Not at my Best

Good Saturday Afternoon;

I'm sorry I haven't made a post in a few days .... I haven't been at my best, and that is stating it mildly. I have been sick to my stomach now for almost 3 weeks. I saw the surgeon on Weds. morning, I thought for sure I would have been cut loose, however, it seems as though all that was drained from my incision is/was harboring a staph infection.  Okay, well, I thought my gut issues, being dizzy, feeling like I just want to ... your know, RALPH!!? I have very little appetite as nothing tastes all that great, and my gut, is just so nauseated. I don't want to irritate it any more than it already is. The water factor is another issue. I was on a sulfur based antibiotic for 10 days, like being sucked dry from the inside out. Figured maybe these were just residual effects....?? My incision looks good, I thought .... however, I must return in one week. Okay, so now I am thinking, is this infection eradicated yet or what?? My hips, pelvic area, and lower back have this horrible ache to them, like that portion of my body weights about 10x what it should.

I've been trying to do some cleaning, rearranging, etc. We do have a holiday, a graduation, a holiday open house, etc .... maybe no one will show up .... I can finally see my living room again, my dad having passed 3 months ago yesterday! I still have belongings I am just not interested in keeping, have divided up some photos and things that brought back childhood memories of some sort and placed them in appropriate boxes for each sibling. I am no doubt going to pay for this as well.  I have dished out more of my own $$ on this, that I think the rest of them can divide up any cremation costs and whatever else THEY want to do. I have my memories, and NO ONE can take those away from me. I hold them close, and they mean so much more than any piece of material possession. My mother made sure I had those prior to her passing. At this time of year, I find myself missing her OH so much. I could and would be so comforted to feel her close ... we had this hand holding thing .... so many of our photos together showing us holding each others hand.

Oh well ... As much as I know it happens to even the best, I am blue on so many fronts I can't see straight. I feel as I have just been spinning now for weeks and am going absolutely no where. My blood sugars have been sort of up and down, I think it is in part to stress at work, stress at home due to works inability to manage as proactive instead of reactive, and the constant rewarding of bad behaviors.  I had my surgeon appointment, and a dermatology follow up on a few "spots" we have been watching for the past 6 months, being told the only one looking suspicious and presenting as classic basal cell skin cancer is right on my freakin' lower eye lid!!! Yes Sir, I want you hacking at what little face I have that remains presentable. I couldn't cope with the cut on Weds, so we will let this one ride .... 3 months was what I was given ... then it comes off ... I am in desperate need of a stemmie booster, and am really hoping and praying that it happens in the next couple of months, and perhaps .... right here in the US!!!

I need to try and move again, like I said, I'm not feeling right, and my blood pressure keeps dropping to where I get dizzy .... I'm taking it slow, but I need to take it now.

Wishing Everyone a wonderful weekend, a week of happy and safe travels ....
Remember to be thankful .... I have so much to be thankful for ... I just want to reflect on that at this time and prepare for what the future holds.

Peace and Light
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