A week from hell ...

Happy Saturday Kids!!

Well ... all I can say is it has been a week from hell.
I seem to be undergoing changes which I can only attribute to the prednisone use for 8 out of 13 weeks since my stem cell treatment. As I had stated last week, my endocrinologist told me another 4-6 weeks before my body clears it. Okay, I had shown her the effects of the swelling going on, to which in this past week has exacerbated beyond what I anticipated, and far more than I can handle. Along with all the physical issues going on, like the constant throbbing in my legs, to which at this moment, my right leg is aching and throbbing from the top of my foot up to behind my knee and is beginning to work it's way up the back of my thigh. This is uncomfortable beyond description for me. I have also been incredibly cranky, irritable, down right bitchy!!! and my daughter will tell you as much as I have been saying it, this is NOT me!! (Don't get me wrong, I love to bitch). This is random and extreme, (words of my daughter to help in describing to my PCP on Thursday).

I came home from work on Tuesday, called in sick on Weds., went to see my PCP on Thursday morning, did an afternoon at the office, and only a 1/2 day yesterday. I can't stand myself, I can't imagine how those around me feel about me currently, no doubt wanting to duck tape my mouth shut. Every morning this week, I have come close to getting out of my car and chocking the shit out of someone who seems to be in this incredible hurry to get someplace. I'm sorry, but weaving in and out of traffic because you didn't leave in time for work is not my problem!! Along with that, WHY must you think you can handle driving, as well as talking on the phone, texting, putting on your mascara, and still feel the need to speed and weave??? Perhaps you should leave a few minutes earlier and consider traffic, better yet, JUST BE LATE!!! Not always a woman either, my finger has flown out the window along with a few choice words to these people in the past week in which no real change was made as they continued to weave their way to the next red light only to have to stop. WHY ... I ask is there never a cop around in times like this?? Traffic is heavy enough that people like this certainly stick out. I am so irritable, that I want to just smack the next stupid person I encounter. Slap them into reality, life is NOT all about you!!! I am in it too, and I am trying really hard to live it out a few more days!! So smarten up!! People seem so rude out here at times. Men especially(not all of them, but a good majority), like their mentality is I should be barefoot, pregnant and fetching them their next Budweiser, otherwise I am just taking up space!! Not this one pal!! If you ram my ass with a carriage at the grocery store I expect an "excuse me" or an "I'm sorry." All I ever get out here is no eye contact, and I was in THEIR way. Common courtesy and street smarts are not all that common in this area from what I have experienced and it is wearing pretty thin on me, especially under the influence of this "roid rage." Now, I'm not using this as an excuse, but the spewing of my emotions, or what I am thinking at any given moment has certainly come out of my mouth like "word vomit" in the past couple of weeks. I cry at the drop of a hat, for no reason, and if you were to ask my daughter, I don't cry enough, and lately over stupid stuff ... like watching Toy Story 3 .... REALLY!?!!??

Earlier this week I consulted with a colleague at work, a psychiatrist, in which I trust his judgement and overall knowledge. I feel he is one of the best doctors we have on staff, and personally, don't think he would steer me in the wrong direction. He told me that the effects of prednisone can cause manic symptoms. Hillary spouts back with "she is SO not manic!" His response to that is that there is also something called "irritable mania."  I thought he was teasing me ... he WAS NOT!!! I don't believe there is any sort of mania going on here ... LOL ... or my house would be flippin' spotless at this point!! All I know, is that I am cranky beyond belief and my body hurts to the point where it feels like it is going to explode due to the swelling going on, and it is BAD!! I feel like a freakin' Macy's Day parade balloon the last few days but lunchtime.  Ok ... so I go to the PCP on Thursday morning, she is telling me she doesn't think it is the steroid..... hello!!! Let's not go looking for anything else that it could be when the evidence, and symptoms clearly point to the steroid use. On researching even deeper, all the things that have happened recently, the heartburn, itching, vomiting and nausea, can all be attributed to the prednisone. My colleague also stated, which parallelled info I got off the Mayo Clinic website, is that I was told 4-6 weeks, but that in some patients it could take months!!!

All my labs came back normal with the exception of my A1c. She did do a urine test the other day, not sure what the results of this was. She places me on HCTZ (A BP/diuretic combo) and Ativan for a week and asks me to check my BP twice a day as that too, has elevated. I NEVER have elevated blood pressure, if anything it is low and I suffer from that whole dizzy thing if I get up too fast, i.e., orthostatic hypotension.  She asks me about hormones, and history of depression. I am all to familiar with depression having suffered several bouts since childhood, and know the signs. She states "I don't want you to fall through the cracks." Again, really?? There is a family history of both high blood pressure and depression. My point is this person treated me with large doses of steroids and all these symptoms clearly relate to that treatment. I am not, nor have I ever been a text book patient, why would it start now?? I see her again on Thursday. My colleague states that "it will go away, and I will return to normal", however, I find that a rather vague outlook. I want more details as what I am experiencing is so far beyond pleasant on so many levels, I am having a hard time coping. He wished me luck, and Hillary the BEST of luck. (I'm thinking, and know, that she is taking the brunt of my bad moods and I don't mean it). I am just unpredictable on so many levels I find it safest to withdraw, or just go to bed as anything that I want to get done, is no doubt going to irritate me as I want it done when I ask you to do it, like the yard work I asked to be completed this week so I could go out and mow and spray this weekend. Not done, my irritation beyond boiling point at the moment. It is best for me to walk away, or better yet, just go to bed and put my legs up as they really are beyond painful.

OK ... I have asked a couple of my docs about the affect on my stemmies. All I get for response is "well, with no real data available, we can't tell." Again, too flipping vague for my liking. There is data out there somewhere, again, not in the US, but somewhere they are keeping track. I am at a point, and it could be my state of mind on this crap currently, how long should one continue to fight?? I want to undergo the stem cell treatment once more and see if I get the results I feel I should have had the 1st round had I not gone into it fighting infection to start. I do blame that on the PCP I had prior to 12-10 as she was only interested, in my opinion in making quota and collecting a copay. She should have ordered a chest x-ray long before I had one done, in the ER, 4 months later!!! Again, a mess up on her part that I am paying for. It is these sorts of establishments who call themselves health professionals that really burn my ass!!! If it is all about money, I really do mean nothing, so why would they care about any positive result?? The more a patient comes back, the more cash added to the cow. Let's prescribe useless medications, with high costs and exorbitant side effects ... yeah .... that is how we make a living .... to hell with the patient or better put #12345, because on so many levels, that seems to be what most are to good percentage of todays' providers. I can say I have been lucky to have encountered what I feel to be a large number of forward thinking doctors and nurses, and teachers, who see where I am coming from. However, this is NOT what they are taught to bring forward and to me .... that should be considered a crime!!!

On that note, I am taking my cranky person to the shower (I will try not and drown her) and then ... well ... will see which direction I head.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!
Peace and Light (and personally wishing for some tranquility)
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