Good Morning !!!
I slept like a baby last night. The wheezing has finally subsided to the point of full breaths. I am still slightly congested, but I am hoping that today, I can actually do something productive, like laundry, without being winded before I get across the kitchen. Hillary and I are going to try .... see how my progress goes ... I am sure that a short nap may be in my afternoon agenda. :)
Other than that, I continue to feels some very positive changes happening, brain fog seems clear .... that is without any $$ down, one of the best features so far as I have been so clouded, overwhelmed, just downright no real thought process outside of what I may have been involved in at any one moment. Sort of like a stroke patient that can think it, but can't speak it .... (hope that makes sense). My eye sight seems to be the clearest it has been in a long time, no real fuzzy stuff going on. My skin continues to show positive improvement ... blood sugars have been excellent, with just some small tweaking of the bolus ratio going on due to what appears to be a change in absorbtion ... so all of this is good news, and remains under the monitoring.
As has been stated, this treatment is not yet a cure, but I still beleive that it is the ultimate potential for Type I's. It will be a process in which I wean off, as oposed to what happened when first diagnosed, total bottom out, shut down, death .... it took me 38 years of use and abuse to get to this point, it will not clear and be "all better" over night. My research will continue into the how's, why's and why not's ..... LOL ..... and I can't thank those that are following this and hopefully talking about it among your respective groups to peak interest and action.
Here's to a great day!!
Peace and Light
et
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Land of the Free ....
Hello !!!
I have been doing a lot of resting. I also, am feeling a bit better in the upper respiratory department. I have been up most of the night and think my lungs are somewhere up the street now. I finished my antibiotics this morning, continue to clear some "gunk" from my lungs, and still feel very good overall. My blood sugars have been remarkably stable .... I have no real definition except this treatment process. This process has made noticeable changes already and it has not even been a week, I can only imagine what sort of benefits might surface in the next weeks and months.
On another note, I have become aware of and FDA standing that has my blood boiling beyond belief. I will post below links to a couple of postings in regard to this type of treatment, and why the US seems to feel that profit trumps principal. That certainly makes us look good in the face of other regions of the world when our people, and few in comparison, can afford to go abroad to seek these sorts of treatments. It's wrong on so many levels. Just something to peek another level of interest on the topic for so many, like those who suffer from 100+ diseases/disorders.
Check out the reading and let me know .... I would love to know I was not the only person who had an opinion on this. We need to make our voices be heard and not allowed to be locked into drug treatments where the costs, and/or side effects alone are so much more damaging than the issue to be treated.
With that being said, I continue to make progress and received an email telling me that I should look for much more in the weeks to come, my skin, being the largest organ in the body, showing some amazing results, which I am already beginning to see changes. The wrinkles, especially on one side of my face, seemed to be so deep, that I felt like I was about 80, not 47, and all without "upgrading my wrinkle cream" as mu mother had suggested to me just two years ago. So I hope you continue to follow the happenings, and that perhaps together we can come up with some sort of plan to bring this to the front and center of what matters to people who are losing hope.
Thanks for continued prayers and support for those are what keeps us human and real.
http://repairstemcell.wordpress.com/diabetes-stem-cells/
The above link, (cut and paste into your browser) will show that some of this debate has been going on since the 90's. Seems my mother had a very "right-on" perception of how this would play out years ago when she would make comments on topics that make the news, but never seem to make it to the people. NOTHING, should take 20-30 years for approval, and it seems as though the FDA doesn't seem to give all these wonder drugs their long-term trials before cutting them loose to the public to make billions of dollars, and yet still, string the people along on cures. Our government is killing us, and that is how I feel about this topic on so many levels. Having dealt with the medical aspects of my mothers multiple disease processes, and the number of people who suffer from those comorbidities that make life almost impossible, both emotionally and financially. What makes this sort of game play something a country wants to look up to??? We have many, many, passionate, intelligent doctors and scientists in this country, why can't we collaborate with those around the world for true global peace and prosperity. Greed has really become a very unattractive aspect of this society and I for one, am ashamed to be a part of it. Bill of Rights, The Constitution, The Bible, is this what we have all been taught to do ..... ???
Questions I am tired of pondering and want results. Looks like I may have a new career goal ... LMAO .... radical advocate for the people .... I know I am fighting for myself at this point, but know, deep down, that if it were a loved one, a friend, or even a stranger I have encountered in life, (and have) that moves us to do something so far beyond reach that we actually make a dent ... how rewarding ... and it need not come with so many zeros that one can't make out a dollar amount ... to me that is priceless!!!
Peace and Light for continued health and happiness!!!
et
I have been doing a lot of resting. I also, am feeling a bit better in the upper respiratory department. I have been up most of the night and think my lungs are somewhere up the street now. I finished my antibiotics this morning, continue to clear some "gunk" from my lungs, and still feel very good overall. My blood sugars have been remarkably stable .... I have no real definition except this treatment process. This process has made noticeable changes already and it has not even been a week, I can only imagine what sort of benefits might surface in the next weeks and months.
On another note, I have become aware of and FDA standing that has my blood boiling beyond belief. I will post below links to a couple of postings in regard to this type of treatment, and why the US seems to feel that profit trumps principal. That certainly makes us look good in the face of other regions of the world when our people, and few in comparison, can afford to go abroad to seek these sorts of treatments. It's wrong on so many levels. Just something to peek another level of interest on the topic for so many, like those who suffer from 100+ diseases/disorders.
Check out the reading and let me know .... I would love to know I was not the only person who had an opinion on this. We need to make our voices be heard and not allowed to be locked into drug treatments where the costs, and/or side effects alone are so much more damaging than the issue to be treated.
With that being said, I continue to make progress and received an email telling me that I should look for much more in the weeks to come, my skin, being the largest organ in the body, showing some amazing results, which I am already beginning to see changes. The wrinkles, especially on one side of my face, seemed to be so deep, that I felt like I was about 80, not 47, and all without "upgrading my wrinkle cream" as mu mother had suggested to me just two years ago. So I hope you continue to follow the happenings, and that perhaps together we can come up with some sort of plan to bring this to the front and center of what matters to people who are losing hope.
Thanks for continued prayers and support for those are what keeps us human and real.
http://repairstemcell.wordpress.com/diabetes-stem-cells/
The above link, (cut and paste into your browser) will show that some of this debate has been going on since the 90's. Seems my mother had a very "right-on" perception of how this would play out years ago when she would make comments on topics that make the news, but never seem to make it to the people. NOTHING, should take 20-30 years for approval, and it seems as though the FDA doesn't seem to give all these wonder drugs their long-term trials before cutting them loose to the public to make billions of dollars, and yet still, string the people along on cures. Our government is killing us, and that is how I feel about this topic on so many levels. Having dealt with the medical aspects of my mothers multiple disease processes, and the number of people who suffer from those comorbidities that make life almost impossible, both emotionally and financially. What makes this sort of game play something a country wants to look up to??? We have many, many, passionate, intelligent doctors and scientists in this country, why can't we collaborate with those around the world for true global peace and prosperity. Greed has really become a very unattractive aspect of this society and I for one, am ashamed to be a part of it. Bill of Rights, The Constitution, The Bible, is this what we have all been taught to do ..... ???
Questions I am tired of pondering and want results. Looks like I may have a new career goal ... LMAO .... radical advocate for the people .... I know I am fighting for myself at this point, but know, deep down, that if it were a loved one, a friend, or even a stranger I have encountered in life, (and have) that moves us to do something so far beyond reach that we actually make a dent ... how rewarding ... and it need not come with so many zeros that one can't make out a dollar amount ... to me that is priceless!!!
Peace and Light for continued health and happiness!!!
et
Friday, February 11, 2011
A new beginning ...
Good Evening to everyone!!!
I am so enthusiastic to say the least. I have been trying to take everything I have encountered over the last 48 hours since treatment in and process it as it has been totally and just beyond belief!!!
First off, my day on Weds. started off a little late. Weather related traffic issues held up the doctor's arrival at the hotel. He arrived, and we all loaded into two cars to travel the 15 minutes over the boarder to the clinic. I was asked to ride with the President of the International Stem Cell Institute, the doctor, one other repeat patient, and myself. It was the first in what I would consider many little blessings and opportunities to hit me throughout the day.
Upon arrival, I had some wonderful conversation with Rita Alexander, the founder of ISCI. She is an amazing woman in what she has created and it trying to present to the powers that be. She too, has undergone treatment, and did so that day as well, and I can now say, that I was a believer before, now ... I can't say enough about the potential of this treatment to help SO many individuals!!!
I am back in Phoenix since last evening. First thing I did was unwrap the bandages and take a hot shower. Given what was done, and knowing that bruising is an inevitable process of the liposuction, mini or otherwise, the photo here will show you, I am healing VERY WELL!!! This is part of the process and was just amazing as I bruise very easily to begin with. The care was phenomenal!! Once you got past the differences of the clinic compared to anything you might see here in the US, I can tell you honestly and emphatically that the care was tremendous!! My nurse, who was just the cutest little thing, young, reminded me of a little Dora the Explorer, was the only one, other than the Doctor who spoke English as well as Spanish, so she did a wonderful job translating for both me and other team members, i.e., the lab tech, another nurse, etc. The Doctor was an amazing man. Passionate does not begin to describe his investment in this treatment and procedure. I can't begin to thank him enough for showing me and talking with me about all the prospective possibilities he and I both hope for in this area of medicine. He was an absolute doll. He sees things in fat no one else would ever dream of looking at, and he made them a reality for me.
As I stated before, we were at the clinic all day, I began my process approximately 10 am, being taken to the operating room after having blood drawn. Once in the OR I wasn't nervous, only apprehensive as we had not yet started an IV and that, as I have stated, and so many of you know, is always a challenge at best. After some bilingual conversation and looking around, the anesthesiologist, who was a doctor, and an absolutely beautiful woman, who didn't speak English, LOL, started to make comments, and went from arm to arm, then she points at my wrist, not my idea of the best place as it is incredibly painful area for a line. The doctor then stands at the head of the bed, places my face in his hands, ever so gently and tells me to just relax, breathe, don't move, she is one of the best, and "look at me sweetheart" and poke, she was in!!! That in itself was a freaking miracle, as it hasn't happened in my recent recollection. Ok ... well .... now we are ready, the mask goes on, the doctor tells me to just relax and go to "twilight sleep" and off I went. The only thing I remember was a movement in my abdomen where he must have been removing the fat (adipose) tissue. Next thing I know, I am back in my bed, resting comfortably while the process begins in the lab to wake my stemmies up. That process was ready to roll at approximately 2 pm. In that time, I was shown what they looked like in the syringe prior to them being mixed with the solution to inject them via my IV. They were the most beautiful shade of fushcia!! .... once mixed they became the pink shown in the photo here. The whole process of drip time was about 90-2 hours. As this was taking place, I just lay waiting, resting, dozing off, and the doctor and the nurse would check in and ask if I was ok, how was I doing, did I need anything. The doctor came in multiple times as I could be heard coughing throughout the small clinic. He started a nebulizer treatment and I sucked down 2 doses of that (about 20 minutes each), and that made a huge difference in my ability to breathe. Ok, so ... while laying there I began to feel warm, a strange feeling in my feet, which have signs of neuropathy, when the doctor came in again, I asked him, could this be nerves "waking up?", he smiles this big ass grin and says "C" "Yes," he was so great in spite of the language barrier in communicating with me, I really felt like something special. I dozed off again. Next time in, he made a comment about how I had more color in my face .... I wanted to ask him if my wrinkles were dissipating ... LOL ...he said it was a good sign of things "happening." So I finished it all up. No complications, no real pain, I was prescribed the antibiotic, a cough "tussin", and off I went to the waiting room to wait for the other patient and his wife to finish up his drip time. We all headed back to the US about 7:30ish.
I was exhausted, but exhilarated. Wanted to make sure I didn't over-react to anything, to just get back, have something to eat, and call it a night, which I did. I awoke about 2:30 that morning (5-6 hours later) to discover that I had a strange sensation in my digestive track, stomach, lower belly, and lots of noise. This, as many of you know and will confirm, has been an issue of pain and suffering for me for many years. The gastroparesis, nerve damage from the diabetes. ..... ok... well ... this piece of info may be TMI for some, but to a doctor, and to myself, it is totally freaking AMAZING, it was the awakening of nerves which have been paralyzed since 1995 (if not longer, but that was when it was dx). Thursday morning, I "went" ... almost like a regular person!! I had my breakfast, washed, dressed, packed and went to the airport. It was a long day of traveling and with my belly doing all kinds of moving around, and my lungs also taking in a lot of those little builders/repairmen, I just took things slow. Long story short, I arrived in Phoenix, was picked up at the airport, and proceeded to come back and well.... cause a drainage problem!!! I was laughing so hard in the bathroom my friends were yelling from the other room, "ARE YOU ALRIGHT!!!!" OMG .... like I said, most of you may be laughing right now knowing what I am going on and on about, some others, might be sort of grossed out. But let me tell you this, when something is "regular" it is a big-ass deal, and when it's NOT, mama is not always a happy, comfy camper!!! To make it better, today was another excellent day!!! and this has not happened in this manner in MANY years .... I have been known to go days and up to a week or more without going. All good signs. Things are happening.
One more noticeable happening before I call it a night to rest is that my blood sugars have been very stable in the last 48 hours, the best in many, many years, or so it seems. Upon arrival in Phoenix last night, I had met this really great young woman on the plane and we talked the whole trip from Houston to Phoenix. She was interested in what I had just underwent, and boy did we laugh a few times. Anyway, as we were leaving the airplane, I started to feel a little fuzzy, warm, and by the time we were up the gateway, I had to drop my bag and lean against the wall. This sweet young woman, from Louisiana ;), was my little guardian angel, she came back, said, "give me that bag" and walked with me up to the waiting area. Told me to make my call and she would use the restroom and be right back. While she was away, I checked my blood sugar, 76, I was thinking, were these signs?? I haven't had signs of an oncoming low for many years, they just hit, boom, and no real warnings, i.e., the warmth, until it hits 38 or lower. When telling Hillary this happening she said, "document it in your journal", "this is HUGE Mom!!" This sort of thing, happened again this evening, when I awoke I felt warm, checked, 68, I got up and had my dinner. But ... what was really nice, and so unheard of these days, was that it wasn't emergency mode, I didn't have to fumble around, I had clarity in my head to know what was happening, it was/is so totally new, unusual, and long time since any of these signs or symptoms of shown face.
I spent most of today just resting, sleeping, up, eat, read a little, back to bed, which is what I am going to do now. I am so happy, overwhelmed, I really can't find a good word to describe what is happening to my body, and I am so grateful for this opportunity, and hope to promote this treatment, the science, the medicine, to anyone and everyone who will listen and have an open mind, IT WORKS!!! The human repair kit is the line on a pamphlet I got and that is true, yet seems like an understatement. It was all mine to start with, we just needed the knowledge, and expertise, the passion of a man who sees things in fat that no one else would look at. Now I know he didn't do this single handed, but he is, for me, an angel who shares my passion for cures and treatments that seem more natural, more human, and should by no means be held up in the manner of "who is going to make the most bucks?" for the US ... lets plow through some of the politics and get down to the heart of the matter here, human compassion for healing.
Ok ... well .... I am going to sleep now, until I come up with some more, and I have more, so much more, my enthusiasm for what is happening just seems muted in words, you should hear me ramble on in speech about this, and how I believe it sounds, and what strangers have seemed to witness in just the past couple of days!!! PHENOMENAL is an understatement.
