Happy Saturday!!
Today's tidbit on the newswire .....
http://seekingalpha.com/article/693441-stem-cell-technology-s-bright-future
I haven't had such a great week. Exhausted, blood sugars need readjusting again, tons of stress ..... I don't even know where to start on that topic, so I will leave it alone.
These so-called new "super" lenses I have been waiting for better solve part of this problem as they have "forgot" or just plain screwed up the prescription TWICE!!! My headache continues, the more I attempt, the worse it gets .... so to the couch or bed I go. Was told yesterday that they should make a big difference in the headaches .... dah!! You think ??? I haven't been able to see straight for months, my head is constantly bobbing back and forth to align my eyes so that I see ... well, just one of something. LMAO .... yet it still seems ok to drive .... I'm sorry, but even with my head injury ... common sense isn't in that. I go out very rarely ... and if I can help it, I do all my errands in one morning ... so I don't have to cope with traffic, people, and the tasks at hand.
Ok then ... Just me and the dog this weekend .... sort of looking forward to this. Since the child came home, I am feeling very overwhelmed again ....
I wish all a safe and cool day ahead.
Be good to yourself, be good to others .... check on those who may be in need of a friendly face or gesture.
Peace and Light
et
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Vacant ... somewhat distant ...
Hello!!
I know I have been so "out of it" in so many aspects of life. Yep, even folks that cope with diabetes have life hit them in "normal" ways. Although, there really isn't anything I find normal about my current and on-going saga. I REALLY wish I could remember even 1/8 of what has transpired since December. That, and all the beuracratic (sp) BS that seems to go with it. I have multiple "sayings", "directives", "words of wisdom" comments stuck in my head and they have been daunting to me to overcome. One day seems to blend into another and I couldn't tell you what I did an hour ago!!! I continue to have outragous and bizarre dreams. I could go to sleep on the drop of a dime. I made HT cry last week when I snapped at her and asked her to please, slow down, I can't follow you!!!" All these months she has been telling me "I don't know what to do for you." ..... I guess that was the most important thing for me now. I have been out only a few times where I had to do the multiple people in one place .... I do know that on 2 of these outings, I was drained, empty, questionable ... I couldn't seem to follow any conversations, especially if there were more than 3-4 our us standing there. I was VERY uncomfortable .... and for anyone who knows me from "way back" ... you know I LOVED a party!!!
Party .... I guess this is a big weekend here in Prescott with the "Oldest Rodeo" in the area for the 4th of July Celebrations. A holiday in which I have always been fond of ... hehehehehe ... see, I was born into this world on the morning of July 5th .... and with this, my 49th opportunity to celebrate .... I find myself in a deep, deep, dark area. An area I think I can honestly say has not happened since contemplating and following through with divorce. This ... is 10X worse than I remember that.... and given what was involved in that entire relationship ... I SURVIVED, and even in dark times, thrived, and moved forward, hopefully learning ... but .... there is always that .... "I'll take a chance." I think I have rubbed off on Maggie ... she loves to just lay around, follow me, and sleep. Just like me ... I roam around, looking for lists I know I made and can't find ... just F'in aimless .... Depression, well, hell ya!! but .... I wonder how much of it is ... and how much of it is just areas of my brain in which need to be re-ignited .... ????????? I have not taken up drinking .... LMAO .... although the thought has crossed my mind ... then I remember what the "rest of them" resemble.
Given the traffic, people, horses, too many people for me to cope with alone, I have decided to hunker down starting tomorrow afternoon. I have to venture into town for a therapy appointment ... and then I am in and around my own home, and with any luck, guidance, alignment of the stars ... the moon, the Gods .... whomever and whatever may put my ass into some sort of productivity. I have all I need right here ... and I am considering locking myself into my end of the house and finishing ... actually beginning, the area called my bedroom, and turn it into the serene, relaxing place I have preparred for since moving in .... 4 years .... I think it is time to settle down. I can't imagine what life would be like if I was still caring for my parents and thier needs...??? Yet, lately .... I believe I feel my mother close ... and not a day has gone by since this nightmare began have I wanted her, or needed her more. <3
I would like to wish a Happy 4th, Happy St. Jean the Baptiste' ... whatever you may celebrate in this month of Glory!!! Please practice some caring, common sense to our daily activities and those we encounter ... something I found amusing in looking at myself these days ..... I don't like to go out lately because for the 1st time in my life .... I just can't bring myself to fake it!!!!
