So my frustration is minimal at best.
I am so wiped out just from trying to breathe, never mind walk and talk at the same time. There is something wrong and I am beyond frustration now with what it could be, or why the staff at the local hospital, the doctor, and anyone else who has had their hand in this scenario over the past 8-9 months. I can't think straight, in part due to a lack of breath, which no doubt means not enough oxygen. I began taking prednisone again this morning, only I am not going to be taking it in the high doses started previously. There has been some mild relief, but then too, I have been up all night, and spent all day sleeping on the couch. I get dizzy if I move to fast, hahahah ... like I couldn't get out of my own way if my life depended on it. My daughter apparently talking with her nursing staff last night at work, was suggested that perhaps if not better in the next few days or sooner, that we take a trip to Phoenix and have a more experienced, larger facility do a once over. It would seem that the local hospital, due to budget cuts, staff cuts, etc. is becoming known again as "Yava-die." I have been saying for months, listening to the happenings there with patients and expectations of staff that pretty soon there will be a major law suit. I am hoping it is not mine, but I am seriously considering such due to the length of time issues have gone untreated, and untreated successfully, yet the price to me, not only physically, emotionally, but financially, is beyond belief. ENOUGH!!!
I am scheduled to undergo another ultrasound on Tuesday afternoon here at this local hospital. If nothing is found or investigated to determine what the hell is going on. I will seek that second opinion with all records and results in tow. This latest, or continued down slide has in no way, anything to do with my stem cell treatment. In fact, it is my opinion that had I not had my stem cells I would be in much worse shape right now, if not dead!! It is, at this very moment, I just feel beat, depressed is sort of an understatement, as I do try and remain optimistic, but with the whole just trying to breathe, and getting through a day at work, which BTW, this past week I only made 3 days of 8 hours, and back to falling asleep shortly after arriving home. This is NOT life, especially if you knew the work atmosphere where I am employed. NEVER, in all my years of working, even as a teenager, have I met so many people, work so hard at doing nothing and getting kudos for it while complaining they "don't have the time" or blaming others for why they can't get their jobs done. It is such BS that hell, if I am going to die off soon, I might as well do it while on EIT time, or short-term disability. I'm contributing to killing myself by working for a company who doesn't give a crap about their employees. Although it might seem this has become the American Way. I recently said to HT that I believe this country has really declined in all aspects of life, and what is good. What was once the American Dream, has (in my opinion) turned into American Greed .... hhhmmmmm from where I sit, this is only working for very few, and they reside way up top, looking down on how to screw the little guys. It brings me to a story I just saw on the news a little while ago, about all the people who are suffering following the twisters that have ravaged the mid-section and south this past couple of weeks. Where is their help? This country hasn't followed through on the "words" spoken to those who were effected by Katrina, how many years ago was that now??? It is totally disgusting .... you can't believe anything that is spoken by our government, on any level these days. Along with all those suffering people, children, etc. we have our troops, our Veterans, none of them being cared for in a manner that even remotely measures up to what they, and their families have sacrificed for us, the little people. The health of, the mental health of, our military families are some of this countries most poor. How sad is that ..... ??
I don't know, it would seem that what I am fighting for is never going to happen, and the frustration levels I have encountered, loop holes, political BS, and misinformation is and has become the norm. It will take more than what I can dish out to make any sort of difference, or bring about change.
So ... this has nothing to do with me really, but on this special holiday ... try and reflect what this country was based on, the people who came from other parts of the world to make a new life, not always good, not always bad, but they knew what it was to work hard, protect family, etc. Let's reflect on the ultimate sacrifices made so that we can speak our minds, practice multiple religious beliefs, our freedoms .... and what we could do for them now to not just say Thank you, but perhaps make a gesture that would truly make a difference, be felt, and much appreciated.
Thank You!!
In Peace and Light
et
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