Peace, Love, and Light and for all the prayers!!
I felt all of the warmth as I underwent this procedure, and they are so greatly appreciated!!!
ET
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
It's all good
I am back at the hotel ... the day was VERY long, didn't sleep well last night.
Everything went very well and I have lots to share, but not tonight. I just had a little bit to eat, and doctor orders were to try and just rest for the next few days, in part as I have this nasty cough that hadn't gone away prior to treatment. The doctor treated me, and I have another round of antibiotic, one for the cough, two cause I am a diabetic, and three, well they just did a mini liposuction that I am about to blow stitches out of with the hard coughing I am doing. so ... with that being said, I really do feel better ... LOL .... it is just this cough ... which I heard multiple people yesterday on all planes doing .... anyway ... I will post lots of really cool details and some fasinating results when I get back to phoenix. This is a truly remarkable and rewarding treatment and I want to share it with those that are interested in the possibilities.
thanks for all the love, light, prayers, good vibes and energy, I felt them with me all day in great warmth!!!
Peace and Light
Sleep well
ET
Everything went very well and I have lots to share, but not tonight. I just had a little bit to eat, and doctor orders were to try and just rest for the next few days, in part as I have this nasty cough that hadn't gone away prior to treatment. The doctor treated me, and I have another round of antibiotic, one for the cough, two cause I am a diabetic, and three, well they just did a mini liposuction that I am about to blow stitches out of with the hard coughing I am doing. so ... with that being said, I really do feel better ... LOL .... it is just this cough ... which I heard multiple people yesterday on all planes doing .... anyway ... I will post lots of really cool details and some fasinating results when I get back to phoenix. This is a truly remarkable and rewarding treatment and I want to share it with those that are interested in the possibilities.
thanks for all the love, light, prayers, good vibes and energy, I felt them with me all day in great warmth!!!
Peace and Light
Sleep well
ET
"Today" .... has arrived ....
Good Morning!!!
Well, in spite of an exceptionally restless nights sleep, full of that asthma like cough I get and have had for what seems like weeks, today, life is about to change for me. I feel it (in more ways than one), and can't help but be a little anxious. One cannot think that there is not a psychological aspect to an undertaking like this ... although I have so much support, encouragement, excitement, etc, there is, for me, a feeling of uncertainty. Uncertainty in the aspect that I know life as no other way than I have been coping with it for so many years. The other night when I was repacking a smaller bag to travel out of a bigger bag, my friend came into the bedroom and said "holy crap, I can't imagine having to take all this stuff everyday of my life," ... that was on top of other daily meds, clothes, and those things that are needed for travel. Did you remember the passport? airline ticket? blow dryer?? (LOL .... you all know I haven't used one of those in years!!). It is the only life I know..... and I can't help but believe ... that is about to change. I have so much to share already, just not the time, and I so want to share this as it can help SO many people who are afflicted with many, many diseases and age related illness. I HOPE to be living proof for some ...
It is going to be a very long day, and of course, I am up about an hour prior to really having to be ... alarm is just about to go off ... lol ... I will try hard to take in as much as possible today so that I can share with you all the experience, a part of the psychological aspect of this change in so many ways for me. I really wish they would let me up out of the OR to go to the lab and watch my cells "come to life" .... but .... Hilly was a little bummed she couldn't be here with me, but when I told her that, she was really disappointed, we have a strange relationship...LOL ... I know she loves and worries about me, but together, we both have the knowledge, and wisdom, to want to know more, and learning about the body and its capabilities ... is a TOTALLY WICKED experience!! :D we have the ability to repair ourselves ... how amazing is that??!!??
Will enlighten you all later this evening .... and I will do my best to rest, relax, take it all in, embrace it, let go of all the negative energy that has been inhibiting my big, old body, and HOPE for that new, fresh start ... it is just a stepping stone, it is not a cure, I know this, but .... the positives of this treatment FAR outweigh the negative ... and I will show you this and together, get the word out that we need not have to suffer to enjoy life!!!
Have a wonderful day my friends ....
Be well ...
Peace, Light, and Love !!!!
Et
Well, in spite of an exceptionally restless nights sleep, full of that asthma like cough I get and have had for what seems like weeks, today, life is about to change for me. I feel it (in more ways than one), and can't help but be a little anxious. One cannot think that there is not a psychological aspect to an undertaking like this ... although I have so much support, encouragement, excitement, etc, there is, for me, a feeling of uncertainty. Uncertainty in the aspect that I know life as no other way than I have been coping with it for so many years. The other night when I was repacking a smaller bag to travel out of a bigger bag, my friend came into the bedroom and said "holy crap, I can't imagine having to take all this stuff everyday of my life," ... that was on top of other daily meds, clothes, and those things that are needed for travel. Did you remember the passport? airline ticket? blow dryer?? (LOL .... you all know I haven't used one of those in years!!). It is the only life I know..... and I can't help but believe ... that is about to change. I have so much to share already, just not the time, and I so want to share this as it can help SO many people who are afflicted with many, many diseases and age related illness. I HOPE to be living proof for some ...
It is going to be a very long day, and of course, I am up about an hour prior to really having to be ... alarm is just about to go off ... lol ... I will try hard to take in as much as possible today so that I can share with you all the experience, a part of the psychological aspect of this change in so many ways for me. I really wish they would let me up out of the OR to go to the lab and watch my cells "come to life" .... but .... Hilly was a little bummed she couldn't be here with me, but when I told her that, she was really disappointed, we have a strange relationship...LOL ... I know she loves and worries about me, but together, we both have the knowledge, and wisdom, to want to know more, and learning about the body and its capabilities ... is a TOTALLY WICKED experience!! :D we have the ability to repair ourselves ... how amazing is that??!!??
Will enlighten you all later this evening .... and I will do my best to rest, relax, take it all in, embrace it, let go of all the negative energy that has been inhibiting my big, old body, and HOPE for that new, fresh start ... it is just a stepping stone, it is not a cure, I know this, but .... the positives of this treatment FAR outweigh the negative ... and I will show you this and together, get the word out that we need not have to suffer to enjoy life!!!
Have a wonderful day my friends ....
Be well ...
Peace, Light, and Love !!!!
Et
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I have arrived ...
Just a quickie ... as I am totally exhausted, don't travel as well as I once did.
I made it, a very long day, not a lot to eat, feeling like crap with this URI creating a lot of noise ....
Had dinner, some interesting encounters to share, and a day tomorrow that will no doubt be long, and life changeing. Hillary was disappointed earlier when I told her that the support person could go back to the lab and watch my cells come to life .... TOTALLY AMAZEING!!!
I can't wait to share this experience with you all, for fighting with me on this journey, and a continued hope to bring this science to the states and the people who need it most!!!!
Peace and Light
ET
I made it, a very long day, not a lot to eat, feeling like crap with this URI creating a lot of noise ....
Had dinner, some interesting encounters to share, and a day tomorrow that will no doubt be long, and life changeing. Hillary was disappointed earlier when I told her that the support person could go back to the lab and watch my cells come to life .... TOTALLY AMAZEING!!!
I can't wait to share this experience with you all, for fighting with me on this journey, and a continued hope to bring this science to the states and the people who need it most!!!!
Peace and Light
ET
Sunday, February 6, 2011
tick-tock ....
G'evening ....
Most are no doubt preoccupied with the Super Bowl .... I am not a real big football fan, I prefer a good hockey, basketball, or baseball game. Anyway ... while I am sitting her brain dead ....
I spent 3 hours messing around looking for one bag, which turns out, I no longer own .... I know my mother had one, so I called my father and had him pull hers out, I will pick it up on my way out of town tomorrow.
Everyone keeps telling me how excited they are for me, how excited I should be ... I think I am shell-shocked .... I am excited, this is big stuff, cutting edge science, and I am playing a part..... but .... now that it is on my doorstep, I am so unsure of what to expect...??? I know not how to live my life without all the juggling. I know that monitoring will be crucial now, more so than ever before as we hope the rate will drop, and I am frightened as to how fast I could bottom out, will I get those warning signs back, how long will it take, etc .... there are a million scenarios running through my head lately. For the past week and a half, I have not only been fighting this upper respiratory infection, but my gut has been on a total rampage, nerves .... and I have been trying to pump my system with those things that help my immune system, which I swear gets worse every year. It seems to take ma longer and longer to get over something when I use to heal so well, and bounce right back ... LOL ... ya, ya, I know, I am not as young as I use to be, and I have never been the healthiest of people. Even now, I go to a new doctor, like this new PCP, and he looks at my records, then he looks at me ans spews ... "WOW ... You are like a miricle!!!" .... What the hell is that suppose to invoke??? (Hillary tells me it is because most of the diabetic patients they see at the hospital are in with missing limbs, renal failure, just rotting out .... not in good shape, and very visable .... so.... I guess that means I don't look as bad as I feel.... LMAO .....
I am nervous, but not about the travel, or the procedure, it is all about the "what if" after ....what to expect?? Every person is different, and I can attest that I have rarely done or followed any text book these doctors are taught with. I have found that most doctors and medical staff I have worked with over the years, with very few exceptions, have really gotten into the challenge, I try and make their jobs as easy as possible knowing that my body most likely isn't going to cooperate as they think it should ... LOL ... small vessels, odd responses, hard to put down, keep down, often hard to wake up .... one big challenge I am.
Anyway ... just wanted to let everyone know I am still plugging away trying to prep myself. I guess I really won't know any more until I get there. We will have an orientation on Tuesday evening with the doctor, patient advocate, etc, to review the process, what to expect, after care, and follow up ....
Please know that all of your excitement is wonderful to see ... but I am just not that bubbly yet ... I hope to be... I hope that a radiant glow, with less wrinkles, and better stamina, on top of the multiple benefits that are predicted .... I just know this can't be wrong, but, I also know that I will most likely require a second treatment .... there is a lot of work ahead of me .... sometime, it seems like an awful lot of fight to just stay above ground and no real time or energy to enjoy even the simple things in life. I have always been very independant, do it yourself kind of girl, these days, as I get older, I think I need an assistant ... and we all know how I hate to ask for help, so this person need be of the unconditional, openminded, type. ..... ok..... another story I guess ....
I have to go pull it together with the final details being completed tomorrow and my ride down to the Valley of the Sun. I fly out late Tuesday morning .... I will try and post after my staffing, if not, will try VERY hard to post after the treatment while laying quietly in my hotel room.
Thanks to all .... you love, support, guidance, words of encouragement are more than any one could ever ask for, and you have all given so freely for me ... I am deeply touched .... in hopes of fighting on long and hard for those others that can benefit..... Peace and Light ~ ET
Most are no doubt preoccupied with the Super Bowl .... I am not a real big football fan, I prefer a good hockey, basketball, or baseball game. Anyway ... while I am sitting her brain dead ....
I spent 3 hours messing around looking for one bag, which turns out, I no longer own .... I know my mother had one, so I called my father and had him pull hers out, I will pick it up on my way out of town tomorrow.
Everyone keeps telling me how excited they are for me, how excited I should be ... I think I am shell-shocked .... I am excited, this is big stuff, cutting edge science, and I am playing a part..... but .... now that it is on my doorstep, I am so unsure of what to expect...??? I know not how to live my life without all the juggling. I know that monitoring will be crucial now, more so than ever before as we hope the rate will drop, and I am frightened as to how fast I could bottom out, will I get those warning signs back, how long will it take, etc .... there are a million scenarios running through my head lately. For the past week and a half, I have not only been fighting this upper respiratory infection, but my gut has been on a total rampage, nerves .... and I have been trying to pump my system with those things that help my immune system, which I swear gets worse every year. It seems to take ma longer and longer to get over something when I use to heal so well, and bounce right back ... LOL ... ya, ya, I know, I am not as young as I use to be, and I have never been the healthiest of people. Even now, I go to a new doctor, like this new PCP, and he looks at my records, then he looks at me ans spews ... "WOW ... You are like a miricle!!!" .... What the hell is that suppose to invoke??? (Hillary tells me it is because most of the diabetic patients they see at the hospital are in with missing limbs, renal failure, just rotting out .... not in good shape, and very visable .... so.... I guess that means I don't look as bad as I feel.... LMAO .....
I am nervous, but not about the travel, or the procedure, it is all about the "what if" after ....what to expect?? Every person is different, and I can attest that I have rarely done or followed any text book these doctors are taught with. I have found that most doctors and medical staff I have worked with over the years, with very few exceptions, have really gotten into the challenge, I try and make their jobs as easy as possible knowing that my body most likely isn't going to cooperate as they think it should ... LOL ... small vessels, odd responses, hard to put down, keep down, often hard to wake up .... one big challenge I am.
Anyway ... just wanted to let everyone know I am still plugging away trying to prep myself. I guess I really won't know any more until I get there. We will have an orientation on Tuesday evening with the doctor, patient advocate, etc, to review the process, what to expect, after care, and follow up ....
Please know that all of your excitement is wonderful to see ... but I am just not that bubbly yet ... I hope to be... I hope that a radiant glow, with less wrinkles, and better stamina, on top of the multiple benefits that are predicted .... I just know this can't be wrong, but, I also know that I will most likely require a second treatment .... there is a lot of work ahead of me .... sometime, it seems like an awful lot of fight to just stay above ground and no real time or energy to enjoy even the simple things in life. I have always been very independant, do it yourself kind of girl, these days, as I get older, I think I need an assistant ... and we all know how I hate to ask for help, so this person need be of the unconditional, openminded, type. ..... ok..... another story I guess ....
I have to go pull it together with the final details being completed tomorrow and my ride down to the Valley of the Sun. I fly out late Tuesday morning .... I will try and post after my staffing, if not, will try VERY hard to post after the treatment while laying quietly in my hotel room.
Thanks to all .... you love, support, guidance, words of encouragement are more than any one could ever ask for, and you have all given so freely for me ... I am deeply touched .... in hopes of fighting on long and hard for those others that can benefit..... Peace and Light ~ ET
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My guide lately has been .....
This is Jizo .... a Buddhist guide that is the protector of women, children, and travelers .... I think I fell in love with him when I saw him (I think he is just too adorable!!), and then I learned about his meaning and traditions .... he will help me through all that is about to take place .....
BELIEVE ....( I go where I think I can find the most guidance and inspiration to keep going ...)
Just some thoughts ...
Happy Saturday!!!
I am still sort of "catatonic" as Hilly would describe in the realm of this becoming a reality for me. I have been just trying to stay focused on work, taking care of things that need the day-to-day attention. Oh, and not to mention the childlike, selfish needs of my father, who has a knack for pushing my buttons. I try very hard not to let him get to me, but really, it is so beyond my comprehension at times as to how one man can be so stupid, so self-centered, don't care about you, take care of me attitude that I honestly don't know how my mother tolerated this sort of behavior for 60 years!!! Anyway, once I get his errands taken care of this afternoon, and listen to what will undoubtedly be 3 hours of ranting about nothing, and no concern what so ever for what is happening now, and wanting nothing more than for me to take him to a casino so he can blow $$ that a brother or 2 may have sent him (which is NOT going to happen this weekend!) I can come home and collect all the things that need to come with me on the trip.
I have been on another round of antibiotic this week, last dose tomorrow for an upper respiratory infection, which I believe just went from my head in November, to my chest now, as this has been the 3rd round of antibiotic since that time. Not exactly the state I wanted to be in going into treatment. I have been trying hard to pump clear fluids (my love of coffee hasn't been so much last couple of weeks:(); fruits, and my whole food supplements as I can't seem to eat as much of this stuff as appears to be recommended. I believe my "Juice Plus" has helped me get through so many of these surgeries, procedures, just keeping me going in a healthy manner, and the stuff has been studied world wide to prove this fact. It's good shit!!!! LOL ....