Peace, Light, Love and Gratitude
et
I know I have been so "out of it" in so many aspects of life. Yep, even folks that cope with diabetes have life hit them in "normal" ways. Although, there really isn't anything I find normal about my current and on-going saga. I REALLY wish I could remember even 1/8 of what has transpired since December. That, and all the beuracratic (sp) BS that seems to go with it. I have multiple "sayings", "directives", "words of wisdom" comments stuck in my head and they have been daunting to me to overcome. One day seems to blend into another and I couldn't tell you what I did an hour ago!!! I continue to have outragous and bizarre dreams. I could go to sleep on the drop of a dime. I made HT cry last week when I snapped at her and asked her to please, slow down, I can't follow you!!!" All these months she has been telling me "I don't know what to do for you." ..... I guess that was the most important thing for me now. I have been out only a few times where I had to do the multiple people in one place .... I do know that on 2 of these outings, I was drained, empty, questionable ... I couldn't seem to follow any conversations, especially if there were more than 3-4 our us standing there. I was VERY uncomfortable .... and for anyone who knows me from "way back" ... you know I LOVED a party!!!
Party .... I guess this is a big weekend here in Prescott with the "Oldest Rodeo" in the area for the 4th of July Celebrations. A holiday in which I have always been fond of ... hehehehehe ... see, I was born into this world on the morning of July 5th .... and with this, my 49th opportunity to celebrate .... I find myself in a deep, deep, dark area. An area I think I can honestly say has not happened since contemplating and following through with divorce. This ... is 10X worse than I remember that.... and given what was involved in that entire relationship ... I SURVIVED, and even in dark times, thrived, and moved forward, hopefully learning ... but .... there is always that .... "I'll take a chance." I think I have rubbed off on Maggie ... she loves to just lay around, follow me, and sleep. Just like me ... I roam around, looking for lists I know I made and can't find ... just F'in aimless .... Depression, well, hell ya!! but .... I wonder how much of it is ... and how much of it is just areas of my brain in which need to be re-ignited .... ????????? I have not taken up drinking .... LMAO .... although the thought has crossed my mind ... then I remember what the "rest of them" resemble.
Given the traffic, people, horses, too many people for me to cope with alone, I have decided to hunker down starting tomorrow afternoon. I have to venture into town for a therapy appointment ... and then I am in and around my own home, and with any luck, guidance, alignment of the stars ... the moon, the Gods .... whomever and whatever may put my ass into some sort of productivity. I have all I need right here ... and I am considering locking myself into my end of the house and finishing ... actually beginning, the area called my bedroom, and turn it into the serene, relaxing place I have preparred for since moving in .... 4 years .... I think it is time to settle down. I can't imagine what life would be like if I was still caring for my parents and thier needs...??? Yet, lately .... I believe I feel my mother close ... and not a day has gone by since this nightmare began have I wanted her, or needed her more. <3
I would like to wish a Happy 4th, Happy St. Jean the Baptiste' ... whatever you may celebrate in this month of Glory!!! Please practice some caring, common sense to our daily activities and those we encounter ... something I found amusing in looking at myself these days ..... I don't like to go out lately because for the 1st time in my life .... I just can't bring myself to fake it!!!!
Peace, Light, Love and Gratitude
et
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I am pretty sure ...
that you just can't make this stuff up!!!!
