Stress overload

I hope this posting finds all my readers well and happy, and continuing on the quest for more knowledge.

It has been a very stressful, emotionally and physically, two weeks since the passing of my father. His passing, although not completely unexpected, did come suddenly and by means other than the expected. My daughter found him down, we met at the ER and it was within 24 hours he had past, both of us by his side. Then came the family BS .... I have 5 brothers, 3 of which have had no contact with my father since my mother's passing, or prior, and yet 2 of them had the nerve to show up here in AZ, "swoop in like vultures", according to my daughter's observance, offer very little physical or emotional support, for one day (and not a complete day). They then camped out across town with a cousin/friend and proceeded to feed their Budweiser delusions as to how I wasn't being fair to "my brothers." Well, I nearly lost it!!! and then I blew up verbally 2 days prior to their departure. They had nothing nice to say while they were here, seemed disappointed that my parents "didn't have anything" and what they did have was dispersed prior to my mother's passing with the exception of a few "worldly possessions" of my dads. In the end, I was called numerous nasty names, was the recipient of some very hurtful comments, and I walked away stating  (loudly)that I hope they don't have to die without the love of their children. Fact is, my parents did the best they knew how to do given the times and circumstances.

All this has been wearing on my body. The emotional and physical stress has caused some lows, which I haven't had for a while, and no real awareness. (I'm hoping this is just stress related) If not for a couple of friends, HT and a few of her friends, we NEVER would have gotten the move completed by weeks end. We tried to sell some of the bigger stuff, made multiple donations as per my mothers request, and the rest, 70 years of photos and some holiday stuff is now crawling the walls in my home. I, too, will handle this task with the help of my daughter, the two of us being the only steady in my parents life for the past 10+ years, yet I'm not being fair to my siblings.

With that being said, I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to focus on my life, and my passion for the stem cell science/medicine/treatment will be my focus. As for my so-called siblings .... I did what they didn't have the manhood, or emotional maturity to handle, flat out refused to do at the time the death topic came into play, and therefore, their "childhood issues" or the fact that they stated to me that they would not care for my father "'cause he was an a-hole to us as kids" is not my issue, it is theirs and I REFUSE to accept their guilt as a reason for the bashing as I too, grew up in the same household. They can say whatever they want, but my daughter and I know the truth, we know the history, we know more than my brothers probably would be pleased with. We did not seek to ease our pain in a case of beer x 20+ for the week. Seems a little overwhelming for even a good size party, never mind 2 guys (3 for 3 days). Some serious soul searching should take place, I have done that many times, and my disillusion with "family" has come to a harsh ending in which "forgive and forget" will not only take time, I am not sure it can be undone. It slapped me right in the face that my brothers seem to not care about where they came from, my health issues, were addressed as "I don't know anything about that, and I don't care." ...... Hmmmmm ..... I get more response and admiration from strangers in the way I live my life, and the manner in which I am trying to not only prolong my life given the situation, but live it as I go along. Education, knowledge, is power, and I saw nothing but ego and arrogance in this past visit. I think it is pretty safe to say we won't be having visitors anytime soon, if ever. All the times I thought that when this time in our lives came, we would band together .... holy cow!!! What was I smoking???? and those rose colored glasses should now be shattered. I know my family is of dysfunctional makeup, but .... has no one heard the phrase, "Break the chain"? This cycle should have been broken a long time ago, I can only hope that my daughter has learned some valuable lessons of life in relationships and the give and take of those in play. Human nature never ceases to amaze me.

I hope you were able to check out the Stem Genex newsletter and the articles that were some pretty interesting reading.

I ask for a little time to adjust to what is about to be the biggest life change I have undergone since my divorce back in 1994. Life as I know it has changed drastically, again, and I need to play out my hand in the most appropriate and meaningful way ..... for me!!! I deserve to be good to me and focus on the passions that make me full.

Peace and Light to all
et