This past couple of weeks has been .... well ..... I can't come up with a descriptive right now. Work was okay ... I remained focused (not sure how), met my deadlines, tried very hard to get as much work ready for my girls ... hehehe ... so they have work while I am out. They will anyway as a system has been placed to get this done while I am out. They are all such wonderful women, have been so supportive of me, it is really a great feeling to have people in our lives that are so acceptive of each other, we all have trials that require a little extra support from our friends. One woman in our office had two sons leave for boot camp this week, and yet, yesterday, she was so totally apologetic to me, I so would not have expected anything less from her, I can't imagine the anxiety involved in sending our children off to the situations going on in our military today. Absolutely no apologies are needed on my end my friend. My prayers are with you and your boys during this trying time. Another working peer as you might address, came forward after what seemed like several months of chaos to make ammends of sorts, that was ...... not only a shock, but, openly I took it in, and it seemed sincere, I will, however, at this time, not dwell on this topic, remain cautious, and just allow the stars to flow ..... I am not a big fan of being used as a door mat when I really don't have the energy to go about my life with lies and deciept. My objective is to ... as the New Hampshire state motto says ... "Live and Let Live" .... I do not go about life to hurt, destroy, undermine, not into the drama, usually can't remember what I did last week, lol .... I take great pleasure in small conversations, sharing lifes trials and triumphs, the whole live, laugh, love mentality. It is what keeps me content and grounded. Whatever happens ... well .... it must have been meant to be.
Ok ... moving on .... Hillary and I have interacted well this week. I think she knows I am so preoccupied with what is about to happen. I know she would like nothing more than to accompany me, I know she is worried about me traveling alone and not being able to response fast enough to a drastic low. I am prepared to take the extra precautions as we hope for the decreased insulin intake. It is going to require my utmost attention to stay on top. Little does any one know, this factor has me scared to death!!!! Yes, I do have fears, my mother use to tell me she thought I dealt with my disease in such a "graceful manner" ... LMAO ... I very often did not share with her that certain happenings scared the shit out of me, and I often times have wondered myself, "how did I survive that one??" .... it is not a feeling I would wish upon anyone. The loss of time, memory so it seems as time goes on, .... it can be debilitating if one were to dwell on it. I think ... and I truly believe I learned this quality from my mother, you do what you can with what you have, plow forward knowing right from wrong, and hope for the best .... Oh, and ... let's add a little laughter ... because as we both did for so many years, find something in the darkest of situations ... to laugh about, even if it reflected back on us. It helps, it keeps us real, grounded, HUMAN. Everyone has trials, life is not all roses and wine ... it is "full of pricks" as my mother use to say ... LMAO ... it was how we cope and deal with these irritations that makes us stronger people.
Back to Hillary, she had a clinical day yesterday and was assigned to the emergency room. OMG!!! Talk about the kid finding her element ... she was pumped beyond excitement when I picked her up last night. (We have been carpooling this week as her truck is in the shop). She was a nonstop motor mouth for the 30 minute ride home and another 30-45 minutes when we got home. She was so thrilled with the day of adreneline and all the things she was able to demonstrate, with what seemed like effortless goals. She got yet another excellent feed back to the clinical instructor, from the nursing and doc staff in the ER yesterday. I was so proud of her, and she is so animated when she is all excited and passionate about something. I really do think this is the area she would most thrive in, as a parent, I worry about the "burn out factor" involved in this line of medicine.... but I have to say, she is all over the critical thinking and acting ... totally awesome to watch in action. She is and has made me so proud!!! Hillary has been my blessing, my miracle, my ultimate accomplishment. I helped create a woman, a smart, beautiful, fun-loving, passionate, so very intelligent, and determined young woman ... where she decides to go is up to her, but I believe, as I have always told her, the sky is the limit if you want to apply yourself, you can do ANYTHING you want to do!!!! I can't say enough about her and all the things we share ... I hope she holds onto these things her entire life as I believe that they have helped her understand the world, prepare her for the cruelty out there. She is so aware .... but strives to do better, keep the bar high enough, and NEVER let it down.
OKay ... well .... again, lots of anxiety and nausea been hanging on my head this week. Last night, not really sure of times, I think I was already in bed, I felt and was awoken by major heat, so I shuffled to the kitchen, checked my blood, registered as 38 .... WTF .... I am so incoherant, Hilly was not home yet, I don't remember what I ate above the empty cereal box on the counter this morning, I do, vaguely remember sitting on the couch here and not being able to focus, hold my head up, I think I was scared ... it was not a good feeling ... I guess at some point, I shut my pump off ... in any event, when I awoke this morning I was at 504!! this sort of up and down stuff is the stuff that is killing me!! and I can't seem to control it even when I try ... it can be out of this world, frustrating. All my blood work earlier in the week came back "normal" ... .normal .... and yet my A1c was above 7!!! This pisses me to no end knowing I do everything in my power to keep on top of this. It is the most important factor ... without it, I don't function at all. I remain hopeful, and so totally believe that this cutting edge science, is the stepping stone to cures!! I must remain positive, focused, .... but damn, does ANYONE have any idea how hard it is to keep a pace like this throughout an entire life??? The distractions it can cause in lifes day-to-day activities for normal people??? How about we add on .... as life goes on .... arthritis, damaged bones, joints, after effects of being a punching bag, being diagnosed with digestive complications from diabetes, fibromyalgia, PTSD, heatt arrythmia, and some shit I would like to forget about completely, but have had to deal with, without a spouse or significant others .... I have had .... my daughter, for which I often times felt guilt over something I had no control over, had to let it go, and just tell her. She has always been supportive, even when she was not with me, and many times, I did try and get things taken care of without her presense or knowledge until after the fact. It is demanding at best, and a person, even with the best of spirits, gets tired. I am hoping for a little rest, soon, and yet know, I still have a lot of fight to go through .... and hoping that those of you that have taken on my cause, support me daily, have kept me in their prayers, and send constant good vibes and spirit ... I am so GRATEFUL!!! I have truly been blessed in the respect that I have been allowed to touch peoples lives in some small way ... that I touch and/or spark a passion for people to do good, go one step further, and yet ... REMAIN LAUGHING ... for me, laughing has been such an important part of my life, perhaps as a defense mechanism, but without a doubt, a grounding tool, for as long as I can laugh at myself and the things that happen to me, which eases others perception of the situation, no matter what happens, it needs to have a laugh, a smile, a hug, a human connection, and we all have that, we just need to allow to let it shine, and be receptive ... that is the hard part. :D
For all who continue to follow me, you are a blessing to me and my life!!! What you do is beyond words ... and I so appreciate all the support, laughs, kind words, encouragement ... ok ... well enough of pumping up your egos ... LMAO!!
I have things to get done, I will post again, most likely when I get to Texas as I will be alone, and need some sort of "connection" to the human race .... Be well, love those who are in your life, and tell them ..... we only have today, tomorrow is a the ultimate gift.
Peace and Light
ET
I am still sort of "catatonic" as Hilly would describe in the realm of this becoming a reality for me. I have been just trying to stay focused on work, taking care of things that need the day-to-day attention. Oh, and not to mention the childlike, selfish needs of my father, who has a knack for pushing my buttons. I try very hard not to let him get to me, but really, it is so beyond my comprehension at times as to how one man can be so stupid, so self-centered, don't care about you, take care of me attitude that I honestly don't know how my mother tolerated this sort of behavior for 60 years!!! Anyway, once I get his errands taken care of this afternoon, and listen to what will undoubtedly be 3 hours of ranting about nothing, and no concern what so ever for what is happening now, and wanting nothing more than for me to take him to a casino so he can blow $$ that a brother or 2 may have sent him (which is NOT going to happen this weekend!) I can come home and collect all the things that need to come with me on the trip.
I have been on another round of antibiotic this week, last dose tomorrow for an upper respiratory infection, which I believe just went from my head in November, to my chest now, as this has been the 3rd round of antibiotic since that time. Not exactly the state I wanted to be in going into treatment. I have been trying hard to pump clear fluids (my love of coffee hasn't been so much last couple of weeks:(); fruits, and my whole food supplements as I can't seem to eat as much of this stuff as appears to be recommended. I believe my "Juice Plus" has helped me get through so many of these surgeries, procedures, just keeping me going in a healthy manner, and the stuff has been studied world wide to prove this fact. It's good shit!!!! LOL ....
This past couple of weeks has been .... well ..... I can't come up with a descriptive right now. Work was okay ... I remained focused (not sure how), met my deadlines, tried very hard to get as much work ready for my girls ... hehehe ... so they have work while I am out. They will anyway as a system has been placed to get this done while I am out. They are all such wonderful women, have been so supportive of me, it is really a great feeling to have people in our lives that are so acceptive of each other, we all have trials that require a little extra support from our friends. One woman in our office had two sons leave for boot camp this week, and yet, yesterday, she was so totally apologetic to me, I so would not have expected anything less from her, I can't imagine the anxiety involved in sending our children off to the situations going on in our military today. Absolutely no apologies are needed on my end my friend. My prayers are with you and your boys during this trying time. Another working peer as you might address, came forward after what seemed like several months of chaos to make ammends of sorts, that was ...... not only a shock, but, openly I took it in, and it seemed sincere, I will, however, at this time, not dwell on this topic, remain cautious, and just allow the stars to flow ..... I am not a big fan of being used as a door mat when I really don't have the energy to go about my life with lies and deciept. My objective is to ... as the New Hampshire state motto says ... "Live and Let Live" .... I do not go about life to hurt, destroy, undermine, not into the drama, usually can't remember what I did last week, lol .... I take great pleasure in small conversations, sharing lifes trials and triumphs, the whole live, laugh, love mentality. It is what keeps me content and grounded. Whatever happens ... well .... it must have been meant to be.
Ok ... moving on .... Hillary and I have interacted well this week. I think she knows I am so preoccupied with what is about to happen. I know she would like nothing more than to accompany me, I know she is worried about me traveling alone and not being able to response fast enough to a drastic low. I am prepared to take the extra precautions as we hope for the decreased insulin intake. It is going to require my utmost attention to stay on top. Little does any one know, this factor has me scared to death!!!! Yes, I do have fears, my mother use to tell me she thought I dealt with my disease in such a "graceful manner" ... LMAO ... I very often did not share with her that certain happenings scared the shit out of me, and I often times have wondered myself, "how did I survive that one??" .... it is not a feeling I would wish upon anyone. The loss of time, memory so it seems as time goes on, .... it can be debilitating if one were to dwell on it. I think ... and I truly believe I learned this quality from my mother, you do what you can with what you have, plow forward knowing right from wrong, and hope for the best .... Oh, and ... let's add a little laughter ... because as we both did for so many years, find something in the darkest of situations ... to laugh about, even if it reflected back on us. It helps, it keeps us real, grounded, HUMAN. Everyone has trials, life is not all roses and wine ... it is "full of pricks" as my mother use to say ... LMAO ... it was how we cope and deal with these irritations that makes us stronger people.
Back to Hillary, she had a clinical day yesterday and was assigned to the emergency room. OMG!!! Talk about the kid finding her element ... she was pumped beyond excitement when I picked her up last night. (We have been carpooling this week as her truck is in the shop). She was a nonstop motor mouth for the 30 minute ride home and another 30-45 minutes when we got home. She was so thrilled with the day of adreneline and all the things she was able to demonstrate, with what seemed like effortless goals. She got yet another excellent feed back to the clinical instructor, from the nursing and doc staff in the ER yesterday. I was so proud of her, and she is so animated when she is all excited and passionate about something. I really do think this is the area she would most thrive in, as a parent, I worry about the "burn out factor" involved in this line of medicine.... but I have to say, she is all over the critical thinking and acting ... totally awesome to watch in action. She is and has made me so proud!!! Hillary has been my blessing, my miracle, my ultimate accomplishment. I helped create a woman, a smart, beautiful, fun-loving, passionate, so very intelligent, and determined young woman ... where she decides to go is up to her, but I believe, as I have always told her, the sky is the limit if you want to apply yourself, you can do ANYTHING you want to do!!!! I can't say enough about her and all the things we share ... I hope she holds onto these things her entire life as I believe that they have helped her understand the world, prepare her for the cruelty out there. She is so aware .... but strives to do better, keep the bar high enough, and NEVER let it down.
OKay ... well .... again, lots of anxiety and nausea been hanging on my head this week. Last night, not really sure of times, I think I was already in bed, I felt and was awoken by major heat, so I shuffled to the kitchen, checked my blood, registered as 38 .... WTF .... I am so incoherant, Hilly was not home yet, I don't remember what I ate above the empty cereal box on the counter this morning, I do, vaguely remember sitting on the couch here and not being able to focus, hold my head up, I think I was scared ... it was not a good feeling ... I guess at some point, I shut my pump off ... in any event, when I awoke this morning I was at 504!! this sort of up and down stuff is the stuff that is killing me!! and I can't seem to control it even when I try ... it can be out of this world, frustrating. All my blood work earlier in the week came back "normal" ... .normal .... and yet my A1c was above 7!!! This pisses me to no end knowing I do everything in my power to keep on top of this. It is the most important factor ... without it, I don't function at all. I remain hopeful, and so totally believe that this cutting edge science, is the stepping stone to cures!! I must remain positive, focused, .... but damn, does ANYONE have any idea how hard it is to keep a pace like this throughout an entire life??? The distractions it can cause in lifes day-to-day activities for normal people??? How about we add on .... as life goes on .... arthritis, damaged bones, joints, after effects of being a punching bag, being diagnosed with digestive complications from diabetes, fibromyalgia, PTSD, heatt arrythmia, and some shit I would like to forget about completely, but have had to deal with, without a spouse or significant others .... I have had .... my daughter, for which I often times felt guilt over something I had no control over, had to let it go, and just tell her. She has always been supportive, even when she was not with me, and many times, I did try and get things taken care of without her presense or knowledge until after the fact. It is demanding at best, and a person, even with the best of spirits, gets tired. I am hoping for a little rest, soon, and yet know, I still have a lot of fight to go through .... and hoping that those of you that have taken on my cause, support me daily, have kept me in their prayers, and send constant good vibes and spirit ... I am so GRATEFUL!!! I have truly been blessed in the respect that I have been allowed to touch peoples lives in some small way ... that I touch and/or spark a passion for people to do good, go one step further, and yet ... REMAIN LAUGHING ... for me, laughing has been such an important part of my life, perhaps as a defense mechanism, but without a doubt, a grounding tool, for as long as I can laugh at myself and the things that happen to me, which eases others perception of the situation, no matter what happens, it needs to have a laugh, a smile, a hug, a human connection, and we all have that, we just need to allow to let it shine, and be receptive ... that is the hard part. :D
For all who continue to follow me, you are a blessing to me and my life!!! What you do is beyond words ... and I so appreciate all the support, laughs, kind words, encouragement ... ok ... well enough of pumping up your egos ... LMAO!!
I have things to get done, I will post again, most likely when I get to Texas as I will be alone, and need some sort of "connection" to the human race .... Be well, love those who are in your life, and tell them ..... we only have today, tomorrow is a the ultimate gift.
Peace and Light
ET
Monday, January 31, 2011
Final travel and treatment ....
Well ... I got the final travel and treatment email this afternoon. I do believe the slightest bit of reality and anxiety are beginning to set in. LOL .... I have to laugh, cause I don't want to cry ... I am saving that for the happy times!!