One hit right after another .... and yet, I continue to get up to see what the day will bring.... most days. While house/dog sitting for 10 days, upon my friends return I was asked ... "what the hell did you do for ten days?" My response .... if I wasn't in that chair .... I was in the pool, or in bed!! Depression ... it is a great way to catch up on sleep. I returned last Tuesday .... and each and every day since something has come up with throws my already overworked stress levels to an even higher level, the lapse in my health insurance due to a disregard for timely handling on the part of my former employee ... along with a discrepancy as to whether they broke the law about FMLA. I am being tired of being told to "file a lawsuit." I only have so much focus ... and I MUST focus on my recovery, which is beyond slow by my own standards. There is just really too much to cover here on my blog, or my FB page, or even in emails. I have become rather reclusive ... my support system has dwindled somewhat with some just not being able to cope with the changes in me. I am still here .... just a little deeper to find and requiring some explaining at times. hahahahhaha ... imagine ... having to explain a dirty joke to me....????
With that being said ... I began vision therapy this week ... that pretty much shot most of Monday and the ice-pick headache has re-established itself, I can't help but think the more I push the more pressure I put on my brain. When the new lenses come in this ought to be not only an interesting adjustment .... but .... this sounds so vain ... but I really don't want to resemble a Ms. Magoo.... lol
Today is day 3 without our AC and we are totally toasting away. The repair man should be here by end of day .... OMG I hope so as it is predicted to hit 111 here in the mountains, and as high as 115 in the Phoenix area. Even poor Maggie just wants to lay around ... and thus she should!!
enjoy the day ... be good to each other, be good to yourself!!
Peace and Light
et
One hit right after another .... and yet, I continue to get up to see what the day will bring.... most days. While house/dog sitting for 10 days, upon my friends return I was asked ... "what the hell did you do for ten days?" My response .... if I wasn't in that chair .... I was in the pool, or in bed!! Depression ... it is a great way to catch up on sleep. I returned last Tuesday .... and each and every day since something has come up with throws my already overworked stress levels to an even higher level, the lapse in my health insurance due to a disregard for timely handling on the part of my former employee ... along with a discrepancy as to whether they broke the law about FMLA. I am being tired of being told to "file a lawsuit." I only have so much focus ... and I MUST focus on my recovery, which is beyond slow by my own standards. There is just really too much to cover here on my blog, or my FB page, or even in emails. I have become rather reclusive ... my support system has dwindled somewhat with some just not being able to cope with the changes in me. I am still here .... just a little deeper to find and requiring some explaining at times. hahahahhaha ... imagine ... having to explain a dirty joke to me....????
With that being said ... I began vision therapy this week ... that pretty much shot most of Monday and the ice-pick headache has re-established itself, I can't help but think the more I push the more pressure I put on my brain. When the new lenses come in this ought to be not only an interesting adjustment .... but .... this sounds so vain ... but I really don't want to resemble a Ms. Magoo.... lol
Today is day 3 without our AC and we are totally toasting away. The repair man should be here by end of day .... OMG I hope so as it is predicted to hit 111 here in the mountains, and as high as 115 in the Phoenix area. Even poor Maggie just wants to lay around ... and thus she should!!
enjoy the day ... be good to each other, be good to yourself!!
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, June 17, 2012
A good day to go back to bed ...
Happy Father's Day to all ... regardless of whom or what you may be daddy too!!!!
I am not feeling well today ... it has been a week of beyond challenging occurances. I had been house/dog sitting with my Maggie for 10 days down in Phoenix and although I didn't do much other than take care of some paperwork and work out in the pool, which I really enjoyed. Since coming home (up the mountain) on Tuesday afternoon, I have had a hard time adjusting to breathing. At one point coming up the hill, I hit the fire residue, and fighting this cold which today, I think I am down. All the stressful happenings of this past week, I developed that "ice pick" headache again while undergoing an eye assessment on Tuesday ... I have lost my health insurance, which is beyond a stress level I can handle, mentally and physically. This headache makes me sick to my stomach ... to the point where just moving around slowly here in the house sends me to the point of ..... well .... barf!!!!
