Good Morning !!
It is 7:30 ish ... been awake since a little before 5. Hillary apparently has not come home. She has NEVER done this .... she went out last night about 8:30 after an afternoon of what I would consider hell. The stress levels escalating with each passing phone call ... I will not even justify them as conversations in regard to a couple of people. I will give her a couple of more hours to crawl in or call me and let me know where she is before I call the police. I think she was okay ... I know she is totally and completely stressed out with her studies, having to work as much as she does .... and then ... the all too loving family in which she has learned so many valuable life lessons from. I can only imagine, given what she has grown up with, how she is tired of being a grown up, when most of the so-called grown ups in her life, are so childish. I want to believe that she went to this friends house last night, maybe had a couple of cocktails, and being the responsible person I know she is, decided to stay rather than risk the consequences. But .... there is that side of me .... that will always worry about her. I was so much worse than her at that age, but .... she is and has always been so responsible.
I have to go to my fathers today ... pick up his bills ..... This is not going to be a pleasant visit. I am going to yet again, tell him ... if he is not happy with the way I am taking care of his business with the very little I have to work with, he can always go to be with his son, CWD. He seems to have all the answers as to what is right. I on the other hand, am not his mother, and I am not his wife ..... neither position I don't think I would take on for any length of time. Having been the daughter, and the things I experienced, although I know he loves me in his own demented mind, is not my idea of what a father/daughter relationship should have been. Yet, here I am, complete with all my "issues" dealing with the here and now. I can sort of relate to why someone may become isolated and secluded .... I like my own peace and quiet, my own solitude ... no one to piss me off but me ...... LOL
(10 minute lapse)
Hillary is safe, she just called. She did have a couple and crashed on couch. I was on my way to bed when she went out .... I don't like this part of parenting, even the roommate thing has its limits.
Well ... I guess I should get dressed. I have to go to dads and I don't want him screwing up my whole day ..... This is, again, a very important week for me. I have a two day audit with the state agency which oversees our funding and this is my first encounter in my current position. I am a little nervous, and I really need to be focused, I don't need all this added, petty, childlike BS that the family is dumping in my lap right now. Two weeks to the admission for me .... I would like to be able to travel as clear minded as possible ... not sure how I am going to pull that off right now. My guess is that MJD either didn't get to talk to CWD again, or that he did, and as usual CWD took the high road and the rest of us were all wrong, him being impaired while preaching. It is certainly becoming more and more clear that he has his own problems ... therefore, hard to see anything clearly .... in short ... the conversation didn't go well. I am thinking that I am going to let my phones all go to voicemail today and I will pick and choose whom I chat with.... :)~ my prerogative right??
The stress is severely effecting my BGs and on top of what they are doing without adding anything other than my day-to-day life .... is not good and I really am beginning to hate the way I feel on most days .... the constant nausea, cramping pain, I feel my own balance becoming off ... part of the neuropathy in my feet .... I fake it pretty well on most days ... but I am so not as graceful as I once was .... and I HATE having it be so obvious that I am failing. Maybe if I had not been so good at keeping things under wraps, my siblings would have a small idea of what I have lived with all these years, then add the care taking, and complications of my disease, and see what really goes on in my life ... most likely, that wouldn't make any real difference either for those who don't want to see the black and white of a situation will continue to see the rose colored image of their own minds.
Okay ..... got to get to it ... before long I will want to nap ... like right now ... hahaha ... I could so go back to bed and just say .... carry on without me today.
Have a glorious Sunday .....
US vs. Canada today ..... Puck up!!
Peace and Light
et
Oops, I posted my comment on the wrong post. I am still glad that Hillary is home.
ReplyDeleteHave you looked into some alternatives for your Dad? Maybe it is time to look into some assisted living. I am not sure what type of living arrangement he has now, but it sounds like he could use some people around to help him through his day. Maybe someone to clearn and cook for him? Bring him to appointments? That type of thing. There are places up here that provide services on a need basis. They encrease the services with the people?? Jsut a thought.
Try to keep yourself calm and focus on the great things that will be happening in your very near future.
Love ya,
Deb
Well USA won! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's always fun to have someone who is never around tell you how you should handle things! We had one of those who thought he should be in charge of my Dad's health care proxy and threatened to try and have my Mom removed! Feel your pain - pay no attention - it's best to not go there and upset yourself - just continue to do what you have to do - unless someone shows up and offers to take your Dad to live with them!
Just checking in. You may be traveling, so best of luck to you. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Deb