Good Friday Evening to Everyone!!
Ok .. well, I guess I haven't checked in all week. So shall we recap the week? As I sit here not knowing if I am hot or cold, feet and lower legs continue to swell, overly emotional, not knowing if it is because it is Mother's Day weekend, or residual prednisone "rage.
Now, I was hoping that all this prednisone crap would have been out of my system by now, NOT!! Might as well start the weeks recap with my trip to Phoenix on Monday to see my endocrinologist.
She was thrilled to see my numbers in spite of the labs revealing an A1c of 8.1!! I was not thirlled with this, but I knew it was all related to the prednisone. She too, tole me that it would be another 4-6 weeks before my body was clear of the steroids. Four to six weeks of this ... the bloating, the achey joints, the emotional spurts. I am thinking that some of the emotions are coming to surface just because it is mother's day. My mother has been gone from this plane for almost 3 years now (10/08)and not a day goes by that she is not in my thoughts, or something that happens doesn't throw a reminder at me as to what she missed out on seeing. My undergoing the stem cell treatment, which I just know she was with me on the day in February, the upcoming graduation of Hillary with her RN, and no doubt a hundred other things that will happen in the future that she would have loved to have been a part of. I am not sure, perhaps it is in part a combination of the prednisone and the emotions that keep creeping in on so many levels. I am a big girl now and should be able to cope with the loss of my mother at my age, I understand it all on the levels involved, sometime, I just ... get lost in the "what ifs." Life for me never seems to be predictable. I sort of like that predictable, so I don't get tossed into the realm of chaos, which is where most of my life seems to go.
Back to the appointment, I was not happy about the next month and anticipated uncomforable aches to come. Dr. Phillips was very happy that my numbers reflected much fewer lows, and when I did have a low (4) they were caught well before the critcal level and came back faster and not with the overboard high rebounds. That too, was a positive. I told her about how I was no longer on my Cymbalta for the pain of neuropathy and fibromyalgia, that my gut was doing amazingly well and a benefit I did not expect. We discussed what being on the steroids for 8 weeks out of the last 12 since treatment may have played on the effect of the stem cells?? With no real data currently to evaluate the effects of any such treatments, it will have to be a wait and see. I am hoping to undergo a second treatment with in the next 7 - 12 months and am working with those involved to see that it happens as hoped. All my other labs came back within a normal range. That always makes doc happy. My thyroid, my cholesterol, and kidney function tests were all within or below the levels for a long term diabetic. She also told me that as long as I was staying hydrated and that I was getting rid of it on a higher than normal range (whizing) that it would and/or should be ok. I worry about taking steroids for anything due to the fact they wreak havok on the body. This is something that always bothers me with phramaceuticals. Think about some of the ads we see on television these days ... the side effect list is often times so long, with effects that are far worse than the problem to be treated why would we want to take some of this stuff?? I have learned how to use a lot of natural products to treat many things that have come up over the years. Now these can have side effects as well depending on the problem, and the natural treatment, however, in my opinion, it is well worth trying this sort of fix first than dish out an astronomical amount of money to figure out that you can't take something, or that it didn't work for you, or worse, you suffer some of these horrible, ill effects that will no doubt trigger another issue.
The encounter was very positive. She stated that considering how sick I was, stating "you were VERY sick, you needed to be on this stuff" I looked great!! I still feel pretty good given how sick I was, but I looked really good that first 3-4 weeks after treatment. I feel that the effect of that has diminished somewhat, and that could just be how I feel both physically and emotionally currently.
Work has been incredibly stressful for me lately. I don't know what to do as I feel this place is being run by the monkeys. Too much lack of communication, too much of the upper echelon trying to micro manage to the point of outright stupidity. People who don't and won't share the information needed for so many other people to get thier jobs done in not only a timely manner, but within compliance as well. I can't help but feel it is a sinking ship with all this budget BS going on in the state of AZ and multiple staff members leaving or have already left. Some of us, and in my department alone, I can count the people who have busting thier asses to cover others who work so hard at doing nothing, yet still have a job. I have found out personally that the whole "open door" policy they have is complete and total BS!!! I don't trust the HR person as far as I could throw them and that isn't very far. Another supervisor, caught in outright lies, I have asked what I would have to do to get fired ... damn ... apparently it is an open game!! I am just not sure how good this is for me, I want to work, I have worked hard to go back to work after 10 years of being considered disabled, and just wait around to die. Again, BS ... I would like to continue my education, perhaps in an area that would push me into this science I have become so passionate about. But ... How?? What can I do, where can I apply what I know, to put my best professional foot forward to get it here to help others?? Part of me really would consider moving to another country if I thought for one minute I could make a difference.
Basically, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. We had 3 trees, and 10 shrubs planted this week to try and privatize our little corner lot. I like my privacy, I would like more seclusion as far as property, but ... this is the dream dump I will most likely die in. Hillary is my co-owner and she isn't looking to stay here as she is growing old of the mentality in this state as well. I don't really care where I call home. Home is were I lay my head at night, where I can come home and feel safe. I have made some wonderful friends, but, I also left some wonderful, long-term friends when I left the east coast. My daughter keeps telling me that to find a "date, you have to leave the house." Well, she may be right, but I work hard all week, I want to be able to come home and be comfortable in my surroundings, work on my own personal space, and then share it with my friends. I live a very simple life, I don't need any more out of this world excitement. Companionship is something I have missed for many years. In part, I think, is that others can find me intimidating, so I have been told. I have been accused in past relationships of ... well ... being too independant, not needy enough, or my all time favorite, you're an enigma .... LMAO .... it's not you, it's me. Whatever, I have come to a point in my life where this sort of encounter means a waste of my time. I am the person I am, I can't help it. Part of who I am today is based on the situations I have overcome, and ... as I type for the entire world to read, have some trust issues ... although I have tried hard to overcome these lurking intrusions, there are still some people who will take advantage of any situation if they think it will benefit them. I try not to go there first, but you know that there is a saying for that too ... fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice ... or something like that.
Ok ... well ... it is WAY past my bedtime tonight and I am totally exhausted so will be headed for LaLa Land with my fur ball, poor thing has terrible allergies going on. She is literally laying on the couch beside me with her head hanging off and snoring like no man I have ever known. I feel so bad for her as she can't complain to me, and I am not sure, but I think I can relate to her discomfort.
On that note ... I wish everyone a very restful evening, and a very happy Mother's Day weekend!!
Peace and Light
et
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