work it's way up the back of my thigh. This is uncomfortable beyond description for me. I have also been incredibly cranky, irritable, down right bitchy!!! and my daughter will tell you as much as I have been saying it, this is NOT me!! (Don't get me wrong, I love to bitch). This is random and extreme, (words of my daughter to help in describing to my PCP on Thursday).
I came home from work on Tuesday, called in sick on Weds., went to see my PCP on Thursday morning, did an afternoon at the office, and only a 1/2 day yesterday. I can't stand myself, I can't imagine how those around me feel about me currently, no doubt wanting to duck tape my mouth shut. Every morning this week, I have come close to getting out of my car and chocking the shit out of someone who seems to be in this incredible hurry to get someplace. I'm sorry, but weaving in and out of traffic because you didn't leave in time for work is not my problem!! Along with that, WHY must you think you can handle driving, as well as talking on the phone, texting, putting on your mascara, and still feel the need to speed and weave??? Perhaps you should leave a few minutes earlier and consider traffic, better yet, JUST BE LATE!!! Not always a woman either, my finger has flown out the window along with a few choice words to these people in the past week in which no real change was made as they continued to weave their way to the next red light only to have to stop. WHY ... I ask is there never a cop around in times like this?? Traffic is heavy enough that people like this certainly stick out. I am so irritable, that I want to just smack the next stupid person I encounter. Slap them into reality, life is NOT all about you!!! I am in it too, and I am trying really hard to live it out a few more days!! So smarten up!! People seem so rude out here at times. Men especially(not all of them, but a good majority), like their mentality is I should be barefoot, pregnant and fetching them their next Budweiser, otherwise I am just taking up space!! Not this one pal!! If you ram my ass with a carriage at the grocery store I expect an "excuse me" or an "I'm sorry." All I ever get out here is no eye contact, and I was in THEIR way. Common courtesy and street smarts are not all that common in this area from what I have experienced and it is wearing pretty thin on me, especially under the influence of this "roid rage." Now, I'm not using this as an excuse, but the spewing of my emotions, or what I am thinking at any given moment has certainly come out of my mouth like "word vomit" in the past couple of weeks. I cry at the drop of a hat, for no reason, and if you were to ask my daughter, I don't cry enough, and lately over stupid stuff ... like watching Toy Story 3 .... REALLY!?!!??
Earlier this week I consulted with a colleague at work, a psychiatrist, in which I trust his judgement and overall knowledge. I feel he is one of the best doctors we have on staff, and personally, don't think he would steer me in the wrong direction. He told me that the effects of prednisone can cause manic symptoms. Hillary spouts back with "she is SO not manic!" His response to that is that there is also something called "irritable mania." I thought he was teasing me ... he WAS NOT!!! I don't believe there is any sort of mania going on here ... LOL ... or my house would be flippin' spotless at this point!! All I know, is that I am cranky beyond belief and my body hurts to the point where it feels like it is going to explode due to the swelling going on, and it is BAD!! I feel like a freakin' Macy's Day parade balloon the last few days but lunchtime. Ok ... so I go to the PCP on Thursday morning, she is telling me she doesn't think it is the steroid..... hello!!! Let's not go looking for anything else that it could be when the evidence, and symptoms clearly point to the steroid use. On researching even deeper, all the things that have happened recently, the heartburn, itching, vomiting and nausea, can all be attributed to the prednisone. My colleague also stated, which parallelled info I got off the Mayo Clinic website, is that I was told 4-6 weeks, but that in some patients it could take months!!!
All my labs came back normal with the exception of my A1c. She did do a urine test the other day, not sure what the results of this was. She places me on HCTZ (A BP/diuretic combo) and Ativan for a week and asks me to check my BP twice a day as that too, has elevated. I NEVER have elevated blood pressure, if anything it is low and I suffer from that whole dizzy thing if I get up too fast, i.e., orthostatic hypotension. She asks me about hormones, and history of depression. I am all to familiar with depression having suffered several bouts since childhood, and know the signs. She states "I don't want you to fall through the cracks." Again, really?? There is a family history of both high blood pressure and depression. My point is this person treated me with large doses of steroids and all these symptoms clearly relate to that treatment. I am not, nor have I ever been a text book patient, why would it start now?? I see her again on Thursday. My colleague states that "it will go away, and I will return to normal", however, I find that a rather vague outlook. I want more details as what I am experiencing is so far beyond pleasant on so many levels, I am having a hard time coping. He wished me luck, and Hillary the BEST of luck. (I'm thinking, and know, that she is taking the brunt of my bad moods and I don't mean it). I am just unpredictable on so many levels I find it safest to withdraw, or just go to bed as anything that I want to get done, is no doubt going to irritate me as I want it done when I ask you to do it, like the yard work I asked to be completed this week so I could go out and mow and spray this weekend. Not done, my irritation beyond boiling point at the moment. It is best for me to walk away, or better yet, just go to bed and put my legs up as they really are beyond painful.
OK ... I have asked a couple of my docs about the affect on my stemmies. All I get for response is "well, with no real data available, we can't tell." Again, too flipping vague for my liking. There is data out there somewhere, again, not in the US, but somewhere they are keeping track. I am at a point, and it could be my state of mind on this crap currently, how long should one continue to fight?? I want to undergo the stem cell treatment once more and see if I get the results I feel I should have had the 1st round had I not gone into it fighting infection to start. I do blame that on the PCP I had prior to 12-10 as she was only interested, in my opinion in making quota and collecting a copay. She should have ordered a chest x-ray long before I had one done, in the ER, 4 months later!!! Again, a mess up on her part that I am paying for. It is these sorts of establishments who call themselves health professionals that really burn my ass!!! If it is all about money, I really do mean nothing, so why would they care about any positive result?? The more a patient comes back, the more cash added to the cow. Let's prescribe useless medications, with high costs and exorbitant side effects ... yeah .... that is how we make a living .... to hell with the patient or better put #12345, because on so many levels, that seems to be what most are to good percentage of todays' providers. I can say I have been lucky to have encountered what I feel to be a large number of forward thinking doctors and nurses, and teachers, who see where I am coming from. However, this is NOT what they are taught to bring forward and to me .... that should be considered a crime!!!
On that note, I am taking my cranky person to the shower (I will try not and drown her) and then ... well ... will see which direction I head.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!
Peace and Light (and personally wishing for some tranquility)
et
Well ... all I can say is it has been a week from hell.
I seem to be undergoing changes which I can only attribute to the prednisone use for 8 out of 13 weeks since my stem cell treatment. As I had stated last week, my endocrinologist told me another 4-6 weeks before my body clears it. Okay, I had shown her the effects of the swelling going on, to which in this past week has exacerbated beyond what I anticipated, and far more than I can handle. Along with all the physical issues going on, like the constant throbbing in my legs, to which at this moment, my right leg is aching and throbbing from the top of my foot up to behind my knee and is beginning to work it's way up the back of my thigh. This is uncomfortable beyond description for me. I have also been incredibly cranky, irritable, down right bitchy!!! and my daughter will tell you as much as I have been saying it, this is NOT me!! (Don't get me wrong, I love to bitch). This is random and extreme, (words of my daughter to help in describing to my PCP on Thursday).
I came home from work on Tuesday, called in sick on Weds., went to see my PCP on Thursday morning, did an afternoon at the office, and only a 1/2 day yesterday. I can't stand myself, I can't imagine how those around me feel about me currently, no doubt wanting to duck tape my mouth shut. Every morning this week, I have come close to getting out of my car and chocking the shit out of someone who seems to be in this incredible hurry to get someplace. I'm sorry, but weaving in and out of traffic because you didn't leave in time for work is not my problem!! Along with that, WHY must you think you can handle driving, as well as talking on the phone, texting, putting on your mascara, and still feel the need to speed and weave??? Perhaps you should leave a few minutes earlier and consider traffic, better yet, JUST BE LATE!!! Not always a woman either, my finger has flown out the window along with a few choice words to these people in the past week in which no real change was made as they continued to weave their way to the next red light only to have to stop. WHY ... I ask is there never a cop around in times like this?? Traffic is heavy enough that people like this certainly stick out. I am so irritable, that I want to just smack the next stupid person I encounter. Slap them into reality, life is NOT all about you!!! I am in it too, and I am trying really hard to live it out a few more days!! So smarten up!! People seem so rude out here at times. Men especially(not all of them, but a good majority), like their mentality is I should be barefoot, pregnant and fetching them their next Budweiser, otherwise I am just taking up space!! Not this one pal!! If you ram my ass with a carriage at the grocery store I expect an "excuse me" or an "I'm sorry." All I ever get out here is no eye contact, and I was in THEIR way. Common courtesy and street smarts are not all that common in this area from what I have experienced and it is wearing pretty thin on me, especially under the influence of this "roid rage." Now, I'm not using this as an excuse, but the spewing of my emotions, or what I am thinking at any given moment has certainly come out of my mouth like "word vomit" in the past couple of weeks. I cry at the drop of a hat, for no reason, and if you were to ask my daughter, I don't cry enough, and lately over stupid stuff ... like watching Toy Story 3 .... REALLY!?!!??
Earlier this week I consulted with a colleague at work, a psychiatrist, in which I trust his judgement and overall knowledge. I feel he is one of the best doctors we have on staff, and personally, don't think he would steer me in the wrong direction. He told me that the effects of prednisone can cause manic symptoms. Hillary spouts back with "she is SO not manic!" His response to that is that there is also something called "irritable mania." I thought he was teasing me ... he WAS NOT!!! I don't believe there is any sort of mania going on here ... LOL ... or my house would be flippin' spotless at this point!! All I know, is that I am cranky beyond belief and my body hurts to the point where it feels like it is going to explode due to the swelling going on, and it is BAD!! I feel like a freakin' Macy's Day parade balloon the last few days but lunchtime. Ok ... so I go to the PCP on Thursday morning, she is telling me she doesn't think it is the steroid..... hello!!! Let's not go looking for anything else that it could be when the evidence, and symptoms clearly point to the steroid use. On researching even deeper, all the things that have happened recently, the heartburn, itching, vomiting and nausea, can all be attributed to the prednisone. My colleague also stated, which parallelled info I got off the Mayo Clinic website, is that I was told 4-6 weeks, but that in some patients it could take months!!!
All my labs came back normal with the exception of my A1c. She did do a urine test the other day, not sure what the results of this was. She places me on HCTZ (A BP/diuretic combo) and Ativan for a week and asks me to check my BP twice a day as that too, has elevated. I NEVER have elevated blood pressure, if anything it is low and I suffer from that whole dizzy thing if I get up too fast, i.e., orthostatic hypotension. She asks me about hormones, and history of depression. I am all to familiar with depression having suffered several bouts since childhood, and know the signs. She states "I don't want you to fall through the cracks." Again, really?? There is a family history of both high blood pressure and depression. My point is this person treated me with large doses of steroids and all these symptoms clearly relate to that treatment. I am not, nor have I ever been a text book patient, why would it start now?? I see her again on Thursday. My colleague states that "it will go away, and I will return to normal", however, I find that a rather vague outlook. I want more details as what I am experiencing is so far beyond pleasant on so many levels, I am having a hard time coping. He wished me luck, and Hillary the BEST of luck. (I'm thinking, and know, that she is taking the brunt of my bad moods and I don't mean it). I am just unpredictable on so many levels I find it safest to withdraw, or just go to bed as anything that I want to get done, is no doubt going to irritate me as I want it done when I ask you to do it, like the yard work I asked to be completed this week so I could go out and mow and spray this weekend. Not done, my irritation beyond boiling point at the moment. It is best for me to walk away, or better yet, just go to bed and put my legs up as they really are beyond painful.
OK ... I have asked a couple of my docs about the affect on my stemmies. All I get for response is "well, with no real data available, we can't tell." Again, too flipping vague for my liking. There is data out there somewhere, again, not in the US, but somewhere they are keeping track. I am at a point, and it could be my state of mind on this crap currently, how long should one continue to fight?? I want to undergo the stem cell treatment once more and see if I get the results I feel I should have had the 1st round had I not gone into it fighting infection to start. I do blame that on the PCP I had prior to 12-10 as she was only interested, in my opinion in making quota and collecting a copay. She should have ordered a chest x-ray long before I had one done, in the ER, 4 months later!!! Again, a mess up on her part that I am paying for. It is these sorts of establishments who call themselves health professionals that really burn my ass!!! If it is all about money, I really do mean nothing, so why would they care about any positive result?? The more a patient comes back, the more cash added to the cow. Let's prescribe useless medications, with high costs and exorbitant side effects ... yeah .... that is how we make a living .... to hell with the patient or better put #12345, because on so many levels, that seems to be what most are to good percentage of todays' providers. I can say I have been lucky to have encountered what I feel to be a large number of forward thinking doctors and nurses, and teachers, who see where I am coming from. However, this is NOT what they are taught to bring forward and to me .... that should be considered a crime!!!
On that note, I am taking my cranky person to the shower (I will try not and drown her) and then ... well ... will see which direction I head.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!
Peace and Light (and personally wishing for some tranquility)
et
Monday, May 9, 2011
Something to look at ...
http://www.diabetespower.org.uk/
Check this site out!! This young lady is amazing in her determination to promote awareness.
I can attest, I didn't have this sort of outlook when I was a kid. I was all about the "why bother," life looked pretty grim for me, and there didn't seem to be a cure or better treatments in sight. Science has come a LONG way since the 70's, now lets get this moving so we CAN see a cure in our life time. If for no other reason, how about so the children of today, have a much more positive outlook on tomorrow!!
These people gather and share experiences on the FaceBook page "Pancreatic Islet Cell Transplant Recipients." This is an open page to gain knowledge, share experiences, etc.
I hope everyone has a great day ... I am still feeling incredibly achy and stiff with my head feeling much too heavy to carry around on my shoulders. Not sure how much of the day I am going to get in, but I will give it my best shot.
Peace and Light to all!!
