Another new beginning

Good Evening ...

As I sit here ready to hit the pillows as I have to return to work in the morning. Still in discomfort, still with no word of what we may be dealing with yet, I reflect.

In re-reading yesterday's post, I have come to the conclusion that over the years, my trust in family loyalty was very much misplaced. The only loyalty I needed to be concerned with is no longer here. I made no deathbed promises I couldn't keep, or were totally unrealistic. I did what I promised her I would do, I did for her, what she had done for me since birth, what she would be doing for me today, and that is that. As for the loyalty I was disillusioned into believing over the years that in a bad situation we would all pull together and support each other. Oh, how wrong I was on that one ... LOL ... the saying that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family rings so true. I can honestly say, I have, despite the diminishing of the population over the years, some of the best friends a person could ever be blessed with. I am, and will be, forever grateful for that friendship and love.

With that being said, I am not perfect, I have never claimed to be. I have been hurt, I no doubt have hurt, and I do not go out of my way to hurt people intentionally. I have learned over the years that we are who we are, and often times there are people who do not approve or agree with our outlooks. That is fine, if you don't like me, stay away from me. I too, will do the same. I hardly go looking to associate with those who feel it is okay to hurt others to gain for personal benefit. I have always tried to be true to my feelings, not always playing out to the best situations. But, I recall one situation back in the early 90s in which I had a verbal blow up with a family member, or 2-3 and it cast me out for a long time. Oh well, it's too bad that what I was saying was beyond truth and that this person on some level, still today, thinks that she is all that and more, when everyone knew she was a mental case, yet, let's keep the peace. Oh BS!!! There are times in life when I just can't take this sugar coating of people instead of calling them out on the carpet and making them face the actions they put forth and the reactions or effects those "actions" left on others. I'm sorry, I have no regrets on some of my verbal explosions over the years. I even had my PCP back east tell me at this point in time, (90s) that it would be good for me if I did it more often..... LOL ... I have been known to be a "stuffer," and I can tell you, it doesn't always play out pretty. In that, I have learned that by stuffing all these negative feelings usually blows up into exacerbated hurt instead of just throwing it out there when it is happening, dealing with it, perhaps shed some tears, raise your voice, let it be known, and let it go. I can honestly say that in that respect, those that are in my life on a regular basis, knows this is how I prefer to work. I also know, that some of these loved ones are uncomfortable with this method sometimes. However, I do believe, that we all evolve, and grow from these experiences, and therefore, our relationships deepen. It may also be a reason I am still single. I have yet to meet a man, even the ones I call friends today, that can openly just voice their feelings on a subject without a long, often time, no real response, not sure what this is all about, but it is definitely a "Guy thing." :D

Okay ... I am doing a lot of rambling on lately. Not sure my basis for this, I believe it is an uncertainty about my future. I am having a hard time not knowing what my stem cell status is given the latest developments???

I wish everyone a healthy, happy week ahead!!
"Air Hugs" back at'cha Deb ... I love it!!!

Peace and Light
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