Good Evening, 7:48 here in AZ.
A couple of things ... the following is the link to yesterdays local CVR article on my Adult Stem Cell treatment, and my opinions on the current status of US health care. A few of the statements were not really completed, leaving a lot of gray area in what I actually meant by them. Not a Boston Globe or New York Post article, but considering where I came from, and where I am currently, I can only go up!!!
http://cvrnews.com/main.asp?SectionID=1&SubSectionID=446&ArticleID=53439
On another note; I think I have come up with two chapters for a book just in today's happenings. First, a story about where one emerges in the family dynamics because I had a really decent day today, a better afternoon, with a conference call with the ISCI, a follow up on treatment, how I am doing, where I hope to be at the end of a year, I know where I want to be. It was a very exciting call in which lasted a little over an hour. On my ride home from work, after that exciting call, I had another call. A call that really touched my heart, and put into perspective that I need to shed my life of the negative people and their energy from my life. I refer to my father, who has become dumber with every passing day, on top of that, the lack of oxygen in his system is costing my and my daughter money we don't have. Mind you, and I apologize to those who don't personally know me, or where I came from, that I have 5 siblings, NOT ONE OF THEM has offered any support in regard to my health status, no offer or even a sentiment to my needed to do something, what I live with, what I have done to save their asses since the passing of my mother. Tonight, I thought this is it!! I/we can't do this any more. Your father is dying, he doesn't have a cold, he has congestive heart failure. He is in no way coherent to anything, all he does is bitch, he is nasty, and refuses to take care of himself. I know it, his granddaughter knows it, his doctor knows it, even the pharmacy staff knows it!! I can't baby sit, I can't work 40 plus hours a week, care for him every day (which I have stopped doing) and I will no longer pay his extra expenses knowing a brother is sending him $$ and he is hoarding it until someone will take him to the casino and tell them he got a little $$ in the mail and have 4-6 $50s in his wallet. Never offering up some money for our gas, or that we pay his utilities then have to struggle to make sure I have enough gas to get my ass to work, or even worse, that my daughter used her cut hours pay to help me pay for insulin. What part of no insulin, no life, do my siblings not get. Or that all the things I have dealt with in MY life, I have to care for a man that has clearly not been a model father, they talk about my mother, 3000 miles away like they knew her, and yet, I don't think one of them ever came close to "knowing" her. No ... she wouldn't be "rolling over" in regard to a couple of recent happening in the immediate family, as I hear things even way out here in the wild west!!!
I am going to shed my responsibility for this situation, it is time for someone else to step up, I am not an only child, and I grew up in the same household and he never did a thing for me, and yet now, I am suppose to stay up at the plate and continue to clean up after my siblings .... NOT. I feel good for the first time in years, MY mother made comment on more than one occasion as to how she was "glad it was me, that had the chronic disease as not one of her son's could handle it." I know that sounds sort of cruel, harsh, but it was not in that manner, as she was heavy hearted that I lived with what I did, did it with humor and strength, and wished she could have seen me fall in love and meet someone who would take care of me, and love me for who I was, not what I lived with. That hasn't happened, and still, my siblings think that they are off the hook all around, even me, out of sight, out of mind. I sent them all an outspoken email over a year ago, with the exception of one brother, none of them have even attempted to fix the problem or even address it. It is so much easier to sit back, let someone else do all the work, and then throw blame when all is said and done.
The only decent family dynamics I have had, or learned from was my mother. We had it all!! Ability to agree to disagree, fun, humor, pain, suffering, struggling, and a positive outlook that if you want it bad enough, you will find a way. I am not sorry I was able to collect funds to undergo something that was "a lot of money" just to save my health, my life. That, in my opinion, is a really sad state of mind and presence.
OH MY JIZU .... protect me from this insanity!!!
I hope you all enjoy the update article. Thanks for listening to me rant about my siblings, again. This is the sort of stress that kills people, therefore it is in one's own interest, without hurting anyone intentionally, that you wipe your feet of those who radiate negativity. Your state of mind is priceless, and there comes a time, as in so many situations of life, where one must throw your hands to the Gods and say, take it, as I am incapable of contolling anothers actions, I can only control my own... and that is what I intend to do from this point forward.
I need to go do some deep breathing before I explode, and that isn't good for me. When your body tenses up over a phone conversation that seems to come out of the movie "Ground Hog's Day" and yet the outcome has a negative outcome, there is not a whole lot left for me to do ....
On that note, I wish everyone a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!!
May the sun shine on your back while you make the journey!!!
In Peace and Light
et
PS: Just an after note: I love my siblings, not because I have to, but because they each have thier own positive attributes, and I have experienced that from them, but I don't always like them. Sad how the family history has to repeat itself, I choose to break the cycle. I have things I want to do, I have a few places I'd like to see ... I can do it, and I will.
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