Monday, April 2, 2012

This sort of news saddens me, but it is out there

Good Morning to all !!!

I am home today and have to tell you it was wonderful to have slept in my own bed after 36+ hours of little to no sleep over the weekend in my latest health scare of a really bad asthma attack brought on by the all to familiar Arizona spring winds and all that lovely moon dust and whatever it holds blowing around. It was one of the most scary encounters late Friday evening totally freaking me, my companion, Maggie, and my daughter, HT, coming in to discover me purple/blue trying to gain air. Off to the ER, and the weekend spent in the inn being pumped full of corticosteroids and antibiotics. Fortunately, it did not make it to pneumonia state this time as I freely said ... "I need to go to hospital." That comment right there, coming out of my mouth, sent HT into overdrive. Today, I stay in the house, doing what I am told, and staying out of the wind in which I can hear just roaring outside. Time for this "water baby" to return to her element, somewhere I can breathe fairly easy without all this added stress. I truly feel like that commercial for allergy / asthma sufferers .... "I'm like a fish with no water!!!" FOR SURE!!!! It is a terrible feeling.

On the stemmie front. I have to say, I was feeling totally awesome, and ever so hopeful prior to this hit over the weekend, and once this subsides, I will continue with this. The procedure was amazing, I had very little, almost no bruising this time around. Nothing but a tinge of faint green on the surface, could feel the deeper bruising, but nothing that couldn't be tolerated. I only took some of the pain med prescribed that first day after treatment and mostly due to the fact that we were traveling and it was sort of uncomfortable on a few levels. My mind feels clearer, although I am still fragmented in my thoughts, and trying to verbalize them coherently when I speak ... I get hung up alot when I am searching for a word, or knowing a word and it just doesn't come out ... (not sure if that makes any sense to anyone) I saw this sort of frustration in my mom after her stroke and as the Parkinson's progress. I could see the frustration and pain in her eyes not being able to communicate as she knew best. Up front and to the point. It makes me feel very inadequate at times, as I don't consider myself to be a dumb/stupid (not trying to be derogatory or demeaning) individual. I am hoping that with the start of therapy later this week, we can come to some happy medium in where and how to cope with this new line of challenge to move forward, and hopefully get me back to work. No money coming in is just adding to an already very stressful situation and yet I am being told to be "compliant with follow up doctor visits." That is all well and good, but who is going to pay for all this gas to and from Phoenix, and not to mention the bills that are beginning to back up at enormous rate.....??? Sorry ... those are just some of the issues on top of my health, in which I have been forced to deal with, and often time, scattered and forgetful at best.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/patient-beware-stem-cells-harm/story?id=16042857#.T3m3p9Xd2Sq

OK ... to the link above  .... please don't let this latest news publicity stop you from pursuing stem cell treatment, or the belief that it holds key progress for so many. We see this sort of greedy behavior on so many levels. PLEASE, be diligent in your research, I told you before, your gut usually holds the right move. DO NOT ALLOW A FEW BAD APPLES to deteriorate what so many are striving to get done CORRECTLY. I see no real reason why a clinic, doctor, etc has to send off the cells to another facility and wait .... my cells were processed right in front of me ... they were handled with the utmost of care, right down to the 2 syringes that were held  back to be injected into my neck. Placed gently on my stomach and said "guard those!!" "Those are yours!!" ... the process and proper handling of the procedure is key to getting the results we need to bring the data of progress, hope, viability to the powers that be. We can't allow these greedy, no moral type doctors to take down an amazing group of doctors, scientists, bio-engineers, etc. to defray all the positive work being done. PLEASE .... be aware of what you are getting into. Those of us who are depending on this for a positive, healthy future, need the positive passion of those that are really on this to be cut down due to a few unscrupulous individuals that prey on the unfortunate, sometime desperate individuals looking for one last hope. Thank you ... for your continued open mindedness on this subject. I for one, will not give up as I have found a legitimate, human, passionate group of patients, doctors, scientists, etc ... looking our for my best interest for a healthy, happy future ... and that is why I will continue to support my team at Stem Genex for all the hard, diligent work they continue to do to stay legit in this often daunting situation of the powers that be and the greedy that look to take advantage of those less fortunate.

Have a great day ... be good to you, be good to each other!!!
Peace and Light
et

Sunday, April 1, 2012

You are not going to believe this latest turn

Happy Sunday ... Palm Sunday, if I recall correctly.

Well ... latest turn of events came down in the wee hours of Friday night/Saturday morning. I heard HT come in from a date, I was in the bathroom coughing my brains out trying to catch a real breath. Maggie, the dog, was standing in front of me as a place to lean on, she looked lost, I was just struggling to breath. HT came in and said my face was literally oompa-loompa blue/purple. She listened to my lungs and said she thought we needed to go to the ER, I quickly agreed. She told me later she knew I was not good when I agreed freely and quickly. I have no idea I was sitting there trying to catch a real breath. Anyway, we arrived at ER and was quickly swept back. Not really sure what went down after that other than the multiple pokes by multiple people trying to start a line and collect blood cultures. (Remember last year this time I landed at the local inn for a week with bilateral pneumonia). They pumped me full of an antibiotic, solumedrol IV, which quickly took my recent improvement back to the 4 steps backwards. After laying in the ER until 6 am, I was taken up stairs where I remain currently, but am hoping to be cut loose within the hour. I sort of flunked the walk/o2 test per doctor standards, but the respiratory therapist said I was not a qualifier for home O2 ... works for me. I know once this crud breaks up and I can clearly breath again, I will be ok in the stats department. Until then, I go home on the prednisone taper for 9 days, and hope for the best. I don't think I can stay in an area like this much longer if I have to undergo this sort of drama once a year between March/April/May .... Prescott AZ has apparently become the highest pollen count area in the country. Any suggestions from those out there about the perfect place to reside, hang your hat, call home .... ??? LOL .... really ... and Florida is not an option for this girl.

So ... I will await for my little girl to arrive and take me home where I will do one hot shower, get prepared for the steroid taper ... and just listen to my body and get some of this crud moving up and out. No yard work in my near future ... home will have to become a townhouse/with this stuff included. So much for my independence. Friends came to visit last night, when I mentioned how tired I am getting of the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, he responded with "its more like you climb high and crash down 3 rungs to crash hard." "you just can't seem to catch a worthy break." ..... hahaha ... while I wait, I will catch some of the Celtics/Heat game.

Today will be low key ... so ... I would like to wish everyone a peaceful, joyous day, relax, be good to yourself ... be good to others.

Peace and Light
et

Friday, March 30, 2012

Stuff that needs to be talked about

Good Morning and Happy Friday!!!

To some, this post may be gross, to others, it could be eye opening ... to say the least.

This past week has been quite a ride. This morning ... and for the past few days, I have to say, I feel like a toxic waste dump. Yes, (according to my friend DD) key word here would be "dump." lol

I am going to make this a quick post and try to do one thing that may be considered productive today. I have not done much of anything this past week except sleep and lounge, mostly sleep. In the off moments when I am awake and moving around things have been doing just that ... moving. I know after my first treatment I had mentioned that one of the positive effects I got was the movement in my digestive track again. After 20 years of ... sludge .... lol .... things were moving. I believe this is where the weight loss is coming from. (I can hear so many bustin' a gut laughing, those that know me anyway) It is ok, it is all good. I was telling HT within 24 hours of treatment last week that I felt a lot of sensation in my gut region. To me, this is a sign of "regeneration" at it's best. Between that area, and the coughing, which was also addressed with the 1st treatment. I had the bilateral pneumonia last year, this year, I got caught with the spring allergies. We travelled to CA in a snow storm, up and down in elevation from a mile high to sea level and back, and from moist to windy and dry. All of this hit my lungs, sinuses, etc and so I have been expelling lots of .... well .... toxins. There is no other way to state this fact. I had my massage on Weds evening and oh my ... yesterday I was one sore puppy and shall we say ... all the water I was packing away to help move those toxins along ... my all time favorite comfy sweats .... are now literally falling down. It bums me out as I really love my comfy sweats when hanging around the house and to have them falling off is not a comfy feeling, not to mention it sort of ticks off the girl-child. :) This is all good ... and hopefully you are getting where I am coming from here. The gastroparesis effects of my stem cell treatments have been nothing short of miraculous. Given that over the past 20 years I have been placed on multiple meds, one had negative side effects (Reglan), one was removed from the market and was the one that worked for me (Propulsid), an antibiotic (erythromyacin) was used for about 2 years to help with the motility issue, in spite of my opinion of causing secondary infections and the whole immune issue regarding infections that would not respond to antibiotic treatment. I still feel this is a reason antibiotics don't touch some of my infections (sinus) without 2 rounds or more. I believe I have some sort of resistance to them now because of this route of treatment. Anyway, since the altering of my dietary intake, and addition of my whole food supplements over the years, and of course, the stem cell treatment, which gave me hope where I never expected it as it wasn't my main concern at the time of seeking treatment. This is "GOOD SHIT" .... LOL .... sorry, I couldn't resist. I have to keep this real and let's face it ... we all do it!!!