All is set, I just need to gather and pack what I will need (into 2 suitcases) as I will only take the basics on the jaunt for treatment, and a bigger bag to stay with friends upon my return for babysitting purposes until my State side follow up with my own endocrinologist on February 14th. I saw my PCP this morning, not really impressed, but sort of happy he made himself available if I need him prior to the next appointment in 6 months. I am happy in the sense that I would prefer my endocrinologist taking the reigns on this venture, and not having "too many cooks in the kitchen", so to speak. She knows me well, and she knows what I have been dealing with over the last several years and has watched it decline. I had my labs done, so I got copies to share with her and the doctor in Mexico. Let's just say I am thinking I would kill for a couple of Valium by weeks end ... LOL ... and they don't even effect me as they do others ... that is what is funny.
Anyway ... it is all coming down to the wire, and I am still not sure how I should be feeling ... ??? Any words of wisdom from folks would be of great comfort and relief ... hahaha ... no, really. It would seem that all of those around me are or seem to be more excited about this than I have shown. Trust me, I am on a cloud, for so many reasons, I have never had so many feelings/emotions running a muck at the same time ... at least that I can remember.
Well, I have to finish making my bed and get ready for work tomorrow, and gather some belongings for the trip.
Thanks to all!!
Stay warm and dry all of you about to get hit again, with yet another snow storm. I admire your stamina ... I couldn't do it anymore ... I would be in the house until May!! LOL ....
Peace and Light
et
All is set, I just need to gather and pack what I will need (into 2 suitcases) as I will only take the basics on the jaunt for treatment, and a bigger bag to stay with friends upon my return for babysitting purposes until my State side follow up with my own endocrinologist on February 14th. I saw my PCP this morning, not really impressed, but sort of happy he made himself available if I need him prior to the next appointment in 6 months. I am happy in the sense that I would prefer my endocrinologist taking the reigns on this venture, and not having "too many cooks in the kitchen", so to speak. She knows me well, and she knows what I have been dealing with over the last several years and has watched it decline. I had my labs done, so I got copies to share with her and the doctor in Mexico. Let's just say I am thinking I would kill for a couple of Valium by weeks end ... LOL ... and they don't even effect me as they do others ... that is what is funny.
Anyway ... it is all coming down to the wire, and I am still not sure how I should be feeling ... ??? Any words of wisdom from folks would be of great comfort and relief ... hahaha ... no, really. It would seem that all of those around me are or seem to be more excited about this than I have shown. Trust me, I am on a cloud, for so many reasons, I have never had so many feelings/emotions running a muck at the same time ... at least that I can remember.
Well, I have to finish making my bed and get ready for work tomorrow, and gather some belongings for the trip.
Thanks to all!!
Stay warm and dry all of you about to get hit again, with yet another snow storm. I admire your stamina ... I couldn't do it anymore ... I would be in the house until May!! LOL ....
Peace and Light
et
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Treatment Overview
Good Morning my faithful followers!!!
Ok ... well ... today, is the worse day pain-wise I have had in a long time. The pain has been building and very steady over the past couple of weeks in great part due to the fact I haven't taken any Aleve in almost 2 weeks. NSAIDs have to be stopped prior to treatment. For many, you know I have been on multiple, if not most, pain meds over the years with no real relief and often times, side effects that could be potentially worse than the pain itself. My body hurts SO badly today that just moving makes me dizzy, nauseated, and wanting to throw-up. Most likely TMI for most, but this sort of pain can stop a person in their tracks. I have been dealing with chronic pain since 1995, and go through periods like this when stress levels are high, and pain meds are minimal to none. Last week at work, I have (along with a couple of coworkers) those bags that you can heat in the microwave to apply heat. Let's just say, between the 3 of us, we keep the microwave running ALL day long. I, need more than one bag at times, one for my shoulders and neck, and one for my lumbar spine. I have always tried to "keep it moving", but there are times, like today, that moving is truely something I can't do very well, and I have a TON of things to get done, and accomplished this week to prep for my trip. My attitude in this aspect as always been, keep it moving, don't complain, and just listen to my body. Today, I am seeing a nap in my very near future ... with heat on my spine, and no doubt wiping out the case of water I just opened yesterday.
Let's just say, the lack of any sort of pain med it certainly bringing to the forefront those "problem areas" in which I was told to tell the doctor about when undergoing my treatment next week.
In regard to the treatment, I would like to give you all a brief overview of what is going to happen, how, where, and what I have done to get here.
As you all know, this has been a long time coming, and not soon enough given the decline I have felt over the past couple of years. When my mom was ill, towards the end, I believe I was on autopilot, just going through what needed to be done and not paying much attention to my body screaming at me. All that sort of "family" stress has continued, only not in a state that has been even remotely rewarding. (That is not meant to be a derogatory comment). Caring for my mother, being part of her dying process was the most rewarding experience of my life next to giving birth to Hillary. It, and she, reinforced the grace under fire mentality, and the human factor that I would like to believe we all have. It was an experience, I will hold with me until the day I die.
With that being said, raising funds, awareness of not only Type I, but of the adult stem cell treatments being offered everywhere but here in the US, or at least that is how it seems. I had no idea that people would be so open to the knowledge I apparently have to offer ... LOL .... I am not a stupid woman. I do, however, have a very warped sense of humor, in which has worked incredibly well for me over the years in many ways. It helps keep me grounded, it helps keep me real, it helps others to see that in spite of what I deal with, I can and do still laugh. (Although, it would seem, to me, that my laughter is dimming, I feel it, I see it in my eyes). I don't want that to happen, and right now, with all that has happened in the past couple of months, and certainly in the past couple of weeks, has to keep me going, for a while. I want to prove to so many, mostly political, closed minded types, that this science is here, and we as Americans, should insist on being offered this sort of medical care, instead of bleeding those of us who kill ourselves just to keep alive, not including what others take for granted. To my "Angels" who made this dream, wish, fight, a reality, Thank you seems minor, I will be forever indebted to you for your generosity, love, and hopes right along with me for a better future. I am totally and completely overwhelmed with the love and support that has been shown to me. I have no idea, what it is that I bring to peoples lives to make them feel the way they do about me ??? Really, no idea .... I am not rich, I am not beautiful, I have few material things, I have a very warped outlook at times in regard to nature, the human body, and life in general. I know, that I often offend some, but ... really, I am just stating what most are thinking and are afraid to voice. I am not a fan of being politically correct, lay it out there, deal with it, get over it, move on!!! (oh, and don't forget to scrap that crap off your shoes before you move on, don't want anything leaving a stain on the future) ... LMAO ... (some of you will get that comment :D)
Ok ... well ... on Tuesday I will fly to TX, upon arrival I will take part in an orientation to prep for Weds. treatment. I am scheduled to undergo my procedure at 8:30. It will take approximately 4-5 hours start to finish. They will take blood (a new piece to the treatment). With this blood they will separate the PRP (protein rich plasma) and infuse some of the stem cells that will be removed to create a "cocktail" of sorts. This will be used on the "problem areas" I mentioned above. A new piece to the treatment, which I guess you could call a bonus, but we are paying for it as the cost of treatment went up to $12,500 from $10K when I first started this venture. Moving on, they will be removing adipose tissue (fat!!) from my abdomen and processing this to remove the dormant stem cells we all have, and as we age, the ability to utilize slows, or diminishes. When the process is complete (if you want more detailed, scientific definition, see some of my research links) they will infuse these now active cells back into my body via IV. the cocktail will be used as an injection method to pinpoint problem areask, such as my spine, neck, etc. I then return back to my hotel on the US side, and fly home to Phoenix on Thursday afternoon.
Seems pretty simple right .... ???? Tomorrow I see my local PCP, check on recent labs, get copies, place a plan for calls if and when I need when I get back home, locally. On Monday, Feb 14th, I will meet with my endocrinologist in Phoenix to adjust my pump and place a plan for "tweaking" my insulin intake as the stemmies get to work. This is the part I am so unsure of, that I can only pray, and do the best I can to monitor more closely. This sort of monitoring makes me want to stay close to home, like STAY HOME, until I know. Unfortunately, that doesn't pay the mortgage or the other bills and I must go back to work.
That is it in a nutshell ... I am not really scared of the treatment, or what may happen afterward as the positives so outwiegh the negatives of this procedure. It is the being alone and knowing how I can get now, am cautious as to how fast I could drop out and that scares me .... almost as much as I see the concern and helplessness on those around me when this happens and I am like "lights on, but no one is home" look and behavior.
All the prayers, good wishes, support, emotional and financial in which I have recieved is overwhelming, humbling ...and beyond my comprehension at times.
On that note, I can barely move, weather says we may get snow tonight, which is not helping my bone and muscle pain .... going to make myself a hot cup of tea, heat my bag and lay down for a while. Often times, just sleeping, helps my body rejuvenate to the point of functionality ... good thing it's the weekend.
Peace, Light, and much Love!!!!
et
Ok ... well ... today, is the worse day pain-wise I have had in a long time. The pain has been building and very steady over the past couple of weeks in great part due to the fact I haven't taken any Aleve in almost 2 weeks. NSAIDs have to be stopped prior to treatment. For many, you know I have been on multiple, if not most, pain meds over the years with no real relief and often times, side effects that could be potentially worse than the pain itself. My body hurts SO badly today that just moving makes me dizzy, nauseated, and wanting to throw-up. Most likely TMI for most, but this sort of pain can stop a person in their tracks. I have been dealing with chronic pain since 1995, and go through periods like this when stress levels are high, and pain meds are minimal to none. Last week at work, I have (along with a couple of coworkers) those bags that you can heat in the microwave to apply heat. Let's just say, between the 3 of us, we keep the microwave running ALL day long. I, need more than one bag at times, one for my shoulders and neck, and one for my lumbar spine. I have always tried to "keep it moving", but there are times, like today, that moving is truely something I can't do very well, and I have a TON of things to get done, and accomplished this week to prep for my trip. My attitude in this aspect as always been, keep it moving, don't complain, and just listen to my body. Today, I am seeing a nap in my very near future ... with heat on my spine, and no doubt wiping out the case of water I just opened yesterday.
Let's just say, the lack of any sort of pain med it certainly bringing to the forefront those "problem areas" in which I was told to tell the doctor about when undergoing my treatment next week.
In regard to the treatment, I would like to give you all a brief overview of what is going to happen, how, where, and what I have done to get here.
As you all know, this has been a long time coming, and not soon enough given the decline I have felt over the past couple of years. When my mom was ill, towards the end, I believe I was on autopilot, just going through what needed to be done and not paying much attention to my body screaming at me. All that sort of "family" stress has continued, only not in a state that has been even remotely rewarding. (That is not meant to be a derogatory comment). Caring for my mother, being part of her dying process was the most rewarding experience of my life next to giving birth to Hillary. It, and she, reinforced the grace under fire mentality, and the human factor that I would like to believe we all have. It was an experience, I will hold with me until the day I die.
With that being said, raising funds, awareness of not only Type I, but of the adult stem cell treatments being offered everywhere but here in the US, or at least that is how it seems. I had no idea that people would be so open to the knowledge I apparently have to offer ... LOL .... I am not a stupid woman. I do, however, have a very warped sense of humor, in which has worked incredibly well for me over the years in many ways. It helps keep me grounded, it helps keep me real, it helps others to see that in spite of what I deal with, I can and do still laugh. (Although, it would seem, to me, that my laughter is dimming, I feel it, I see it in my eyes). I don't want that to happen, and right now, with all that has happened in the past couple of months, and certainly in the past couple of weeks, has to keep me going, for a while. I want to prove to so many, mostly political, closed minded types, that this science is here, and we as Americans, should insist on being offered this sort of medical care, instead of bleeding those of us who kill ourselves just to keep alive, not including what others take for granted. To my "Angels" who made this dream, wish, fight, a reality, Thank you seems minor, I will be forever indebted to you for your generosity, love, and hopes right along with me for a better future. I am totally and completely overwhelmed with the love and support that has been shown to me. I have no idea, what it is that I bring to peoples lives to make them feel the way they do about me ??? Really, no idea .... I am not rich, I am not beautiful, I have few material things, I have a very warped outlook at times in regard to nature, the human body, and life in general. I know, that I often offend some, but ... really, I am just stating what most are thinking and are afraid to voice. I am not a fan of being politically correct, lay it out there, deal with it, get over it, move on!!! (oh, and don't forget to scrap that crap off your shoes before you move on, don't want anything leaving a stain on the future) ... LMAO ... (some of you will get that comment :D)
Ok ... well ... on Tuesday I will fly to TX, upon arrival I will take part in an orientation to prep for Weds. treatment. I am scheduled to undergo my procedure at 8:30. It will take approximately 4-5 hours start to finish. They will take blood (a new piece to the treatment). With this blood they will separate the PRP (protein rich plasma) and infuse some of the stem cells that will be removed to create a "cocktail" of sorts. This will be used on the "problem areas" I mentioned above. A new piece to the treatment, which I guess you could call a bonus, but we are paying for it as the cost of treatment went up to $12,500 from $10K when I first started this venture. Moving on, they will be removing adipose tissue (fat!!) from my abdomen and processing this to remove the dormant stem cells we all have, and as we age, the ability to utilize slows, or diminishes. When the process is complete (if you want more detailed, scientific definition, see some of my research links) they will infuse these now active cells back into my body via IV. the cocktail will be used as an injection method to pinpoint problem areask, such as my spine, neck, etc. I then return back to my hotel on the US side, and fly home to Phoenix on Thursday afternoon.
Seems pretty simple right .... ???? Tomorrow I see my local PCP, check on recent labs, get copies, place a plan for calls if and when I need when I get back home, locally. On Monday, Feb 14th, I will meet with my endocrinologist in Phoenix to adjust my pump and place a plan for "tweaking" my insulin intake as the stemmies get to work. This is the part I am so unsure of, that I can only pray, and do the best I can to monitor more closely. This sort of monitoring makes me want to stay close to home, like STAY HOME, until I know. Unfortunately, that doesn't pay the mortgage or the other bills and I must go back to work.
That is it in a nutshell ... I am not really scared of the treatment, or what may happen afterward as the positives so outwiegh the negatives of this procedure. It is the being alone and knowing how I can get now, am cautious as to how fast I could drop out and that scares me .... almost as much as I see the concern and helplessness on those around me when this happens and I am like "lights on, but no one is home" look and behavior.
All the prayers, good wishes, support, emotional and financial in which I have recieved is overwhelming, humbling ...and beyond my comprehension at times.
On that note, I can barely move, weather says we may get snow tonight, which is not helping my bone and muscle pain .... going to make myself a hot cup of tea, heat my bag and lay down for a while. Often times, just sleeping, helps my body rejuvenate to the point of functionality ... good thing it's the weekend.
Peace, Light, and much Love!!!!
et
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Count Down ....
Hello to everyone!!!
I hope this post finds everyone happy, healthy, and WARM, especially my East Coast folks, and a few I know from the Midwest. You have been hit hard this winter. I know that I could not cope with that sort of weather anymore. That much snow would keep me in the house until May!! .... LOL ....