Check this site out!! This young lady is amazing in her determination to promote awareness.
I can attest, I didn't have this sort of outlook when I was a kid. I was all about the "why bother," life looked pretty grim for me, and there didn't seem to be a cure or better treatments in sight. Science has come a LONG way since the 70's, now lets get this moving so we CAN see a cure in our life time. If for no other reason, how about so the children of today, have a much more positive outlook on tomorrow!!
These people gather and share experiences on the FaceBook page "Pancreatic Islet Cell Transplant Recipients." This is an open page to gain knowledge, share experiences, etc.
I hope everyone has a great day ... I am still feeling incredibly achy and stiff with my head feeling much too heavy to carry around on my shoulders. Not sure how much of the day I am going to get in, but I will give it my best shot.
Peace and Light to all!!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Guess who caught the latest "crud"?
Good Evening, I hope all the Mom's had a wonderful day, as I am sure each and everyone of you deserve it. Personally, I think we should at least get a long weekend.
I wasn't as productive as I had hoped to be this weekend. Yesterday was a bust with the traveling around to get errands done. Today, well ... I haven't felt so great since Friday afternoon. It would seem that a new line of "crud" is going around and I think I am in the early stages. Belly is sort of angry. I am still dealing with the prednisone issues. My blood sugars have been a little on the high side today too (we all know this could indicate illness, infection, etc). I am really starting to wonder how much all of this is affecting my stemmies. In spite of the improved gut, the swelling and an obviously lowered immune system seem to be winning. I am so bloated, and swollen (you can see how much by the tightness in my skin) which is totally gross in my humble opinion. I am still from head to toe. I am about to head off to bed soon, as soon as my blanket is done in the dryer. :)
We are are having some work done on the house this week and are slowly weeding through stuff that isn't all ours since we moved in 2 years ago. However, I don't see us getting near what we want to done due to $$ and well, no man around I can call my own...LOL... or to hand the Honey Do List off too. I am SO much better in the stamina department since treatment, but still, get run down seemingly fast. Now this ... ?? Really, it seems never ending sometimes. I am going to be posting a link here in the next day or two to a site out of the UK by a young woman (and her mom too, I believe) who is absolutely amazing in her knowledge and drive to promote awareness of Type 1. She has been posting on the Islet Transplant site on Facebook. Wonderful site with lots of people undergoing, underwent, or looking to take part in the Islet Cell Transplant Trials. These folks are amazing and I wish them such success. They have been doing very well and it is exciting to watch the progress, and the human spirit in motion, as well as the fears and anxieties that come along with this sort of undertaking having lived with this disease for as long as some have. This was the trial in which I was rejected from based on my elevated PRA. :( I often wonder what I would be like now if I had been able to participate??? Just a "what if" question.
Ok kids ... this old lady .... heheh ... is about to hit the pillows hard. Not sure how work will go tomorrow, I feel that uncomfortable right now so will have to play it by ear, or gut and body.
I wish everyone a restful evening, and a wonderful week ahead!!
Peace and Light
et
I wasn't as productive as I had hoped to be this weekend. Yesterday was a bust with the traveling around to get errands done. Today, well ... I haven't felt so great since Friday afternoon. It would seem that a new line of "crud" is going around and I think I am in the early stages. Belly is sort of angry. I am still dealing with the prednisone issues. My blood sugars have been a little on the high side today too (we all know this could indicate illness, infection, etc). I am really starting to wonder how much all of this is affecting my stemmies. In spite of the improved gut, the swelling and an obviously lowered immune system seem to be winning. I am so bloated, and swollen (you can see how much by the tightness in my skin) which is totally gross in my humble opinion. I am still from head to toe. I am about to head off to bed soon, as soon as my blanket is done in the dryer. :)
We are are having some work done on the house this week and are slowly weeding through stuff that isn't all ours since we moved in 2 years ago. However, I don't see us getting near what we want to done due to $$ and well, no man around I can call my own...LOL... or to hand the Honey Do List off too. I am SO much better in the stamina department since treatment, but still, get run down seemingly fast. Now this ... ?? Really, it seems never ending sometimes. I am going to be posting a link here in the next day or two to a site out of the UK by a young woman (and her mom too, I believe) who is absolutely amazing in her knowledge and drive to promote awareness of Type 1. She has been posting on the Islet Transplant site on Facebook. Wonderful site with lots of people undergoing, underwent, or looking to take part in the Islet Cell Transplant Trials. These folks are amazing and I wish them such success. They have been doing very well and it is exciting to watch the progress, and the human spirit in motion, as well as the fears and anxieties that come along with this sort of undertaking having lived with this disease for as long as some have. This was the trial in which I was rejected from based on my elevated PRA. :( I often wonder what I would be like now if I had been able to participate??? Just a "what if" question.
Ok kids ... this old lady .... heheh ... is about to hit the pillows hard. Not sure how work will go tomorrow, I feel that uncomfortable right now so will have to play it by ear, or gut and body.
I wish everyone a restful evening, and a wonderful week ahead!!
Peace and Light
et
Happy Mother's Day
I wish all my followers, the fill-in Mom, the friends and family who are mothers a VERY HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!!! I wish for all to feel the love and admiration placed upon us as mothers, even when we are not the most popular on any one particular subject.
Enjoy YOUR day!!!
Below is an article I was just reading, thought some of you may find it interesting. Copy and Paste the address into your browser.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-08-02-stem-cells_N.htm
I would love to find a way to get myself into a job position in which I could help the researchers, the makers of the technology to bring the cells to life, i.e., Adistem, etc, I have the background, I now have the personal experience, how about the data needed to make this a reality in the states?? I am dumbfounded by the info that can be found with the institutes abroad that are collecting data, and going places. I WANT to be a part of this. Anyone have info on this area?? I would love to get more info, or direction as to how I could obtain this information. If the US isn't going to take this further, I will find a way to get to where scientists, doctors, and society, etc are willing to get it to the people who need it.
Again, I am always open to comments, educational information, other outlooks, etc. We are never too old to learn, and as a society, we must open our minds to what the potential long term effects will show.
In good health!!
Peace and Light
et
Enjoy YOUR day!!!
Below is an article I was just reading, thought some of you may find it interesting. Copy and Paste the address into your browser.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-08-02-stem-cells_N.htm
I would love to find a way to get myself into a job position in which I could help the researchers, the makers of the technology to bring the cells to life, i.e., Adistem, etc, I have the background, I now have the personal experience, how about the data needed to make this a reality in the states?? I am dumbfounded by the info that can be found with the institutes abroad that are collecting data, and going places. I WANT to be a part of this. Anyone have info on this area?? I would love to get more info, or direction as to how I could obtain this information. If the US isn't going to take this further, I will find a way to get to where scientists, doctors, and society, etc are willing to get it to the people who need it.
Again, I am always open to comments, educational information, other outlooks, etc. We are never too old to learn, and as a society, we must open our minds to what the potential long term effects will show.
In good health!!
Peace and Light
et
Friday, May 6, 2011
Emotional Overload
Good Friday Evening to Everyone!!
Ok .. well, I guess I haven't checked in all week. So shall we recap the week? As I sit here not knowing if I am hot or cold, feet and lower legs continue to swell, overly emotional, not knowing if it is because it is Mother's Day weekend, or residual prednisone "rage.
Now, I was hoping that all this prednisone crap would have been out of my system by now, NOT!! Might as well start the weeks recap with my trip to Phoenix on Monday to see my endocrinologist.
She was thrilled to see my numbers in spite of the labs revealing an A1c of 8.1!! I was not thirlled with this, but I knew it was all related to the prednisone. She too, tole me that it would be another 4-6 weeks before my body was clear of the steroids. Four to six weeks of this ... the bloating, the achey joints, the emotional spurts. I am thinking that some of the emotions are coming to surface just because it is mother's day. My mother has been gone from this plane for almost 3 years now (10/08)and not a day goes by that she is not in my thoughts, or something that happens doesn't throw a reminder at me as to what she missed out on seeing. My undergoing the stem cell treatment, which I just know she was with me on the day in February, the upcoming graduation of Hillary with her RN, and no doubt a hundred other things that will happen in the future that she would have loved to have been a part of. I am not sure, perhaps it is in part a combination of the prednisone and the emotions that keep creeping in on so many levels. I am a big girl now and should be able to cope with the loss of my mother at my age, I understand it all on the levels involved, sometime, I just ... get lost in the "what ifs." Life for me never seems to be predictable. I sort of like that predictable, so I don't get tossed into the realm of chaos, which is where most of my life seems to go.
Back to the appointment, I was not happy about the next month and anticipated uncomforable aches to come. Dr. Phillips was very happy that my numbers reflected much fewer lows, and when I did have a low (4) they were caught well before the critcal level and came back faster and not with the overboard high rebounds. That too, was a positive. I told her about how I was no longer on my Cymbalta for the pain of neuropathy and fibromyalgia, that my gut was doing amazingly well and a benefit I did not expect. We discussed what being on the steroids for 8 weeks out of the last 12 since treatment may have played on the effect of the stem cells?? With no real data currently to evaluate the effects of any such treatments, it will have to be a wait and see. I am hoping to undergo a second treatment with in the next 7 - 12 months and am working with those involved to see that it happens as hoped. All my other labs came back within a normal range. That always makes doc happy. My thyroid, my cholesterol, and kidney function tests were all within or below the levels for a long term diabetic. She also told me that as long as I was staying hydrated and that I was getting rid of it on a higher than normal range (whizing) that it would and/or should be ok. I worry about taking steroids for anything due to the fact they wreak havok on the body. This is something that always bothers me with phramaceuticals. Think about some of the ads we see on television these days ... the side effect list is often times so long, with effects that are far worse than the problem to be treated why would we want to take some of this stuff?? I have learned how to use a lot of natural products to treat many things that have come up over the years. Now these can have side effects as well depending on the problem, and the natural treatment, however, in my opinion, it is well worth trying this sort of fix first than dish out an astronomical amount of money to figure out that you can't take something, or that it didn't work for you, or worse, you suffer some of these horrible, ill effects that will no doubt trigger another issue.
The encounter was very positive. She stated that considering how sick I was, stating "you were VERY sick, you needed to be on this stuff" I looked great!! I still feel pretty good given how sick I was, but I looked really good that first 3-4 weeks after treatment. I feel that the effect of that has diminished somewhat, and that could just be how I feel both physically and emotionally currently.
Work has been incredibly stressful for me lately. I don't know what to do as I feel this place is being run by the monkeys. Too much lack of communication, too much of the upper echelon trying to micro manage to the point of outright stupidity. People who don't and won't share the information needed for so many other people to get thier jobs done in not only a timely manner, but within compliance as well. I can't help but feel it is a sinking ship with all this budget BS going on in the state of AZ and multiple staff members leaving or have already left. Some of us, and in my department alone, I can count the people who have busting thier asses to cover others who work so hard at doing nothing, yet still have a job. I have found out personally that the whole "open door" policy they have is complete and total BS!!! I don't trust the HR person as far as I could throw them and that isn't very far. Another supervisor, caught in outright lies, I have asked what I would have to do to get fired ... damn ... apparently it is an open game!! I am just not sure how good this is for me, I want to work, I have worked hard to go back to work after 10 years of being considered disabled, and just wait around to die. Again, BS ... I would like to continue my education, perhaps in an area that would push me into this science I have become so passionate about. But ... How?? What can I do, where can I apply what I know, to put my best professional foot forward to get it here to help others?? Part of me really would consider moving to another country if I thought for one minute I could make a difference.
Basically, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. We had 3 trees, and 10 shrubs planted this week to try and privatize our little corner lot. I like my privacy, I would like more seclusion as far as property, but ... this is the dream dump I will most likely die in. Hillary is my co-owner and she isn't looking to stay here as she is growing old of the mentality in this state as well. I don't really care where I call home. Home is were I lay my head at night, where I can come home and feel safe. I have made some wonderful friends, but, I also left some wonderful, long-term friends when I left the east coast. My daughter keeps telling me that to find a "date, you have to leave the house." Well, she may be right, but I work hard all week, I want to be able to come home and be comfortable in my surroundings, work on my own personal space, and then share it with my friends. I live a very simple life, I don't need any more out of this world excitement. Companionship is something I have missed for many years. In part, I think, is that others can find me intimidating, so I have been told. I have been accused in past relationships of ... well ... being too independant, not needy enough, or my all time favorite, you're an enigma .... LMAO .... it's not you, it's me. Whatever, I have come to a point in my life where this sort of encounter means a waste of my time. I am the person I am, I can't help it. Part of who I am today is based on the situations I have overcome, and ... as I type for the entire world to read, have some trust issues ... although I have tried hard to overcome these lurking intrusions, there are still some people who will take advantage of any situation if they think it will benefit them. I try not to go there first, but you know that there is a saying for that too ... fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice ... or something like that.
Ok ... well ... it is WAY past my bedtime tonight and I am totally exhausted so will be headed for LaLa Land with my fur ball, poor thing has terrible allergies going on. She is literally laying on the couch beside me with her head hanging off and snoring like no man I have ever known. I feel so bad for her as she can't complain to me, and I am not sure, but I think I can relate to her discomfort.
On that note ... I wish everyone a very restful evening, and a very happy Mother's Day weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
Ok .. well, I guess I haven't checked in all week. So shall we recap the week? As I sit here not knowing if I am hot or cold, feet and lower legs continue to swell, overly emotional, not knowing if it is because it is Mother's Day weekend, or residual prednisone "rage.
Now, I was hoping that all this prednisone crap would have been out of my system by now, NOT!! Might as well start the weeks recap with my trip to Phoenix on Monday to see my endocrinologist.