Ok ... so that is my good news for this week. hehehe ... I continue to make progress, regardless of how slow it seems to me, I do think it is a quick response. Several other things have intensified with this treatment in just the past week. I believe, and I am not positive (any feed back here would be great!!) that treatment is somehow intensifying my fairly new status of "MENTALPAUSAL" ( on many levels. I think somehow, the effects on hot flashes has intensified and I am not really liking this as I literally changed my shirt 3 times yesterday. First when this heat hits I aim for my glucose meter as it could be an indication of a falling glucose level. With 9 out of 10 tests indicating not glucose related it is the only conclusion I can come too. So the whole hormone reaction is what is confusing me this round. Ahhhh ... to be older and wiser.... hehehe. If I could concentrate and focus a little better I would look into this theory, however, I don't even know where to start so I get frustrated and go onto something else. I am getting somewhat thin not having been down this much since .... maybe mid-90's ... ?? Not really sure ... but I am going to try and maintain and work on the toning of such so that I don't look like a big hunk of flesh ... .LOL ... (some of these "sights" have come to me in the bizarre dreams that have been waking me these past  months). I am not nuts, as some may like to term it to describe me. I am just feeling a little more in tune to what is going on, I just can't seem to place it all in an appropriate place to move forward, so I am just riding it, as I don't have much choice.

And ... last for today, my insulin intake was tweaked down 2/10ths of a unit per hour due to the multiple crashing of the past few days ... I do this based on my data, which I print out and take/share with my endocrinologist to review. We have "tweaked" more since my stem cell treatments than we ever have and I think that if promising info!!! So ... it can only get better as the weeks go by.

On this dirty note ... hehehe ... I am going to wish everyone a wonderful weekend!!!!
Be good to yourself .... Be good to each other!!! A practice I really believe we need to bring back to the forefront of society.

Enjoy!!
Peace and Light ~~
et

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Not a bad day overall

Hi ...

Well ... ortho cut me free regarding accident injury to my right knee.  I think he was a little surprised on the measurement he took regarding range of motion based on where it was a month ago, and where it is now. Well ... I did have 6 weeks of PT, 3 times a week .... I haven't done that since I was like 22... LOL. Anyway ... had a massage this afternoon and I have to tell you, I had one prior to treatment and this one fell at just the right time. I was almost asleep I was so relaxed by the end. Some tight spots are still very evident, but it's going to take time. I can at least now feel things I have not felt in months. Makes me wonder what exactly my body did on impact while my head checked out.

I am hoping to sleep good tonight. Sleep is still slightly disrupted, lots of really strange dreams, I find myself waking up at odd hours, sometime, not knowing where I am .... what's up with that???

Ok .. well ... this baby is headed to la-la land. Life is changing ... and I am really trying to accept all the changes, good and bad, and make the best of it all ... it seems so drastic these past few months ... what I thought I was prepared for, I apparently was not. One step at a time ... amazing how many times it seems we "start anew" in our lifetimes .... or is it just me???

I have asked a couple of friends who have stuck by me since the accident and have noticed many changes from that point to the present to guest blog for me again. I think that an outsider's perspective to what is going on is an eyeopening experience sometime. It just seems to me that they have noticed a lot since the accident and I know it can't be easy for them either, but they are the ones who have had to deal with me so I need to know what is transpiring out there in the real world. I hope they can help bring some light to the big picture of what life has held for me the last few months. I know I still have a lot of work to do to rearrange certain aspects of life's daily activities and hopefully return to work ... it's just I am not really use to not having a deadline of sorts.

I think it's time for bed.
Sweet dreams to my peeps ... thanks for tuning in ... you know I have said it before, comments and questions for discussions are always welcome. You are helping me as much as I am helping you.

Enjoy the evening ...
Peace and Light
et

One week this morning

Good Morning and Happy Hump Day to all !

It has been one week this morning (in 2 hours to be exact :). That saying "it's going to get worse, before it gets better" is true. I have discovered this long ago ... I do believe that today will be a good day ... if I pay attention (this is a problem lately).  It is almost 7:30 am, I have been awake and up since 5:00 am. Maggie has patiently listened to me hack and wheeze for a good portion of this time.  Remember that last year after my first treatment I had been walking around with double pneumonia, apparently brought on by allergy induced asthma. Well kids ... I can tell you that if this is what spring allergies in the high desert are going to do to me on a yearly basis for 3-4 months out of the year, I am going to look for a new area, perhaps a little closer to the ground. I finished the antibiotic yesterday. I began some breathing treatments, you know, that albuteral based crap that I don't like, but can make a difference (trying to avoid steroid intervention). I slept the best I have in months and woke to movement in my lungs that has had me doing the slow, deep, cleansing type breathing for the past 2 hours. Maggie (my faithful and loyal companion) has been right here by my side, or on my lap ( I believe she helps me to regulate the slow rhythmic breaths that make all feel right) and is now on the other side of the sofa curled up resting herself. She has this knowledge ... I don't know how these animals do this but this too, is an amazing process. Ok ... well ... I am trying to plan the day so that I can make the most of it, as right now, I could use a nap myself.

I have an orthopedic appointment this morning and am thinking that he is going to release me from care, as far as the accident injuries go.  My "trigger" thumb, which brought me to him initially after a heavy bout of weed whacking .... LOL .... has been back and irritating me, however, I am going to let it ride for a couple of more weeks seeing as I am feeling a little relief in movement today and would like to hold off on any of the steroid based treatments as they mess with the blood sugars, which are under some change. It aches, but I am moving it slowly and keeping an eye on it. My knee seems to be feeling good, I don't know what long term effects that damage may play, but for now, it seems to be moving freely with the exception of occasional cracking. My neck ... well ... that is some news. I had cervical spine issues prior to the accident with some bone spurs, and injury from the past, but after the direct injections of stem cells/PRP to the area last week, not only has my headache subsided, I can feel a very obvious relief in the knots and tension that went deep. I am booked for another massage this afternoon and am hoping that the therapist sees/feels a difference as well. For the past, almost 4 months now, PT and docs have noticed that the tension and knots that resulted from the accident have gone deep and would take time to work out and heal.

Overall, in the past week, I have been working through the foggy focus issues, which I think seem to be clearer in spite of my lack of true organization in respect to staying on task ... (not sure if that made any sense??? I understood it .... haha) I am still frustrated in that area, but begin therapy with a person who has knowledge with head injury patient and strategy to put in place. I am concerned that all the coughing I have been doing to clear wheezing and breath sounds have had on the incision in my navel, but it looks pretty good so far.

So today, I am off to do my first breathing treatment, then shower and off to the doc, which requires my patience in getting my ass to the docs without major panic/anxiety, and then .... Lunch with 2 co-workers who are just thrilled and excited for this recent treatment, already stating what they have seen. I think it is time for another "Guest Blogger" ..... what do you think. My outlook can give you my perspective, but ... I find if often times is nice to hear what people on the outside are seeing, the folks who know you well enough to notice a real difference, but sometimes bite their tongues as to not hurt feelings. I have a couple of those and I am SO VERY BLESSED as they keep me on track, they keep me real, they acknowledge that I like my control, and that I am a pusher, and that I have really had to alter my outlook and approach since the accident and the frustration I feel. I love them and thank God for them every day!!! That includes the team from Stem Genex, who without their help and guidance would have me still in the depths of depression and frustration due to the effects on my function of intelligence since the accident. I do feel like my personality is coming back slowly, I am still a little slow on the uptake depending on what the topic is and how many people are talking at one time. It is like I can't take all the distractions, which was never an issue prior.

I would like to wish everyone a wonderful day!!!
Be good to you, be good to each other!!!

Peace and Light
et

Monday, March 26, 2012

It's only been 5 days ...

Evening Folks ...

I am so tired ... I don't remember being this tired after my 1st treatment. It could be any number of things. The trip itself was overwhelming on so many levels and I am hoping I can share the big excitement soon. It has only been 5 days since my adipose stem cell treatment and I am going to have to drop my insulin intake when I get in the shower tonight. (Pump change). I have bottomed out on my blood sugars several times with no real reason, I could understand if I had over-bolused or didn't do a square wave/dual wave delivery. So I will adjust my pump and drop my intake by 1/2 unit this evening. Other than that, I am not doing much of anything. I have been sleeping for what seems like days ... 2 I guess. I am still trying to cough up whatever started in my lungs, and there was the antibiotic reaction ... that could be it ... so ... I will just rest for another day or 2.

My headaches have stopped!!!! That right there is worth a million!! I had a headache for 3 months since the accident. The doctor injected my neck directly this treatment as well as my IV drip. It wasn't as bad as I would have anticipated, but, having a constant headache for 3 months, I don't think anything could have been much worse. It was pretty amazing, I was moving my neck within 10 minutes!!! (I have been resting it since). I know this is going to sound like the ultimate oxymoron, but for as bad as I feel, I am feeling better.

I have so much I would like to share, but my energy level and memory is still a little foggy. I think I need to listen to my body more and just do the resting thing for a few days. I will try and get it motivated as soon as I can.

