My fight is growing tired ....

Hi everyone ....

Well ... yet another speed bump!!
I have been bumped from the schedule for 9/14 due to my financing falling through. I am, yet again, deeply and heavy hearted with disappointment. I want this so bad I can taste it and in my deepest of beliefs, this is where I am going to see a reprive in my health status. However, I am growing increasingly more down, and exceptionally exhausted, emotionally and physically.

My blood sugars have continued to yo-yo with all this stress of trying to secure my spot for the stem cell treatment, on top of my job status, which has been totally chaotic now for almost two months. I am one person, doing two peoples jobs, with what seems like added tasks and responsibilities every day. There is only so much of me, and I can only do so much. I do not want to be that important in the job force. I enjoy my job tremendously, I think I am good at it. Not a day goes by I don't learn something new in regard to the operations of the US healthcare system, which of course drives my personal fight as I am not a huge fan of some of the rules and regs involved in the who's, what's and how come's. That being said, I put a good portion of my real focus and energy into my work day. Upon coming home, I have been dealing with what appears to be drug-induced neighbors making my life a complete hell and inability to relax in my own home. I have had nightly blood sugar drops for no apparent reason other than the stressors I have been trying to cope with. I was actually up this past week at some point during the night with a blood sugar of 38!!! I had people asking me via my facebook account "how do you wake up in the night from a 38?!" Well ... honestly, I can only say, I am having a more and more difficult time realizing what is going on when alone. Maggie (my beautiful yellow laborador) has been exceptional in somehow learning to detect the difference between a low BG and a hot flash!!! LOL .... she licks me to the point of irritation to where I must get up and search the kitchen. The other night, as an example, I know she followed me into the kitchen, and hte last thing I truely recollect is that I was out of juice!! I don't have a clue what I did next, other than when I awoke to the alarm for work, my BG had rebounded to 499!! These swings are killing me .... in more ways than one. What people don't seem to get, is that these lows could very well kill me in my sleep, more so now, due to my unawareness and fast drops to critical levels. I also believe that this is in part the problem with my losing my fight response. I really just want to be left alone for a few days, to sleep, not have to think about anyone or anything and just regroup, catch up on my physical rest so that my emotional and mental function can come back a bit to continue my fight for this treatment.

I was speaking with LeiMomi, a wonderful woman I have been communicating with at the ISCIm and has been remarkable with doing what she can to help me secure funding, keeping me on the schedule as long as possible, encouragement, etc. She was telling me that they had their first Alzheimer's patient undergo the Adipose treatment on 7/30. This gentleman apparently had not communicated in the normal sense to his wife in almost 2 years. Upon receiving his adipose treatment, it was almost an immediate response as he was talking to his wife, coherently, for the first time in 2 years!! LeiMomi told me that this woman cried uncontrollably the entire trip back to Brownsville from the clinic in Mexico!! How inspiring is something like that to witness, nevermind live!!! I want that too ... for me, and for so many others that could benefit. The US needs to get off its ass and pull it's political head out from up its ass!! This country is no longer the leader in healthcare. It has become a political/lobbiest nation looking for nothing more than to make a buck off the sick and dying!!! ENOUGH!!! and I am going to shout loudly from any platform that will allow me to stand on it for not only myself ... but perhaps for others that may benefit as well.

I must get ready to head out for a "girls afternoon" at the movies. A couple of girlfriends from work and I are going to take in a chick-flick and then hit the mall for info on setting up some fundraising dates before the holidays so that perhaps I can come up with the funding to have my treatment done before November, when the cost will increase. Go figure ..... am hoping my Irish Luck .... keeps me from getting bashed again in that department as I am really unsure of how much longer I can continue to fight at this height and be effective.

Thanks to all ... for continued support and prayers. If anyone knows or has ideas of how to get some $$ flowing .... let me know, either via the blog or my Facebook account. The account for donations is still open from the San Francisco trip, however, there is only about 200.00 dollars left in it from that trip (which was a tad costly to say the least). I know all things happen for a reason, and I know now, that the CA trips didn't work for a reason, several that I have become aware of and am happy for. That does not in any way deter from the positive response of all those who have undergone the islet transplants, many doing very well.

Be Well ... and enjoy your weekend!!!
Peace and Light
et