She was thrilled to see my numbers in spite of the labs revealing an A1c of 8.1!! I was not thirlled with this, but I knew it was all related to the prednisone. She too, tole me that it would be another 4-6 weeks before my body was clear of the steroids. Four to six weeks of this ... the bloating, the achey joints, the emotional spurts. I am thinking that some of the emotions are coming to surface just because it is mother's day. My mother has been gone from this plane for almost 3 years now (10/08)and not a day goes by that she is not in my thoughts, or something that happens doesn't throw a reminder at me as to what she missed out on seeing. My undergoing the stem cell treatment, which I just know she was with me on the day in February, the upcoming graduation of Hillary with her RN, and no doubt a hundred other things that will happen in the future that she would have loved to have been a part of. I am not sure, perhaps it is in part a combination of the prednisone and the emotions that keep creeping in on so many levels. I am a big girl now and should be able to cope with the loss of my mother at my age, I understand it all on the levels involved, sometime, I just ... get lost in the "what ifs." Life for me never seems to be predictable. I sort of like that predictable, so I don't get tossed into the realm of chaos, which is where most of my life seems to go.
Back to the appointment, I was not happy about the next month and anticipated uncomforable aches to come. Dr. Phillips was very happy that my numbers reflected much fewer lows, and when I did have a low (4) they were caught well before the critcal level and came back faster and not with the overboard high rebounds. That too, was a positive. I told her about how I was no longer on my Cymbalta for the pain of neuropathy and fibromyalgia, that my gut was doing amazingly well and a benefit I did not expect. We discussed what being on the steroids for 8 weeks out of the last 12 since treatment may have played on the effect of the stem cells?? With no real data currently to evaluate the effects of any such treatments, it will have to be a wait and see. I am hoping to undergo a second treatment with in the next 7 - 12 months and am working with those involved to see that it happens as hoped. All my other labs came back within a normal range. That always makes doc happy. My thyroid, my cholesterol, and kidney function tests were all within or below the levels for a long term diabetic. She also told me that as long as I was staying hydrated and that I was getting rid of it on a higher than normal range (whizing) that it would and/or should be ok. I worry about taking steroids for anything due to the fact they wreak havok on the body. This is something that always bothers me with phramaceuticals. Think about some of the ads we see on television these days ... the side effect list is often times so long, with effects that are far worse than the problem to be treated why would we want to take some of this stuff?? I have learned how to use a lot of natural products to treat many things that have come up over the years. Now these can have side effects as well depending on the problem, and the natural treatment, however, in my opinion, it is well worth trying this sort of fix first than dish out an astronomical amount of money to figure out that you can't take something, or that it didn't work for you, or worse, you suffer some of these horrible, ill effects that will no doubt trigger another issue.
The encounter was very positive. She stated that considering how sick I was, stating "you were VERY sick, you needed to be on this stuff" I looked great!! I still feel pretty good given how sick I was, but I looked really good that first 3-4 weeks after treatment. I feel that the effect of that has diminished somewhat, and that could just be how I feel both physically and emotionally currently.
Work has been incredibly stressful for me lately. I don't know what to do as I feel this place is being run by the monkeys. Too much lack of communication, too much of the upper echelon trying to micro manage to the point of outright stupidity. People who don't and won't share the information needed for so many other people to get thier jobs done in not only a timely manner, but within compliance as well. I can't help but feel it is a sinking ship with all this budget BS going on in the state of AZ and multiple staff members leaving or have already left. Some of us, and in my department alone, I can count the people who have busting thier asses to cover others who work so hard at doing nothing, yet still have a job. I have found out personally that the whole "open door" policy they have is complete and total BS!!! I don't trust the HR person as far as I could throw them and that isn't very far. Another supervisor, caught in outright lies, I have asked what I would have to do to get fired ... damn ... apparently it is an open game!! I am just not sure how good this is for me, I want to work, I have worked hard to go back to work after 10 years of being considered disabled, and just wait around to die. Again, BS ... I would like to continue my education, perhaps in an area that would push me into this science I have become so passionate about. But ... How?? What can I do, where can I apply what I know, to put my best professional foot forward to get it here to help others?? Part of me really would consider moving to another country if I thought for one minute I could make a difference.
Basically, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. We had 3 trees, and 10 shrubs planted this week to try and privatize our little corner lot. I like my privacy, I would like more seclusion as far as property, but ... this is the dream dump I will most likely die in. Hillary is my co-owner and she isn't looking to stay here as she is growing old of the mentality in this state as well. I don't really care where I call home. Home is were I lay my head at night, where I can come home and feel safe. I have made some wonderful friends, but, I also left some wonderful, long-term friends when I left the east coast. My daughter keeps telling me that to find a "date, you have to leave the house." Well, she may be right, but I work hard all week, I want to be able to come home and be comfortable in my surroundings, work on my own personal space, and then share it with my friends. I live a very simple life, I don't need any more out of this world excitement. Companionship is something I have missed for many years. In part, I think, is that others can find me intimidating, so I have been told. I have been accused in past relationships of ... well ... being too independant, not needy enough, or my all time favorite, you're an enigma .... LMAO .... it's not you, it's me. Whatever, I have come to a point in my life where this sort of encounter means a waste of my time. I am the person I am, I can't help it. Part of who I am today is based on the situations I have overcome, and ... as I type for the entire world to read, have some trust issues ... although I have tried hard to overcome these lurking intrusions, there are still some people who will take advantage of any situation if they think it will benefit them. I try not to go there first, but you know that there is a saying for that too ... fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice ... or something like that.
Ok ... well ... it is WAY past my bedtime tonight and I am totally exhausted so will be headed for LaLa Land with my fur ball, poor thing has terrible allergies going on. She is literally laying on the couch beside me with her head hanging off and snoring like no man I have ever known. I feel so bad for her as she can't complain to me, and I am not sure, but I think I can relate to her discomfort.
On that note ... I wish everyone a very restful evening, and a very happy Mother's Day weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, May 1, 2011
New Spring look
Spring is upon us and it has been heating up here in the desert southwest.
I will be heading out to do some more cleaning up in the yard to prepare for my new trees and shrubs coming to be planted on Tuesday morning ... I can't wait to see this new outlook on our bare corner lot. We should have done this when we had the house placed ... again, live and learn.
Changed the page outlook to reflect my outlook for the spring ... and blue is one of my favorite colors!! All the shades of blue ... reminds me of the ocean I seem to be so far away from the past 11 years. I will be commemorating 11 years here in AZ in July ... doesn't seem possible given all the things that have happened and transpired over the years. I was asked this past week on a phone call from an old friend from back east, would I ever return? Absolutely not!! I have no desire to return to that sort of weather, my body would not tolerate it, especially the long, cold, damp winters. I would not live long returning to the East, which was in part why I was written the letter by my doctor back there to get me to a place like here. I am, however, contemplating going somewhere else within the next couple of years as Hillary has plans to head off in pursuit of her "trauma" training in the nursing field and expanding her education and career. So ... I wonder where I will land. A large part of me would like to relocate to Europe somewhere, but I have no clue as to how to accomplish that legally and be able to work, other than marrying ... LMAO ... and that is SO NOT in the cards as life sits currently.
Ok ... with that tidbit out there, I am taking my very sore body out into the yard for a while as HT is sleeping and I need to call it an early night with the 4 hours drive time I need to put in tomorrow along with working the morning. Will try and update on the happenings of my appointment soon.
I wish everyone a wonderful day!!
Peace and Light
et
I will be heading out to do some more cleaning up in the yard to prepare for my new trees and shrubs coming to be planted on Tuesday morning ... I can't wait to see this new outlook on our bare corner lot. We should have done this when we had the house placed ... again, live and learn.
Changed the page outlook to reflect my outlook for the spring ... and blue is one of my favorite colors!! All the shades of blue ... reminds me of the ocean I seem to be so far away from the past 11 years. I will be commemorating 11 years here in AZ in July ... doesn't seem possible given all the things that have happened and transpired over the years. I was asked this past week on a phone call from an old friend from back east, would I ever return? Absolutely not!! I have no desire to return to that sort of weather, my body would not tolerate it, especially the long, cold, damp winters. I would not live long returning to the East, which was in part why I was written the letter by my doctor back there to get me to a place like here. I am, however, contemplating going somewhere else within the next couple of years as Hillary has plans to head off in pursuit of her "trauma" training in the nursing field and expanding her education and career. So ... I wonder where I will land. A large part of me would like to relocate to Europe somewhere, but I have no clue as to how to accomplish that legally and be able to work, other than marrying ... LMAO ... and that is SO NOT in the cards as life sits currently.
Ok ... with that tidbit out there, I am taking my very sore body out into the yard for a while as HT is sleeping and I need to call it an early night with the 4 hours drive time I need to put in tomorrow along with working the morning. Will try and update on the happenings of my appointment soon.
I wish everyone a wonderful day!!
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, April 30, 2011
New Followers
Just wanted to give a shout out to David, my newest follower here on the page. Please feel free to make comments as I see you too, have undergone treatment using your bone marrow. I would love to know how you responded, and changes that perhaps you have undergone. We could do comparisons of the treatments.
I will say that I was overjoyed to know that I could have my treatment done without the totally invasive treatment involving the bone marrow withdrawal, or having to spend a long time in a country I was unfamiliar with and having to do it alone.
Thanks again for tagging along. Together, along with Kathy, who underwent the Islet Cell transplant via trial here in the states, is doing wonderful!! and Sandra, whose son also underwent an adult stem cell treatment and he too, continues to thrive!!! For Sandra's son, G, I wish the very best as he is still a young boy who shouldn't be held back in any way, shape, or form, I continue to believe and have the passion to pursue this science and hopes for a cure.
Again, together, we can make a huge difference. It takes the whole village, and our voices to make a dent.
To all those readers/followers who do so annonymously, I appreciate your looking in as well. I remain totatlly amazed that so many, from all over the world, yesterday I had more readers from Japan than I had here in the states, Canada pulled up with the 3rd largest group of hits. This really does blow me away being just a lower-middle class, hard working, minimally college educated, single mom, and above all, a woman trying to survive the best way I know how, making some sort of difference, if nothing else .... promoting awareness!!!
With continued good health to all!!
Peace and Light
et
I will say that I was overjoyed to know that I could have my treatment done without the totally invasive treatment involving the bone marrow withdrawal, or having to spend a long time in a country I was unfamiliar with and having to do it alone.
Thanks again for tagging along. Together, along with Kathy, who underwent the Islet Cell transplant via trial here in the states, is doing wonderful!! and Sandra, whose son also underwent an adult stem cell treatment and he too, continues to thrive!!! For Sandra's son, G, I wish the very best as he is still a young boy who shouldn't be held back in any way, shape, or form, I continue to believe and have the passion to pursue this science and hopes for a cure.
Again, together, we can make a huge difference. It takes the whole village, and our voices to make a dent.
To all those readers/followers who do so annonymously, I appreciate your looking in as well. I remain totatlly amazed that so many, from all over the world, yesterday I had more readers from Japan than I had here in the states, Canada pulled up with the 3rd largest group of hits. This really does blow me away being just a lower-middle class, hard working, minimally college educated, single mom, and above all, a woman trying to survive the best way I know how, making some sort of difference, if nothing else .... promoting awareness!!!
With continued good health to all!!
Peace and Light
et
Strange inflamatory responses
Hello All!!
I have had some strange inflammation going on this past week. I am concerned about it being directly related to the prednisone I have been on for so many weeks since my treatment. It will be 3 months (12 weeks) on May 9th that my treatment was done. I am already prepared to undergo it again given what my body has endured since this time.
Going into treatment fighting that URI and subsequent pneumonia was no doubt not in my best interest. Then again, I get to thinking about it and think it is the doctors who had been treating me since December who should have thought to do a chest X-Ray!!! I am so glad that the people, one in particular, is no longer my PCP given the 3-4 times she has totally mistreated certain encounters. First the trying to prescribe a Type II drug because my A1c came back high and when I refused the threatened me with noting my "noncompliance." WTF .... these people with the professional degrees have some out-of this-world ego going on. When I explained to her that I was a type I and that drug could kill me she blew me off like I didn't have a clue!! Well, I soon found myself a new Endocrinologist given my PCP was so totally uninformed it was not something I was going to deal with. This endocrinologist at the time wrote a not so nice letter to this provider. Point made, but my future encounters with this woman were far from pleasant, like my wrist, which turned into a totally incorrect treatment, my foot, which landed me in a boot for 4 months due to her "knowledge." Ok ... in any event .... This past week my lower legs, from the back of my knees down have been swollen to the point of pitting edema by the time I get home from work. My ankles have ached, my hands are somewhat swollen, neck is stiff again .... all this had completely disappeared after treatment. I haven't taken anything except a couple of Tylenol since treatment until this past week. I don't know what it could possibly be other than the being on all of this steroid based prednisone for so many weeks since treatment and the subsequent withdrawal from my system, the last dose being only a week or so ago. Any ideas?? I know the allergy response this season has been beyond belief for almost everyone I have encountered.
I am sort of at a loss. The good thing, I think, is that I have to travel to Phoenix on Monday afternoon for an appointment with my endocrinologist. I know she is not going to be happy that my most recent A1c came back at 8.1!! I was not thrilled with that result either given what I have invested and the overload of steroid drugs since. Come on really...??? Does she really think this is the outcome I was hoping for?? I will be open, honest, and continue to search for better ways to deal with some of my issues. Remember, these are my issues, although we may share some, I only share the things that I have found work for me. That doesn't nessasarily mean that they will work for you. I will continue to say that my gut improvement since treatment has been out of this world. I can't get over the response and I had no idea that this result would happen, I didn't even think of the gastroparesis as an area of benefit. I thought "side effect, long term effect." Who would have imagined that this area would be one of the first to respond?? It has made such a difference in my stabilizing blood sugars as with motility, comes digestion, comes movement, comes eventual stability due to the absorbtion properties!! All good stuff!!
