Just to let you know ...

I know, it has been 10 days since my last post.

I am just not myself since my trip. I was tired coming home, I was tired going in, excitement, anticipation, etc ... the waiting... the missing father, the sibling which got cut off out/off with no apparent effect on them or their lives, not that I would of or should of expected anything more from any of them. Deeply sad and disappointing .... we can't control others .... I know I can't. I have tried, as stated many times, that I tried to understand their positions, and this particular selfish act on the parts of all of them .... totally disgusting in my opinion. So ... hope they all rest well at night, but can't help but feel there are at least a couple of them that just drown in all out in their Bud bottles and blame me, or someone else for their misfortunes, misguided ways..... whatever.

In any event, my father continues to be a major sucker of my energy and what little of it I may have after trying to put in my hours at work, is very little. My blood sugars have been crashing much more frequently or so it seems since my return from SF in the last two weeks. I want to believe that it is a stress response, but I can't be positive. My mind is really starting to takes it toll on Hillary. She gets so frustrated with me sometime. I can't blame her really, I get totally frustrated with myself.... most days!! I crashed the other night 10 minutes before Michael Buble' took the stage, by the time Hillary ran to the concession to grab a coke, I was "flush and soaked" ....and looking like I was going down according to HT. She just kept telling me to drink the coke ... drink the coke!!! It had dropped to 32 from 153 when we left for the train an hour or so prior. It has occurred everyday, sometimes twice a day in the past two weeks. I think I am starting to pick up a pattern, getting a sort of aura (like when you get a migraine) and the spots start a flying. I get all freaked and weird... I find it scary as I can't seem to get a grip on things and loose all sense of any reality and safety.

Anyway ... I am just trying to get by these last couple of weeks. I have been suffering with terrible allergies this season. Trip to Phoenix this weekend was horrible for that as all the citrus is in bloom. What a nauseating smell in large quantity and I believe I swell all over as a result of my lovely screwed up immune system. I am SO glad I had my sinuses and nose fixed last spring as I can still remember how bad it could get. This is pretty minor given what it used to be like. It is my body's response with the swelling, Maggie took me a hauling the other night so my wrist is out again, I twisted my ankle, and I cut the end of my index finger with a knife yesterday morning at Jim and Pam's. I don't think they thought I looked so great either ... but are always there to just hang out and have a few laughs with us. They baby sat Maggie while Hillary and I went to the concert. Hillary left for home Friday night, and I came home yesterday with Maggie, who by the way, has been sleeping EVER since we left Tempe!! We got home at 5:00 yesterday afternoon!!! Was a wild weekend for the dogs, and Momma looks like I went to the dogs.

Anyway ... just an FYI that I have a call into the center in Tucson with UMC as they too have some phenomenal doctors, one being from Argentina and internationally known for his work in cell therapy. He also sits on a subcommittee with Dr. Peter Stock who I met in SF. We will see what happens here, as they told me I may not wait as long for a donor here in AZ as people do in CA for a multitude of reasons. Either way, whatever happens, I will wait longer because of this antibody. I am really not ready for a whole organ transplant. I am not sure, that without the support of someone being close I would undergo it at all, and I have decided that two years, when Hillary is off and running with her degree .... I want her to be done with me. I did not give birth to her so that she can sit around here and take care of me as I fall apart. I know she will worry, but she needs to get on living her own life. We can always discuss this topic later.

Tomorrow is Monday, It is the start of HIM week ... oh boy, whoopee !! I can only come up with the energy to participate in the antics maybe three out of the 5 days. Tomorrow I will be photographer as I am going to have to take my dad to the doctor after work ... I see me being sucked lifeless by 6:00 pm. Other than the depression over the disappointment, and trying to just listen to my body, which many people don't always understand .... I just want to rest, sleep, drink a ton of water, get some yard work done, of which NONE was accomplished this weekend. I need to come back, get back on the horse so to speak ... it was a hard hit for me, along with the rest of life, it was too much for my body to handle all at once.

Thanks for not giving up on me just yet. I still have plans to get something done, stem cells are a potential option, but not sure it will happen while I am still at a point I would qualify to participate. I can hope that the FDA gets their finger out of their asses and moves the things that should get approved along, which would in actuality at least get me on a list. I knew this was a potential threat, but with all that had come back a go right off the bat, to have the last test blow me out of the water, was shell-shock at best.

Got to go collect for work.
Have a wonderful evening and a fantastic week!!

Love and Light
et

PS: I am sorry, I am not, nor have I ever been a politically correct individual, I think that is part of what has happened to this country ... lets not ruffle any ones feathers, lets not tell it like it is, or the truth for that matter. This is who I am, who I have always been, and I am not going to change it now. :D