On the treatment front:
Many people are counting down the days, ten days, as I have been informed this morning by my loving daughter. She is very excited. A phone call with a very special person this morning was evident of excitement, prayer, and hope for what this has the potential to do, and not just for me. For me, well .... I really have tried to stay focused on what I need to do in many aspects of my so-called responsibilities. Therefore, this past week, I have focused on my deadlines at work. I had a deadline of yesterday for a multitude of work to be completed. I made it ... with not as much OT as I had anticipated. All that came from me NOT thinking about what may be in just a little over a week. I am not nervous about the treatment, not really worried about going over the border, etc. I do wish that someone I know, who knows me, who understands what I deal with and how fast it can happen, could accompany me, but with the economy, cost of airfare, the need for a passport, and time off, to babysit me for 3 days, was too much. That is ok, I totally understand and am so happy with all the prayers, good wishes, support, encouragement, I know that there must be a hundred other adjectives that describe the gratitude I feel for all of this, from ALL of you!!! I will be fine. DEAR friends, will take me to the airport, pick me up from the airport, and watch over me, as they have done so many times in the 10 years I have lived in AZ, until I meet with my endocrinologist on Monday ... February 14 at 8:00 AM..... what sort of love fix is that??!! .....
So ... I have one week to finish up my work on the job, I am pushing myself (not always sure why I do this) to get caught up to the point where I need not worry, which I should be doing anyway ... but ...given the economy, I need my job and am glad I have one at this point, so ... put my best feet forward. This past week, I was called by the travel guy with ISCI to confirm my flight info, there will be someone at the airport with my name on a piece of cardboard ... LOL ... to take me to the hotel and begin the process. The night before treatment there will be an orientation, process, thinks to be aware of, schedule (I am scheduled to be first of the day @ 8:30AM), hopefully, I will sleep that night. Being alone, not having anyone to bounce stuff off of, and just wondering, ..... I know it's coming ... I have so much going on in my thoughts that I have pushed to the back of my mind recently that will come to the forefront when I am all alone, waiting for life to change.
I will keep you all posted as to how it goes, what will happen as we go along with the process. As I have stated in the past, this is not yet a CURE, but it is my heartfelt belief, that it is the biggest step to a cure for so many diseases that it must not be overlooked or understated!!! Please hold that in your deepest support area. I may have excellent results from this first treatment, but it is possible, and very likely that a 2nd treatment will be needed to keep things on an even keel. So out fundraising efforts can't end just yet. I am all to aware of the fact that so much of society is struggling. Me and Mine have been struggling to stay on top, not even ahead, for months. With my daughter having lost hours at work due to budget cuts, the possibility of her losing her job all together, is still a risk. I have been luck in that I have a job, and it seems to be stable at the moment, but with more budget cuts on the horizen, I too, could be out. That would mean we would lose our house, our vehicles, etc ... something I refuse to look at presently. I believe, we work hard, we find a way to get through. For me, lately, the support, love, and encouragement I have had from people really has kept me going. But ... like yesterday morning, risk and danger of what could happen is a reality. It is just not a topic I like to dwell on, anything can happen, to anyone, any day, to worry about these things does not allow one to focus on the solving of the problem.
Ok ... I was rambling .... prepare for a little more of that ... there is a psychological factor that goes along with anyone who suffers with a chronic disease, and those around them as well. As always, from the start of this little adventure, I have welcomed comments, feedback, opinions, I am always open to questions, a diolog, anything to open the conversation on this topic of bringing it to the US ... and allowing our citizens, the working class citizens and not just the rich, to use it and benefit from it. Let's take care of our own people, learn from these other countries, scientists, doctors, and people who have undergone this little miracle for all.
Again, much love and thanks for continued prayers and support!!
I will be in touch!!!
Peace and Light!!!
et
I hope this post finds everyone happy, healthy, and WARM, especially my East Coast folks, and a few I know from the Midwest. You have been hit hard this winter. I know that I could not cope with that sort of weather anymore. That much snow would keep me in the house until May!! .... LOL ....
On the treatment front:
Many people are counting down the days, ten days, as I have been informed this morning by my loving daughter. She is very excited. A phone call with a very special person this morning was evident of excitement, prayer, and hope for what this has the potential to do, and not just for me. For me, well .... I really have tried to stay focused on what I need to do in many aspects of my so-called responsibilities. Therefore, this past week, I have focused on my deadlines at work. I had a deadline of yesterday for a multitude of work to be completed. I made it ... with not as much OT as I had anticipated. All that came from me NOT thinking about what may be in just a little over a week. I am not nervous about the treatment, not really worried about going over the border, etc. I do wish that someone I know, who knows me, who understands what I deal with and how fast it can happen, could accompany me, but with the economy, cost of airfare, the need for a passport, and time off, to babysit me for 3 days, was too much. That is ok, I totally understand and am so happy with all the prayers, good wishes, support, encouragement, I know that there must be a hundred other adjectives that describe the gratitude I feel for all of this, from ALL of you!!! I will be fine. DEAR friends, will take me to the airport, pick me up from the airport, and watch over me, as they have done so many times in the 10 years I have lived in AZ, until I meet with my endocrinologist on Monday ... February 14 at 8:00 AM..... what sort of love fix is that??!! .....
So ... I have one week to finish up my work on the job, I am pushing myself (not always sure why I do this) to get caught up to the point where I need not worry, which I should be doing anyway ... but ...given the economy, I need my job and am glad I have one at this point, so ... put my best feet forward. This past week, I was called by the travel guy with ISCI to confirm my flight info, there will be someone at the airport with my name on a piece of cardboard ... LOL ... to take me to the hotel and begin the process. The night before treatment there will be an orientation, process, thinks to be aware of, schedule (I am scheduled to be first of the day @ 8:30AM), hopefully, I will sleep that night. Being alone, not having anyone to bounce stuff off of, and just wondering, ..... I know it's coming ... I have so much going on in my thoughts that I have pushed to the back of my mind recently that will come to the forefront when I am all alone, waiting for life to change.
I will keep you all posted as to how it goes, what will happen as we go along with the process. As I have stated in the past, this is not yet a CURE, but it is my heartfelt belief, that it is the biggest step to a cure for so many diseases that it must not be overlooked or understated!!! Please hold that in your deepest support area. I may have excellent results from this first treatment, but it is possible, and very likely that a 2nd treatment will be needed to keep things on an even keel. So out fundraising efforts can't end just yet. I am all to aware of the fact that so much of society is struggling. Me and Mine have been struggling to stay on top, not even ahead, for months. With my daughter having lost hours at work due to budget cuts, the possibility of her losing her job all together, is still a risk. I have been luck in that I have a job, and it seems to be stable at the moment, but with more budget cuts on the horizen, I too, could be out. That would mean we would lose our house, our vehicles, etc ... something I refuse to look at presently. I believe, we work hard, we find a way to get through. For me, lately, the support, love, and encouragement I have had from people really has kept me going. But ... like yesterday morning, risk and danger of what could happen is a reality. It is just not a topic I like to dwell on, anything can happen, to anyone, any day, to worry about these things does not allow one to focus on the solving of the problem.
Ok ... I was rambling .... prepare for a little more of that ... there is a psychological factor that goes along with anyone who suffers with a chronic disease, and those around them as well. As always, from the start of this little adventure, I have welcomed comments, feedback, opinions, I am always open to questions, a diolog, anything to open the conversation on this topic of bringing it to the US ... and allowing our citizens, the working class citizens and not just the rich, to use it and benefit from it. Let's take care of our own people, learn from these other countries, scientists, doctors, and people who have undergone this little miracle for all.
Again, much love and thanks for continued prayers and support!!
I will be in touch!!!
Peace and Light!!!
et
Monday, January 17, 2011
God works in mysterious ways ....
Greetings !!!
I come this morning with overwhelming news. I am GOING TO MEXICO!!!
Yesterday, I got a message stating that I was wanted "to grow old with us" along with the remaining funds to book my treatment, my flight, and follow up doctor appointment!!!!! I was overwhelmed, numb, "catatonic" for several hours according to my loving child, who was very emotional as well. Angels, right here in my life!!! So many, and all so very precious to my being.
How can you thank someone for such an overwhelming, self-less, and generous contribution to my life? To help, with hope, that my life gets better and things calm down a tad so that I can grow old, or at least 65. That would be a good number ... I think ... 69 tops.... LOL.
The past year has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I have had multiple disappointments, not that I can't handle disappointment, but .... I have tried so hard to plow forward, educate those who question my disease, and my goal of undergoing the adipose stem cell treatment. A year later, I have educated, I have sparked interest, and knowledge, and perhaps in certain cases, opened a slightly closed mind in regard to the science. In just the recent weeks since the November fundraiser, multiple articles have been printed in regard to the stem cell treatment, all positive, and promising outcomes. One in particular, was a diabetic ulcer gone bad and doctors wanted to amputate. Stem cells treatment applied, and boom!!! Repair and regenerate, and no amputation needed as the wound began to heal beautifully. Now, I am sure, as I have seen them, talked to a couple I think, and read many entries in which I thought the organizations, people, etc., were nothing more than a scammer. I have tried to weed through all this sort of negative press and feel I have found a reputable, safe, and high standard organization to do the treatment. I am, now, currently, in a frame of mind in which it is hard for me to verbalize at the moment. I am allowing thoughts like, plane ticket, crossing t's and dotting I's ... and then, most likely on a plane ride, or the night before, will lie and wonder. What will happen? What will life be like when my new stemmies start plowing through the worn out, broken parts of my body?? How long will it take?? Every person is different. My doctor seems to think it will be 2 weeks before we start to see any drop in insulin intake, my guess is less than a week. I do nothing by textbook ... LMAO ... never have, why would it start now??
I have been trying to plan a future .... as the norm, I try not to plan too far ahead. Could this change ... just a bit?? I take one day at a time, we may not have that, so we need to enjoy the moment we are in .... but .... how irresponsible, if I didn't try and plan ahead?? It is a tough balance at times, as my life has become in recent months. One day has just blended in with the other, I have been on autopilot, robotically going through my job process, for the most part, dispensing most of my energy on work, getting home, feeling like I have been beat with a bat, try to listen to my body and just ... well ...head to bed ... usually before 9, just so that I can get the rest I need to do it all again for 8 hours the next day. My stamina has faded, (not that I was ever overloaded with stamina to start with), I will undergo lab work in the morning, that should cover me up to treatment, and then .... oh my .... I have no idea, it is a sort of adrenaline thing, what is going to happen?? I have such hope, and then, if this makes the difference I think it will, I would love nothing more than to be some sort of spokesperson, I want more people to know that the science to help, in a much more natural approach in my opinion, is out there, our government, however, is so money hungry, pharmaceuticals might lose some of their cash flow, too bad!! There are too many people in today's society suffering from devastating, debilitating degenerative diseases that can be improved greatly with this science. Why, a question I ask all too frequently, must we suffer while some get rich off of our misfortune??? In spite of the fact I like small crowds, I am passionate about this topic and would overcome my unsteadiness of speaking in public to shout from the rooftops what I get the stability I hope for.
Please, continue to pray for me, for those who support and love me, for those Angels in my corner, both on this plane and the one on the other side .... more details will follow this week for sure as things begin to fall into place. Follow me ... hoping that whoever decides they will accompany me, will be able to pick up on subtleties that will be positive, in spite of the fact, I fear a drastic low, so I must be diligent about testing and keeping an eye on my pump and insulin intake. A good babysitter who knows me well in these "stupid" modes will be my best friend this week .... LOL .....
Peace and Light to all !!!
with much love
et
I come this morning with overwhelming news. I am GOING TO MEXICO!!!
Yesterday, I got a message stating that I was wanted "to grow old with us" along with the remaining funds to book my treatment, my flight, and follow up doctor appointment!!!!! I was overwhelmed, numb, "catatonic" for several hours according to my loving child, who was very emotional as well. Angels, right here in my life!!! So many, and all so very precious to my being.
How can you thank someone for such an overwhelming, self-less, and generous contribution to my life? To help, with hope, that my life gets better and things calm down a tad so that I can grow old, or at least 65. That would be a good number ... I think ... 69 tops.... LOL.
The past year has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I have had multiple disappointments, not that I can't handle disappointment, but .... I have tried so hard to plow forward, educate those who question my disease, and my goal of undergoing the adipose stem cell treatment. A year later, I have educated, I have sparked interest, and knowledge, and perhaps in certain cases, opened a slightly closed mind in regard to the science. In just the recent weeks since the November fundraiser, multiple articles have been printed in regard to the stem cell treatment, all positive, and promising outcomes. One in particular, was a diabetic ulcer gone bad and doctors wanted to amputate. Stem cells treatment applied, and boom!!! Repair and regenerate, and no amputation needed as the wound began to heal beautifully. Now, I am sure, as I have seen them, talked to a couple I think, and read many entries in which I thought the organizations, people, etc., were nothing more than a scammer. I have tried to weed through all this sort of negative press and feel I have found a reputable, safe, and high standard organization to do the treatment. I am, now, currently, in a frame of mind in which it is hard for me to verbalize at the moment. I am allowing thoughts like, plane ticket, crossing t's and dotting I's ... and then, most likely on a plane ride, or the night before, will lie and wonder. What will happen? What will life be like when my new stemmies start plowing through the worn out, broken parts of my body?? How long will it take?? Every person is different. My doctor seems to think it will be 2 weeks before we start to see any drop in insulin intake, my guess is less than a week. I do nothing by textbook ... LMAO ... never have, why would it start now??
I have been trying to plan a future .... as the norm, I try not to plan too far ahead. Could this change ... just a bit?? I take one day at a time, we may not have that, so we need to enjoy the moment we are in .... but .... how irresponsible, if I didn't try and plan ahead?? It is a tough balance at times, as my life has become in recent months. One day has just blended in with the other, I have been on autopilot, robotically going through my job process, for the most part, dispensing most of my energy on work, getting home, feeling like I have been beat with a bat, try to listen to my body and just ... well ...head to bed ... usually before 9, just so that I can get the rest I need to do it all again for 8 hours the next day. My stamina has faded, (not that I was ever overloaded with stamina to start with), I will undergo lab work in the morning, that should cover me up to treatment, and then .... oh my .... I have no idea, it is a sort of adrenaline thing, what is going to happen?? I have such hope, and then, if this makes the difference I think it will, I would love nothing more than to be some sort of spokesperson, I want more people to know that the science to help, in a much more natural approach in my opinion, is out there, our government, however, is so money hungry, pharmaceuticals might lose some of their cash flow, too bad!! There are too many people in today's society suffering from devastating, debilitating degenerative diseases that can be improved greatly with this science. Why, a question I ask all too frequently, must we suffer while some get rich off of our misfortune??? In spite of the fact I like small crowds, I am passionate about this topic and would overcome my unsteadiness of speaking in public to shout from the rooftops what I get the stability I hope for.
Please, continue to pray for me, for those who support and love me, for those Angels in my corner, both on this plane and the one on the other side .... more details will follow this week for sure as things begin to fall into place. Follow me ... hoping that whoever decides they will accompany me, will be able to pick up on subtleties that will be positive, in spite of the fact, I fear a drastic low, so I must be diligent about testing and keeping an eye on my pump and insulin intake. A good babysitter who knows me well in these "stupid" modes will be my best friend this week .... LOL .....
Peace and Light to all !!!
with much love
et
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I'm tired of being sick .....
I'm sick of being tired! .......
Come on .... someone HAD to have seen that one coming. :D
It is true though.... I have been fighting something since early November, spent the week from Christmas Eve to the Monday after New Years. I went back to work after being out for a week, over both holidays .... Not exactly my idea of a vacation. I have so many projects that need to be done at home, on the home, etc. There is not enough energy left in my batteries when I get home from work that I have been in bed anywhere from 7:15, to no later than 7:45. I am wiped ..... but .... am trying hard to plump up the immune system, maybe I can finally blow this out soon. I am on my 2nd round of antibiotics, yesterday beginning a stonger round and some heavy duty decongestant. I slept most of today away, still dragging........??? I just have not felt right .......