I am going to have to wait 7-12 months before another treatment, this is my goal, and suggested time frame. I will need to figure out how to finance this venture having been so blessed the first time around with the generous donation, I can't expect that to go on. I would love to work for this company, not only for the belief I have in the applied science, but because I received such great care. Compassionate, caring, and truely amazing care for me as a human being. I felt no pressure, no fake or red flag raising comments that would lead one to search elsewhere. Which I encountered with the first couple of organizations I contacted. The International Stem Cell Institute was a very informed, very legitimate, and positive outcome based organization. We must remember that as consumers it is up to us to do the research, go with your gut, go with research, but know that everyone responds differently and perhaps your outcome may not be as positive as anothers, or you may respond totally opposite and reap benefits, like myself, you had no idea could or would happen. This is what I find so amazing about science. The theroy and application process in which we get our results.
Ok folks, I have some yard work to attempt and my creepy neighbor is out back which will keep me out of that area for a while, but there is still the front area to accomplish.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend!!
Be well!! Peace and Light
et
I have had some strange inflammation going on this past week. I am concerned about it being directly related to the prednisone I have been on for so many weeks since my treatment. It will be 3 months (12 weeks) on May 9th that my treatment was done. I am already prepared to undergo it again given what my body has endured since this time.
Going into treatment fighting that URI and subsequent pneumonia was no doubt not in my best interest. Then again, I get to thinking about it and think it is the doctors who had been treating me since December who should have thought to do a chest X-Ray!!! I am so glad that the people, one in particular, is no longer my PCP given the 3-4 times she has totally mistreated certain encounters. First the trying to prescribe a Type II drug because my A1c came back high and when I refused the threatened me with noting my "noncompliance." WTF .... these people with the professional degrees have some out-of this-world ego going on. When I explained to her that I was a type I and that drug could kill me she blew me off like I didn't have a clue!! Well, I soon found myself a new Endocrinologist given my PCP was so totally uninformed it was not something I was going to deal with. This endocrinologist at the time wrote a not so nice letter to this provider. Point made, but my future encounters with this woman were far from pleasant, like my wrist, which turned into a totally incorrect treatment, my foot, which landed me in a boot for 4 months due to her "knowledge." Ok ... in any event .... This past week my lower legs, from the back of my knees down have been swollen to the point of pitting edema by the time I get home from work. My ankles have ached, my hands are somewhat swollen, neck is stiff again .... all this had completely disappeared after treatment. I haven't taken anything except a couple of Tylenol since treatment until this past week. I don't know what it could possibly be other than the being on all of this steroid based prednisone for so many weeks since treatment and the subsequent withdrawal from my system, the last dose being only a week or so ago. Any ideas?? I know the allergy response this season has been beyond belief for almost everyone I have encountered.
I am sort of at a loss. The good thing, I think, is that I have to travel to Phoenix on Monday afternoon for an appointment with my endocrinologist. I know she is not going to be happy that my most recent A1c came back at 8.1!! I was not thrilled with that result either given what I have invested and the overload of steroid drugs since. Come on really...??? Does she really think this is the outcome I was hoping for?? I will be open, honest, and continue to search for better ways to deal with some of my issues. Remember, these are my issues, although we may share some, I only share the things that I have found work for me. That doesn't nessasarily mean that they will work for you. I will continue to say that my gut improvement since treatment has been out of this world. I can't get over the response and I had no idea that this result would happen, I didn't even think of the gastroparesis as an area of benefit. I thought "side effect, long term effect." Who would have imagined that this area would be one of the first to respond?? It has made such a difference in my stabilizing blood sugars as with motility, comes digestion, comes movement, comes eventual stability due to the absorbtion properties!! All good stuff!!
I am going to have to wait 7-12 months before another treatment, this is my goal, and suggested time frame. I will need to figure out how to finance this venture having been so blessed the first time around with the generous donation, I can't expect that to go on. I would love to work for this company, not only for the belief I have in the applied science, but because I received such great care. Compassionate, caring, and truely amazing care for me as a human being. I felt no pressure, no fake or red flag raising comments that would lead one to search elsewhere. Which I encountered with the first couple of organizations I contacted. The International Stem Cell Institute was a very informed, very legitimate, and positive outcome based organization. We must remember that as consumers it is up to us to do the research, go with your gut, go with research, but know that everyone responds differently and perhaps your outcome may not be as positive as anothers, or you may respond totally opposite and reap benefits, like myself, you had no idea could or would happen. This is what I find so amazing about science. The theroy and application process in which we get our results.
Ok folks, I have some yard work to attempt and my creepy neighbor is out back which will keep me out of that area for a while, but there is still the front area to accomplish.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend!!
Be well!! Peace and Light
et
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A heart-felt Thank you to my readers ...
Good Evening !!
I just wanted to make a quick post this evening before I call it a night.
Work days continue to be long, and at times irritating in this strange economy and working for a non-profit trying to come into the age of EHR, and not doing the greatest job in the organization of such.
In any event, my life goes on, and the stamina is coming back. In what appears to me to sometime just be venting on my life, and the political BS involved in health care, and of course, my passion, the adult stem cell area, as well as the biotech companies, the scientists, the organizations that are striving in this time to get the science and treatments to the people, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those people who have followed me from the beginning of this phase of my journey. It so completely blows me away to see that as of today, the areas of the world, YES, I said the world, that has been reading and hitting my page on a daily basis. Today alone, we had hits from the US, Japan, Russia, Denmark, Canada, Malaysia, Australia, etc., it amazes me the people who are seeking information on the stem cell phenomena and that they land on my blog and find something to hold them, and keep them coming back.
I can't thank you all enough for checking in on my knowledge, my passion, my experience, and updates on the stem cell treatment I underwent almost 12 weeks ago. I can't get past what has happened in the past 11 weeks. May 9th will be the 12 week mark. The positives have so out weighed the negative, which I went into the treatment with. I am so looking forward to seeing what the next 4-6 months hold not only in my stabilizing, but my preparing for a second treatment, in which I hope for the big changes to happen. I still consider my first experience to be exceptionally positive in results even though I went in to it fighting an upper respiratory infection, which turned into pneumonia, and what was pumped into my body over that time and yet ..... I still show signs of improvement. I need to start pushing the H2O intake as the weather here in the desert southwest heats up. I have noticed that I seem to need and/or want more water than any other beverage. For several weeks after treatment I had no desire for coffee, my beverage of choice in any form, hot or cold. Just couldn't do it, but the water, it has helped in the overall stabilizing of my skin, my kidneys, flushing out that darn infection which was slowed by prednisone taper ... finally off of that for one week, so I can only hope for the next few weeks to get better.
Again, my deepest appreciation for all of those worldwide followers who have found my rantings somewhat helpful ... ??? Informative ...??? I am, as I have stated from the beginning of this venture, open to questions, comments, etc. I live for discussions with people who get not only the diseases that could benefit from this science, but for those who live with, or have a loved one afflicted with Type 1. My passion remains the same, that we find a cure, find a better method of treatment that will allow kids to be kids while they can and not force them into an adult, potentially morbid reality at an early age. It is a life NO child should have to endure. (I often think this plays a large role in my childlike laughter at times.)
I wish you all the very best for the information you seek, and the people you seek the knowledge for.
With much gratitude for your support and encouragement in my journey.
Peace and Light
et
I just wanted to make a quick post this evening before I call it a night.
Work days continue to be long, and at times irritating in this strange economy and working for a non-profit trying to come into the age of EHR, and not doing the greatest job in the organization of such.
In any event, my life goes on, and the stamina is coming back. In what appears to me to sometime just be venting on my life, and the political BS involved in health care, and of course, my passion, the adult stem cell area, as well as the biotech companies, the scientists, the organizations that are striving in this time to get the science and treatments to the people, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all those people who have followed me from the beginning of this phase of my journey. It so completely blows me away to see that as of today, the areas of the world, YES, I said the world, that has been reading and hitting my page on a daily basis. Today alone, we had hits from the US, Japan, Russia, Denmark, Canada, Malaysia, Australia, etc., it amazes me the people who are seeking information on the stem cell phenomena and that they land on my blog and find something to hold them, and keep them coming back.
I can't thank you all enough for checking in on my knowledge, my passion, my experience, and updates on the stem cell treatment I underwent almost 12 weeks ago. I can't get past what has happened in the past 11 weeks. May 9th will be the 12 week mark. The positives have so out weighed the negative, which I went into the treatment with. I am so looking forward to seeing what the next 4-6 months hold not only in my stabilizing, but my preparing for a second treatment, in which I hope for the big changes to happen. I still consider my first experience to be exceptionally positive in results even though I went in to it fighting an upper respiratory infection, which turned into pneumonia, and what was pumped into my body over that time and yet ..... I still show signs of improvement. I need to start pushing the H2O intake as the weather here in the desert southwest heats up. I have noticed that I seem to need and/or want more water than any other beverage. For several weeks after treatment I had no desire for coffee, my beverage of choice in any form, hot or cold. Just couldn't do it, but the water, it has helped in the overall stabilizing of my skin, my kidneys, flushing out that darn infection which was slowed by prednisone taper ... finally off of that for one week, so I can only hope for the next few weeks to get better.
Again, my deepest appreciation for all of those worldwide followers who have found my rantings somewhat helpful ... ??? Informative ...??? I am, as I have stated from the beginning of this venture, open to questions, comments, etc. I live for discussions with people who get not only the diseases that could benefit from this science, but for those who live with, or have a loved one afflicted with Type 1. My passion remains the same, that we find a cure, find a better method of treatment that will allow kids to be kids while they can and not force them into an adult, potentially morbid reality at an early age. It is a life NO child should have to endure. (I often think this plays a large role in my childlike laughter at times.)
I wish you all the very best for the information you seek, and the people you seek the knowledge for.
With much gratitude for your support and encouragement in my journey.
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, April 24, 2011
TIME magazine article 3/17/11
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2059521_2059712_2059711,00.html
Very cool stuff ... but then you knew I was going to say that!! Great read!! The above link is to a TIME magazine article dated 3/17/11, luck of the Irish!!
Have a wonderful day!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I miss my mother most on days like today ... Friday would have been my parents anniversary, and again, I wonder how she tolerated his BS for the 60 years they were together. She is without a doubt, rejoicing on this day!!!!
I have to do "dad" duty ... so I am taking him to dinner. I am not in the mood to cook and listen to the constant complaints about everything on the planet and then having him get all teary and whiney ... ggggrrrrr .... this has gotten so old and so totally tiring for both myself and Hillary. Gee ... I sure hope my siblings never have to depend on their children to care for them ... they are so totally confident that their children would never do something like that. Seems to me, that the apples haven't fallen to far from the tree in certain aspects. I have also noticed in the past couple of months that the "children" of the siblings have been taught to behave in the same manner. Easier to walk away. One problem I see is the children shouldn't never have been involved. My daughter has done more for her grandparents over the years than any one of the others, and it had NOTHING TO DO with geography!! It is history repeating itself all over again. Too bad some people can't learn from the mistakes made in the past. Open communication is still my ultimate weapon, and yet, so many can't do it, don't even want to try. God forbid one experience any sort of discomfort, pain, etc. How about .... resolution!!?? I have come to the conclusion that it is their loss, not ours, as we sleep well at night, and know that we have done all we can to do the right thing, morally, ethically, humanly possible, and not based on some unrealistic, child-like promise someone made. I do, however, find it very hard to believe that my siblings have no real feelings on family. That it is just easier for them to "walk away" than it is and/or was to deal with the problems that presented themselves. Seek therapy ... LMAO ... as you have hurt others, namely me and my daughter, and it will take a whole lot more than "I'm sorry" for you to fix what has been done.
Deep down, I really feel sorry for people who can't cope with their feelings, or those that appear to have none. A key element of life ... the so-called "Faith" that certain individuals place out into the world are not really the acts of the faithful ... more like the acts of those who have been brainwashed, and believing that their actions are all okay. It is my opinion, that faith, based on any sort of religious background goes much deeper than reciting scripture, how about living and treating others as we ourselves want to be treated. There is so little of that in today's world that it is truly sad. Money and status should not make us look down on those who don't possess those qualities. I continue to believe in karma, that what I put out into the world will come back to me 10-fold, as it has in so many areas of my life. I will not however, hang out the walk all over me sign. I am just saddened that my own blood-relatives, my siblings, are so cold hearted that they see no harm in their behaviors over the past couple of years. I called my father this morning to let him know what time I would be there to pick him up and take him to dinner and then to the store for our weekly stock up. Isn't it wonderful that a sibling called on this Easter, I often times wonder why?? It isn't like they really give a crap about what is going on, or that my father could coherently make any sense of anything he may have heard or been told in the past weeks. All he does is complain constantly about crap he has no control over, give me, give me, give me ... I have a very hard time dealing with this mentality lately, and again, would seem as though some move throughout life with just motions, no real depth, no real feelings, no real passion ... sad.
Oh well ... I have some grouting to do today. My window sills are looking pretty cool as I finish up the tiling of them. Makes it easier to keep them clean in this desert dust. I have some major fix ups going on in the next couple of weeks, to include the planting of some landscape, two years after the fact, and a replacement of my back entry way to include a couple of security doors. I can't wait to start playing in the dirt as I feel better and can handle being outside a little more each time I attempt. This morning I was out and about early to spray weed killer before the winds picked up. Success ... once my dumpster is empty tomorrow, I can start again in removing some of the tumbleweeds so that the tree guy doesn't have to fight to get stuff in the ground other than the jackhammer to break up the hard clay ground we possess here in the desert southwest. It isn't easy to keep stuff alive. I can't wait to see it all in as we chose native plants and shrubs to hopefully start of privacy screen. Next season, we hope to add a little more. Home ownership sort of sucks, but in a way I find it sort of rewarding as I can do what I want with it, it's mine, and I will enjoy making it such to enjoy with my friends.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Easter!!
Peace and Light
et
Very cool stuff ... but then you knew I was going to say that!! Great read!! The above link is to a TIME magazine article dated 3/17/11, luck of the Irish!!
Have a wonderful day!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I miss my mother most on days like today ... Friday would have been my parents anniversary, and again, I wonder how she tolerated his BS for the 60 years they were together. She is without a doubt, rejoicing on this day!!!!
