Exhaustion

Morning everyone !!

Six AM here in cold, flaky AZ. Yup, there was snow on the car this morning. Hilly just left for work and had to warm her truck up ... LOL .... not something she enjoys waiting for.

In any event, no post yesterday, and today's will be shorter than usual. My body has been in excruciating pain for the last few days. I not only suffer from the chronic disease of diabetes, I also have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, degenerative joint disease, coupled with the neuropathic pain in my legs and feet (neuropathy). Now .... I can't help but laugh at the comments made to me over the years by psychiatric professionals, as well as some GPs asking .... "are you depressed?" Well .... after "therapy" by a couple of these professionals on the east coast, I was told, "there is nothing I can do for you, come back and see me if you get depressed." What the hell is that ???!!! Okay ... so let's try and put it into prospective. I believe, (this is only my opinion), that ANYONE who suffers from a chronic disease is bound to suffer from depression at one time or another, I know I have. Now .... add on not only the chronic disease, but lets add chronic PAIN ... not a pretty combination at times. The last couple of days I have hurt so badly that I could cry and most that know me will tell you they have only seen this on a couple of occasions, and it is usually a combination of my pain, and some sort of mental upheaval caused by family matters. (The latter seeming to occur more and more over the last couple of years). Nothing takes the pain away!!! I have been on so many medication trials, and combos that I actually had to be detoxed (5 days inpatient) from Vicodin several years ago, (prescribed by one doctor for 5 years, and my neurologist detoxed me due to the fact I tried to stop taking it and developed excruciating headaches that would not go away) and the shit never even worked!! I rarely took it as prescribed 4x/day, but only when I had a lot of physical work to get done, as it would only take the edge off my pain to work in the yard, or when I pushed myself to do things I probably shouldn't have been doing physically. I am a little more cautious these days, but I still have things that need to be done, and no man around to help me out. So I do it myself. Things that seem as simple as shoveling rock or even pulling weeds, or shoveling dog crap .... can put me down in pain. Now I don't like to bitch about my pain, but I do prefer to be left alone while I work though it when it gets to this level. Which has not been the case this weekend. It was to have been a long-holiday weekend for me, and it has turned into a trip each day into town to do something for my father due to the fact his car is in my driveway for a couple of reason., Like last night to deliver hockey tickets that Hillary and I were to attend a game. I hurt so bad that there was no way I could have sit in a cold hockey arena ... and I really was looking forward to going to the game with Hilly. At the moment, the pain in my hands is so bad that my left hand is numb and tingling (like it is asleep) and every joint in my body feels like it has a pulse of its own. This sort of "speed bump" can really be frustrating, especially seeing as I make a good portion of my living these days typing. I have had to tweek my everyday doings over the last 15 or so years to accommodate things I used to take for granted, like twisting off a cap. My hand strength sucks .... this has been made worse by a hand injury that occurred while I was married, which causes swelling in the joints of my hand.

Now ... all of this affects blood sugar control. Stress, we all know can affect us, the highs and lows of trying to keep an even keel on life, plus pain. Pain can do a real job on BGs. If it is chronic, we really need to come to terms with it and learn to listen and read our bodies to make the most of our control. I will admit ... there are times, I would just like to toss up my arms and say ...... "F it!!" (no offense meant to anyone) .... LOL .... actually had this topic pop up in a phone conversation this weekend ..... LOL ... my language on the blog. :D (at least I didn't spell it all the way....LOL). I had so much I wanted to get accomplished this weekend, and I don't think that any of it, with the exception of putting on a holiday dinner, was accomplished, and to be quite honest, I could have done without the food, I would have been content with a hot turkey sandwich, or better yet, cereal.....LOL.

Today ... I need to get some laundry done as I have to go back to work tomorrow, I have to go back into Prescott and pick up my father's prescriptions, which he again waited until he took the last one before telling me they were out, (yes, I suppose I should know when they are out, but I too, have a life full of things for me to remember), and I wanted to take Maggie to a pet seminar, to evaluate her for training, which I am not sure I can handle due to the pain. (I eventually want Maggie to be my therapy dog, or a good citizen animal).

Okay ..... well .... given how much I want and/or have to do today, I better get going as I have been typing for 30 minutes. I will try and let you know how well I did .... but yesterday, I think I spent a total of 4 hours on the couch with a heat bag on various parts of my body (wish I could say it was 4 hours all at once ....LOL). I am laughing but only on the inside ... as it hurts to put that much motion forward.

I wish everyone a wonderful Sunday !!!
relax and enjoy !!
et