With that being said, I will not, or cannot, go into details of what went down. I have been trying to record my thoughts and happenings for the book, which I am going to have to make a reality soon just to help with staying afloat. Boy, I hope someone out there wants to read these antics of mine and how I have come this far. I know that those who have stood by me in the past few months, over and above the years of dealing with me and my diabetes, are concerned about my mental health and well being. I assure you all, I will do nothing "stupid" .... it is not in me to give up. I have come WAY too far to give up now. The adjustments I have had to make, and continue to work on is so polar oppisite of who I was before this accident, and I have a difficult time on certain topics, situations, etc ... in which I am just trying to cope as best I can.
Ok .. my tummy is on a rampage and I am going off to nap with my pup. Not what I had wanted to accomplish on this day, but ... that stuff will be there when I get up, hopefully feeling a little better.
Enjoy the day!!!!
Peace and Light to all!!!
et
I am not feeling well today ... it has been a week of beyond challenging occurances. I had been house/dog sitting with my Maggie for 10 days down in Phoenix and although I didn't do much other than take care of some paperwork and work out in the pool, which I really enjoyed. Since coming home (up the mountain) on Tuesday afternoon, I have had a hard time adjusting to breathing. At one point coming up the hill, I hit the fire residue, and fighting this cold which today, I think I am down. All the stressful happenings of this past week, I developed that "ice pick" headache again while undergoing an eye assessment on Tuesday ... I have lost my health insurance, which is beyond a stress level I can handle, mentally and physically. This headache makes me sick to my stomach ... to the point where just moving around slowly here in the house sends me to the point of ..... well .... barf!!!!
With that being said, I will not, or cannot, go into details of what went down. I have been trying to record my thoughts and happenings for the book, which I am going to have to make a reality soon just to help with staying afloat. Boy, I hope someone out there wants to read these antics of mine and how I have come this far. I know that those who have stood by me in the past few months, over and above the years of dealing with me and my diabetes, are concerned about my mental health and well being. I assure you all, I will do nothing "stupid" .... it is not in me to give up. I have come WAY too far to give up now. The adjustments I have had to make, and continue to work on is so polar oppisite of who I was before this accident, and I have a difficult time on certain topics, situations, etc ... in which I am just trying to cope as best I can.
Ok .. my tummy is on a rampage and I am going off to nap with my pup. Not what I had wanted to accomplish on this day, but ... that stuff will be there when I get up, hopefully feeling a little better.
Enjoy the day!!!!
Peace and Light to all!!!
et
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Another video to share and ...
Hi everyone,
My apologies for not posting for a while. I have been up to my ears in recovery, therapy, and most important .... some serious, deep soul searching on the situation at hand. I continue to work towards a complete recovery, however, it isn't coming and I may not regain a lot of what I had prior. Which is where my soul searching comes in. Coming to terms that things are not as they were, and that, yet again, in my lifetime, I have to adjust and move on .... not sure of where I am moving too.
With that being said .... my stem cell treatment of March 18, 2012 has been a blessing in many areas, just not my cognition, even though I believe it has made a difference in that area, not to the depth I would have hoped for ... being told that they are most likely working, but that my brain was badly "bruised and healing takes time." Well, I will not lie, it has been 6 months and I have been depressed in this situation having been out of work with no income for 3 months now and all the stressed that come with that alone, nevermind my health issues. It is, and has been, a lot for one person to deal with. My daughter had to go 2 hours away to land a job as a new RN graduate, and that too, has added to my fragmented thinking at times. Being alone with no one but the dog to talk to can be frustrating, yet Maggie has offered me a calming presense in which I just have to tell myself .... "it's ok" .... "try again tomorrow" .... my head is often time a feeling of emptyness, fog..... it really is hard for me to explain, but the term "Brain Fart" ... has a daily occurance in my life these days. If I don't laugh, I cry .... that too, has been a tough hurdle for me, feeling as though my entire personality was altered with the hit of the car. All these issues are coming to the surface, and on Tuesday I have yet another doctor appointment to assess my vision component regarding the accident. My vision has been a major concern for me .... nothing seems to be in focus for long, if at all, even with my glasses. I was told that there was no damge to my eyes during the initial appointment with my opthalmologist right after the accident. Now ... 6 months later, I am being told it isn't so much my eyes, as the connection of my eyes to my brain. GEEEEZZZZEEEE .... it has been a lot to deal with.
