and suddenly .....

Hi All !!

Just an update.

I have been working long hours/days at the clinic. I am totally exhausted in every sense of the word. My face looks like it develops 2-3 more wrinkles every night. I have been described by co-workers in the past 2 weeks alone as "pitiful", "exhausted," and the all time favorite, "You look like shit!" Thanks!! I am so glad I pushed myself to get out of bed to come and deal with this too.

I have been pushing myself..... way too hard .... and hurting no one except myself. Today, I awoke at my usual 5:00 just to get very dizzy and fuzzy and unstable and decided, no knowing exactly what the problem is/was (sinuses, exhaustion, weather, etc) that I was going to stay home today and remain in bed. I hate doing that when I have SO much to get done at the office, but .... you know that saying ...???

Anyway .... I had sent an email to the ISCI to request a status update on the Adipose treatment. Having previously been told mid-August, I was thrilled to receive a response within 15 minutes from a contact here in the Las Vegas area. She sent me information on the doctor, the area of the clinic, etc. Arrangements are being made to have phone contact later this afternoon. (With little energy currently, I am hopefully optimistic!!)

My passport application was sent out to be renewed just yesterday, and after the phone call I will get started on the financing of it all. If need be, I will take out a loan for this, as I am not ready to call it quits yet, and I am afraid that if I can't undergo this treatment, I might as well just go about life aimlessly, selling off most so that when I do "expire" (got to love that expression) Hilly won't be stuck cleaning up as much mess as I have had to deal with since my mother's passing and waiting on my father. He has not allowed for much "cleaning up" to happen in the past two years, like he is going to get rich or something. He has no concept of what is involved, or how much emotional, as well as physical energy it takes out of me to make that happen. As long as he is content, to hell with anyone else. It's all about him. Having been diagnosed at age 9, it amazes me he has no concept what-so-ever as to what could potentially happen to my life if I don't address them head on and deal with them. The mentality of "if I ignore it, it will go away, or doesn't exist," is NOT an option for me!!!

So ... with that being said ... LOL ... I am going to get a small rest today. Look forward to my phone conversation with the representative later this afternoon, and HOPEFULLY ..... a plan!!! to undergo this treatment and see what happens for me. The fact that my endocrinologist was very supportive of this, providing I did not bring her pamphlets in a language she could not read...LOL... was very encouraging for me. I know that this may not be a cure, but it will with no doubts make my life easier to cope with, has the potential to drastically reduce or eliminate my insulin intake, thus making control and the danger of the drastic lows less, that would be a positive benefit for me at this point. They are more and more occuring, and quick to send me down to unresponsive status. I stare blankly .... one girl at work, is so keen on .... she's getting stupid, she has the totally blank look on her face, or I begin talking to myself like I can't remember what I am doing. She is all over me to correct it before an EMT is required. I, and my coworkers too, keep an excellent eye on me. It at times seems like I am being baby-sat, but deep down, I know they are just concerned, and don't want anything bad to happen. Then .... well.... there are those who think they understand, but really don't, as to how dangerous it can beomce VERY quickly. Even my doctor spent my 20 minute appointment last week shaking her head at me, stating on a couple of occasions how much "you scare me!"

Keep the faith for me..... please .... I am getting very worn out. I want my life to be somewhat of value, I don't want to work so hard and not be able to enjoy anything, or only have enough energy to go to work, and NOTHING else. (which is what it has been like now for a few months.) I am tired, but am still very hopeful, have some of my fight back, in a more reserved manner than before, but back.

Will update again this weekend.

Peace and Light in Love
Eliza

PS: Check out the new link off to the right on Lauren's Hope Medical ID jewelry. I was told that I should be wearing an ID. I was against them mostly due to the tacky/cheesy look of them, and therefore have not worn one since I was in middle school. Anyway ... I ordered a beautiful awareness ID for comparable pricing as many of the "cheesy" companies. Check out the website ... some of them are really pretty!! ( They have manly stuff too!!! :D )