As many of you know, I was involved in a head-on collision 3 days after my daughter graduated in December. My recovery, i.e., head injury, has not been in a timely manner for me. I am frustrated with the issues I am being forced to face, deal with, re-learn, adjust, allow to let go ... not sure what I am trying to say exactly, but .... I have been placed on "leave without pay status at work" .... adds to the stress levels, my focus, concentration, "hostility" as some would describe it seems at times to be out of my control and I have no choice but to give in to it. Needless to say, the stress levels in my household have been high in the past few months. Given the happenings of the past year alone, I'm thinking this past few months is a good 3-4 chapters in my book, which I have been unable to work on these days. I have a plethora of notes all over the place ... I'm not thinking they are going to come to light when I look at them again, but I can continue to HOPE!!!!
I have not done much posting other than articles since the accident (or at least that is how it feels to me). I feel like I am in some sort of time warp. I can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago, never mind what has transpired in the past 3 months. I can look at notes, doc reports, etc and recall some things, but I am not even remotely close to the person I was on December 10th, and then on December 13th, my life seemed to change .... drastically. I am having a difficult time, and my daughter is having a VERY difficult time dealing with all that has transpired...... and she LIKES scary stuff. I need some sort of change, I need to push forward (I'm so tired) as I want my old personality back. This head crap is hard to describe .... I wish I could be more clear.
So ... tomorrow ... having done all the things various doctors have done and/or suggested, my daughter and I will be heading to California in the morning so that I may undergo the adult stem cell treatment again on Weds. I am very excited about this process .... yet, I have reservation about the travel ... I am still at a "jumpy" status when it comes to driving with stupidity abound and all around (they are calling this a symptoms of PTSD). My blood sugars have been slightly erratic since the accident, but commercial worthy overall.... LOL.... I have had several dangerous lows, being told my brain is healing and this could play a role. I think I may have wandered there, ok, so all the docs have suggested my undergoing the stem cell treatment again, ALL, having seen drastic positive changes in me after my first treatment back in February of 2011. So ... having done what they recommended up to this point and having no real advancement of status change, I will be working with the Stem Genex Team again in the next week. This is so promising and given the advancement I have seen in the science in just the year since my first treatment ..... I have BIG HOPE!!! I am very much looking forward to seeing Ms. Rita and working with the team to better not only my health, but push the progress forward ... (yes, you all know how excited I get in the geeky mode of science and medicine) it is an element in which I take great interest and excitement. I looked into the hyperbarric treatment prior to undergoing treatment this time, however, it is costly, and not covered by my insurance for my current status ... (I would have had to rung my bell a whole lot louder .... ). An area being studied in TBI patients, as well as other diseases. I will just go with the changes made since last treatment, which in my opinion are all positive improvements. I ... Hope, Pray, and Believe!!!
I will try and make a couple of posts next week while in CA ... my daughter, HT and I are going to use this time as a sort of "out with the old, in with the new" sort of mentality. We must ... this is definitely one of those life changing events in which I must dig deep within myself, altered as I feel, and find the strength and hope and faith to go forward. I still feel that if I leave nothing else behind, I will have left people, even if only one, with a sense of inspiration and determination to go on .... make change, encourage change, push for what is right, and make a difference. I have seen so much progress over the years thinking back to when I was first diagnosed .... I didn't really care back then ... I felt doomed in a sense having been told of all the restrictions, complications being "inevitable" and expectancy of life. Well, there have been many challenges, and when you add the juggling of life and it's happenings, along with the juggling required in managing my disease ..... I don't think I have done so bad in spite of some saying that in recent months "she's a train wreck!" I still have tremendous support in my friends and distant family .... but this is something I need to do for me. If nothing else, I can be the vessel for future progress in this area of science and medicine. Nothing would make me happier than to have given of myself to help the future of kids and Type 1, and to somehow have been an example of someone that can get through, even the darkest of times and come out shining!!
So as I go about my day today, packing and preparing to travel and undergo change .... I wish all of you a joyful, peaceful, and happy St. Patrick's Day ... be safe, be good to each other .... be good to yourself!!!
In Peace and Light
et
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