Just thought I would do a little up date. I have an orthopedic appointment on Weds. I am pretty sure he will release me as I have finished my physical therapy and my knee is showing improvement. It's weird, but I think I feel a lot of  "activity" in my gut ... my belly button is wicked itchy (this is where they accessed this time) that would indicate healing. LOL .... amazingly, there has been no bruising on the skin surface ... the whole process just continues to blow me away with the capabilities of healing.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night.
Sleep well and sweet dreams.
Peace and Light
et

Another good read

http://www.diabetesresearch.org/JAMAstemcells

Have a great day!!!
Peace and Light
et

Saturday, March 24, 2012

3 Days post-treatment #2

Happy Spring to Everyone!!!

... and with the change of season, there has to be a change in me.  I am 3 days post 2nd treatment .... done right here in CA!!!!  Read my previous to post to see how this has occurred.  There have been multiple, positive advances since my first treatment 13 months ago. 13 .... I can't believe the crap that life has thrown at us in those 13 months alone..... wow.... I'm just sayin'.

The past week was just SO much, that it is going to have to be a major part of my book. The happenings, encounters, topics-of-discussion, the people we met from around the world, and the care I got, was beyond anything I can put here in print. But, trust me .... I will reveal all in the book. Oh, it isn't a "tell all" like that. I will change some names to protect the innocent..... LOL. First, it was storming the morning we left (3/18) and since the accident I am beyond jumpy when it comes to travel. I can't help it ... I just twitch out. As the week came to an end, St. Patrick's Day on the horizon, HT wanting to go out and bail ship again, the tension came to a head. I told her if she couldn't handle being in close proximity with me for more than a day that she should stay behind and I would either go alone, or ask one of the girls to accompany me. I am guessing, had it gone that way, I would have had to do it alone. In any event, it was a little tense at the start, but .... WOW .... the following 3 days are a turning point ... a turning point for both of us, and the only real issue was that we hadn't had the opportunity to actually confront each other on what was happening and how we can't run from it, as it is the proverbial "elephant in the room."

... and so the week began. We arrived in CA about 8 pm on Sunday night. We were both exhausted ... we had talked, laughed, got a little pissed, sentimental, down right angry .... let it all out .... and decided, it was time to let it all go. That night in the hotel we continued our discussion after running up the block to grab a few groceries from the neighborhood Trader Joe's .... LOL ... HT was in love at first encounter .... with CA!! (I'm thinking I am not going to get all I want in this post as I am .... 3 days post and still a wee bit cloudy in the head.) We ate and went for a ride around the city to see where we were at. All good..... and off to sleep we went.

Ok ... well ... I will cut through the dirty details of how I feel currently. The experience was UNBELIEVABLE"! I had my neck injected directly as well in the same manner in which the suggested recommended occipital nerve blocks would have worked ... without side effects of steroids, and within 10 minutes.... YES, 10 minutes, I was rolling my head!!! I haven't been able to do that in 3 months!!! Just as the doctor came around the corner and I said "look at this!!", he responded with "I just injected it."  I was then advised by several that perhaps I should give it a rest and allow the little buggers to get to work. Since that time, my headache (you know, that one I have had since the accident) is down to like a 2 from a 5-6/10. That was really pulling me down, the constant headache. OK, 1 plus, that night, I got up at 12:15 feeling a little fuzzy, prick .... 55 .... oh yeah!! #2 - signs coming back earlier rather than too late, and last for tonight, as I am sort of drifting in and out, is the numbers .... check some of these out ... 113,109,135,123,65,134,167,83,161, 51 (caught with symptoms),187, 128, 92 .... all commercial worthy in my opinion.  I will continue to map for a drop time in insulin intake. Something some don't get is ... I am not going to, nor have I ever, really, beat myself up over a high that I know I did everything in my power to avoid ... you know ... sometimes, jugglers just can't keep all their balls in the air.

On that note, I will try to post again tomorrow, as the amazing happenings of this treatment trip are far from even being touched yet. It was eye opening in SO very many ways for both HT and myself. To the point that on Tuesday after sleeping in, and then going to hotel early for orientation .... HT was out cold by 6:30 due to the overwhelming stimulation that was in the air.

To all those who may be hesitant about this process and its capabilities .... trust me, this stuff can't be faked!!! This was just proof to me that I made the best choice the first time around going with Stem Genex and it's team, because I was treated like a person, not a number, not a dollar sign, and it was every step of the way. I will post again tomorrow.

Have a good night, be good to yourself, be good to each other!!!
Peace and Light
et

FDA Rulings

Hello my faithful followers!!!


http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2011/jan2011_Potential-Arthritis-Treatment-Advance-Blocked-by-FDA_01.htm

Just a good read, but I forgot to post it ..... duh ... welcome to my world. :)~

Peace and Light
et

PS: Hoping it will tie in with my next post.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

And the preparation begins ...

and the preparation begins .... as my companion knows that something is going on. We will have one night to snuggle warm as the storm moves in. Hoping for a smooth travel day tomorrow. Headed out early to try and get as far south as possible to get out of the snow.

I hope everyone had the luck of the Irish with them today ... and for another year. (To be honest, I'm not sure what the hell that means seeing as I am from Irish decent, my luck sucks .... is that Irish...?? :)~

Peace and Light
et

Get Ready ...

Good Morning and a Happy St. Patty's Day to everyone!!!

As many of you know, I was involved in a head-on collision 3 days after my daughter graduated in December. My recovery, i.e., head injury, has not been in a timely manner for me. I am frustrated with the issues I am being forced to face, deal with, re-learn, adjust, allow to let go ... not sure what I am trying to say exactly, but .... I have been placed on "leave without pay status at work" .... adds to the stress levels, my focus, concentration, "hostility" as some would describe it seems at times to be out of my control and I have no choice but to give in to it. Needless to say, the stress levels in my household have been high in the past few months. Given the happenings of the past year alone, I'm thinking this past few months is a good 3-4 chapters in my book, which I have been unable to work on these days. I have a plethora of notes all over the place ... I'm not thinking they are going to come to light when I look at them again, but I can continue to HOPE!!!!

I have not done much posting other than articles since the accident (or at least that is how it feels to me). I feel like I am in some sort of time warp. I can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago, never mind what has transpired in the past 3 months. I can look at notes, doc reports, etc and recall some things, but I am not even remotely close to the person I was on December 10th, and then on December 13th, my life seemed to change .... drastically. I am having a difficult time, and my daughter is having a VERY difficult time dealing with all that has transpired...... and she LIKES scary stuff.  I need some sort of change, I need to push forward (I'm so tired) as I want my old personality back. This head crap is hard to describe .... I wish I could be more clear.

So ... tomorrow ... having done all the things various doctors have done and/or suggested, my daughter and I will be heading to California in the morning so that I may undergo the adult stem cell treatment again on Weds. I am very excited about this process .... yet, I have reservation about the travel ... I am still at a "jumpy" status when it comes to driving with stupidity abound and all around (they are calling this a symptoms of PTSD). My blood sugars have been slightly erratic since the accident, but commercial worthy overall.... LOL.... I have had several dangerous lows, being told my brain is healing and this could play a role. I think I may have wandered there, ok, so all the docs have suggested my undergoing the stem cell treatment again, ALL, having seen drastic positive changes in me after my first treatment back in February of 2011. So ... having done what they recommended up to this point and having no real advancement of status change, I will be working with the Stem Genex Team again in the next week. This is so promising and given the advancement I have seen in the science in just the year since my first treatment ..... I have BIG HOPE!!! I am very much looking forward to seeing Ms. Rita and working with the team to better not only my health, but push the progress forward ... (yes, you all know how excited I get in the geeky mode of science and medicine) it is an element in which I take great interest and excitement. I looked into the hyperbarric treatment prior to undergoing treatment this time, however, it is costly, and not covered by my insurance for my current status ... (I would have had to rung my bell a whole lot louder .... ). An area being studied in TBI patients, as well as other diseases. I will just go with the changes made since last treatment, which in my opinion are all positive improvements. I ... Hope, Pray, and Believe!!!

I will try and make a couple of posts next week while in CA ... my daughter, HT and I are going to use this time as a sort of "out with the old, in with the new" sort of mentality. We must ... this is definitely one of those life changing events in which I must dig deep within myself, altered as I feel, and find the strength and hope and faith to go forward. I still feel that if I leave nothing else behind, I will have left people, even if only one, with a sense of inspiration and determination to go on .... make change, encourage change, push for what is right, and make a difference. I have seen so much progress over the years thinking back to when I was first diagnosed .... I didn't really care back then ... I felt doomed in a sense having been told of all the restrictions, complications being "inevitable" and expectancy of life. Well, there have been many challenges, and when you add the juggling of life and it's happenings, along with the juggling required in managing my disease ..... I don't think I have done so bad in spite of some saying that in recent months "she's a train wreck!" I still have tremendous support in my friends and distant family .... but this is something I need to do for me. If nothing else, I can be the vessel for future progress in this area of science and medicine. Nothing would make me happier than to have given of myself to help the future of kids and Type 1, and to somehow have been an example of someone that can get through, even the darkest of times and come out shining!!