So ... I am plugging along as best I can. I am making progress, if small by my own standards. Frustration continues to plague me. So, check out this video of an amazing couple of whom I have spoken to about Barbara's successes with stem cell treatment. Hillary and I spent 3 days with this amazing couple .... the courage, love, determination, good humor, and realistic outlook on what Barbara has dealt with for so many years, and the wonderful changes she has experienced with treatment. Bob, her sidekick and support in this is also a noteworthy contributor. For me, I really think to have your spouse, significant other, family ... friends ... to support you in your efforts to regain your health is not only a blessing and a gift, but makes the journey a little more tolerable on those days when things are not that great, as for many of us, we still have bad days ... they just seem a whole lot less!!! Give it up for Barbara and Bob ...
http://youtu.be/tKoMuLDf7V8
I love this couple!!!!
Be well ... be good to yourself ... be good to each other!!!!
Peace and Light
et
My apologies for not posting for a while. I have been up to my ears in recovery, therapy, and most important .... some serious, deep soul searching on the situation at hand. I continue to work towards a complete recovery, however, it isn't coming and I may not regain a lot of what I had prior. Which is where my soul searching comes in. Coming to terms that things are not as they were, and that, yet again, in my lifetime, I have to adjust and move on .... not sure of where I am moving too.
With that being said .... my stem cell treatment of March 18, 2012 has been a blessing in many areas, just not my cognition, even though I believe it has made a difference in that area, not to the depth I would have hoped for ... being told that they are most likely working, but that my brain was badly "bruised and healing takes time." Well, I will not lie, it has been 6 months and I have been depressed in this situation having been out of work with no income for 3 months now and all the stressed that come with that alone, nevermind my health issues. It is, and has been, a lot for one person to deal with. My daughter had to go 2 hours away to land a job as a new RN graduate, and that too, has added to my fragmented thinking at times. Being alone with no one but the dog to talk to can be frustrating, yet Maggie has offered me a calming presense in which I just have to tell myself .... "it's ok" .... "try again tomorrow" .... my head is often time a feeling of emptyness, fog..... it really is hard for me to explain, but the term "Brain Fart" ... has a daily occurance in my life these days. If I don't laugh, I cry .... that too, has been a tough hurdle for me, feeling as though my entire personality was altered with the hit of the car. All these issues are coming to the surface, and on Tuesday I have yet another doctor appointment to assess my vision component regarding the accident. My vision has been a major concern for me .... nothing seems to be in focus for long, if at all, even with my glasses. I was told that there was no damge to my eyes during the initial appointment with my opthalmologist right after the accident. Now ... 6 months later, I am being told it isn't so much my eyes, as the connection of my eyes to my brain. GEEEEZZZZEEEE .... it has been a lot to deal with.
So ... I am plugging along as best I can. I am making progress, if small by my own standards. Frustration continues to plague me. So, check out this video of an amazing couple of whom I have spoken to about Barbara's successes with stem cell treatment. Hillary and I spent 3 days with this amazing couple .... the courage, love, determination, good humor, and realistic outlook on what Barbara has dealt with for so many years, and the wonderful changes she has experienced with treatment. Bob, her sidekick and support in this is also a noteworthy contributor. For me, I really think to have your spouse, significant other, family ... friends ... to support you in your efforts to regain your health is not only a blessing and a gift, but makes the journey a little more tolerable on those days when things are not that great, as for many of us, we still have bad days ... they just seem a whole lot less!!! Give it up for Barbara and Bob ...
http://youtu.be/tKoMuLDf7V8
I love this couple!!!!
Be well ... be good to yourself ... be good to each other!!!!
Peace and Light
et
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