...... I met yesterday with my new PCP, upon recommendation of my daughter, and a local doctor she works with. (I do so really enjoy these sort of discussion and interaction, the brains and the humanity!!) He was very nice, good personality, appeared to be thorough, ordered blood work ...ggrrrrr.... which I will have drawn maybe Thursday, but definately before weeks end. He wants me back in 3 weeks.....??? Let's see what follow up says .... again, it's not right.
Then there is the day-to-day stressors in which I've been trying to cope with for over 2 months now. The dreaded day job .... I love my job topic, area of focus, always learning something new (for me it's the body, like a fine HD piece of machinary ... haha). In any event, being honest on many levels, hasn't gotten me a lot of brownie points in my status. I am on my 3rd supervisor in less than a month.....hmmmmm ..... and where do you think they would take that. What irritates me most, is how these "corporate" types, that give the illusion of go-getters .... (that was the nicest way I could put it)will step on you, kick you, make you think he/she truely is a "part of the team" in actuality, can't see past the end of thier own noses ..... LOL ..... (I'm giggling here, try it, makes me dizzy)anyway ... I finally got a cohort, I think she knows her stuff and we can certainly help each other make it to the next level of our education. "Biggies" don't always see the big picture and the lower rungs of the ladder, break, fall off, or just get left with s&#* all over them .... lmao ..... yes people, I do find this sort of amusing in a sick way. All I want is to do my job, to the best of my ability. I think that given my easy-going personality, I try, actually, I don't really, it's just who I am; enjoy doing things around my homw, to make me happy, and feel at ease, whatever the time line to get it done, so long as I am enjoying it as I am going along.
Lots of varied thoughts lately. In part, due to this stupid vertigo that seemed to have come along with this ear/UR infection in which is still lingering in my neck/throat. We will see what the labwork and the med does .... hopefully by weeks end.
I do return to work in the morning, at the old office, in which I was under the impression I would be there less often, WRONG ..... seems I have been set up all pretty .... YAK .... it makes me really leary of corporate administrator, of what ever title that is this week, think that is "where it's at" ... LOL ... LOL...LOL .... Not for me baby!!! .... I have come to that point in my life, where I would like to fight on and fight hard, for change in research, better coverage, stem cell procedures in this country would be a marvelous legacy .... continue with my JDRF research, and see if I can get this done SOON to show others in positions to take it to another level, that it will work, it has proven safe and effective for so many, make it available here, under research/university hospitals .... my thoughts are being disrupted ... (it's a 90 lb beauty that thinks she is a lap dog!!!)
Signing out .... will check back soon, hopefully for ALL with a cleared head, less fuzzy.
Be well everyone .... Light and Love
et
PS: I quickie of the lap-dog :D
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
As another year comes to an end ...
Greetings to all who have followed me on this journey ....
The journey that will not seem to come to an end..... yet.
I have been exceptionally humbled in the venture. I am just a small piece of a what could be a very big picture. I really want this treatment, I want to prove that it will not only have positive results for me, but that it has the potential to help so many others. It has been such an experience to speak with people, strangers, people who have some of the same issues, know or love someone who suffers from the challenges of Type I, and others who are just so inspired by the drive and/or the science. It really is a very cool area of the science picture, and it remains my goal to be a part of that science for the future of our health care where debilitating diseases are concerned. Thank you .... for your continued prayers and support in this venture.
As the new year comes into play, I know that my health is my main concern currently as it is not going as well as I had hoped and with continued stress on so many levels, it is withering downward faster than I would care to admit. I want to receive the treatment and in hopes of a better future for myself, to help educate and inform others on the potential. I would like to continue my education in regard to my career. That will be an undertaking, and also costly, and something I am very hesitant about not knowing how I may weather the ride. I don't like to think on those lines, but I do have other responsibilities in my life that currently take priority. I have my home, my daughter, who is very self-sufficient, but still somewhat dependent on my support to complete her degree in nursing. She is going to make an incredible nurse. Then there is my father ... whose health and mental status continues to fail and place a great deal of stress on both Hillary and myself, along with all the "handling" of such issues when he does pass, all to be completed in a 30 day span, being out of work, and tending to legalities. Hmmmmm ..... I don't remember being brought up in a one-child family .... hahahhahahah ...... being a grown up sucks at times.... which might be a big reason I look at life in a child-like frame of mind at times.
In any event, it has been a long, bitter-sweet year in the happenings of my life. I continue to learn and grow, hopefully, remaining true to my heart and beliefs and not with any intention of hurting anyone. I do feel strongly about my stance, and I will do my best to educate those who seem to be so ignorant to the fact that there is a lot of people who suffer in this world, pull your heads out of that "hole" and look at the truth of a matter, and not just what might benefit you at any given time. Ignorance is not an excuse ....
To those people who have come to my side, opened their hearts, their homes, and donated time and monies to the "cause" .... I am forever grateful and eternally in your debt. To get the word out there, promote awareness, continue to live life to the best of my ability, and hopefully, make a difference in someone else's life.
THANK YOU ..... again, just doesn't seem like enough .....
To all, I hope that 2011 brings peace, hope, and continued health to all my loved ones, friends, family, and those who quietly move in and about to help others. Your spirit is a gift beyond any other .... and I am grateful to be a receiver of such.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
PEACE AND LIGHT
et
The journey that will not seem to come to an end..... yet.
I have been exceptionally humbled in the venture. I am just a small piece of a what could be a very big picture. I really want this treatment, I want to prove that it will not only have positive results for me, but that it has the potential to help so many others. It has been such an experience to speak with people, strangers, people who have some of the same issues, know or love someone who suffers from the challenges of Type I, and others who are just so inspired by the drive and/or the science. It really is a very cool area of the science picture, and it remains my goal to be a part of that science for the future of our health care where debilitating diseases are concerned. Thank you .... for your continued prayers and support in this venture.
As the new year comes into play, I know that my health is my main concern currently as it is not going as well as I had hoped and with continued stress on so many levels, it is withering downward faster than I would care to admit. I want to receive the treatment and in hopes of a better future for myself, to help educate and inform others on the potential. I would like to continue my education in regard to my career. That will be an undertaking, and also costly, and something I am very hesitant about not knowing how I may weather the ride. I don't like to think on those lines, but I do have other responsibilities in my life that currently take priority. I have my home, my daughter, who is very self-sufficient, but still somewhat dependent on my support to complete her degree in nursing. She is going to make an incredible nurse. Then there is my father ... whose health and mental status continues to fail and place a great deal of stress on both Hillary and myself, along with all the "handling" of such issues when he does pass, all to be completed in a 30 day span, being out of work, and tending to legalities. Hmmmmm ..... I don't remember being brought up in a one-child family .... hahahhahahah ...... being a grown up sucks at times.... which might be a big reason I look at life in a child-like frame of mind at times.
In any event, it has been a long, bitter-sweet year in the happenings of my life. I continue to learn and grow, hopefully, remaining true to my heart and beliefs and not with any intention of hurting anyone. I do feel strongly about my stance, and I will do my best to educate those who seem to be so ignorant to the fact that there is a lot of people who suffer in this world, pull your heads out of that "hole" and look at the truth of a matter, and not just what might benefit you at any given time. Ignorance is not an excuse ....
To those people who have come to my side, opened their hearts, their homes, and donated time and monies to the "cause" .... I am forever grateful and eternally in your debt. To get the word out there, promote awareness, continue to live life to the best of my ability, and hopefully, make a difference in someone else's life.
THANK YOU ..... again, just doesn't seem like enough .....
To all, I hope that 2011 brings peace, hope, and continued health to all my loved ones, friends, family, and those who quietly move in and about to help others. Your spirit is a gift beyond any other .... and I am grateful to be a receiver of such.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
PEACE AND LIGHT
et
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Merry Christmas !!!
To my friends, family, unknown followers,
In this season of peace and joy, and to celebrate the birth of Jesus .... let us all remember the meaning of the season and rejoice in the life we have.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and with the upcoming week, a Happy, Healthy 2011!
On Thursday afternoon as I was preparing to leave the office when a delivery woman came in with a small bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. In this beautiful holiday bag was a card and in this card, signed "For the Cause, Love Santa Clause" was a bank check for $1000!! I was so completely overwhelmed my knees buckled and I became teary eyed. I don't know who, but I am so grateful for this holiday gift to benefit my cause for the adult stem cell treatment. I am hoping .... praying..... and trying so very hard to stay on top of everyday life, trying to promote fund raising efforts has been difficult to say the least. I know that there is talk of a dance, for the younger crowd being worked on by Hillary and a couple of her cohorts. Not sure of when or any details as of yet.
For the past year, I would like to thank those who continued to support, pray, contribute, love, and keep me "up" when there have been times when my physical health is (like the past month)a challenge to get through the day, week, month. The year went by so fast, and yet so many things transpired. I am eternally grateful for the generosity of human spirit. I am thrilled with those who have taken an interest in the science of stem cell treatments and what they can do for so many. I want that to be my mission for 2011 .... I am determined to undergo this treatment and so hoping that I can get it prior to any major (to some it would seem I am already at that point) complication takes another hit and deteriorates my status even more. This treatment has major potential to do so much.
So .... Here is to 2011 ..... may it be a year of new knowledge, increased awareness, and continued peace and love to all!!!
Be well my friends .... peace and light!!
et
In this season of peace and joy, and to celebrate the birth of Jesus .... let us all remember the meaning of the season and rejoice in the life we have.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and with the upcoming week, a Happy, Healthy 2011!
On Thursday afternoon as I was preparing to leave the office when a delivery woman came in with a small bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. In this beautiful holiday bag was a card and in this card, signed "For the Cause, Love Santa Clause" was a bank check for $1000!! I was so completely overwhelmed my knees buckled and I became teary eyed. I don't know who, but I am so grateful for this holiday gift to benefit my cause for the adult stem cell treatment. I am hoping .... praying..... and trying so very hard to stay on top of everyday life, trying to promote fund raising efforts has been difficult to say the least. I know that there is talk of a dance, for the younger crowd being worked on by Hillary and a couple of her cohorts. Not sure of when or any details as of yet.
For the past year, I would like to thank those who continued to support, pray, contribute, love, and keep me "up" when there have been times when my physical health is (like the past month)a challenge to get through the day, week, month. The year went by so fast, and yet so many things transpired. I am eternally grateful for the generosity of human spirit. I am thrilled with those who have taken an interest in the science of stem cell treatments and what they can do for so many. I want that to be my mission for 2011 .... I am determined to undergo this treatment and so hoping that I can get it prior to any major (to some it would seem I am already at that point) complication takes another hit and deteriorates my status even more. This treatment has major potential to do so much.
So .... Here is to 2011 ..... may it be a year of new knowledge, increased awareness, and continued peace and love to all!!!
Be well my friends .... peace and light!!
et
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Holiday stress + everyday stress =
Morning to all!!
Seems as though Mother Nature is dumping her wrath across the world this week. I hope everyone is safe, warm, traveling safely, etc. Let's us not forget that we have no control over Mother Nature, so we must just find a way to cope with the inconvienences she creates. It is no one's fault, not the trains, the planes, not even the automobiles .... only the drivers.... LOL.
In response to all the stressors of the times, financial, economic, (sort of the same thing); lack of adequate healthcare for ALL .... work, home, and anything else you can come up with that may throw a knife into what you thought might be the perfect plan..... add the everyday juggle of dealing with a chronic disease. You have a lot to cope with. In recent weeks, my blood sugars have been up and down not like a yoyo, but a freaking super-ball. Last night is a prime example, over stressed, loosing grip, on edge, uncertain on so many levels of life, I went from 124 upon awaking, 224 up leaving my meeting, by the time I got home it was 276, and that was with corrections. I had little to eat yesterday due to nausea and anxiety cramping any real appetitie. Hillary went to work, I get down to 116 before bed, seems good to medicate with a couple of Tylenol Pm and I am up at 11:15 in a 39 frame of mind ..... STUPID!!! I have a 1/2 of peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, decide I am going back to bed and fall asleep before checking my stats, I awake at 6 AM with a 424!! ..... all this up and down is far from good, this is the stuff that does major damage, on so many levels. It is bad enough that in recent years this has been sort of a norm, minus the ultimate highs, mostly lows, and the unawareness of such. I can't function with a head that doesn't know which end of the spectrum it should be functioning at.
I took today off. Just had a chat with my HR director, AKA new direct supervisor. It seemed pretty positive in regard to my current status, but .... I am still deeply, deeply hurt by the actions of a certain person who was once considered not only my supervisor, but a friend. That I can honestly say, is totally over, and apparently, given her words, she never was. Funny, people play games with other peoples feelings and personal lives, just to advance thier own, and give no bones about any sort of ramifications, personally, professionally, or even on a human level. To me, these sorts of personalitys suffer from some sort of disorder .... what is that saying ... all the nuts are the ones with a high level of intelligence .... RUN, the monkeys have taken over the banana factory!!! LMAO .... I have no real purpose for people like this ... therefore, I better place that barricade up around my sensitive little heart again, and beware of any sort of intrusion into my quiet, tranquil style of life ... hahahaa .... (Still hoping for that wish to come true). In all honesty, I just want a quiet, enjoyable lifestyle, with my dearest friends and family, to enjoy each other, and each day given to us to make a difference. The lack of any sort of human component in life today, is sort of sad. No one seems to know how to communicate in a face to face manner, in a manner of humanism. I think this fact really needs to come back to the forefront before something devastating happens in the world, because it will be then, at that time, that the strong will survive, and those that "believe" they have all it takes, will no doubt crumble due to lack of coping skills in a humanistic nature, it won't be "all about me." It will have to become the survival of a nation ... which requires a team approach, a caring, nuturing manner of not only ourselves, but those around us.
Man, I wish I could get paid for some of this writing nonsense ... to me ... it looks pretty thought provoking .... LOL ...
I have to shower, and go take my dad to the store in his effort to help with Christmas dinner. It is what my focus will be for this afternoon anyway. Tomorrow is another day ..... and that my friends, is how I have to care for me right now, one day at a time, one moment as they come, and do the best I can to get through them, triumphantly ....
Have a wonderful day and please have safe travels, and slow the pace to enjoy and smell the tiny gifts that are right in front of us.
Peace and Light!!
et
Seems as though Mother Nature is dumping her wrath across the world this week. I hope everyone is safe, warm, traveling safely, etc. Let's us not forget that we have no control over Mother Nature, so we must just find a way to cope with the inconvienences she creates. It is no one's fault, not the trains, the planes, not even the automobiles .... only the drivers.... LOL.
In response to all the stressors of the times, financial, economic, (sort of the same thing); lack of adequate healthcare for ALL .... work, home, and anything else you can come up with that may throw a knife into what you thought might be the perfect plan..... add the everyday juggle of dealing with a chronic disease. You have a lot to cope with. In recent weeks, my blood sugars have been up and down not like a yoyo, but a freaking super-ball. Last night is a prime example, over stressed, loosing grip, on edge, uncertain on so many levels of life, I went from 124 upon awaking, 224 up leaving my meeting, by the time I got home it was 276, and that was with corrections. I had little to eat yesterday due to nausea and anxiety cramping any real appetitie. Hillary went to work, I get down to 116 before bed, seems good to medicate with a couple of Tylenol Pm and I am up at 11:15 in a 39 frame of mind ..... STUPID!!! I have a 1/2 of peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, decide I am going back to bed and fall asleep before checking my stats, I awake at 6 AM with a 424!! ..... all this up and down is far from good, this is the stuff that does major damage, on so many levels. It is bad enough that in recent years this has been sort of a norm, minus the ultimate highs, mostly lows, and the unawareness of such. I can't function with a head that doesn't know which end of the spectrum it should be functioning at.