So as I go about my day today, packing and preparing to travel and undergo change .... I wish all of you a joyful, peaceful, and happy St. Patrick's Day ... be safe, be good to each other .... be good to yourself!!!

In Peace and Light
et

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

An Amazing Legacy ...

... and on so many fronts.

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2012/mar/14/robert-p-krause-90-engineer-first-manned-space-fli/

Truly an inspiring man, may he do great things in the next life as well!!

Peace and Light
et

Monday, March 5, 2012

you have to check this out!!!

Can you all hear my excitement with this sort of publicity regarding Adult (adipose) stem cell treatments. ..??
This is right up there with the new tissue they grew on a soldier's leg. We have the capability to heal ourselves with a little help from our passionate doctors and scientists ... and those other than the "Regular Joe's" like myself, those with the power and promise, knowledge and know-how need to bring this to the forefront with voices people recognize. When it comes right down to it, we are ALL human beings and we are all suseptable to having a devasting health issue. Let's use our power and voices together to make some noise.

This sort of press gets me all stoked up .... hehehe ... and right now, I need all the stokin' I can get!!!

Enjoy the read!!!

http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2011/dec2011_Suzanne-Somers-Uses-Stem-Cell-Therapy-Breast-Rejuvenation_01.htm

Here, you will see yet another disease we are struggling to cure and ease of treatments.

Have a wonderful evening.
Peace and Light
et

This is progress ....

unitl politics gets involved again .... but .... for now, I am going to be promising as to the outcome for US citizens and any other country working to cure these devastating chronic diseases. My opinion remains that if the cells come from us, how can it be wrong?? We have this ability to heal ourselves ... with a little help from dedicated doctors and scientists.

Enjoy the read!!

http://www.medpagetoday.com/Cardiology/Atherosclerosis/31476

Have a great day!!
Peace and Light
et

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Very Cool Read ....

.... but .... totally gross ... even for me. :)

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/01/10541318-this-is-the-only-time-bad-breath-is-a-good-thing


Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Peace and Light
et

Friday, March 2, 2012

How to handle life's changes

Happy Friday my faithful followers!!!

I am ... well .... still a little empty headed. I have been out of work all week, which has me stressed out. All the docs involved, and the PT folks all seem to have the same conclusion. It is going to take time, neurologist says 6 months to a year, PT folks cut me loose on Weds stating that they have done all they can do for me physically, and yes, I am looking fairly fit for an old broad of 48. However, I would really like to cut the fog from my brain and be more focused and clear. That is what I am finding the MOST frustrating right now. I can cope ... although I am still distressed about the right sided weakness, and what is causing it. I underwent a nerve conduction test/EMG this past Tuesday, that was not my idea of pleasant, and for some reason I had after effects which I don't remember having when I had one done prior in the 90's. My body seemed to twitch for hours after the test, and my right side was even more weak than when we started the exam. Perhaps I will get some news on this today when I pick up paperwork from my PCP.

On a more positive note, several of my doctors made reference to the adult stem cell procedure in which I underwent back in February and could I do that again. Well .... knowing that they are cautious about promoting things that are NOT FDA approved, I took this as a viable dent in the thought process. All of them, from neurologist, orthopedic doc, endocrinologist, and my PCP .... ALL of them having seen the positive response and benefits I had after just one treatment. That .... on top of the year of stressful situations in which life handed me, I certainly have put these little fighter cells to the test over the past 12 months. So ... with that being said, and with the generosity of so many who think of me as "special", I am scheduled to undergo the stem cell treatment again on March 22nd!!!! ..... and I cannot begin to tell you all how much I am praying that along with improving my diabetes status, which has been remarkably stable, until the accident, that this will help my brain heal .... faster than 6-12 months!!! So I am doing my best to practice my newly revamped breathing techniques to cut the stress and anxiety, and to cleanse my body of all those bad drugs that were prescribed early on after the accident, most of which, sad to say, never touched any of my pain. It has been 2-3 weeks now since I have taken anything for anxiety .... and I will tell you that to keep breathing in some of these situations, like forcing myself to drive, can be a challenge at best as the stupid drivers just continues to baffle me!!!

I also lost a very special person this week, my cousin, Greg, passed away suddenly on Weds. and I was just shocked and heartbroken when I received this news. One of those family relationships that was a blessing in that we both went our separate ways, across the miles, across the country, yet, with random phone calls over the years, never skipping a beat, always picking up right where we left off with our humor and outlook on the world..... and being able to laugh!!! That, as many of you know, is something I truly cherish and can't always be accomplished as some people are like "out of sight, out of mind." Well, when life gets so busy that we suddenly are forced to think about those left behind .... it weighs on my heart to have lost another person, of which, I guess I have had more than most, really gets the underlying meanings of life even through the trials and tribulations and wasn't afraid to share that with me. Because we all have faults, yet, we also have the ability to reach out, to comfort, to share .... to love, and to laugh.

On that note, I would like to wish everyone a peaceful and meaningful weekend.
Take care of yourself, take care of the human side, share it when you feel it, say it when you have too.
James Taylor says in best in his tune, "Shower the people you love with love" "Show them the way that you feel." James took his struggles and helped me with his music ... all of which I find comforting and calming in times of trouble.

Peace and Light
et

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Adipose stem cells

I stumbled upon this article .....pretty amzing and this is a couple of years in past. The progress of this is moving forward.  Enjoy ...

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/09/090908-liposuction-leftovers-fat-stem-cells.html

Peace and Light
et

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Opportunity

Here we go kids!!! What a great article .... the FDA needs to back off what is mine!!!
I am living proof that this science/medicine can and will make a difference, with NO side effects!!!

The attached link is to an awesome, ground breaking fight ... the article is a good read and I so admire this doctors passion and gusto to take on the FDA. We need more doctors like this and fewer who are only out to support and line their own pockets with the FDA and pharmaceuticals. Don't doctors today take the Hippocratic oath anymore??? Thou shall not bring harm ..... I have been so very blessed to have been placed in the path of many doctors/medical professionals who see the potential for this ... for the greater good of mankind.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/gerganakoleva/2012/02/10/stem-cells-and-the-lawsuit-that-may-shape-our-medical-future/

Enjoy the read, Enjoy the Day .... Let our voices be heard!!!

Peace and Light
et

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's time ...

A great article on the adult stem cell treatment in which I will undergo again in just a month.
I am praying that this time around, my mouth holds up to support the mainstreaming of this medicine to the people who need it most. I will keep this short as it has been an incredibly stressful day in which I was sporting the sexy scent of the month .... Icy Hot!!! My head has felt like it is going to explode for most of the day, and I pulled my right shoulder out just getting dressed this morning ... needless to say ... I know my first treatment made a huge, unexpected difference in my bone and muscle pain so again, Praying for the start of a world-wide miracle. I believe in this, I believe that this has become my mission ..... and therefore, I will give of myself.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2012/2/prweb9213129.htm

Be good to yourselves, be good to each other!!
Peace and Light
et

This has to be a sign of improvement ...

g'evening wide world ....

I actually did this last night, for over an hour, and then POOF it was gone .... I found it this morning ..... Please God, let's make today a better day than the one before. I have just enough pain to keep me true. Enjoy the day, Amen.

someone is still reading this verbage I post .... does no one have an opinion, a comment, something that might peak a conversation, discussion, ... debate?? I'm just curious ... and being so empty upstairs these days, I thought I would just list a few comments, odd comments that I have managed to maintain in my head/memory/brain for rethinking later. I think .... and then in a nano-second it can be gone. I am beginning to feel like I have a permanent "deer in the headlight" look, or that look my mother use to laugh her ass off and say to me, "I can see you are thinking really hard on this one" as my mouth hung open in a vague trance. When I was biting on the end of my tongue she would say it was the "Dunnigan Deep Thought Look." (and as I gaze at that last sentence, I see that my grammar has fallen apart, or any resemblence of the English language for that matter. Again, I want to utter the words .... but even from deep within me currently, I know it isn't coming forth in the right, appropriate, confident .. ?? ... manner.

Ok ... the comments, then I have to go and practice some new breathing techniques ... something I thought I had mastered after all these years of breathing my way through situations in which I had an unknown knowledge of the plan/outcome. (wow, I feel like I am making sense, but the words .... ???)

"did you understand that?"

"relax, it was just ... " (this one has come multiple times in my jumpy responses to certain noises)

"breathe baby, I got it" (while being a passenger in another's vehicle)

"what do you mean you DIDN'T BRING ANY VALIUM!!!" (my daughter, driving my new ride home from Phoenix with me twitching, gasping and holding my breath) .....

Then there are those choice few ... much fewer than before, but they know who they are .... that find an opportunity to bust my chops in hopes I will get it. Yes, my ability to be sharp witted seems to be damgaged ... to the point I don't seem to pick up on the social cues, the tone of one's voice in which I could always know when to inflict my sarcasm ..... I feel like someone actually morphed me into Maxine!!! Things I think I am just "thinking" ... I apparently have been caught saying outloud ... the total lack of filter I think I mentioned. I know this ... yet I seem to have no control without MAJOR focus to remember and then it begins to hurt after a few hours.