I have to do "dad" duty ... so I am taking him to dinner. I am not in the mood to cook and listen to the constant complaints about everything on the planet and then having him get all teary and whiney ... ggggrrrrr .... this has gotten so old and so totally tiring for both myself and Hillary. Gee ... I sure hope my siblings never have to depend on their children to care for them ... they are so totally confident that their children would never do something like that. Seems to me, that the apples haven't fallen to far from the tree in certain aspects. I have also noticed in the past couple of months that the "children" of the siblings have been taught to behave in the same manner. Easier to walk away. One problem I see is the children shouldn't never have been involved. My daughter has done more for her grandparents over the years than any one of the others, and it had NOTHING TO DO with geography!! It is history repeating itself all over again. Too bad some people can't learn from the mistakes made in the past. Open communication is still my ultimate weapon, and yet, so many can't do it, don't even want to try. God forbid one experience any sort of discomfort, pain, etc. How about .... resolution!!?? I have come to the conclusion that it is their loss, not ours, as we sleep well at night, and know that we have done all we can to do the right thing, morally, ethically, humanly possible, and not based on some unrealistic, child-like promise someone made. I do, however, find it very hard to believe that my siblings have no real feelings on family. That it is just easier for them to "walk away" than it is and/or was to deal with the problems that presented themselves. Seek therapy ... LMAO ... as you have hurt others, namely me and my daughter, and it will take a whole lot more than "I'm sorry" for you to fix what has been done.
Deep down, I really feel sorry for people who can't cope with their feelings, or those that appear to have none. A key element of life ... the so-called "Faith" that certain individuals place out into the world are not really the acts of the faithful ... more like the acts of those who have been brainwashed, and believing that their actions are all okay. It is my opinion, that faith, based on any sort of religious background goes much deeper than reciting scripture, how about living and treating others as we ourselves want to be treated. There is so little of that in today's world that it is truly sad. Money and status should not make us look down on those who don't possess those qualities. I continue to believe in karma, that what I put out into the world will come back to me 10-fold, as it has in so many areas of my life. I will not however, hang out the walk all over me sign. I am just saddened that my own blood-relatives, my siblings, are so cold hearted that they see no harm in their behaviors over the past couple of years. I called my father this morning to let him know what time I would be there to pick him up and take him to dinner and then to the store for our weekly stock up. Isn't it wonderful that a sibling called on this Easter, I often times wonder why?? It isn't like they really give a crap about what is going on, or that my father could coherently make any sense of anything he may have heard or been told in the past weeks. All he does is complain constantly about crap he has no control over, give me, give me, give me ... I have a very hard time dealing with this mentality lately, and again, would seem as though some move throughout life with just motions, no real depth, no real feelings, no real passion ... sad.
Oh well ... I have some grouting to do today. My window sills are looking pretty cool as I finish up the tiling of them. Makes it easier to keep them clean in this desert dust. I have some major fix ups going on in the next couple of weeks, to include the planting of some landscape, two years after the fact, and a replacement of my back entry way to include a couple of security doors. I can't wait to start playing in the dirt as I feel better and can handle being outside a little more each time I attempt. This morning I was out and about early to spray weed killer before the winds picked up. Success ... once my dumpster is empty tomorrow, I can start again in removing some of the tumbleweeds so that the tree guy doesn't have to fight to get stuff in the ground other than the jackhammer to break up the hard clay ground we possess here in the desert southwest. It isn't easy to keep stuff alive. I can't wait to see it all in as we chose native plants and shrubs to hopefully start of privacy screen. Next season, we hope to add a little more. Home ownership sort of sucks, but in a way I find it sort of rewarding as I can do what I want with it, it's mine, and I will enjoy making it such to enjoy with my friends.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Easter!!
Peace and Light
et
Friday, April 22, 2011
Good Friday
I this most spiritual season, I would like to offer Easter Greetings and Blessings to all who have been following me and my journey.
I am home from work today as I just couldn't get myself to function in a manner in which I was safe driving and being too far away from my own comfort zone. Yes, that is the happenings of this morning ... repeatedly ... takes bloat to a whole new level.
Yesterday was my first day on no prednisone and I can't tell you the uncomfortable status I was in. It started early yesterday morning on my way to work at 6:45 AM. I had sinus pressure which has continued but is slightly relieved with the Claritin D. I stopped at the car wash to hose down the vehicle after having ventured out into the dirt on Thursday to order landscaping. While I was sitting in the car wash I had all these weird sensations going on in my body, my head, forehead, base of my skull, both areas feeling as though someone was forcing an ice pick into the tissues. From the car wash I thought I would do something nice for the girls in the office and bring in donuts. So I am on my way into the store when as soon as I came through the door the place started spinning!! I was overwhelmed as I didn't seem to have a whole lot of control on my movement, I must have looked like I was smashed at 7AM!! I proceeded to stagger to the back of the store, trying very hard not to go down. I managed, after 15 minutes to get the box loaded and get out of there. 15 Minutes!! The rest of the day didn't go much better. It progressively got worse. I spent the whole day holding my head in my hand, trying to focus as a majority of my job requires reading, I wasn't doing such a good job. By lunch time, the aura around my vision was such that I could not focus on anything. Nothing was clear and it was making me sick to my stomach. In any event, it continued until at 4 PM I said ... well ... you guessed it, F'it!! and packed up to come home. At this point, I had these two big pouches under my eyes in which my coworker started calling them the quads!! They were twitching and looked like they had heart beats of their very own!! Not attractive by any means. So I managed to get home in what seemed like a longer than the normal 30 minute ride. Not being in an hour I couldn't take the pain and throbbing of my joints, the knot in my neck, my head feeling like it was about to explode, etc. All these so-called symptoms, a direct result of this flipping steroid!!
After some research into what can happen while taking and/or stopping this drug I have concluded that I will not take it again. PERIOD!! It can mess with my vision, cause gastric bleeds, not to mention the swelling and immediate weight gain that can come along as an added bonus. Ok, so it works in some aspects, but in my opinion, the side effects and/or negative effects it could cause are far worse than the problem in which one might take it. For me anyway ... I'm not willing to risk my kidney function, my vision, and/or my gut to breathe!! .... LOL ... there must be a better, less intrusive way to keep the airways open in situations such as the last one in which I was told it was allergy related asthma. Whatever, I find it hard to believe I have had allergies for years, I come to AZ where the air is suppose to be really good for people with breathing issues and find this to be BS at best.
Anyway ... my joints are tender and inflamed today. Am about to take my Claritin and a couple of Aleve, something I haven't done but once since treatment!!
My hopes are that by Monday this crap will have cleared my body in the worse case scenario and I will begin to feel better all over again. These last few weeks have really just got me frustrated in the sense that the prednisone is directly responsible for the rise in my A1c reading coming back at 8.1!! Now my reasoning is usually not quite so harsh as I know what caused it, but I can't change it even doing the best I could to keep a handle on the rising BGs. Corticosteroids make it VERY difficult to manage blood sugars, insulin resistance is a large side effect.
Anyway ... I am hopeful for just this one last day of feeling like crap ... and then will be as with the season, be reborn again as well!!
I would like to wish everyone a very peaceful and joyous Easter weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
I am home from work today as I just couldn't get myself to function in a manner in which I was safe driving and being too far away from my own comfort zone. Yes, that is the happenings of this morning ... repeatedly ... takes bloat to a whole new level.
Yesterday was my first day on no prednisone and I can't tell you the uncomfortable status I was in. It started early yesterday morning on my way to work at 6:45 AM. I had sinus pressure which has continued but is slightly relieved with the Claritin D. I stopped at the car wash to hose down the vehicle after having ventured out into the dirt on Thursday to order landscaping. While I was sitting in the car wash I had all these weird sensations going on in my body, my head, forehead, base of my skull, both areas feeling as though someone was forcing an ice pick into the tissues. From the car wash I thought I would do something nice for the girls in the office and bring in donuts. So I am on my way into the store when as soon as I came through the door the place started spinning!! I was overwhelmed as I didn't seem to have a whole lot of control on my movement, I must have looked like I was smashed at 7AM!! I proceeded to stagger to the back of the store, trying very hard not to go down. I managed, after 15 minutes to get the box loaded and get out of there. 15 Minutes!! The rest of the day didn't go much better. It progressively got worse. I spent the whole day holding my head in my hand, trying to focus as a majority of my job requires reading, I wasn't doing such a good job. By lunch time, the aura around my vision was such that I could not focus on anything. Nothing was clear and it was making me sick to my stomach. In any event, it continued until at 4 PM I said ... well ... you guessed it, F'it!! and packed up to come home. At this point, I had these two big pouches under my eyes in which my coworker started calling them the quads!! They were twitching and looked like they had heart beats of their very own!! Not attractive by any means. So I managed to get home in what seemed like a longer than the normal 30 minute ride. Not being in an hour I couldn't take the pain and throbbing of my joints, the knot in my neck, my head feeling like it was about to explode, etc. All these so-called symptoms, a direct result of this flipping steroid!!
After some research into what can happen while taking and/or stopping this drug I have concluded that I will not take it again. PERIOD!! It can mess with my vision, cause gastric bleeds, not to mention the swelling and immediate weight gain that can come along as an added bonus. Ok, so it works in some aspects, but in my opinion, the side effects and/or negative effects it could cause are far worse than the problem in which one might take it. For me anyway ... I'm not willing to risk my kidney function, my vision, and/or my gut to breathe!! .... LOL ... there must be a better, less intrusive way to keep the airways open in situations such as the last one in which I was told it was allergy related asthma. Whatever, I find it hard to believe I have had allergies for years, I come to AZ where the air is suppose to be really good for people with breathing issues and find this to be BS at best.
Anyway ... my joints are tender and inflamed today. Am about to take my Claritin and a couple of Aleve, something I haven't done but once since treatment!!
My hopes are that by Monday this crap will have cleared my body in the worse case scenario and I will begin to feel better all over again. These last few weeks have really just got me frustrated in the sense that the prednisone is directly responsible for the rise in my A1c reading coming back at 8.1!! Now my reasoning is usually not quite so harsh as I know what caused it, but I can't change it even doing the best I could to keep a handle on the rising BGs. Corticosteroids make it VERY difficult to manage blood sugars, insulin resistance is a large side effect.
Anyway ... I am hopeful for just this one last day of feeling like crap ... and then will be as with the season, be reborn again as well!!
I would like to wish everyone a very peaceful and joyous Easter weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Good Intentions ...
I had every intention of making an entry tonight ...
All I can say, is I'm going to be @ 6:30pm and it has NOT been a good day from the moment my feet hit the floor this morning.
Be well and I will catch up in a day or two.
Happy Easter!!
Peace and Light
et
All I can say, is I'm going to be @ 6:30pm and it has NOT been a good day from the moment my feet hit the floor this morning.
Be well and I will catch up in a day or two.
Happy Easter!!
Peace and Light
et
Monday, April 18, 2011
It's good, but it's not where I wanted to be ...
Good Evening everyone!!
Well ... it seems as though the last 11 weeks since my adult stem cell treatment and I had hoped for more. I realize that I went into the procedure apparently still fighting an URI. That was the 1st negative in my favor. With that being said, my newly awakened "stemmies" had thier work cut out for them right off the bat with an issue that was not on the planned list of attack.
I have since that time, done 6 days inpatient with bilateral pneumonia, to the tune of $33K ... ridiculous at best. Then the allergy induced asthma reaction ... all this treated with large IV steroid medication, multiple high-powered antibiotics, and two long (12 days each) rounds of prednisone tapers. This last one, I stopped abruptly on Friday due to becoming violently ill Thursday night with what we thought may have been some sort of ulcerative response in my gut. Hillary thought at one point, signs of a heart attack. I knew it wasn't a heart attack, having suffered from ulcers in the past. When I was diagnosed with the gastroparesis, I was postive for the H-pylori bacteria as well. Now, with that being said, long term, high dose steroid use can cause a multitude of problems and I am not going to let that happen.
I am feeling better, breathing is much clearer, and another 2 days and I am done with this prednisone crap. It can cause, and I have felt it over the past several weeks, a lack of appetite, weight loss, a metalic taste to everything, that pain in my gut that feels like someone made me drink battery acid. None of this pleasant. On Thursday I got violently ill due to the gastric pain caused by increased acid production by the prednisone. When I stopped it abruptly for 24 hours, I began to suffer some withdrawal effects, none of these pleasant either. Today, I am done to 5 mg twice a day, tomorrow will be 5 at night for 3 nights and I am done. I am seriously going to tell the doctor should something this happen again, I want a different sort of treatment. This is crap and can do so much damage that I am not sure I want to risk this again ... I know ... breathing is an essential need, but really ... there must be other treatments available that do not do so much damage...??
Ok ... with all that being said, it has me a tad frustrated in where I was hoping to be with my stemmie treatment. I have had some wonderful results thus far, but can't help but feel I would have had better results if I had not had the URI going in. My bad, maybe I shouldn't have been so eager and waited it out for treatment, the opportunity was there, and I wasn't about to put it off. I have been weaned off my Cymbalta for chronic pain due to fibromyalgia and arthrits that set in from years of abuse, physically. I haven't taken anything other than some Tylenol since treatment to relieve any sort of pain. My digestive tract, for the most part, and in spite of the prednisone, has been one of the most remarkable positive results thus far for the diabetes. I was disappointed in my A1c being 8.1 and that is a direct result of the prednisone treatment .... it makes blood sugar control a crap shoot at best.
so ...I have been trying to get past my frustration and put into play the physiological aspects of the treatment and the results I have experienced to date. I will be planning on a second treatment but we are still months off from that so I need to be vigilant in my quest for better health. I need to be realisitc in that I have lived with diabetes for 38+ years, I can't expect it to go away with one treatment. I do, however, wonder, will it get me that much closer to a cure. I still believe this as fact, and I believe that if the US doesn't pull thier political head out of the asses of those that rule, that nothing is going to happen in a positive manner in regard to the US being any sort of super hero on any front.