I took today off. Just had a chat with my HR director, AKA new direct supervisor. It seemed pretty positive in regard to my current status, but .... I am still deeply, deeply hurt by the actions of a certain person who was once considered not only my supervisor, but a friend. That I can honestly say, is totally over, and apparently, given her words, she never was. Funny, people play games with other peoples feelings and personal lives, just to advance thier own, and give no bones about any sort of ramifications, personally, professionally, or even on a human level. To me, these sorts of personalitys suffer from some sort of disorder .... what is that saying ... all the nuts are the ones with a high level of intelligence .... RUN, the monkeys have taken over the banana factory!!! LMAO .... I have no real purpose for people like this ... therefore, I better place that barricade up around my sensitive little heart again, and beware of any sort of intrusion into my quiet, tranquil style of life ... hahahaa .... (Still hoping for that wish to come true). In all honesty, I just want a quiet, enjoyable lifestyle, with my dearest friends and family, to enjoy each other, and each day given to us to make a difference. The lack of any sort of human component in life today, is sort of sad. No one seems to know how to communicate in a face to face manner, in a manner of humanism. I think this fact really needs to come back to the forefront before something devastating happens in the world, because it will be then, at that time, that the strong will survive, and those that "believe" they have all it takes, will no doubt crumble due to lack of coping skills in a humanistic nature, it won't be "all about me." It will have to become the survival of a nation ... which requires a team approach, a caring, nuturing manner of not only ourselves, but those around us.
Man, I wish I could get paid for some of this writing nonsense ... to me ... it looks pretty thought provoking .... LOL ...
I have to shower, and go take my dad to the store in his effort to help with Christmas dinner. It is what my focus will be for this afternoon anyway. Tomorrow is another day ..... and that my friends, is how I have to care for me right now, one day at a time, one moment as they come, and do the best I can to get through them, triumphantly ....
Have a wonderful day and please have safe travels, and slow the pace to enjoy and smell the tiny gifts that are right in front of us.
Peace and Light!!
et
Monday, December 20, 2010
Honesty Hits too hard sometime ...
I am always amazed that come the holiday season, the season of "Good Will Towards Men...", that a situation seems to present, usually something that has been lingering for months, maybe years for some, that just HAS to teach a lesson!!!
Today, at this very moment, I am not sure if I am having some sort of lingering panic attack (several hours worth now), or perhaps signs of a heart attack. I am going to go with the first one at present. I am sick to my stomach, physically ill, tense, shaky, stiff, achy, my jaw is tense (maybe from grinding my jaw).
I need to write/type, as I don't know what the lesson should be here now, and I don't take any sort of antianxiety med ...LOL..or if it is just a sign to stop my fight (my spirit, my very being)??? It became so blatantly obvious to me this morning .... that BAD people do exist ... "Little Bernie Maddoff's" come to mind. WIN, WIN, WIN ... at any cost, ANY cost at all. I am not that sort of person. I have never been one of these persons, and as of what I saw clear, without my glasses this morning was a reality that I truly believed I had overcome so many years ago. I guess my outlook on life can be very, unrealistic to some, but I realize that everyone copes with life's crises the best way they can .... I think ...??? I still question this theory ....there have been very few people in my life, that I can place in such categories.
This is a verbalizing of deep pain, inflicted of my own doing ... for believing that people can be honest, to the point of pain. I can attest, from personal experience, that there are very few people in life that can meet this personal challenge. A challenge that allows yourself to become vulnerable, raw, to the point of what seems like deep pain. It is not a place I like to be, but it seems, each time I have to cope with a situation in which requires me to place my whole self on the table, often in hopes that that other parties will participate, and am so deeply disappointed when I encounter a person who is just not capable of anything on that level. Makes me appreciate the fact that there are VERY FEW people left on this Earth who truly know who I am, what made me this way, my hurts, my joys, my pride, my intense over-reactive emotions, the pains that made me stronger in spirit, the awareness to know that I have touched people's lives, just for living mine, for whatever they see in me, a mean, cruel, heartless person, I don't think I could be. An ability to say to my loved ones, "This is who I am, this is who you are, we can agree to disagree, but continue to allow the love to grow deeper", in a more respectful manner. We all "bark" ... at some point in life, it is a human quality. Like a couple of nephews have pointed out over the years, "her bark is WAY worse then her bite." the ability of one to accept each other, with humor and respect, on a human level is a feeling that more people should experience on the "raw" level.
It sort of brings me back to my latest opinion of the great country I am suppose to live in. I see our young people, blindly going to war, with no coping skills what-so-ever. A whole generation of kids that were not taught pride, ethics, hard work, pays off more than any amount of money, material possessions, or status ever will. A country that will no doubt continue to see the greed, power trips, inhumanity of our fellow man and/or anther's circumstances. I always look at how much worse others have it, that my health and status on this plane is minor in the big scheme of things. I am a believer in karma ... I have seen it, been witness to it, and it becomes more and more clear to me every year of my existence.
I don't want to give up on humanity. Yet, my ability to fight such a strong ethical, humane manner in which to communicate with people, is growing old ... like me ... hahaha .... I have never been a fan of the whole "Politically Correct Movement" ... and I will, without a doubt, refuse to conform to such at this point in my life. There is a right, and there is a wrong, and it should play continuously from every corner of life for us. The journey, for me, has been far from an easy trip, mostly gravel ... lol... I have done my very best to make the best of bad situations with humor and some grace, because THEY HAPPEN TO ALL OF US!!! .... it's a fact people, deal with it!!
There are very few who will understand one word of this "Sermon" .... for those that do ... GOD, I LOVE YOU!!!! For these are the people, the souls, who have made me, in part the person I am today.
He died for us .... Let's not forget the sacrifice ...
In His Love, the spirit of the season,
Peace, Love, and Light!!
et
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all ..... sleep in heavenly peace ...
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tis the Season .....
Greetings to All!!
From the bottom of my heart, and depths of my soul, I would like to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY, HEALTHY, NEW YEAR!!!
With that being said, I have more than I can cope with coming into the new year. I am sitting with less fundraising than I had hoped for, really hoping to get the treatment prior to the new year. Hillary and I have been struggling for months to stay on top of the bills, not very successfully, I might add. I refuse to touch monies set aside for treatment. With the new year comes new medical insurance, which I just know, is going to be costly and cause more distress in terms of over all health. You know, with the stress of trying to come up with out-of-pocket cash until I reach a rather chunky deductible. Still caring for Dad, who is on the decline and anyone who has cared for a loved one, elderly, or otherwise, knows that this alone wears on one's stamina and well being. I have been ill for over a week now, pushing myself as I always have, only to discover, I don't have what I once did .... the stamina. I have .... tried to keep up the 40-hour a week job with high stress levels, unrealistic expectations in a bad economy, not to mention my poor health, yet I allowed myself to be pushed.
For the new year, I want my treatment, I want to be able to spout the benefits for so many people that this is where our future lies. I want to advance my education in relation to my job area. Keep my loved ones, friends and family, close and enjoy each day to the fullest. I would LOVE to have a vacation ... a break that did not include doctor appointments, my being sick, or any sort of a hospital stay and/or recuperation. I would love to sit on a beautiful island somewhere with a few good books that have gone unread for up to two years now. Just to vegetate, relax, sleep when I want, enjoy the sunshine of each day, rain if it shows its face, no phones, a massage, jacuzzi, poolside ocean views, total relaxation!! What a dreamer I am hey?? LOL.
For today ... I will rest, take care of my inner self, as well as my ailments (infection on top of stress makes for high BGs). I will take care of the business in which needs tending, the doctors, the IRS, work .... I am going to put in for some time off in the next couple of weeks ... like a couple of extended long weekends. I have so much crap to get rid of .... I don't know what happened to any sort of organizational skills I may have once had, as I have no clue where they are now!! :D
Am back on the couch, about to assume the horizontal position to place my ear on the heating pad again .... I must get my behind back to work tomorrow, in spite of my wish for a 5 day stint in the hospital, just to get my rest, and hydration. That is pretty sad .... To all who continue in my fight with me ... a joyous, meaningful Christmas season. (Or .... whatever belief you may have in regard to this joyous season, I thank you for being part of my life.
Peace and Light
et
From the bottom of my heart, and depths of my soul, I would like to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY, HEALTHY, NEW YEAR!!!
With that being said, I have more than I can cope with coming into the new year. I am sitting with less fundraising than I had hoped for, really hoping to get the treatment prior to the new year. Hillary and I have been struggling for months to stay on top of the bills, not very successfully, I might add. I refuse to touch monies set aside for treatment. With the new year comes new medical insurance, which I just know, is going to be costly and cause more distress in terms of over all health. You know, with the stress of trying to come up with out-of-pocket cash until I reach a rather chunky deductible. Still caring for Dad, who is on the decline and anyone who has cared for a loved one, elderly, or otherwise, knows that this alone wears on one's stamina and well being. I have been ill for over a week now, pushing myself as I always have, only to discover, I don't have what I once did .... the stamina. I have .... tried to keep up the 40-hour a week job with high stress levels, unrealistic expectations in a bad economy, not to mention my poor health, yet I allowed myself to be pushed.
For the new year, I want my treatment, I want to be able to spout the benefits for so many people that this is where our future lies. I want to advance my education in relation to my job area. Keep my loved ones, friends and family, close and enjoy each day to the fullest. I would LOVE to have a vacation ... a break that did not include doctor appointments, my being sick, or any sort of a hospital stay and/or recuperation. I would love to sit on a beautiful island somewhere with a few good books that have gone unread for up to two years now. Just to vegetate, relax, sleep when I want, enjoy the sunshine of each day, rain if it shows its face, no phones, a massage, jacuzzi, poolside ocean views, total relaxation!! What a dreamer I am hey?? LOL.
For today ... I will rest, take care of my inner self, as well as my ailments (infection on top of stress makes for high BGs). I will take care of the business in which needs tending, the doctors, the IRS, work .... I am going to put in for some time off in the next couple of weeks ... like a couple of extended long weekends. I have so much crap to get rid of .... I don't know what happened to any sort of organizational skills I may have once had, as I have no clue where they are now!! :D
Am back on the couch, about to assume the horizontal position to place my ear on the heating pad again .... I must get my behind back to work tomorrow, in spite of my wish for a 5 day stint in the hospital, just to get my rest, and hydration. That is pretty sad .... To all who continue in my fight with me ... a joyous, meaningful Christmas season. (Or .... whatever belief you may have in regard to this joyous season, I thank you for being part of my life.
Peace and Light
et
Monday, November 29, 2010
Call it what you want
Above - My Maggie ... looking like I feel ..... "just leave me be"
Good Evening people ....
I am not well, and although I try hard not to dwell on the things that make my life a little more difficult than some, I am tired, and not feeling right these days. I don't know if it is due to the holiday season, which I would like nothing more than to participate in .... for the real reason of the season, I am not physically or emotionally able to grasp on to it at present time.
I am finding it very difficult to verbalize the feelings I have had in recent weeks, but I don't feel right. (some would say that I've never been right to start with ... hehehe) ... there is still humor to be had, but I just can't muster up the energy to get past or through a work day. I am feeling that my work related stress in the past few months may be coming to a head and not sure if I will survive the fight on that war. On my health battle, I know, personally, in my heart, from listening to people say they think I am so courageous, strong, and a few other adjectives I just don't see myself to be as a true testament to what I have been teaching people. Does any of this make sense?? I am beginning to wonder why I am fighting so hard?? I know that you can't reach everyone, but can so many people be so completely ignorant? Be that well off in so many aspects of life that they believe something devastating could happen to them, or someone they love?
I often times tell Hillary that yes, we have seen more than our share of sorrow and sadness, but in that, we also have learned some very important life lessons. To be honest, even when it hurts beyond belief, tell those you love, that you love them when you have the chance because that opportunity may not show its face again. Life is short in the big scheme of things, and moments need to be taken in, cherished, enjoyed, even if they hurt. I am tired, and not sure how long my fight will hold on. I have the spirit, but I need the rest. I am so exhausted from the full-time work, the issue that lingers daily with the ultimate passing of my dad, which is becoming more and more apparent. What Hillary and I will have to deal with when that happens and the time frame in which we will have to complete the tasks at hand. Financial worries just like 95% of the nation/world today. I am not special, I have the same fears and worries many people have. I pray, yes, to some that may sound odd, but I do believe that I have always had an uncanny spiritual back up. That spirits from my life, and those I never knew, but met in the time of my diagnosis .... I always and often times thought I was crazy. Knowing what I saw, how I don't recall any real pain in the process other than the emotional pain I felt having to cope as an adult and not a child. I had an ability to relate to older people, children, animals, and strangers, in a manner in which I felt very comfortable, it was a gift, and I have enjoyed the experiences I have dealt with in my life. The loss of loved ones, being able to tell them, most of them, in a manner in which we all seemed to just "connect", believing that we will in deed, one day be together again, and what a hell of a party it will be!!!
When does one know this may be approaching ??
I am not afraid ... but I am not really ready .... I want more out of life. I want to see places, touch people, let them all know how much they mean to me, how things they said or did had really touched me ... why must life be all about material possessions, how BIG your "things" are ... why is that so important?? What has happened to the human spirit?? Too many questions, and not a whole lot of answers. If so many people have this outlook, then why is the world in the chaos it is??
Again, too many questions, and I am tired, I obviously can't make the difference I had hoped to for the children of the future, with such hope that in the near future they would not have to grow up like I did, deal with the constant juggling of life's journey with a devastating disease ... I sometime think that only those who actually live with it can understand, but I know that isn't the case, as there are so many that love us, that have witnessed episodes and feel so helpless as to how to make us "better." I want that .... not just for me, for a little longer, but for those kids that will be diagnosed today, tomorrow ... and .....my mother use to tell me how proud she was of me in how I dealt with life and its stuggles, how she didn't think she could do it, little did she know, I learned this coping skill from her. I am no hero ...
Thanks for listening to my ramble ... does anyone have answers?? Can anyone offer up a strategy that I have missed??
You all remain a huge support for me in this difficult time in my life ... and for that I am eternally grateful!!
Sweet dreams to all!!
Peace and Light
et
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Let the Holiday stress begin ...
Greetings and a Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!!
On the eve of this holiday in which by all standards we should be "thankful" for the blessings given to us. I am. It is also a time of year that I get sort of worn out, blue in the last couple, etc. With the loss of my Mom on 10-27-08, that wound is still so very fresh as I miss her presence every single day. Hillary and I laugh at times out of the blue in regard to a comment, or something stupid we did, or something we saw that "gramma would have loved that!" or "What would gramma think?" I so wish I could talk with her face to face just a few more times, and this was her time of year. She loved making dinner for ... well .. the more the merrier. It just isn't the same for Hilly, myself, and dad. We have opted to do no cooking this year as Hillary and I are completely exhausted with both of us suffering from work-related stress, and for her, school and finances, as a good portion of this nation is. Dad, too, is not holding up so well that last few weeks. I will say, that Dad attended the benefit and said and seemed to others to be having a wonderful time, in spite of not really understanding how the disease progresses, only knowing that people die, young, and in his normal mode of coping, lives in denial.