I know, I know ... I try to calm myself with the breathing ... it was failing me, so I asked one of my PT therapist today what she could do ... I was actually lovin' laying with electrodes glued to my cervical area, up to the base of my skull, wrapped in heat, and being "zapped" for 20 minutes .... I can honestly say it was the first time I maintained an entirely shut down brain other than to breath and relax.... then the bell rang.
One comment that seems to be sitting from today is ... I could have laid on that thing hummin' along for a good hour or more .... ohhhhhh ..... what that heat. It was the first real easing of the tension and deep knots that have been residing in that entire area. HOPE .... that was what came to mind.

Ok ... well .... just a small window into my current world. Not my idea of fun ... but ... close the window if you can't handle it. And the last comment was a tidbit of fact that was mentioned to me today by the PT..." a good percentage of relationships fall apart after a head injury." ...... GREAT .... I can't help but think that is another strike that is going to keep me single for the remainder of time..... hahaha .....

Maggie is calling for my attention .... I think she is way more spoiled now as I have done a lot of snuggling with her lately, talking as if she could understand me .... she is just diggin' the overall body rub that I wish I was and/or could get ... and not have to dish out $100 bucks .... LOL.

Good Night to all .... be good to you!!
Peace and Light
et

Friday, February 17, 2012

Call it what you will

Hey WWW ... and those who check in to see what new chaos is happening.

I might as well ramble here, no one else listens to me and it has been primarily Maggie and I, for what seems like forever. Every time I come close to uttering the words "I think I am getting better" .... someone shoots me this odd look and cracks out "maybe a wee bit." WTF ..... seems to have become my mantra on a daily basis, for so many reasons. This post will pretty much give you an idea of how flighty I can be, and I just want you all to know, that this is so beyond frustrating for me, I can only imagine how I am irritating those who have to come in contact with me, with the exception of the staff at the physical therapy place. I can only put a name to, I am thinking only 2 staff members .... the 2 I deal with a majority of the time. However, every time I come through the door the place starts smiling and laughing. On Weds afternoon, HT came with me so we could review the MRIs with the "land therapist", who is also my main gal. Come to find out, I could be the mother to more than half the staff, yet ..... and this flipping makes me laugh ..... and laughing has been a rarity since the accident. ...... lots of dead air space that just hits .... in the middle of a decent thought. I feel very empty, the inside of my head scattered, scrambled, and often times pounding to the point of feeling like it has legs. The feeling of the "ice pick" holding my head on at the base of my skull is a constant ache, and as I become more focused (or attempting), the slightest thing, that never bothered me prior, distracts me, I have no filter ........ which could really go up someones .... knowing how blunt and straightforward I can be on a normal basis ... I am just overall frustrated. Not being able to work a full day, .... I can't begin to thank those that I don't know at work who have donated PTO so that I can get paid my full wages .... that can't go on forever. I feel like I have been tested and tested again, and yet ... still lost. I have to undergo an EMG .... I had one of these done years ago mid 90s ..... I am not looking forward to it on any level, including results. I am trying to arrange another stem cell treatment .... but am trying to let some natural healing take place .... not only that $$$$$$ is beyond tight. I am behind on most everything....... something my mom would say ... "Robbing Peter, to pay Paul." ..... I'm not feeling my usual charming self. I have been told that there are PTSD symptoms present .... NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!! .... along with trying to get over and cope with my new-found fears since the accident, has brought up some pretty vivid stuff from my past......... being older now ... I have, a small edge .... if I can just dig deep enough to remember where I placed it.

I was very prepared for change in 2012 ..... but this isn't quite what I had in mind..... and currently .... I should probably go to bed .... I can't determine what hurts more after my PT, which I showed up an hour late for, and then waited around town for 2 hours so I did some errands .... can't tell you what right now .... oh well .... now that you are all shaking your heads too, I am going to cover my aching ankle, knee, neck and lumbar spine with as much heat/ice as possible ... if nothing else, Maggie and I will no doubt breathe and sleep pretty clear tonight. To all you male readers ..... How sexy is that!!! ..... LOL ..... It's is about the only thing that HT and I have laughed about in recent weeks. This change from the accident on so many levels has put a real strain on our relationship ..... there are a LOT of raw emotions flowing and it is just another leg of my journey ... HOWEVER, ..... I do believe that this might be my last leg .... how many lives can one person have??? I have been told, I am a tough chick, have more lives than a cat, the shelf life of a Twinkie .... WTF does that mean???? My sharp humor took a hard hit, now I feel like I should dye my hair blonde and just go with it ..... I'm in here ... and I WANT OUT!!!! My brain was the only thing I felt I had left going for me, and I enjoyed and love using it .... clearly and focused .... not always adult, and with my humor ... everything about me is off and I am trying to stay positive, but the pain on so many levels is often hard to take ... I just want to sleep until my brain and my body feel rejuvenated, regenerated ... and that is where another stemmie treatment will come in some MASSIVE ......(sitting here with my mouth open)

I'm done ....

I hope that this rambling finds those who visit happy and healthy.
Be good to yourselves, be good to each other!!!!

Peace and Light
et

Sunday, February 12, 2012

A good discussion topic for the US

http://www.sacbee.com/2012/02/12/4255184/these-cells-could-save-lives-but.html

I'm sure there are many other topics we could discuss as well this morning.
Have a good day, be good to yourself, be good to each other!!!

Peace and Light
et

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Generous Donation

Hi Everyone ....

Too much to say, not enough attention and/or drive to stay on track to get it out.

The following link is to an inspiring notation on a very generous donation.  If I had access to large monetary availability I would do stuff like this. My wish is to one day start a foundation in which I could help bring stem cell treatments to those of us "common folk" who in deed keep this country going on so many levels. An amazing, self-less gesture to help the greater good of mankind.

I had another thought I wanted to share .... but after sitting here for five minutes trying to recall it I am at a loss, it left as fast as it came into sight. I MAJOR issue these days.

http://pacificpalisades.patch.com/articles/ucla-receives-1m-gift-for-stem-cell-symposium


I hope this posting finds everyone healthy, and still grounded to what is ultimately comforting for oneself.
Be good to yourself, be good to each other!

Peace, Light, and Serenity!!!
et

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I'm sorry I have neglected you

Hey to All!!

I'm sorry for the lack of posting. My head/brain/memory, among many other areas, i.e., my knee, most of my right side, and my lack of balance and vision issues has kept me down and frustrated and I am being forced to listen to my body which has been "badly injured." No shit Sherlock!!!

I can't keep my thoughts flowing freely enough to make an intelligent post, therefor, I will not really be posting unless something slaps me right in the face and then I will share. I am in physical therapy 3 times a week and trying to work, neither is working out so well with other decisions and looking for something that I have no clue where it landed prior to the graduation and where we spread out the remains of stuff that still needs to be mailed off to the siblings.

I hope that everyone enjoyed their holiday celebrations .... I am pretty sure I was heavily sedated and slept though most if not all of the festivities.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and healthy and safe 2012!!!
I hope to be back "with it" soon, Hoping for another shot at the stem cell treatment ...

Peace and Light to all!!
et

Monday, January 2, 2012

Uncharted territory

Hi Everyone!!!

I hope this post finds everyone feeling pretty good this day after new years .... hehehe .... I didn't even make it to 8:00pm so I am no party animal anymore.

I am having a very difficult time trying to deal with these latest issues which presented with the accident. I am supposed to attempt to go back to work tomorrow, along with the already existing BS at work, and a dumb thing I did while under the influence of pain meds and muscle relaxants, I will no doubt have a verbal warning placed on me .... yet another hypercritical call by the HR OZ.  Funny I can be reprimanded for a mistake (in which someone accidentally got an email which was meant for someone else .... and it happen to be to a work email).  So it would seem that the "F" bomb I laid out in print is going to get my hand slapped, yet it is ok for "rent-a-docs" can shoot off derogatory emails to the support staff and NEVER be required to apologize for personal attacks on the very people who support them.  I don't really see much difference here.  I guess the bad behavior is only overlooked if you are ..... gee, I don't know .... special ass kissers. Never been part of who I am or how I play the game of life. Don't ask me a question if you are not prepared for the answer you may get. 

Anyway .... I went into town this morning .... 3rd time behind the wheel since getting a rental on Thursday. I am not liking it so much. I get extremely anxious and sick to my stomach. I can't be traveling 30 minutes to and from work holding my breath, which seemed to be what was happening. I know if I don't do it, I will never get back to the me I was prior to the accident. My short-term memory is still on the short side, being asked twice in 2 different stores if I was alright, or "can I help you find something?" When in actuality, I just had a major brain cramp in which I completely forget what I was looking for, or where I was going. I know that the repetitiveness will help me overcome this, but I cannot begin to tell you all how frustrating I am finding this state of being. I feel like my humor cells have been sucked out of me and all I am left with is this empty, blank-faced, slightly paranoid, exceptionally anxious woman with no funny bone left.