I will continue to plug away for the science adn the treatments to be available here in the States ... I believe and therefore, I will do my best to educate those of may be a little closed minded in the thought process of such treatments.
On that note, I have some cleaning up to do and to get ready for another day at the office tomorrow. My stamina is coming back again, but am still listening to my body in regard to when it yells, I listen, and rest. Whatever needs to be done tonight, will still be there tomorrow if I don't get to it .... LOL ....
Well ... it seems as though the last 11 weeks since my adult stem cell treatment and I had hoped for more. I realize that I went into the procedure apparently still fighting an URI. That was the 1st negative in my favor. With that being said, my newly awakened "stemmies" had thier work cut out for them right off the bat with an issue that was not on the planned list of attack.
I have since that time, done 6 days inpatient with bilateral pneumonia, to the tune of $33K ... ridiculous at best. Then the allergy induced asthma reaction ... all this treated with large IV steroid medication, multiple high-powered antibiotics, and two long (12 days each) rounds of prednisone tapers. This last one, I stopped abruptly on Friday due to becoming violently ill Thursday night with what we thought may have been some sort of ulcerative response in my gut. Hillary thought at one point, signs of a heart attack. I knew it wasn't a heart attack, having suffered from ulcers in the past. When I was diagnosed with the gastroparesis, I was postive for the H-pylori bacteria as well. Now, with that being said, long term, high dose steroid use can cause a multitude of problems and I am not going to let that happen.
I am feeling better, breathing is much clearer, and another 2 days and I am done with this prednisone crap. It can cause, and I have felt it over the past several weeks, a lack of appetite, weight loss, a metalic taste to everything, that pain in my gut that feels like someone made me drink battery acid. None of this pleasant. On Thursday I got violently ill due to the gastric pain caused by increased acid production by the prednisone. When I stopped it abruptly for 24 hours, I began to suffer some withdrawal effects, none of these pleasant either. Today, I am done to 5 mg twice a day, tomorrow will be 5 at night for 3 nights and I am done. I am seriously going to tell the doctor should something this happen again, I want a different sort of treatment. This is crap and can do so much damage that I am not sure I want to risk this again ... I know ... breathing is an essential need, but really ... there must be other treatments available that do not do so much damage...??
Ok ... with all that being said, it has me a tad frustrated in where I was hoping to be with my stemmie treatment. I have had some wonderful results thus far, but can't help but feel I would have had better results if I had not had the URI going in. My bad, maybe I shouldn't have been so eager and waited it out for treatment, the opportunity was there, and I wasn't about to put it off. I have been weaned off my Cymbalta for chronic pain due to fibromyalgia and arthrits that set in from years of abuse, physically. I haven't taken anything other than some Tylenol since treatment to relieve any sort of pain. My digestive tract, for the most part, and in spite of the prednisone, has been one of the most remarkable positive results thus far for the diabetes. I was disappointed in my A1c being 8.1 and that is a direct result of the prednisone treatment .... it makes blood sugar control a crap shoot at best.
so ...I have been trying to get past my frustration and put into play the physiological aspects of the treatment and the results I have experienced to date. I will be planning on a second treatment but we are still months off from that so I need to be vigilant in my quest for better health. I need to be realisitc in that I have lived with diabetes for 38+ years, I can't expect it to go away with one treatment. I do, however, wonder, will it get me that much closer to a cure. I still believe this as fact, and I believe that if the US doesn't pull thier political head out of the asses of those that rule, that nothing is going to happen in a positive manner in regard to the US being any sort of super hero on any front.
I will continue to plug away for the science adn the treatments to be available here in the States ... I believe and therefore, I will do my best to educate those of may be a little closed minded in the thought process of such treatments.
On that note, I have some cleaning up to do and to get ready for another day at the office tomorrow. My stamina is coming back again, but am still listening to my body in regard to when it yells, I listen, and rest. Whatever needs to be done tonight, will still be there tomorrow if I don't get to it .... LOL ....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Lab Values
Hey everyone ...
Well ... allergies continue to plague me ... hard. My head feels like a steel-toed boot has kicked me dead center in the forhead and left a big icepick behind just to remind me of the tension within. With that being said, I got a call today from the doctor's office telling me my labs came back, and that all looked great, except my
A1c which came back at 8!!!! I was a little disgusted with that even though I know it is all due to these freakin' steroids I have been on and off of since February. I am now on day 7 of a 12 day taper and still feel the pain, congestion, and cough due to these allergies. This is, without a doubt, the worst season I have ever had.
I had allergies back east, seems as though those would be so much more tolerable at the moment than this dry, and no end in sight stuff going on here in the desert. The air is so dry, everything is so dry, and yet the pollen continues to build and blow, as it is the windy spring season here in AZ.
Oh well ... hopefully, in the next week, I can get some sort of grip on this shit ... yes, I said it, as that is how I feel. I have been taking Claritin D as it is the only thing that seems to be working this year, and allowing me to continue to work without my head hitting the desk. When you spend all day in front of a computer screen, reading doctor scribbles, and reading it can make for one painful day when your head is not cooperating. So I will continue to hydrate even though nothing has any real taste to it, other than metallic, and use the inhalers, which don't always "rescue" as they state and keep on plugging on.
With that being said, and having been asleep since I got home and had some dinner at 6:40 ... I will be returning to the pillows shortly as I have to be up in 5 hours ... early mornings seem to be my best time, now if I could only get my ass outside for an hour to do some much needed yard work prior to getting to work .... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ...... right!! Maybe on the weekend ... and then inside work the remainder of the day. The head hasn't even set in yet here in AZ, I can't imagine what sort of year this is going to be. Maybe Hillary is right, it is time to start investigating a new place to call home ...??
Sleep well my faithful followers!!
Peace and Light
et
Well ... allergies continue to plague me ... hard. My head feels like a steel-toed boot has kicked me dead center in the forhead and left a big icepick behind just to remind me of the tension within. With that being said, I got a call today from the doctor's office telling me my labs came back, and that all looked great, except my
A1c which came back at 8!!!! I was a little disgusted with that even though I know it is all due to these freakin' steroids I have been on and off of since February. I am now on day 7 of a 12 day taper and still feel the pain, congestion, and cough due to these allergies. This is, without a doubt, the worst season I have ever had.
I had allergies back east, seems as though those would be so much more tolerable at the moment than this dry, and no end in sight stuff going on here in the desert. The air is so dry, everything is so dry, and yet the pollen continues to build and blow, as it is the windy spring season here in AZ.
Oh well ... hopefully, in the next week, I can get some sort of grip on this shit ... yes, I said it, as that is how I feel. I have been taking Claritin D as it is the only thing that seems to be working this year, and allowing me to continue to work without my head hitting the desk. When you spend all day in front of a computer screen, reading doctor scribbles, and reading it can make for one painful day when your head is not cooperating. So I will continue to hydrate even though nothing has any real taste to it, other than metallic, and use the inhalers, which don't always "rescue" as they state and keep on plugging on.
With that being said, and having been asleep since I got home and had some dinner at 6:40 ... I will be returning to the pillows shortly as I have to be up in 5 hours ... early mornings seem to be my best time, now if I could only get my ass outside for an hour to do some much needed yard work prior to getting to work .... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ...... right!! Maybe on the weekend ... and then inside work the remainder of the day. The head hasn't even set in yet here in AZ, I can't imagine what sort of year this is going to be. Maybe Hillary is right, it is time to start investigating a new place to call home ...??
Sleep well my faithful followers!!
Peace and Light
et
Monday, April 11, 2011
Again ... It's Monday
Good Morning!!
I can't believe that it's already Monday. I still feel run down, short of breath, and not me. I am still on the prednisone taper, the inhaler, which seems to be in over-use, in my opinion, and the albuteral treatments. The cough seems to be dry, deep, and exceptionally irritating as it is really hard to get a good breath. Hillary seems to feel it sounds, as do a couple of others, that is resemblent of the pneumonia cough/breathing. I SO don't want to go there!!!
I just move slow, as you can tell by all the posts I made yesterday ...LOL ... I get perterbed easily, and do a lot of reading, napping, and not much else. I did get a couple loads of wash done, and was called out to deliver charts yesterday, that was a pretty ride, in my sweats, with angry hair and all!!! Oh well, it is what it is!!
Ok ... on that note, it is suppose to warm up here a little each day this week in AZ. After that weekend of snow, sleet, rain, and yuckiness at best, I guess it is time to plow forward. I wish everyone a wonderful week and a GREAT day!!
Thanks for continuing to follow my tangents.
Peace and Light
et
I can't believe that it's already Monday. I still feel run down, short of breath, and not me. I am still on the prednisone taper, the inhaler, which seems to be in over-use, in my opinion, and the albuteral treatments. The cough seems to be dry, deep, and exceptionally irritating as it is really hard to get a good breath. Hillary seems to feel it sounds, as do a couple of others, that is resemblent of the pneumonia cough/breathing. I SO don't want to go there!!!
I just move slow, as you can tell by all the posts I made yesterday ...LOL ... I get perterbed easily, and do a lot of reading, napping, and not much else. I did get a couple loads of wash done, and was called out to deliver charts yesterday, that was a pretty ride, in my sweats, with angry hair and all!!! Oh well, it is what it is!!
Ok ... on that note, it is suppose to warm up here a little each day this week in AZ. After that weekend of snow, sleet, rain, and yuckiness at best, I guess it is time to plow forward. I wish everyone a wonderful week and a GREAT day!!
Thanks for continuing to follow my tangents.
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Definitions of ... Call me stupid ...
Definition of REPARATIVE
1: of, relating to, or effecting repair
2: serving to make amends
First Known Use of REPARATIVE
1656
Rhymes with REPARATIVE
comparative, preparative
Regenerate - From Dictionary.Com
–verb (used with object)
1. to effect a complete moral reform in.
2. to re-create, reconstitute, or make over, especially in a better form or condition.
3. to revive or produce anew; bring into existence again.
4. Biology . to renew or restore (a lost, removed, or injured part).
5. Physics . to restore (a substance) to a favorable state or physical condition.
Medical Dictionary
re·gen·er·a·tive definition
Pronunciation: /ri-ˈjen-ə-ˌrāt-iv, -ˈjen-(ə-)rət-/
Function: adj
1 : of, relating to, or marked by regeneration
2 : tending to regenerate
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2007 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
Cite This Source
1: of, relating to, or effecting repair
2: serving to make amends
First Known Use of REPARATIVE
1656
Rhymes with REPARATIVE
comparative, preparative
Regenerate - From Dictionary.Com
–verb (used with object)
1. to effect a complete moral reform in.
2. to re-create, reconstitute, or make over, especially in a better form or condition.
3. to revive or produce anew; bring into existence again.
4. Biology . to renew or restore (a lost, removed, or injured part).
5. Physics . to restore (a substance) to a favorable state or physical condition.
Medical Dictionary
re·gen·er·a·tive definition
Pronunciation: /ri-ˈjen-ə-ˌrāt-iv, -ˈjen-(ə-)rət-/
Function: adj
1 : of, relating to, or marked by regeneration
2 : tending to regenerate
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2007 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
Cite This Source
It would appear that I have irritated a PhD
The below post was made in response to a comment I made on LinkedIn this morning. Apparently, I done ticked this person off a bit, or so it reads to me. My response to this post is in bold below it, on my own page, as I find her statement very contradictory in nature.
Regenerative medicine speaks to the outcome of healing - that it is regenerative, not reparative. Stem cells are a tool that can be used to achieve a regenerative outcome. Not all applications using stem cells will be regenerative. Similarly, not all regenerative medical products will use stem cells. The two terms are not the same. If they are used interchangeably, the person speaking is basically not being disciplined in their use of language.
Posted by Belinda J Wagner, PhD
So, it would seem that in Dr. Wagner's interpretation I am not disciplined in my use of language.
Rather than take this argument back to the LinkedIn page, wouldn't want it to jeopardize any work/advocate related issues I may pursue. Here is my take on the above comment.
It would appear to me, in all my reading and research over the past couple of years, and going back many more, that regenerative vs. repairative are terms being used interchangably here in the Good Ol' United States to benefit those looking to make a buck rather than bringing the science to light in an open and honest forum.
Yes, I would like to address Dr. Wagner, so I will do it here and tell her that I did seek treatment with stem cells/PRP treatment for repairative reasons. I was dying, a slow death, with NO real help from the medical community here in the states. Like so many others, I went to the extreme of Medical Tourism, and sought treatment being used in other countries for years with just that in mind. I did lots of research and weeded through plenty of quacks and those looking to take advantage of those looking for a better way. The "regenerative" properties I experienced were all to well known as a benefit of such treatment, and the two terms do in fact, go hand and hand. To a "lay-person" regenerating, means repairing, to make better.
That is my story and I am sticking to it!! Perhaps I better brush up my political correctness to play well with those in the United States that feel it is ok to pull the wool over consumers eyes with thier mastery of the language. I may not be a PhD, or a doctor of medicine, or a scientist, but I am a consumer, a consumer with multiple medical issues that are potentially fatal, who has dealt with this politcal BS for most of my life and am tired of those who feel they sit so much higher then those of us who suffer and only want a better life, a quality life. As I have stated before, I will take quality over quantity anyday.
Put that in any language you like!!!
I too, want it all to be a legitimate game plan, but lets be real people, seems as those that play heavily on the "language", i.e., political types, are those with the richly lined pockets, looking out more for thier own best interests, rather than those in the need of these treatments NOW!!!
Peace and Light
et
Regenerative medicine speaks to the outcome of healing - that it is regenerative, not reparative. Stem cells are a tool that can be used to achieve a regenerative outcome. Not all applications using stem cells will be regenerative. Similarly, not all regenerative medical products will use stem cells. The two terms are not the same. If they are used interchangeably, the person speaking is basically not being disciplined in their use of language.
