10/5

Hi,

It is Tuesday morning, I will be working from home today as I have been rather ill for the last 18 hours, not sure if it was something I ate, or residual effects of the flu I had a couple of weeks ago. I was really knocked out by that, and the flu shots haven't even arrived yet. This whole flu thing sort of scares me at times, I get so violently ill from it that it messes up my whole system. In any event, I will watch my blood sugars today and try to get some rest in spite of putting in hours for work.

My new position at the clinic has added responsibility, and I push myself harder than normal to keep up and make things happen. I know I should pace myself, but .... I do enjoy my job, not to mention it pays the mortgage.

Emotions have been a little on the bubbling side as well the past week. Stress levels can also effect blood sugars, which is where my humor has come into play over the years. There are, however, times when I must let the feelings flow. (Usually, I consider myself the "pleaser" the "stuffer", not much really bothers me until it is time to blow). Yesterday was my father's birthday, and I am sad to say, with the exception of a phone call, I pretty much avoided him. My own feelings of one year ago to the day of taking my mother to the hospital where she never came home was weighing heavy on me. Yes, I went to work, yes, I took part, but deep inside me was a heavy feeling. A feeling of tremendous loss. My mom was my best friend, we talked about everything. She understood, and took part with my warped sense of humor. She herself had it!! Anyway ... this too shall pass. I feel her with me everyday, but I miss her physical presence, the ability to hold a heart felt, intelligent conversation, and end it with a huge laugh. I also have noticed within myself one of the things I miss the most, is holding her hand. It was our way, of telling the other, I understand, I love you, I know what you're thinking. In many of my photos taken with my mom, we are holding hands. Human touch to me is an incredible translator, a way of saying things, without saying a word and can be so very powerful. I don't consider myself to be a touchy, feely sort of person, but I do always hug those I care about, feel close to, haven't seen in a long time, etc. My way of sort of letting out a big "HOW ARE YOU" .... "IT's GREAT TO SEE YOU" ..."Thanks for your help, support".... "I lOVE YOU!!! " It's powerful stuff ... hahaha ... and I don't get enough of it !! LOL ... good thing I have my dog, Maggie. She loves to be touched!!

Okay .... well ... today's mission for me is to keep an eye on my blood sugars, when not feeling well like this, they have a tendency to go up and down, depending on how much I can get into my system. I will try and push the fluids today. To be honest, I am running out of stuff to drink that sparks an interest anymore. Water is always good, but really ......

I have to try and accomplish some "real" work today ... it will no doubt be a long one.

Enjoy yours, wherever you might be !!!

me