I will set up the neuro consult tomorrow, confirm when my ortho appointment is and consider the PT for 8 weeks. I am in no financial position to take on any extra medical expenses right off the bat with what fell over from last year. I am petrified of what my future may hold .... I am getting a little old to have to start all over .... again.

I wish everyone a great week!!
Peace and Light
et

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Day one and it begins ....

Laughter is not always “the best medicine,” sometimes its just “the best disguise."  Unknown.

This is where I currently sit. I am fearful, I guess that is the best word I can come up with currently. I am having a hard time (more verbally) coming up with the words I want to use, or just lose what thought was right there at any given moment, for no apparent reason. (sorry for the large font, it seems to be the only thing I can focus on).

I often was anguished when my mother had this difficulty, and now I can completely understand her frustration. I had much more patience with her than I am having with myself. I want me back ... NOW, and I have no idea of what to expect, how to help correct it, can it be corrected? or will this just be one more thing I am "going to have to learn to live with." I am feeling very much alone (good and bad), Maggie has gone above and beyond for her master and remains close by my side most of each day. I am supposed to return to work on Tuesday. I am not sure how this is all going to play out, for a couple of reasons, 1., my own fears of being able to comprehend my job tasks and apply appropriately, and 2. I did a stupid thing with my email ... and it got blown out of control ... as usual ... and Oz will be (so it says) on the first things addressed. Gee .... and I thought the bad behavior was rewarded .... seems as that is the way it has played out for the past few years. I really do need to find a job in which it really is okay to speak your opinions and not be told you have "a bad attitude."  Would be so much better if the higher ups weren't so contradicting in their communication .... rules for some, don't apply to all.  I see myself being used as an "example." ...... and then watch it hit the fan!!!

I can only cope with so much, and as I sit currently, my health and well-being is most important right now.

I hope that all enjoyed safe and happy new year's eve celebrations and had a nice, non painful, New Years Day!!

All the best in 2012~~

Peace and Light
et

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Most of you have already arrived in 2012

...  so in a way you will save me from the clitche' phrase ....

I would like to wish everyone around the world the opportunity to obtain peace, love, tranquility, good health and prosperity on every level.

May we strive as individuals to do unto others .... I anticipate too many changes for me in 2012, therefore I will refrain from that nasty habit of making resolutions.

In good health, good spirit
Peace and Light today and always
et

Friday, December 30, 2011

As Eric Clapton's tune goes ...

"If I didn't have bad luck baby, I wouldn't have no luck at all" ..... Excellent tune, however, I am really down on the perseverance treadmill.  I have been exceptionally tired since the accident, actually before with the surgery, then the infection, etc. etc. etc. you get the picture.  I do not like the feelings that have come to the surface, I feel very distant, lost, exceptionaly "twitchy", and blank in my facial expressions. Imagine a dirty joke going right over my head ... ??? .... doesn't usually happen, but has become the norm ... again, I don't like it.

Since the accident, which is almost 3 weeks now, I have been fuzzy, both visually and overall. I can't remember much of anything that has transpired since the accident. No one can tell me how long this may go on, so I have no choice but to try and plow ahead or just go to sleep and hope for the best. I haven't been sleeping well, lots of either bad dreams (none I can remember) but I am told that a few "blood curdling screams" have come from my bedroom. There is a lot going on with me, within me, emotionally, spiritually, and health wise, etc.  I know there are many that may be worse off then I am, however, I am really getting worn down with hit after hit, or so it seems, no real relief, no real gain, just run, run as fast as you can. 

As we begin a new year, in which I can only hope, that nothing could be as bad as this past couple. I would like to wish to those who follow, the wisdom to do great things, the ability to see yourself (ourselves) as human and therefore, as humans, we treat each other how we our self would like to be treated. I have always tried to place this forward in my relationships, and as we all know, some people just never "get it."

I will continue to sign off in my usual manner,
To All My Readers this past year, I wish to you a peaceful, happy, healthy, and prosperous NEW YEAR!!!
Keep learning, keep expanding, keep the drive alive.
In Peace and Light
et

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Happiest of the season

Good Morning,

Just a quick little post ... 'quick' ... a word which has not been in my vocabulary for some weeks now.


It has been 11 days since the accident and I can't remember more than perhaps 2 encounters ... ?? What's up with that? I roam aimlessly around the house, which lucky for me, isn't that big, but big enough to forget what I am trying to do. I guess this could play to my advantage. Christmas will be more than quiet here in AZ, me trying to regain brain power ... HT will be working, it will be the first Holiday without both my parents .... and my siblings too. It has been a year of ups and downs, and currently, it would seem more down .... but this has given me time to reflect on my blessings and those in my life that are true and total blessings!!! I don't know how I would cope or survive without the unconditional love in which I feel from these special souls. THANK YOU!!!

To my readers, many of which I have no idea who you are, but I deeply appreciate your "stopping by" every now and again to gather information or just other's opinions. I am hoping 2012 brings more discussion, and more ways to support each other in our quest for cures.

On that note, I am going to go rest my brain, which apparently, according to friends, means "BE A VEGETABLE" .... "lay down, watch some movies you've seen a 100 times .... NO THINKING, NO TRYING TO DO THINGS!!" "REST!!!"  Yes, I know this ... feels like that has been all I am capable of .. except I am having a hard time operating remote controls, so the only movies I have seen are the ones on the dish..... and I think my humor took a big hit, seems as most everything is going right over my head .... ?? I wish someone could tell me how one gets dizzy in their sleep ... ?? There will be lots of rest today and tomorrow, I'm not sleeping well due in large part to this feeling of being dizzy and spinning, even in my sleep.... I'm sure this is adding to what some find amusing, however, I find it frustrating.

I would like to wish you all a very special holiday season whatever your beliefs. 
Travel safe and have a WONDERFUL DAY and a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

I am alive, I am ok ... just need to heal and combat the anxiety

Hi everyone ....

Sorry about lack of posts .... I was involved in an accident on Tuesday afternoon (not my fault and weather was bad, not that that factor should play a role) .... things have not been the best physically, emotionally, or in the over-anxiety department landing in the ER again on Friday afternoon after seeing my PCP .... I apparently am suffering from concussive/post-concussion symptoms ... my "can't remember shit" is at a whole new level in which I am not handling well, along with intensified anxiety and apparent "noise in my sleep."  Bruises on the rest of me are attempting to heal, swelling is going down, pain seems to be less intense today, but my tummy is still on a rampage with any sort of real movement.




It is raining today, good day to curl up with my baby-dog, and take the drugs as instructed (which are making me sick) and just allow my body to heal, as the more I try to move around, the more sick and disoriented I become. 

I don't want and/or can't say much more ..... other than I  saw my car for the first time on Friday and didn't react so well .... I am, however, very GRATEFUL to be alive ...

If I don't get an opportunity to post again before weekend, I would like to wish everyone a Peaceful, Joyous, Healthy and Merry Christmas!!!!!

With Peace, Light, and much Love
et

Thursday, December 8, 2011

In honor of ...

My beautiful daughter, Hillary, will graduate on Saturday afternoon with her RN degree. I am so very proud of this young woman who has overcome some of life's deep losses over the past 3 years and yet refused to give up!! I wish her much success and happiness in launching her new career and going to places she never dreamed of.... she is bound to make a mark in the medical field, and for that, I am forever grateful!!!



CONGRATULATIONS and I LOVE YOU!!!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Very cool

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2011/dec/01/scientists-create-first-video-attack-causes-diabet/?sciquest

There is a video with this article. I found this very interesting.

Have a good evening!!
Peace and Light
et

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Another good read on the stem cell front

I don't discriminate ... good info, is good info ...

http://www.stemcellmx.com/controlling-stem-cells-new-breakthrough/

Artifical Pancreas update

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/26/health/artificial-pancreas-diabetes-patients/

An excellent article on the progress of the artificial pancreas.  This is just another option for the cure. Although I know it has been in the works for years, and now with potential FDA approval, I wonder what the cost to an average patient will be, and what sort of loop holes we may have to jump through to get placed on a list to have one. There is no doubt criteria in which must be met prior to being accepted for one. As a patient, I just am always shaking my head as to WHY there must be so much politics involved in the care of the American public, not just the rich.

Enjoy the article, I think the JDRF on on course to conquer soon, this project, and research into the stem cell avenue as well. Check out their website off to the right or www.jdrf.org

Have a wonderful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et

Monday, November 28, 2011

No Lies

Hey All!!

I hope that all who celebrated had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the nice long weekend.
I will not lie, and this will be a short post. I am down, anxious, tired, I hurt physically (lots of tossing and moving been taking place). I want change for myself for 2012, I want it now. I am anxious over so many things, and with this being the first holiday season without my parents have been adding to the depression. Every time I look or say something to my girl child she starts crying or looks like she just lost her best friend. She is missing my mom most of all right now. My mother was such an influence on Hillary's outlook on life, education, and relationships. I keep trying to reassure her that Grandma may not be here physically, but I do believe that she is with us, in our hearts, and watching proudly from above. I too, miss her terribly lately. I just wish I could talk with her again, long, long, long talk. There are so many things that remain on my plate, that all seem to be some sort of life altering happening, and I can't avoid these things. I know, and am prepared for the fall out, or success of such actions, however, I feel very much alone in recent months. I am also very excited about what my near future may hold for me, again, I would like to have someone close to be able to share it with me and laugh and cry at the accomplishments I hope to attain. 