Posted by Belinda J Wagner, PhD
So, it would seem that in Dr. Wagner's interpretation I am not disciplined in my use of language.
Rather than take this argument back to the LinkedIn page, wouldn't want it to jeopardize any work/advocate related issues I may pursue. Here is my take on the above comment.
It would appear to me, in all my reading and research over the past couple of years, and going back many more, that regenerative vs. repairative are terms being used interchangably here in the Good Ol' United States to benefit those looking to make a buck rather than bringing the science to light in an open and honest forum.
Yes, I would like to address Dr. Wagner, so I will do it here and tell her that I did seek treatment with stem cells/PRP treatment for repairative reasons. I was dying, a slow death, with NO real help from the medical community here in the states. Like so many others, I went to the extreme of Medical Tourism, and sought treatment being used in other countries for years with just that in mind. I did lots of research and weeded through plenty of quacks and those looking to take advantage of those looking for a better way. The "regenerative" properties I experienced were all to well known as a benefit of such treatment, and the two terms do in fact, go hand and hand. To a "lay-person" regenerating, means repairing, to make better.
That is my story and I am sticking to it!! Perhaps I better brush up my political correctness to play well with those in the United States that feel it is ok to pull the wool over consumers eyes with thier mastery of the language. I may not be a PhD, or a doctor of medicine, or a scientist, but I am a consumer, a consumer with multiple medical issues that are potentially fatal, who has dealt with this politcal BS for most of my life and am tired of those who feel they sit so much higher then those of us who suffer and only want a better life, a quality life. As I have stated before, I will take quality over quantity anyday.
Put that in any language you like!!!
I too, want it all to be a legitimate game plan, but lets be real people, seems as those that play heavily on the "language", i.e., political types, are those with the richly lined pockets, looking out more for thier own best interests, rather than those in the need of these treatments NOW!!!
Peace and Light
et
Everyday I find more and more proof ...
I hope this article will be available to all if you cut and paste the link into your browser.
This is a wonderful article, that articulates beyond my words the need for the treatment availability here and government inferrence on the part of the FDA in regard to autologous stem cell treatments being allowed here in the US.
Please read: this is how I feel as well, and I get angry knowing so MANY people right here should be allowed to receive now, rather than risk death in long clinical trials, money making schemes for the big guns, and being told something from my body, back to my body should be deemed a drug.
Hope this sheds light on my passion.
http://www.stemcellpioneers.com/showthread.php?t=4269
Peace and Light, and much healing!!
et
This is a wonderful article, that articulates beyond my words the need for the treatment availability here and government inferrence on the part of the FDA in regard to autologous stem cell treatments being allowed here in the US.
Please read: this is how I feel as well, and I get angry knowing so MANY people right here should be allowed to receive now, rather than risk death in long clinical trials, money making schemes for the big guns, and being told something from my body, back to my body should be deemed a drug.
Hope this sheds light on my passion.
http://www.stemcellpioneers.com/showthread.php?t=4269
Peace and Light, and much healing!!
et
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Informative video
This is a very informative, fairly new (less than a month) video I came upon on YouTube in the clinical advances of Stem Cell therapy. This doctor from Texas, practicing in Panama with the Stem Cell Institute (not the same Institite I dealt with) is full of really great information.
Check it out ... Knowledge is power!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ_lw8TcON4&playnext=1&list=PL816533F2C2CA935F
Peace and Light
et
Check it out ... Knowledge is power!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ_lw8TcON4&playnext=1&list=PL816533F2C2CA935F
Peace and Light
et
Getting better .... a little at a time
Happy Saturday !!
Well, I woke up this morning to 4-5 inches of snow on the ground!! It seems to make a slight difference in my ability to breathe this morning, although there is still a lot of wheezing going on. Treatments continue every 6-8 hours, the inhaler on a as need basis, less each day, and the steroid taper is going WAY better than I anticipated. I chock that up to the stabilized blood sugars. I can't believe, although not at a point I had hoped, it is going so well.
I was speaking with Rita Alexander, President of the ISCI, on Thursday and we were discussing how it takes so many years for our bodies to "deteriorate" in the disease process that it can't be expected to disolve overnight. I can't agree enough. I knew going into my treatment that it was not a cure, not yet, but still believe, more now than ever, that it is the direction we need to be going in, in spite of hurdles that the US government and it's overseeing agencies want to hold it up. I was called a "walking billboard!" I think that is one of the best compliments I have had in regard to the knowledge and insight I am bringing on this subject. I have never felt so good about something, and wanting to share it with those I love, as well as people who are, where I have been, where I can still be if I chose to allow my mind to go there. I have bad days, but I have to tell you, they have been so FEW since my treatment. I have an issue currently with the breathing, but ... overall, I can't begin to tell you all the effects I have seen since treatment, and SO many that were unexpected. Who in their right mind, would knock that sort of side effect??
Hillary did what was suppose to be a 5 minute verbal presentation yesterday in her clinical class about the stem cell process, and it apparently turned into a 45 minute, in depth discussion about the whys, hows, why nots?? She was so thrilled, especially seeing she doesn't really like speaking in front of people. She said there were lots of great questions, and stated to me last night, she knows a lot about the process having gone through it all with me, but was not as knowledgeable as she has hoped to be and requested some of my articles to pass out to people who wanted more information on the treatment. It was discussed that in the next 4-6 months that the ISCI will try and come here to the Prescott area and do a seminar, and I have been asked to take part in this process. I am totally thrilled about this opportunity to get the word out there. As stated in past posts, I have a few doctors here in the area that have been following my status, doctors that I do not see professionally, they do not treat me in any way, but are forward thinkers and fed up with the restrictions being placed on the US health care system. It is crap, and we deserve better than just being long-term guinea pigs for our FDA and NIH. There are cures out there, and closer than we think if we are just allowed to get to them.
In any event, Hillary stated that at least 8 people from her class, the 2 instructors, one of which I met while in the hospital with pneumonia, are all interested in attending and bringing family members!! Family members who are suffering with afflictions like MS, Alzhiemer's, Rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and that over all biggie for those who just want to "stay on top" of thier health. This is the way to go, and I can't help but feel that all worked out for me the way the Gods intended. I was rejected from the Islet Transplant for a reason, and this, for me, was the better choice. I have no adverse effects from antirejection drugs, which are not only very expensive, but have major side effects. How can I reject what is already mine, only awaken to help me regenerate and repair. I am still working through the "sludge" I created over the past 38 years of living with disease and dealing with "regular" life, I am making a come back. It is sort of like healing in reverse. I was diagnosed with the disease in 1972, a lot has happened since then, and it seems in my writings that things are healing in reverse as to how they came about. My feet have feeling in them again, my brain and vision fog are clear and sharp (Hillary's biggest thrill), my skin, which was a total surprise, is glowing again, first time in a long time as my face was showing the stress of not only disease, but caring for others and all the loss suffered in recent years. My digestive issues, are beyond description, I had not noted this issue on my paperwork, with the hypoglycemic unawareness being my biggest issue to be addressed. This advance in repair has made my blood sugars easier to manage, bringing the stability back into play. I am also down 2 pant sizes ... which to me, gives a whole new meaning to that phrase, "full of shit!" ...LOL .... things are moving like they haven't moved in almost 20 years!! That alone, is amazing results!!! Nerves that have been damaged, are working again, and it can only get better. I do hope to undergo the treatment again, in perhaps a year, as we are taking in labs, physical changes, and getting some statistical information together for documentation purposes. This is all great news, the more we can collect, the more info we can get out.
I can't stress this enough, everyone is different, everyone will respond slightly differently. But .... how can we close the door on this when SO many people have shown such positive results?? Imagine living with such a life altering disease that your whole life is turned upside down. If you have never experienced this sort of altering change, or what the adjustments can do to not only our bodies, but our minds .... then you need to open up your minds and expand to a better tomorrow!!! It can happen, maybe you won't be 15 again, but you will feel better!! I would like to bet my own life on it!!!
With that being said, I am going to try and breathe my way through some indoor work today and grout my windowsills .... LOL .... spring is here,snow or not and I will look at each new day as a new beginning, a gift, given to me by friends who love and have supported me in this long journey to a recovery of new health and appreciation.
Have a wonderful day!!
In Peace and Light
et
Well, I woke up this morning to 4-5 inches of snow on the ground!! It seems to make a slight difference in my ability to breathe this morning, although there is still a lot of wheezing going on. Treatments continue every 6-8 hours, the inhaler on a as need basis, less each day, and the steroid taper is going WAY better than I anticipated. I chock that up to the stabilized blood sugars. I can't believe, although not at a point I had hoped, it is going so well.
I was speaking with Rita Alexander, President of the ISCI, on Thursday and we were discussing how it takes so many years for our bodies to "deteriorate" in the disease process that it can't be expected to disolve overnight. I can't agree enough. I knew going into my treatment that it was not a cure, not yet, but still believe, more now than ever, that it is the direction we need to be going in, in spite of hurdles that the US government and it's overseeing agencies want to hold it up. I was called a "walking billboard!" I think that is one of the best compliments I have had in regard to the knowledge and insight I am bringing on this subject. I have never felt so good about something, and wanting to share it with those I love, as well as people who are, where I have been, where I can still be if I chose to allow my mind to go there. I have bad days, but I have to tell you, they have been so FEW since my treatment. I have an issue currently with the breathing, but ... overall, I can't begin to tell you all the effects I have seen since treatment, and SO many that were unexpected. Who in their right mind, would knock that sort of side effect??
Hillary did what was suppose to be a 5 minute verbal presentation yesterday in her clinical class about the stem cell process, and it apparently turned into a 45 minute, in depth discussion about the whys, hows, why nots?? She was so thrilled, especially seeing she doesn't really like speaking in front of people. She said there were lots of great questions, and stated to me last night, she knows a lot about the process having gone through it all with me, but was not as knowledgeable as she has hoped to be and requested some of my articles to pass out to people who wanted more information on the treatment. It was discussed that in the next 4-6 months that the ISCI will try and come here to the Prescott area and do a seminar, and I have been asked to take part in this process. I am totally thrilled about this opportunity to get the word out there. As stated in past posts, I have a few doctors here in the area that have been following my status, doctors that I do not see professionally, they do not treat me in any way, but are forward thinkers and fed up with the restrictions being placed on the US health care system. It is crap, and we deserve better than just being long-term guinea pigs for our FDA and NIH. There are cures out there, and closer than we think if we are just allowed to get to them.
In any event, Hillary stated that at least 8 people from her class, the 2 instructors, one of which I met while in the hospital with pneumonia, are all interested in attending and bringing family members!! Family members who are suffering with afflictions like MS, Alzhiemer's, Rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and that over all biggie for those who just want to "stay on top" of thier health. This is the way to go, and I can't help but feel that all worked out for me the way the Gods intended. I was rejected from the Islet Transplant for a reason, and this, for me, was the better choice. I have no adverse effects from antirejection drugs, which are not only very expensive, but have major side effects. How can I reject what is already mine, only awaken to help me regenerate and repair. I am still working through the "sludge" I created over the past 38 years of living with disease and dealing with "regular" life, I am making a come back. It is sort of like healing in reverse. I was diagnosed with the disease in 1972, a lot has happened since then, and it seems in my writings that things are healing in reverse as to how they came about. My feet have feeling in them again, my brain and vision fog are clear and sharp (Hillary's biggest thrill), my skin, which was a total surprise, is glowing again, first time in a long time as my face was showing the stress of not only disease, but caring for others and all the loss suffered in recent years. My digestive issues, are beyond description, I had not noted this issue on my paperwork, with the hypoglycemic unawareness being my biggest issue to be addressed. This advance in repair has made my blood sugars easier to manage, bringing the stability back into play. I am also down 2 pant sizes ... which to me, gives a whole new meaning to that phrase, "full of shit!" ...LOL .... things are moving like they haven't moved in almost 20 years!! That alone, is amazing results!!! Nerves that have been damaged, are working again, and it can only get better. I do hope to undergo the treatment again, in perhaps a year, as we are taking in labs, physical changes, and getting some statistical information together for documentation purposes. This is all great news, the more we can collect, the more info we can get out.
I can't stress this enough, everyone is different, everyone will respond slightly differently. But .... how can we close the door on this when SO many people have shown such positive results?? Imagine living with such a life altering disease that your whole life is turned upside down. If you have never experienced this sort of altering change, or what the adjustments can do to not only our bodies, but our minds .... then you need to open up your minds and expand to a better tomorrow!!! It can happen, maybe you won't be 15 again, but you will feel better!! I would like to bet my own life on it!!!
With that being said, I am going to try and breathe my way through some indoor work today and grout my windowsills .... LOL .... spring is here,snow or not and I will look at each new day as a new beginning, a gift, given to me by friends who love and have supported me in this long journey to a recovery of new health and appreciation.
Have a wonderful day!!
In Peace and Light
et
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Look what I found today ...
Good Evening ...
Well ... went to the dentist first this morning, all looks good, except the cost of the cap. Then I had to go to the doctor due to this allergie blowup. She told me she saw on the news that Prescott has the highest pollen level in the country currently. GREAT .... and a few breaths from me on a walk up the street sucks my lungs to a standstill. So ... another round of steroids, an inhaler and a nebulizer treatment twice a day ... "aggressive" is what she tells me. Really??? I was fine just two days ago ... this just blows!!! I have a ton of yard work to get done to make way for my new trees, which we hope to have planted in the next couple of weeks.
