I hate Monday's

Good evening all,

Okay ... well, it is 8:00PM, I left the house at 6:30 this morning. I have been to the hospital twice today to see my dad and talk with the doctors, they located my camera in NV and will be mailing that back to me, and .... I worked my 8 plus hours .... very chaotic given what was there, and what came my way, in regard to not only work, but attitudes for something I didn't do as I was not even there last week. Just sort of took it all in stride and tried to deal with it all as it seemed to hit me. I still have some work to do here to drop off at one facility tomorrow before I head back to my office to deal with my work.

No call from the transplant nurse today. I hope that one more day will get me my call, and nothing is or has come back as non-qualifying. Will keep that special thought and prayer in the back of my mind for tomorrow.

Dad update - Work up tests came to the same conclusion that was made back in 11/08. He is not a surgical candidate. They will not operate due to the fact that his kidney function in now shot, his heart is 99% blocked, his carotids are 70% blocked on both sides, he had no viable leg veins for harvesting on for bypass, and would no doubt either die on the table, or end up on a ventilator. He does not want that as he feels that is not life. I give him credit for that. He has also developed some sort of internal bleed as his blood numbers are dropping. As I was getting ready to leave at lunch time I/we were approached by a case manager who provided info and applications for long-term care, tonight, I addressed this as well as a hospice option. Dad feels that he will think about it, but I do believe, as he verbalized it to me that he is going to die. :( I just can't believe, and am still not positive that he is comprehending all of it, that he is (perhaps in a brief lucid thought process, that he is aware of the severity of the situation given that he told my cousin Nancy that he was going home in two days. So in the morning I will see how he responded to the transfusion. He understands that the hospital's job is to keep him alive, period. A nursing home will do pretty much the same. A hospice setting will allow palliative care, comfort, allow him to go naturally on his terms (or at least his body's) and keep him comfortable as well. He understands and told me that he and my mother had discussed all this prior, I often wondered how much of this type of conversation he comprehended. I know that sometimes he can tell a story that seems very believable, and then in a split second that lucidness is gone and he is off on some other sort of tangent or tall tale. Other care people also saw this in the last 48 hours and stated "dementia. " I will do what needs to be done to make sure that his final days are as comfortable as possible, but see no real reason to prolong the ultimate outcome by allowing costly, and non-useful tests on a man that can not be fixed and for the monetary gain of the healthcare system. I believe in helping ourselves die with dignity, we do it for our animals, why can we not do it for our elderly, critically ill, fatal diseases without being negligent about it, or making it sound like a horrible thing?? I certainly hope that when I am done with my fight, and I have nothing left to give, that someone helps me to pass over to the other side with a little dignity and comfortably.

That is my soap box for tonight .... Hillary and I have done all we can do on our own for today. God willing, tomorrow is another day, and we will tackle what happens then .... then.

Sweets dreams all my angels ....
Peace and Light
et