I am taking a weekend to spend with a dear friend of mine, this too, I am feeling anxious about, too many wierd happenings, dreams, feelings, etc. ..... are these signs?? If so I don't want to miss them ... I can be a little dizzy at times and often find myself thinking, damn, if only .... well, I always try to go with my gut feeling, given my gut can be exceptionally sensitive, gives me a lot of those questionable moments. I am going to try hard to relax, enjoy our time together and the potential of talking to the other side ... heheheh .... we have tickets to see John Edward of "Talking to the Other Side" fame. I don't really expect anything, but how bizarre would that be to be singled out due to "chatter" or "loud discussions" from the other side. You know what the saying is, 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' The following week, .... well .... this is going to be a bittersweet accomplishment, but I am so incredibly proud of my 22 year old daughter and this major goal under her wing, and hopefully, having gained a little more wisdom in where and how she continues her life. I wish her the very best, much happiness, and the wings to fly where ever her heart and mind want to go. 

Thanks for your continued support in my quest to find the cure, and promote the adult stem cell treatments.

I wish you all a relaxing and peaceful evening!!!
Peace and Light
et

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

I just wanted to wish everyone a very blessed, loving, peaceful, and joyous Thanksgiving!!!

HT and I will spend a few hours with friends .... and I am recovering from a lingering infection from my surgery last month.  I am very thankful for all my friends and loved ones who make me feel just that, LOVED!! For that I will be forever grateful for your friendships and love, and of course, all the laughs we have shared. 

Peace and Light
et

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Trivial Stats ...

Hey everyone ...

While taking a break from my to-do list today, I am here checking to see the happenings of this past week in blog terms. The US was 1st in readers this past week with 35, and coming in 2nd, one of my all-time favorite places to visit, the Netherlands!! I was under the impression that stem cell treatments are being done in the Netherlands?? Anyone help me out with this information?? This is a place in which if I had a clue how I could do it, would relocate to this rich place of friendly people, beautiful scenery, rich in history and culture, just a great city was Amsterdam, I had such a wonderful time that I wished my trip could have lasted just a little bit longer.  Although I speak no Dutch, and had a hard time understanding sometimes, the people were fun and friendly, and very helpful. Was just a beautiful place .... thank you to my friends abroad!!! <3

Top 5 were --- US; Netherlands; Romania; Germany, and Canada!!

I find this just amazing and awe-inspiring. I don't think I am anyone special. I am just a single mom, of a now adult daughter, trying to make it ... or at this point, I'm just trying to survive in a manner in which I am not losing any more of my already precious energy. Hoping that now that I find myself very much alone in my cocoon, the lil-one wanting to fly the nest (as she should) and no one to care for other then myself, that I should come to some sort of terms with what may or may not lie ahead for me. Currently, as in this moment, I am still not feeling right, spoke with the girl-child earlier and her and her nurse were trying to talk me into going into the ER. As noted in the earlier post, I apparently have a staph infection, those don't usually just go away with one course of antibiotic. All the issues I have had in regard to this latest removal of yet some more of me, I am just so beat up. This insurance company needs some serious renovations, just like the folks that contracted with them. I am just so tired, achy, weak, dizzier than my norm :D and odd ... and nothing is touching the pain of the deep areas of tissue. Oh well, I am currently sitting in the chaise with a cup of New England Cranberry Tea and heating my neck. Dog is actually on another piece of the furniture tonight, she has been right at my side, or on top of me, beside me, but always having contact since prior to my surgery. I hope that is a good sign ... either that or she is just pissed at me for not being able to sit still, not being able to get comfortable.

I wish I had a built in masseuse these days, and a jacuzzi ... I would be and could be, very content with those pieces of relief in my life .... and a few more bushes to ensure my privacy. Dreamin' .... I'm always dreaming.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
John Lennon


Wishing the world a peaceful evening.
Peace and Light, ... and serenity.
et

Not at my Best

Good Saturday Afternoon;

I'm sorry I haven't made a post in a few days .... I haven't been at my best, and that is stating it mildly. I have been sick to my stomach now for almost 3 weeks. I saw the surgeon on Weds. morning, I thought for sure I would have been cut loose, however, it seems as though all that was drained from my incision is/was harboring a staph infection.  Okay, well, I thought my gut issues, being dizzy, feeling like I just want to ... your know, RALPH!!? I have very little appetite as nothing tastes all that great, and my gut, is just so nauseated. I don't want to irritate it any more than it already is. The water factor is another issue. I was on a sulfur based antibiotic for 10 days, like being sucked dry from the inside out. Figured maybe these were just residual effects....?? My incision looks good, I thought .... however, I must return in one week. Okay, so now I am thinking, is this infection eradicated yet or what?? My hips, pelvic area, and lower back have this horrible ache to them, like that portion of my body weights about 10x what it should.

I've been trying to do some cleaning, rearranging, etc. We do have a holiday, a graduation, a holiday open house, etc .... maybe no one will show up .... I can finally see my living room again, my dad having passed 3 months ago yesterday! I still have belongings I am just not interested in keeping, have divided up some photos and things that brought back childhood memories of some sort and placed them in appropriate boxes for each sibling. I am no doubt going to pay for this as well.  I have dished out more of my own $$ on this, that I think the rest of them can divide up any cremation costs and whatever else THEY want to do. I have my memories, and NO ONE can take those away from me. I hold them close, and they mean so much more than any piece of material possession. My mother made sure I had those prior to her passing. At this time of year, I find myself missing her OH so much. I could and would be so comforted to feel her close ... we had this hand holding thing .... so many of our photos together showing us holding each others hand.

Oh well ... As much as I know it happens to even the best, I am blue on so many fronts I can't see straight. I feel as I have just been spinning now for weeks and am going absolutely no where. My blood sugars have been sort of up and down, I think it is in part to stress at work, stress at home due to works inability to manage as proactive instead of reactive, and the constant rewarding of bad behaviors.  I had my surgeon appointment, and a dermatology follow up on a few "spots" we have been watching for the past 6 months, being told the only one looking suspicious and presenting as classic basal cell skin cancer is right on my freakin' lower eye lid!!! Yes Sir, I want you hacking at what little face I have that remains presentable. I couldn't cope with the cut on Weds, so we will let this one ride .... 3 months was what I was given ... then it comes off ... I am in desperate need of a stemmie booster, and am really hoping and praying that it happens in the next couple of months, and perhaps .... right here in the US!!!

I need to try and move again, like I said, I'm not feeling right, and my blood pressure keeps dropping to where I get dizzy .... I'm taking it slow, but I need to take it now.

Wishing Everyone a wonderful weekend, a week of happy and safe travels ....
Remember to be thankful .... I have so much to be thankful for ... I just want to reflect on that at this time and prepare for what the future holds.

Peace and Light
et

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Balls have fallen ...

OMG !!! BEWARE - IGNORANCE ABOUND!!!

Thought I would at least say something if I was going to scream. :)

Recap - check last post titled "WOW."
This past week, and a short one at that, has been pure and total hell. I know I have been dealing with some pretty stressful shit in my own life.  At work, as stated earlier, I in all reality came back to a mess due to others not doing and/or caring about how thier tasks directly affect other's job duties, causing delays, .... and a few other things as well.  Piss-poor management .... (sorry, this post my become heated with no real notice ... hehehe). I have had a day or so to let the ultimate effects of the happenings this week when on Wednesday I was ready to pack my boxes and all the shit I have that is mine in the office due in part to ... inadequate working conditions. This is so not funny, however, I was working in a basement @ the hospital and freezing my ass off for 8+ hours a day for a year and no one gave a shit if I was cold.  More than 1 co-worker began complaining ... or as it became by Tuesday...constant bitching. I sit right behind the front desk, in an enclosed office with another. I had not only the door closed, but my headphones into my iPod and I could still her bitchin' through the glass. This turned into 4+ hours of people convening outside our office door. PEOPLE!!!! Ok .. you get the picture. On Wednesday morning I came in to an email stating was going to be paid for only a certain amount of hours because I apparently ran out of EIT time with no notification. This was an issue that I had thought of, and it wasn't like the "uppers" didn't know the situation, i.e., not only my close coworkers, but my supervisor, and the illustrious "OZ" (this is my latest visual, you know, Oz, blowing smoke up your ass from behind the curtain??). I put in for my time as recommended by the surgeon, I had the note x2 due to the infection and then being out another week, and now restricted until 11/17 (yes, that is a week away!) This email states at 7:55 PM the night before, that my check will be short this week. "Just wanted you to have a heads up."  "A HEADS UP!!!" Sorry folks, but less than 12 hours prior to payday IS NOT a heads up, it is more like a think quick!!!  When I responded to the almighty Oz, I had an attitude, I was pissed to put it mildly. EVERY single time I have had to deal with Oz for the past year-to-14 months she pulls some two-faced move on myself and a couple of others I know of personally. I apparently know more than I care too. In any event, with the already late 1st of the month bills, I only took home less than half of what a normal pay period looks like, putting me not only behind at work, but 2 months behind in reality at home as well.  What made me go off was not only my continuing recovery (although physically better this week), but all the petty complaining of the same scenarios, same characters, MAJOR lack of, if any, communication, and ... NO change ... it's like watching Ground Hogs Day ... 100 times in a row. Sorry, but I don't think too many people would find it remained as amusing after so many repeats. Redundant, and sucking the morale out of those left that have been continually cleaning up the messes.  When the problems are staring you right in the face, and you have facts to back them up, consequences should be paid. I know, hands down, I irritate some people, however, I also know, that if people ENJOY coming to work, they do a good job, excel, etc.  I have given more than a 100% of my healthy time to this place, know that as a support member of the docs/NP/techs/counselors, you get it .... you have all heard the term, "shit rolls downhill"? .... and then the clincher .... and all I know was this email came in just as I was leaving on Wednesday from what I would refer to as a "rent-a-doc". This 30-something ,high maintained little 'dahktah' ... LMAO ... had the class of a highly-educated professional, to in one line, take me down like I hadn't been taken down since I was married!!! You have heard me write before, I don't care what sort of initials you have after your name, there is no need to talk down to people. I try not to do this, and I try to do this by keeping things comfortable. I am not a "Stepford" worker, or human being either. I have a life, lame as it may be for some, I don't need this mentality from a person I am too show up for work for to SUPPORT and she is calling me "arrogant."

