I want ... and continue to wonder

No clue what day it is ... Thursday.
I wonder ...
how much outside stress and damands put on normal body/spirit is an individual to tolerate somewhat reserved .... ???

My day-to-day stress that most everyone is dealing with in today's economy, politics, terrorists, radical groups who call themselves Christians and then do and behave in the most outragous of ways toward innocent people.

What ever happened to a place of worship being a "sanctuary?"
What has happened to common courtesy, compasion for others, a love of self?
I see disrespect all around me ... I have become quiet, do I have any control to change? At one point I thought so ... now, I am not so sure.
I wonder if others could have done even the last 5 years of my life, never mind the last 10, 20, 30, or 40.

In the last 5+ years .... I lost a dear friend to brain cancer 05 (blessed to have been able to visit prior); I lost my dearest brother-in-law 6-06, suddenly a week after he took me to the airport; I flew back to the east coast after we lost his mom 20 days prior to that (an adopted, honorary grandma to my daughter since birth);  my ex-husband, 6-07 (drudged up a lot of old unresolved issues on his part I'm sure, and a hurt that my daughter had to come to terms with); I lost my uncle in 11-07, we were with him on passing, 6 months later 5-08 I lost one of my fondest and loving aunts (my mom's sister), her oldest daughter prevented me from being able to spend the last days with her after being by her side through so many uncertain tests and results. Honestly, another precisous gift to have been allowed to share that ... grief is very individual, but to be able to share in some way, the thoughts of a dying individual ... doesn't seem so harsh as losing one so suddenly, so young, with no warning and just dumbfounded with grief and question. I was absolutely devastated at the loss of my brother-in-law, it still hurts sometime, but I have such great, deep, fond, special memories and laughs. I find that very comforting despite wishing I had more time. In 10-08 I lost my mother, my best friend, my mentor, etc.   I knew it would be coming one day, but we seemed to drag out so many wonderful days, that to have been able to spend those last months, weeks, and days was beyond anything I could explain. We talked, slept, cared for her, slept with her, between Hillary and myself, we were there the entire last week of her life, around the clock, and my clearest, most precious moment of strength was when I leaned in to her, kissed her forhead, held her hands, and whispered .... "I think it's time to fly" and she released her last breath. I was numb .... but had just spent one of the most precious gifts I think a child could have. She brought me into this world, with such love, and even though we had most child/parent conflicts over the years, we always worked it out via talk, reading, music, togetherness ... I still and will forever hold these acts deep and dear to my heart. I continued to care for my father's needs for the following three years. He will be gone one year on the 18th of August. Now, in all that loss, in what to me is a fairly constant time frame, life went on in other areas. I had my own health, underwent a couple of my own surgeries, i.e., my sinuses, lymph node removal, 2 stem cell treatments, and then the dreaded day of December 13th 2011, 3 days after my daughter, who also endured all the above loss right along side me .... graduated with her degree in nursing and became an RN.

I can't remember what transpired in any one length of time, but yes, some of my memories in which have come back a bit on some levels, is fairly clear, perhaps in part to others having been with me and witnessing such behavior.

 Now, I am quiet, I am tired, I have done all that has been asked of me in regard to recovering from my head injury .... having lost my insurance the beginning of this month, no SS deciscion for another 3 months, not being able to stay on top, or even closely below the water line ... haha .... they want to take my house away from me. Let me just say this.... I realize I only have control over me ... and what I can put forth to better my day-to-day life activities, many of which have had to be reworked, finding new ways to accomadate in the absense of any help on that level.

Someone, took away my daily lifes tasks, my career, my livelihood, my personality to a point, and changed my life forever .... WITHOUT my permission .... am I, or should I have to suffer with no consequences to the other party. I often have thought how much easier this injury would be to deal with if I had more outward signs of injury ... I can't even imaging some of what our military guys are experiencing ... it should be a pretty clear indicater that there is a major issue when we see some of the news stories regarding murders of children, wives, mothers, suicides at an extremely elevated rate these days.  And ... I guess this should be my last bitch ... hahaha ... how about putting away some of the electronic devices and start looking each other in the eye when we talk/discuss such life altering matters. I am disappointed in the people of the world who only look at one class of people ... and often times ... not even remotely close to a status quo of the monetarily content upper layer. (you can tack any descriptive organization here you wish :).

Let us say a prayer this evening .... for each other, for a collaboration of spirits, with respect and love for individual pain, and the suffering of SO many families, individuals, even our animals.

wishing my entire following ... including lurkers ... a peaceful and content evening.
In good health, peace and light
et

Accept my apoligies for any ramblings ... it has been challenging at best with no one to really talk to, bounce things off of, get opinions and suggestions from those I respect and love at a point blank range. I am at a point that if you don't lay it right out there, I may not comp it very well, or miss a cue all together. Even the 4-year-old across the street messes with me ... and even he goes right over my head at times. :D I can do nothing but laugh as so much is just out of my control at this point. Therefore, if I meet my demise .... I think I would have to put large blame on my loss to the Justice system and big guys getting rich off the struggles of the little guys.

Just my opinion.
enjoy your weekend.

This is exciting !!!

Hi Everyone ...

We won't talk about me today ... However, check out this story that appeared on NPR (National Public Radio) today.

How exciting is this??? I wish they had this sort of stuff when I was in high school ... haha .... I may not have been so bored! I still feel I am not to old to learn something new everyday, it's remembering it these days that is the challenge.

http://cirmresearch.blogspot.com/2012/08/high-school-students-find-summer.html

I hope you enjoy the read and continue to strive for the cures that are out there to be had by ALL.

In peace and light
et