Anyway ... while sitting in the waiting room today, I look down into the magazine basket and right on top I see the following magazine. I would not normally have picked up this mag except the largest headline was "STEM CELLS" .... so I just have to share this article.
http://www.newyoumag.com/magazine/spring-2011/the-stem-cell-revolution/
(Cut and paste the above link to get to the article)
In actuality, this is the treatment I had done, via the IV feedback, and yet if you are into cosmetic line of medicine we can get what we need, on the DL as my daughter calls it. There is also an interesting paragraph on the FDA standing on this practice, and what they will call a "drug." Again, as I stated right after my treatment, if you pulled this stuff out of my body and only used a high-powered light activator, it IS NOT a drug. They are mine, and I want them back, in large quantities ... LOL .... I certainly have enough fat cells to spare, and all the added benefits I have recieved since my treatment for the disease process, was totally worth it, my skin is so much younger looking, tighter, smoother, much more radiant as I was told this morning ... this is not just great stuff, it is the promise to many people that the US government is holding back on so they can figure out a way to make the all mighty buck off the people again!!! This needs to stop ...
Anyway ... it is a great article with the basic information and the benefits that were had by these patients, and the doctors who were discovering the benefits, years ago.
Enjoy ...
Peace and Light
et
Well ... went to the dentist first this morning, all looks good, except the cost of the cap. Then I had to go to the doctor due to this allergie blowup. She told me she saw on the news that Prescott has the highest pollen level in the country currently. GREAT .... and a few breaths from me on a walk up the street sucks my lungs to a standstill. So ... another round of steroids, an inhaler and a nebulizer treatment twice a day ... "aggressive" is what she tells me. Really??? I was fine just two days ago ... this just blows!!! I have a ton of yard work to get done to make way for my new trees, which we hope to have planted in the next couple of weeks.
Anyway ... while sitting in the waiting room today, I look down into the magazine basket and right on top I see the following magazine. I would not normally have picked up this mag except the largest headline was "STEM CELLS" .... so I just have to share this article.
http://www.newyoumag.com/magazine/spring-2011/the-stem-cell-revolution/
(Cut and paste the above link to get to the article)
In actuality, this is the treatment I had done, via the IV feedback, and yet if you are into cosmetic line of medicine we can get what we need, on the DL as my daughter calls it. There is also an interesting paragraph on the FDA standing on this practice, and what they will call a "drug." Again, as I stated right after my treatment, if you pulled this stuff out of my body and only used a high-powered light activator, it IS NOT a drug. They are mine, and I want them back, in large quantities ... LOL .... I certainly have enough fat cells to spare, and all the added benefits I have recieved since my treatment for the disease process, was totally worth it, my skin is so much younger looking, tighter, smoother, much more radiant as I was told this morning ... this is not just great stuff, it is the promise to many people that the US government is holding back on so they can figure out a way to make the all mighty buck off the people again!!! This needs to stop ...
Anyway ... it is a great article with the basic information and the benefits that were had by these patients, and the doctors who were discovering the benefits, years ago.
Enjoy ...
Peace and Light
et
Allergies .... Asthma ....??
Morning All!!
It's hump day ... yippie ... it's half over.
I am, again, wheezing like no tomorrow. To the point a coworker made mention yesterday afternoon that I was breathing like I did when I had pneumonia. I saw deep concern on her face. I did walk up the street yesterday to another building, walking right into a big Juniper bush, I hate these things!! I think this is what has made what was seasonal allergies a whole lot worse. In any event, pollen and blowing has been pretty bad the last week or so and I have been taking my Claritin D and pushing the water, but ... I apparently am losing!! I will be seeing the doctor again today because I was not discharged with any sort of inhaler. Lucky for me I found one floating around in the bathroom last night and hit it and went to bed, having to hit it again during the night. It is just horrible ... post nasal drip, stuffy head, swollen water eyes.... I had allergies back east, and when I moved here I thought WOW ... for two years I was great, then BANG!! I get like this. A couple of doctors say I have asthma, that sort of pisses me as I didn't have asthma when I moved here and this was suppose to be a great place to come live if you had asthma. What I don't get... ??? ... is that everywhere you go around here there seems to be people on O2 ... LMAO ... I thought is was mostly old people, then the more you look around, seems as though a lot of the kids, mine included, suffer from asthma. HT having exercise induced asthma ... I think it is in large part to all the flipping dust that blows around, no moisture, .... yes, you could be right, I could just be in denial ... LOL ... Fact is, I have a crap-ton of yard work to be done and if I can't breathe in the house, I can't breathe outside even worse. Oh well ... this too, will be dealt with.
On the stemmie side ... things continue to be stable. Blood sugars seem to be stable, although I have seen little more in the decrease of insulin intake. I am, however, thrilled at the gastrointestinal improvement that has been seen. I had a dream that my body was healing in reverse ... LOL .... that all the things that have declined since being diagnosed as a child, will improve in the order in which I was inflicted .... I am and was pretty positive prior to treatment, that more than one would be needed. I am curious as to how long I should, or have to wait before I attempt the second treatment??? I am in the thought that at least a year will be the time period. I am going to have the labs drawn today (I hope) and can see what sort of changes have taken place. My bets ... LOL ... based on certain things I have experienced, is that my thyroid has been affected, am curious about other lab values, but am pretty sure there has been positive changes.
In spite of the allergy/asthma hitch, I am still feeling pretty good. Bones, joints, muscles and range of motion have all been positive improvements that I didn't expect to experience. The all-over body pain I have suffered since the mid-90s has all greatly disipated ... it is amazing!! and very much a welcome change.
I guess I should get myself motivated as I have a dental and doctor appointment this morning, and then off to the office. Needing to pace myself due to lack of breathing capacity I should get it moving.
I wish everyone a wonderful day, full of hope and enlightenment.
Peace and Light
et
It's hump day ... yippie ... it's half over.
I am, again, wheezing like no tomorrow. To the point a coworker made mention yesterday afternoon that I was breathing like I did when I had pneumonia. I saw deep concern on her face. I did walk up the street yesterday to another building, walking right into a big Juniper bush, I hate these things!! I think this is what has made what was seasonal allergies a whole lot worse. In any event, pollen and blowing has been pretty bad the last week or so and I have been taking my Claritin D and pushing the water, but ... I apparently am losing!! I will be seeing the doctor again today because I was not discharged with any sort of inhaler. Lucky for me I found one floating around in the bathroom last night and hit it and went to bed, having to hit it again during the night. It is just horrible ... post nasal drip, stuffy head, swollen water eyes.... I had allergies back east, and when I moved here I thought WOW ... for two years I was great, then BANG!! I get like this. A couple of doctors say I have asthma, that sort of pisses me as I didn't have asthma when I moved here and this was suppose to be a great place to come live if you had asthma. What I don't get... ??? ... is that everywhere you go around here there seems to be people on O2 ... LMAO ... I thought is was mostly old people, then the more you look around, seems as though a lot of the kids, mine included, suffer from asthma. HT having exercise induced asthma ... I think it is in large part to all the flipping dust that blows around, no moisture, .... yes, you could be right, I could just be in denial ... LOL ... Fact is, I have a crap-ton of yard work to be done and if I can't breathe in the house, I can't breathe outside even worse. Oh well ... this too, will be dealt with.
On the stemmie side ... things continue to be stable. Blood sugars seem to be stable, although I have seen little more in the decrease of insulin intake. I am, however, thrilled at the gastrointestinal improvement that has been seen. I had a dream that my body was healing in reverse ... LOL .... that all the things that have declined since being diagnosed as a child, will improve in the order in which I was inflicted .... I am and was pretty positive prior to treatment, that more than one would be needed. I am curious as to how long I should, or have to wait before I attempt the second treatment??? I am in the thought that at least a year will be the time period. I am going to have the labs drawn today (I hope) and can see what sort of changes have taken place. My bets ... LOL ... based on certain things I have experienced, is that my thyroid has been affected, am curious about other lab values, but am pretty sure there has been positive changes.
In spite of the allergy/asthma hitch, I am still feeling pretty good. Bones, joints, muscles and range of motion have all been positive improvements that I didn't expect to experience. The all-over body pain I have suffered since the mid-90s has all greatly disipated ... it is amazing!! and very much a welcome change.
I guess I should get myself motivated as I have a dental and doctor appointment this morning, and then off to the office. Needing to pace myself due to lack of breathing capacity I should get it moving.
I wish everyone a wonderful day, full of hope and enlightenment.
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, April 3, 2011
New Website Launch
Check out the new website launched this past week by the International Stem Cell Institute .... VERY COOL, and very informative, with much more to come :D
Cut and Paste the following link into your browser:
www.StemGenex.com
Enjoy!!
Cut and Paste the following link into your browser:
www.StemGenex.com
Enjoy!!
Another New Week
Hi Everyone!!
Well spring is here in Arizona, and so are the blooming weeds!!! There is one weed in particular that the smell of not only blows my head to another galaxy, but the smell nauseates me beyond belief, and they are sprouting up EVERYWHERE!!! In the fall, they will be the tumbleweeds that are now blowing all over Arizona.
I had to drive down to Phoenix yesterday morning to attend a class. I was up at 4, left at 6, arrived at 8:30, left at 11:45, returned home at 1:30. Too much driving and education to cram into such a short period of time. It was 94 degrees when I came out of the hospital, the conference room we were in was almost that hot as well. My blood sugars seemed to be a little high yesterday, not sure if this is allergy related or stress related. I will be having some blood work done this week and we will get a first REAL look at what is going on since treatment. I am sort of leery to all the antibiotics that were pumped into me to treat the pneumonia, and the deep stress levels in regard to caring for my father and lack of support from any siblings has caused. I have since, come to the realization, that it is my duty, and I will tend to it, minus any sibling input, if they don't want to step up, then ALL decisions are mine, and I will deal with the consequences, NOT theirs, they can deal with that all by themselves as they are the ones that created the dark hole. From that point forward, I am on my own as far as immediate family goes. I am sorry it came to this, however, it was not I, that could not deal with the issues at play. They all chose to leave it all to me and walk away. Digging up the past, is not my idea of dealing with the issues of the present and moving forward, which is what one "player" put forth. Call me all the names you want, blame me, as it appears you are already doing, keep score, also a trait I knew would come into play. I don't keep score. I know that MANY people have done wonderful, generous things for both me and my daughter over the years. If I knew then, what I know now, perhaps I would never have accepted those gifts and/or offerings of help knowing they would be thrown back in my face years later. I do things to help people out of the goodness of my heart, not expecting to be repaid, or that the deed come back to me. It is true, that it is better to give than receive. I can honestly say that I have been on both ends. To give, what little I have to offer, my support, an ear, perhaps a place to sleep, a decent meal, a hot shower, makes me feel good in my soul. To receive, such as I have recently, in a manner in which someone WANTS me to grow old with them, if even from a far, is such a humbling experience. They see the person I am, the lengths I have gone to in my caring for others, and expecting no rewards. Where my siblings are concerned, I had different expectations, that was my bad!! LOL ... silly me, I should never "expect" as I should know by now in life that my expectations of others are often higher than most could ever aspire ... LMAO ... yes, I am!! I refuse to lower my expectations where the human goodness is concerned, or even work ethics, as a coworker stated to me just this past week, "lower your expectations." LOL ... NOT!! We should all be ethical in our workings, and encounters. What has happened to everyone??? Greed, selfishness, overall BIG I, little u syndrome is rampant.
Ok ... with that tangent out of the way, my baby is home from work and will be going to bed soon, so I must start my day!!! Have a great day everyone!!
In Peace and Light
et
Well spring is here in Arizona, and so are the blooming weeds!!! There is one weed in particular that the smell of not only blows my head to another galaxy, but the smell nauseates me beyond belief, and they are sprouting up EVERYWHERE!!! In the fall, they will be the tumbleweeds that are now blowing all over Arizona.
I had to drive down to Phoenix yesterday morning to attend a class. I was up at 4, left at 6, arrived at 8:30, left at 11:45, returned home at 1:30. Too much driving and education to cram into such a short period of time. It was 94 degrees when I came out of the hospital, the conference room we were in was almost that hot as well. My blood sugars seemed to be a little high yesterday, not sure if this is allergy related or stress related. I will be having some blood work done this week and we will get a first REAL look at what is going on since treatment. I am sort of leery to all the antibiotics that were pumped into me to treat the pneumonia, and the deep stress levels in regard to caring for my father and lack of support from any siblings has caused. I have since, come to the realization, that it is my duty, and I will tend to it, minus any sibling input, if they don't want to step up, then ALL decisions are mine, and I will deal with the consequences, NOT theirs, they can deal with that all by themselves as they are the ones that created the dark hole. From that point forward, I am on my own as far as immediate family goes. I am sorry it came to this, however, it was not I, that could not deal with the issues at play. They all chose to leave it all to me and walk away. Digging up the past, is not my idea of dealing with the issues of the present and moving forward, which is what one "player" put forth. Call me all the names you want, blame me, as it appears you are already doing, keep score, also a trait I knew would come into play. I don't keep score. I know that MANY people have done wonderful, generous things for both me and my daughter over the years. If I knew then, what I know now, perhaps I would never have accepted those gifts and/or offerings of help knowing they would be thrown back in my face years later. I do things to help people out of the goodness of my heart, not expecting to be repaid, or that the deed come back to me. It is true, that it is better to give than receive. I can honestly say that I have been on both ends. To give, what little I have to offer, my support, an ear, perhaps a place to sleep, a decent meal, a hot shower, makes me feel good in my soul. To receive, such as I have recently, in a manner in which someone WANTS me to grow old with them, if even from a far, is such a humbling experience. They see the person I am, the lengths I have gone to in my caring for others, and expecting no rewards. Where my siblings are concerned, I had different expectations, that was my bad!! LOL ... silly me, I should never "expect" as I should know by now in life that my expectations of others are often higher than most could ever aspire ... LMAO ... yes, I am!! I refuse to lower my expectations where the human goodness is concerned, or even work ethics, as a coworker stated to me just this past week, "lower your expectations." LOL ... NOT!! We should all be ethical in our workings, and encounters. What has happened to everyone??? Greed, selfishness, overall BIG I, little u syndrome is rampant.
Ok ... with that tangent out of the way, my baby is home from work and will be going to bed soon, so I must start my day!!! Have a great day everyone!!
In Peace and Light
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