Hillary is finishing up this semester in the nursing program and really getting pumped up about only having 2 left to have her degree. She wants more trauma .... I can't wait for less and a calming, serene mode of life. For me, that will come when I get my treatment and ultimately can move on, hopefully to a work situation where folks are less phony, less all about me, less about you, no two-faced BS. Now, at my age, this should roll right off, but .... I still find myself giving people too much room and then ultimately get burned. These past weeks have pretty much come to a head, with a particular person not (in my opinion) having the emotional ability to deal with a problem head on and see what happens. It is so much easier for people like this to just use you, and when they seem to have used you up, gotten what they wanted out of you, and are looking good in their mind, toss you to the curb like old garbage .... and then, instead of laying the issue on the table and allowing the feelings, opinions, and explanations to come to light, it is easier to assume, stomp your feet, slam doors, and scrape that person right off your shoes as if they never existed. Sad ... and these are suppose to be grown ups, people in position of a sort of power. Seems to be the mentality of a good part of this country in recent times. It's all about "you", it's all about "how much can I get", "how far can I push another" etc. All I want ..... is to be able to do my job, to the best of my ability, be given the tools to do such job, to have the guidance of a supervisor who may care about the job being done instead of becoming nonexistent due to the climbing of the corporate ladder and looking dumber with every climbing rung. .... LOL .... that one was great.... I like it!!!
Anyone who makes a statement such as "I'm not here to make friends" should have been a sort of red flag, call me stupid!! Any person who knows me, truly knows that I take my friendships VERY seriously, and I am committed to a good many of them on a level that very few "get." Good, bad, happy, sad, in times of need, trouble, etc. I will not take advantage of someone, I will give the shirt off my back if someone needed it and I would go without .... because my friends mean that much to me. Now, when you think someone has become a friend (obviously cautious)and then you do something with their best interest at heart it runs the risk of a blow up, not the "spoiled brat syndrome" (in which so many seem to raise their children these days) stomp your feet, spew your snotty attitude, make the other person feel like dirt, (yet again), not to mention weeks of behind your back talk to people she should not be spouting off to given her position, not my idea of a primo supervisory exhibit...... therefore, I am going to spend this weekend updating my resume, perhaps send a few out, and hope .... I really wanted my treatment prior to making this sort of move given how my health has been so up and down in recent months. But, one thing in my favor, and I have multiple letters of recommendation coming in from others who have had to work with me, have supported not only my work ethics, but my personal determination to plug on. In spite of not feeling well on many, many occasions, I can honestly say, and others will say the same as they have witnessed my determination, that there have been many days where I should have stayed home and my ass made it to work. How long can I keep that up? Why would I want to? I mean really, I have given more than 100% while on the job only to come home and allow my house and home life to go to the dogs because I am so totally emotionally drained, physically exhausted that I just change and am in bed to try and regenerate before the alarm goes off again with no real reward, no acknowledgement of a good job done or thanks for giving me your all, only to make another person look good. If an organization is to work by it's own philosophy of "team" work, and the team or parts of the team, seems to cover those who don't play fully or fairly, and then the big gun takes all the credit ..... this is to me emotional blackmail ... and some people are just too stupid to see it. Others, sort of like myself, see it, try hard to play along for as long as possible in hopes of change and maybe an eye opening experience .... for me, only to be let down yet again by corporate beings and their lack of appreciation for the people that help get them where they are..... and yet ... still living in the flipping poverty level while they are traveling all over, often times on business, yet returning with no real data to share with those they should be ... it's is all, in my opinion, corporate BS!!!!
I have never played this game very well. I have never been able to curb my lack of political incorrectness. I call it as I see it, if the baby is ugly, the baby is ugly ... don't get me wrong, I don't speak my mind with the intention of hurting anyone. But .... let's be real here folks .... is the constant of today's society really need to have all this BS floating around? Kids today don't know how to lose, they think every one wins, and they should learn to lose graciously, that it is how you play the game, not if you win or lose. There are lessons in both. God forbid your self-esteem take a hit, this is why I think there are so many selfish people such as the person who has contributed so much stress to my work life recently with the inability to deal with, or perhaps cope with an issue that obviously hit to close to home. I can't even say that this is not my problem, as I have allowed it to effect my health and heart. Shame on me ... I should be a cold hearted, feeling deficient human being and move on like I just stepped over a dead tree limb. Sorry, that is NOT how I chose to live my life. I have allowed myself to be hurt again by someone I thought was capable of "getting it."
My health and longevity is ALL I WANT!!! I am not impressed by people with money, I know several in many "categories" of lifestyle, I get along with them all. The all mighty buck, does not buy you a guaranteed happiness ... and neither does a bottle!! That statement can apply to several people I have encountered in my life, and a few family members as well.
As far as pain, physical and emotional, it all effects my blood sugars, my overall well being. I am a firm believer that until one deals with the pain of such, faces it, owns it and then lets it go, a relationship of any level is often times not going to survive .... those that do ... are deeper, stronger, and more resilient than any other in one's life. That is my story .... and I AM sticking to it.
To some, this entry may be very off the wall, (I too, feel a sense of rambling) but there is a story here, not being able to use names, or places of employment, God forbid I get accused of slander ... LMAO ..... I look in the mirror often .... and it isn't to see if my lipstick needs freshening .... as I don't wear it!!! I have earned my laugh lines, each and every one of them ... pretty ... well, not always, but a piece of my character and how I got to the person I am today ... someone who I can honestly say not too many could wear my shoes for any length of time without feeling the pressures of the juggling involved for me to live why new follower, Linda, stated in last post comment. To live a full life...... to Linda ~ Welcome!! It is nice to have a townie follower on board, and to everyone else ... be true to your feelings, your heart, your ethics of life, and that commandment of "Treat those as you would want to be treated" .... hmmmmm, should I become that person who stomped all over me because I stated something out of concern and feelings got hurt?? I don't think so, that is not my style, and .... it is so not very becoming ... unless you are of the brat syndrome mentality .... LOL ....
With all that rambling. .... I am THANKFUL for friends and family who truly know me and where I come from, what I stand for, what I deal with on a daily basis, usually with a laugh and/or smile, and what irritates me most is one's ignorance to want to learn something new with an open mind. Skepticism is welcome, but leave the window open to allow for expansion ..... Thank you !!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
Peace and Light
et
On the eve of this holiday in which by all standards we should be "thankful" for the blessings given to us. I am. It is also a time of year that I get sort of worn out, blue in the last couple, etc. With the loss of my Mom on 10-27-08, that wound is still so very fresh as I miss her presence every single day. Hillary and I laugh at times out of the blue in regard to a comment, or something stupid we did, or something we saw that "gramma would have loved that!" or "What would gramma think?" I so wish I could talk with her face to face just a few more times, and this was her time of year. She loved making dinner for ... well .. the more the merrier. It just isn't the same for Hilly, myself, and dad. We have opted to do no cooking this year as Hillary and I are completely exhausted with both of us suffering from work-related stress, and for her, school and finances, as a good portion of this nation is. Dad, too, is not holding up so well that last few weeks. I will say, that Dad attended the benefit and said and seemed to others to be having a wonderful time, in spite of not really understanding how the disease progresses, only knowing that people die, young, and in his normal mode of coping, lives in denial.
Hillary is finishing up this semester in the nursing program and really getting pumped up about only having 2 left to have her degree. She wants more trauma .... I can't wait for less and a calming, serene mode of life. For me, that will come when I get my treatment and ultimately can move on, hopefully to a work situation where folks are less phony, less all about me, less about you, no two-faced BS. Now, at my age, this should roll right off, but .... I still find myself giving people too much room and then ultimately get burned. These past weeks have pretty much come to a head, with a particular person not (in my opinion) having the emotional ability to deal with a problem head on and see what happens. It is so much easier for people like this to just use you, and when they seem to have used you up, gotten what they wanted out of you, and are looking good in their mind, toss you to the curb like old garbage .... and then, instead of laying the issue on the table and allowing the feelings, opinions, and explanations to come to light, it is easier to assume, stomp your feet, slam doors, and scrape that person right off your shoes as if they never existed. Sad ... and these are suppose to be grown ups, people in position of a sort of power. Seems to be the mentality of a good part of this country in recent times. It's all about "you", it's all about "how much can I get", "how far can I push another" etc. All I want ..... is to be able to do my job, to the best of my ability, be given the tools to do such job, to have the guidance of a supervisor who may care about the job being done instead of becoming nonexistent due to the climbing of the corporate ladder and looking dumber with every climbing rung. .... LOL .... that one was great.... I like it!!!
Anyone who makes a statement such as "I'm not here to make friends" should have been a sort of red flag, call me stupid!! Any person who knows me, truly knows that I take my friendships VERY seriously, and I am committed to a good many of them on a level that very few "get." Good, bad, happy, sad, in times of need, trouble, etc. I will not take advantage of someone, I will give the shirt off my back if someone needed it and I would go without .... because my friends mean that much to me. Now, when you think someone has become a friend (obviously cautious)and then you do something with their best interest at heart it runs the risk of a blow up, not the "spoiled brat syndrome" (in which so many seem to raise their children these days) stomp your feet, spew your snotty attitude, make the other person feel like dirt, (yet again), not to mention weeks of behind your back talk to people she should not be spouting off to given her position, not my idea of a primo supervisory exhibit...... therefore, I am going to spend this weekend updating my resume, perhaps send a few out, and hope .... I really wanted my treatment prior to making this sort of move given how my health has been so up and down in recent months. But, one thing in my favor, and I have multiple letters of recommendation coming in from others who have had to work with me, have supported not only my work ethics, but my personal determination to plug on. In spite of not feeling well on many, many occasions, I can honestly say, and others will say the same as they have witnessed my determination, that there have been many days where I should have stayed home and my ass made it to work. How long can I keep that up? Why would I want to? I mean really, I have given more than 100% while on the job only to come home and allow my house and home life to go to the dogs because I am so totally emotionally drained, physically exhausted that I just change and am in bed to try and regenerate before the alarm goes off again with no real reward, no acknowledgement of a good job done or thanks for giving me your all, only to make another person look good. If an organization is to work by it's own philosophy of "team" work, and the team or parts of the team, seems to cover those who don't play fully or fairly, and then the big gun takes all the credit ..... this is to me emotional blackmail ... and some people are just too stupid to see it. Others, sort of like myself, see it, try hard to play along for as long as possible in hopes of change and maybe an eye opening experience .... for me, only to be let down yet again by corporate beings and their lack of appreciation for the people that help get them where they are..... and yet ... still living in the flipping poverty level while they are traveling all over, often times on business, yet returning with no real data to share with those they should be ... it's is all, in my opinion, corporate BS!!!!
I have never played this game very well. I have never been able to curb my lack of political incorrectness. I call it as I see it, if the baby is ugly, the baby is ugly ... don't get me wrong, I don't speak my mind with the intention of hurting anyone. But .... let's be real here folks .... is the constant of today's society really need to have all this BS floating around? Kids today don't know how to lose, they think every one wins, and they should learn to lose graciously, that it is how you play the game, not if you win or lose. There are lessons in both. God forbid your self-esteem take a hit, this is why I think there are so many selfish people such as the person who has contributed so much stress to my work life recently with the inability to deal with, or perhaps cope with an issue that obviously hit to close to home. I can't even say that this is not my problem, as I have allowed it to effect my health and heart. Shame on me ... I should be a cold hearted, feeling deficient human being and move on like I just stepped over a dead tree limb. Sorry, that is NOT how I chose to live my life. I have allowed myself to be hurt again by someone I thought was capable of "getting it."
My health and longevity is ALL I WANT!!! I am not impressed by people with money, I know several in many "categories" of lifestyle, I get along with them all. The all mighty buck, does not buy you a guaranteed happiness ... and neither does a bottle!! That statement can apply to several people I have encountered in my life, and a few family members as well.
As far as pain, physical and emotional, it all effects my blood sugars, my overall well being. I am a firm believer that until one deals with the pain of such, faces it, owns it and then lets it go, a relationship of any level is often times not going to survive .... those that do ... are deeper, stronger, and more resilient than any other in one's life. That is my story .... and I AM sticking to it.
To some, this entry may be very off the wall, (I too, feel a sense of rambling) but there is a story here, not being able to use names, or places of employment, God forbid I get accused of slander ... LMAO ..... I look in the mirror often .... and it isn't to see if my lipstick needs freshening .... as I don't wear it!!! I have earned my laugh lines, each and every one of them ... pretty ... well, not always, but a piece of my character and how I got to the person I am today ... someone who I can honestly say not too many could wear my shoes for any length of time without feeling the pressures of the juggling involved for me to live why new follower, Linda, stated in last post comment. To live a full life...... to Linda ~ Welcome!! It is nice to have a townie follower on board, and to everyone else ... be true to your feelings, your heart, your ethics of life, and that commandment of "Treat those as you would want to be treated" .... hmmmmm, should I become that person who stomped all over me because I stated something out of concern and feelings got hurt?? I don't think so, that is not my style, and .... it is so not very becoming ... unless you are of the brat syndrome mentality .... LOL ....
With all that rambling. .... I am THANKFUL for friends and family who truly know me and where I come from, what I stand for, what I deal with on a daily basis, usually with a laugh and/or smile, and what irritates me most is one's ignorance to want to learn something new with an open mind. Skepticism is welcome, but leave the window open to allow for expansion ..... Thank you !!!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
Peace and Light
et
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Benefit Update
Greetings and an upcoming Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!
Last Saturday was the Fish Fry benefit. We had a pretty good one night event, in spite of the fact I had never done anything on this level before. I can't thank ALL the people that came, donated, worked so hard to pull this event together. Not as many people showed up as bought tickets, but it was a totally emotional, amusing, and very educational evening for everyone with much positive feedback. Hopefully, the newspapers will do a follow up in this coming weeks edition.
Overall, we made a deposit of 1595.oo with a check being presented to myself from the Eagles for profits from the dinner and some of the raffles they had going. The quilt brought in close to $750. total including what was sold prior to the San Francisco trip.
There was a call from a local doctor that made inquiry into where, when, etc and said that he could not make the benefit, but would like to send a check. Haven't heard any more about that yet, but I have definitely peaked an interest in the medical community. Except my eye doctor today ... I think he really needs to expand his mind a little and learn what is out there. Might be time to shop for a new ophthalmologist. In spite of my opinion to closed minds, my eyes were and remained stable as of today. They sure do feel old and worn out these days.
The winner of the quilt was Aggie Doyle of MA, my home stomping grounds. CONGRATS!! I hope you enjoy it as it is beautiful and I appreciate your offer to "re-raffle", but I wouldn't feel right about doing that. Perhaps another might come along just as beautiful and we can do it again. Each one is a work of art and no two alike.
There are a couple of pics I will attach here, it was a great evening.
On a slightly negative note: The ISCI has gone up on the cost of the treatment from $10K to $11,5K .... so I am still sitting at ground zero in reality. On an even better note, the ISCI is in process of working with a major US University to follow patients that undergo the adult stem cell treatment (adipose). This is one area I would love to be a part of. I have sparked an interest in the local medical community, and was told I "know your stuff." That is such a good feeling knowing that what I am putting forth is research and movement on the cutting edge. I can and plan on, playing a small role in bringing this sort of advancement in treatment to many.
I will try and make a more in depth update over the weekend.
Again, Thanks to ALL who continue to keep me in their prayers and for the support. I can not thank you enough, and at many times, Thank you just doesn't seem like it is enough.
Peace and Light
et
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