I left my heart .....

In San Francisco ... shoobeedoo... shoobeedoo....LOL
Now wouldn't that just be one hell of a bonus!!!
Seeing as it has been a good many years since anyone has taken my heart.

Relationships ..... well .... I can honestly say, they haven't worked well for me.
Now I was married for 10 years, was with this man for about 15-16 seeing as I met him when I was 14. I thought I loved him, but as time went on, I discovered that I really didn't even like him. For reasons I won't go into as they are the past, and only I know for sure what happened during these years. But, there were times, especially after HT was born, that he would crawl my ass because I had thrown syringes in the trash, that I kept my supplies pretty much in the open. He insisted that I should "hide" them, keep them from her sight, not allow her to know what I was doing, etc. Well .... NEWS BRIEF ..... these objects have been part of my life since I was 9 years old. My daughter was not only going to see the apparatus, she was going to know what it was all about and why. I must say, I am glad I helo out on my choices. Hillary has grown to be such a fascinating young woman.... and very knowledgeable about the body, given as she was always by my mom's side as well in much of her struggles with health. She was absolutely wonderful with my dad yesterday, doing his vitals every 15 minutes, telling him to shut up so she could listen and get him where the doc wanted him. My choice would have been an ER, but ... he didn't want to go to a hospital. (Another story and he was told the consequences).

Anyway .... I haven't dated much since my divorce .... many moons ago young grasshopper!!! I know my mother worried about me being alone as I got older, not really having been in that sort of long-term, loving relationship. But .... I have come to realize that nothing is worth the sacrifice of myself, or the well-being of my child at the time, to risk just having a man in my life. I have had a couple of very good relationships ... but only for short periods of time. I was either ..... let's see ... an enigma, too independent, etc. Personally, I think ..... they were scared .... and with just cause I guess. But ... I think .... that I am a wonderful person ... LMAO .... so I have some issues ... who doesn't. It seems as thou no one knows what a commitment is anymore. When the going gets tough ... they are out the door faster than a flash. I don't consider to be that sort of person. Even when I was married, I fought long and hard with myself, my religious faith, and finally came to the conclusion that know where in my vows to this man was the rule that he could use me as a door mat, punching bag, or excuse anymore, and with that, chose to save not only myself, but our child. I do not believe in staying together for the sake of the child and I believe the child would tell you the same. In any event, I know that relationships with a person who has a chronic disease is added pressure on the relationship, boils down to how much you want to put forth for the love of your life. ...... So I have my dog !!! LMAO .... I am content for the most part, sure I miss companionship, the closeness ... and of course, the sex. Now you may be thinking, she really didn't have to go there, but being a diabetic, male or female can pose issues at times. Blood sugars that are uncontrolled, too high, etc can cause problems for both sexes and will no doubt at one time or another become or potentially become a problem. So a mate really should be someone you can trust, depend on, share everything with, no holds ..... I have never found that on a level that would last more than 18 months. You can draw your own conclusions, but .... being a diabetic can pose an issue, and it's an issue that I have learned should be thrown out there pretty early on. Saves a lot of time and heart ache in my opinion.

Ok ... Well ... I wanted to take this subject a little deeper ... LOL ... no pun intended, but Miss Maggie is craving some attention tonight and Ms. Hilly is out with friends.

Have a wonderful evening and I will touch base over the weekend!!
Light and Love
et