What can I say??.. she pushed my last dying button.  I shot off a snotty little one liner myself to the people she felt are going take care of me. She wants no more communication with the "arrogant transcriptionist!" BITE ME BIMBALINA, I'm the coder!!! I was seething at this point. I haven't been the pissed/which in reality was a deep, deep hurt.  For the 1st time in many years, yes, even with disagreements in relationships, have I been spoken to in such a tone ... and a doctor to boot. I admire your education, you may know a whole lot more than I, however, your words were harsh for someone you only met for 30 seconds and feel you are "entitled," ROFLMAO ..... yep, I am laughing now. I live by, and have raised my daughter, that respect is a 2-way street.  This provider started with a clean slate, she messed up, she messed up again, and again, each time becoming more demanding, i.e., this is how I do it, it's approved by Harvard, BFD!!!  .... (Hello, she has no idea Harvard is my neck of the woods ... hehehe..... for all I know Hillary's baby stroller is still hanging off the little walking bridge there in Harvard square. :D

Let me tell you all a little secret, and I think some out there may even affirm this statement .... I may have been born and raised in a small mill town, and my parents my have been considered "blue-collar" workers, my parents, more my mother, made sure that we understood respect and manners. No, I don't always have manners when I state things so crudely at times, call it my rough edge. Everyone who knows me will tell you I try to appear as though I have a very hard, tough outer shell. Well, I am born under the sign of the Crab, and my mother often told me that it was totally appropriate for me. :) I do like to believe that people are good, but this was just one more example of poor management, unethical and down-right mean demands on those who are you main back bone under the providers. I am tired of being treated like a doormat, again, not having felt like this since the early 90's.  I swore that I would never become a victim of that again, I don't care if you are male OR female.

Let's wrap this up, I need to get off the box ... hehehe....I am off today, praise the Gods!! With the exception of 2 side job projects which need to be completed and sent off. Then I am going to do some cleaning as we (a friend came over to help Hilly) moved some furniture around last night, I had to supervise as Nurse Ratchet was in the house. :) She is still looking out for me despite me telling her it's all lookin' good. She doesn't want me to push it, understood, however, I need to keep me as busy as possible and get all this stuff accomplished in time, 4 weeks from yesterday ... lol... she is totally stoked. Apparently my friends, who also work with me, have decided I am depressed, and yet another one on the band wagon of "your life sucks!" .... all in good humor of course, but I think they are right. I can't even keep track anymore lately ... time for some more stemmies. 

Ok kids, I need to go "prick" as I am feeling 'fuzzy' and I get the impression that perhaps I wandered a bit in my thoughts and expression the last couple of paragraphs. I do know I used NO real names, and no places .... LMAO .... 

Forgive me ... it's how I felt.

Wishing everyone a great weekend.
Thank a Veteran and/or an active military member for the right to speak like this out in Cosmo.

Peace and Light ... and respect!!!
et








Tuesday, November 8, 2011

WOW

Hey Folks,

I have had quite a week and it's only Tuesday!!
Work was unbelievable when I returned to the office last week. I was completely caught up when I left for my surgery and as usual, someone else feels that what their job may be doesn't affect anyone else. GGGRRR ..... needless to say, I am now behind almost two months!!! I was not the happiest of campers upon return to find all that, and on top of that, withing 15 minutes after arriving was thrown into a 3 hour meeting that I was unprepared for. The usual ........ seems like all we ever hear is lip service.  I am trying to  just take it as it comes. I can only do so much in a 6 hour day, being on restriction until the 17th when I see the surgeon again. (it does appear and certainly feels a LOT better). Like that wasn't enough "job duties" were added to my already overloaded day. I do a lot of shaking of my head lately.

On another note, my baby girl is about to graduate on 12/10 with her nursing degree. I am so incredibly proud of her for the commitments she has taken, the sacrifices she has made, the losses she has suffered since graduating high school and working so hard for the past 3 1/2 years... she has finally made her goal a reality.  At least the main part of her goal ... hehehe .... she plans on continuing her education but wants to take a year or two to get her hands dirty. I have no doubts she has what it takes to be a real driving force in the field of medicine.  I am just hoping she stops a little now and then to enjoy life.  She so deserves a few positive happenings for all she has put forth into the world, the community, ME .... and all the help she was caring for my parents with me. She is going to be one kick-ass nurse!!!

Ok kids, well ... it's past my bedtime, I just got my laptop back up and running after Maggie put me out of commission for a week feeling the need to lie across my lap and slamming her big head down, and not so gracefully, onto my keyboard. Not sure what she hit, but I had to reconfigure all my network settings, etc for my laptop. Someone apparently forget to tell her that she is NOT a lap dog!! (She sits right here to my left, and she seems to always have to have contact.) She is 70 pounds of pure lovin' .... but doesn't have to be on my lap. :D I'm the master, and she stays close, sometimes trouble-causing close.

On that note ... lol......(thinking I should come up with some other phrases), I am taking my dog and going to bed. I need to get my rest as I am still sort of wiped out when I get home and the child thinks I am doing too much too soon, I disagree, I just need to take care of me, and I have always pushed myself.  As I age, I do know I can't go nonstop anymore, pacing myself is still an issue ... I want it done ... NOW.  :P

Sweet dreams my friends!!
Take care of YOU!!
Peace and Light
et

Saturday, November 5, 2011

It's never ending

Hello WebWorld!!

Well, the human body continues to amaze me. However .... I could and would be more than happy to be amazed using someone else's body as the vessel of amazement!!! This past Tuesday morning, after being told by surgeons office last Thursday, to "massage it" for the weekend and see what happens. "Swelling is normal." Not like this pal... there is NOTHING normal about the swelling I was trying to cope with ... and OMG .. the pain was something I don't think I have ever experienced. The sensations were hard to describe. In any event, I had that date with the BFN (Big F'in Needle) on Tuesday morning, and despite my anxiety about the BFN with no local, I did just fine and the relief was almost immediate when he drained the excessive amount of fluid and proceeded to tell me that I was "infected."  Since that appointment I have returned to work  hours a day for two weeks.  Sitting and/or standing for more than a couple to three hours at a time is just too much.  There is still swelling, bruising is clearing up, and the ache seems to be subsiding slightly. Hopefully, after the antibiotic run, things will be looking up. 

With all this going on, and my limited ability to push, pull, or lift anything more than 5 pounds, it has made wiping out the remaining mess from my parent's belongings, thus holding me in limbo as to weather I want to have our open house/grad party here at the house, or get a hall and haul stuff all over the county. All this is coming up quickly.  Thanksgiving, graduation, I have a weekend to Vegas on the books. and then Christmas ... I guess ... that given there will be no one here this year except for Hillary and I, the holidays will have to become something of a new tradition as what my mother was able to accomplish in this respect isn't something I think I could replicate. So it will be a holiday season of no doubt, reflection, sadness, memories of holidays gone by, and a method of moving forward, to take these memories and put them to the best possible use for us.  I have discovered, that it is not all about family, but that of the friends and loved ones who make us feel loved throughout the year, that we rejoice in our love for each other and continue to grow in our relationships.  I am still a big fan of those sorts of romanticized relationships, if you will, closeness that is felt between people, for whatever reason. 

With the kickoff to the holiday season, let's remember not to forget ourselves. Take care of us, heart and soul, mind and body .... there is nothing worth risking our health or well-being for, and money can't buy us that.

For now, wishing the world a wonderful weekend!!

Peace and Light
et